Plumbing the Death Star

Da boys (without Joel Zammit) are back! That's right, (two thirds of) Plumbing the Death Star are heading back to the UK and this time they're bringing their good friends over at The Weekly Planet (without Nick Mason)! James (and not Mason) will be joining Joel (no other Joel) and Jackson this September 13th at the London Podcast Fest. Tickets are on sale now and you can grab them right here: https://shop.kingsplace.co.uk/30619/30620

But that's not all! On the Saturday Plumbing the Death Star (only Duscher and Jackson, no Zammit) will also be joining The Weekly Planet (only James, no Mason) for The Weekly Planet's first ever UK show! That's all sold out now, but have no fear we'll be announcing several more shows in the upcoming weeks xx o

Peter Parker aka Spider-Man loves to keep his identity secret as he’s worried all the powerful people he’s annoyed in his life of fighting crime will use his loved ones to get to him. And rightfully so! When Wilson Fisk finds out who he is he sends a sniper out to take out Aunt May. Or maybe she just gets caught in the crossfire? Maybe it was Crossbones? It’s been a long time. Either way, if his villains find out his Spider-Man it’s a slippery slope that ends up with his wife selling their marriage to a satan maybe. But we don’t want to go that far! We’re just a humble bug themed super villain team consisting of two Beetles and a Worm trying to work out the best way to get to Peter Parker through his loved ones. From going in too deep, to nephew cucking, to plain and simple gaslighting. We’ve got a lot of plans of how to get Spider-Man but not many ideas of why. It’s tough being a villain cursed with the knowledge of who Spider-Man is, probably best to make a deal with a satan and forget the whole thing.

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We’ve come a long, long way to get to this point. We have realistic robots, a rootin’ tootin’ theme park diorama and the biggest of dreams. Now we just need the money to make it happen! So help us put on our cleanest black or white hat, saddle up our most comfortable horse because we have to pitch Westworld to investors. But when you really look at it, there’s not many gaps in the market for an anything goes wild west themed larp experience that’s extraordinarily expensive. To be honest, if you can’t make love to the robots I don’t think anyone would go. Which really makes you wonder why we even dress up our robot love making with this western aesthetic theme park and promise of immersive gaming? Surely we just cut to the chase and pitch a morally and ethically hostel to an extraordinarily wealthy person with extraordinarily dark proclivities to help them achieve their fantasy? It truly is a terrible idea for a theme park.

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It’s the end of the world as we know it, but we’re just lowly and loathed podcasters so what’s a boy to do to make themselves invaluable? Having no discernible talents but wanting to be witnessed, the boys set themselves the herculean task of surviving the Mad Max Wasteland. Jackson wants to be the only man alive that remembers Joey, huffing DVD cleaner to become the Situation Man. Zammit as Softhands the Shaftless remembers a career choice that is leaps and bounds more valuable than a podcaster but requires a copious amount of Mother’s Milk and a pre-emptive eunuching. And finally Joel Duscher aka Mr Speaks reckons his time dealing with absolute morons on a day to day basis (his two co-hosts) put him in the perfect position to bridge the language barrier between the warlords and the warboys. Oh what a day, what a lovely day to thread that needle of being invaluable enough to survive the wastelands, but not too invaluable that you become a target by other warlords. 

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Over the weekend Jackson watched The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants while eating paella, got excited for what he kept calling ‘magic pants’ and came bounding into the studio wanting to record an episode about ‘pants that fit anyone’ that ‘guarantee you have a pivotal moment in your life and ’possess the power of womanhood’. Thinking hahaha this should be fun, we hit record and now we’re left with this. Enjoy 40 odd minutes of two Joels disappointed in one Jackson as he takes us all on a journey about evil pants that he loves.

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Yabba dabba doo Joel Duscher is a sick little boy but never fear, resident best boy Adam Carnevale was in the studio to help us have a bit of think about how we would make it rich in the Flintstones era. Jackson wants to have an infinite budget and an army of competent engineers to revolutionise the way the people of Bedrock communicate, Adam wants to wage war and Zammit keeps pivoting. Great philosophical questions are asked like What happens when your toaster goes rogue? and How do you convince Cain to take out Abel? Is having a shower that is part of the family good? So listen and or watch as the three dumbest boys you know try to make it big in this modern stone age society.

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Let it never be said that Plumbing the Death Star doesn’t have it’s fingers firmly on the pulse of pop culture. Over the weekend Joel Duscher watched the wonderful motion picture Bones from 2001 starring everyone's favourite-cum-actor Snoop Dogg and has the most obvious question on his lips to all that have seen that film: How Could You Stop Jimmy Bones? If you're one of the very few who haven't seen Bones (2001), or just want a simple refresher, have no fear as JD walks us all through the events of the star studded film! From being a humble man about town to controlling spirit realm, Plumbing the Death Star are here to figure out how one defeats a man who can become a dog, who can become a woman, who can summon maggots, who can control spirits, who can create beautiful blood art out of random passers by, who can take faces and uses his portal to hell to torture his victims. It's not a job for the feint of heart, but maybe Officer Respectable can crack this case!

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Can you believe it? There’s so many frikkin rats in this sweet little German town of Hamelin and there’s some fool dressed in pied that says he can get rid of them all with his silly little pipe and, get this, they’re gonna pay him a thousand German dollars and or francs! Well not on our watch! We’ll do it for the sweet reward of 50 Australian Dollars and the love of the game. Zammit finds out what rats hate and immediately thinks of spaghetti, JD thinks way too highly of structural engineering in the 15th century and Jackson forgets just how flammable a tiny town with thatched roofs is. So come with us to the town of Hamelin as we try and puzzle this one out and then deal with that sneaky mayor who won’t pay us a dime.

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Sure NASA had those big dollars to give Stanley Kubrick to fake the moon landing, but what if they instead has a crisp five dollar note to instead hire America’s favourite boys, us idiots? From confiscating TVs to filming at Bondi with Moon Babes to just straight up hijacking Sputnik footage and claiming it as our own! No stone is left unturned in finding the perfect solution to faking the moon landing. There are no nos on the path to greatness, only great ideas that may or may not start a nuclear winter. All we know is that we (and by we I mean the USA greatest nation of them all) need to beat those Ruskies in the space race by any means necessary or the American people will be so sad! The worst American is a sad American, so you better pray these boys can find an answer to this problem quick smart.

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It’s a tale as old as time! Man, he lack fire and cannot cook ham, but thankfully man’s daddy, Prometheus, he give us fire to cook our delicious ham! However his cousin (our uncle??) Zeus hate when man make ham! So punished Prometheus by chaining him to a rock, and made his delicious god liver everlasting. And then punished an eagle to eat that liver every day! And then there’s that other tale that’s as old as time! Some king, he rude and violated the sacred tradition of being a good host and then cheat death twice. This is no good to the gods so now he must roll a big boulder up a hill only to watch it roll back down and then has to do it all again. For eternity! Now as the pearly white gates of hell open before us and the little goblin man that greets us all asks if we want to opt in for the Sisyphus special or the Prometheus platter, we here at Plumbing the Death Star are given the Herculean task of trying to figure out which one is better. Either way, one must imagine Sisyphus, and by extension Prometheus, happy. It’s the only way to get through it.

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