Plumbing the Death Star

In which our heroes line up, hold out their wrists, and let a bunch of Jedi check their blood as we ask why isn't midi-chlorian testing mandatory. We look at the dangers of mid-chlorian filled moss, the potential of Jedi blood transfusions and the seemingly unnecessary rules surrounding Sith numbers. Jackson discovers he has only seven midi-chlorians, Zammit is pretty sure the Jedi are a cult, and Duscher just wants to be the one to bring balance to the force. So join the gang as they traverse a galaxy far, far away and hope they don’t end up drinking Hutt blood. It's sentient, it’s all powerful and for some reason it lives in your bloodstream. Be concerned.To help us screen for midi-chlorians head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can make a difference in our force sensitive lives.

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In which our heroes don’t turn up to the studio, leave Duscher by himself, take a week off and lazily upload something from our past. We laugh, we cry, we avoid looking at Duscher directly in the face and wonder how we ever piece an episode together. Jackson just wants everyone to know where incest falls on the awful scale, Zammit patiently waits it out and Duscher just wants to get the intro right. It’s a supercut of every time Duscher fucks up introducing the show, but on the plus side it gets him to that right level of anger. So join the gang as we look back at our first season and come to the realisation that we aren’t very professional. Merry Christmas.To help us buy elocution lessons for Duscher head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can make a difference in us getting the job done quicker.

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In which our heroes come together for one last job, find friends in unfamiliar places and devise a master plan to save Christmas in Plumbing the Death Star Presents: A Christmas Heist. We discuss the dangers of having Catwoman on your side, the best place to keep a stolen Christmas and how afraid Arnie is of his Turboman suit. Jackson puts his faith in Frosty the Snowman, Zammit manages to make this somehow about comic books and Duscher just wants everyone to know how amazing Argyle is. So join the gang as they scheme, strategise and scam their way into the bank vaults, but ultimately, your hearts. It’s a yuletide, holiday heist which will almost definitely end with an inevitable betrayal. To help us buy fancy tech for this Christmas heist head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can make a difference in us avoiding Christmas prison.

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In which our heroes avoid getting petrified by the basilisk, dodge the whomping willow, trip on some moving stairs and wonder why Hogwarts hasn’t been shut down. In the thrilling conclusion of our seven part exploration of the Harry Potter Universe we look at the issues surrounding the tri-wizard tournament, the correct protocol when dealing with a murderous horse and try to outwit a boggart. Jackson wants to turn all his adversaries into cups, Zammit keeps getting Dumbledore confused with Voldemort and Duscher just wants to know why there’s a password to see the Headmaster. So join the gang as they lose 10 points by confronting the Great Evil but gain 100 for defeating said Great Evil. It’s nothing but mixed messages as every class is dismissed and every subject is passed on the whim of a crazy wizard.To help us bring Hogwarts up to code head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can make a difference for a whole generation of young witches and wizards.

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In which our heroes pass their O.W.L.S, get a solid D+ on their N.E.W.T.S and wonder just how poorly Hogwarts prepared them for the real wizarding world. We struggle to understand the patronus spell, question how any of the defence against the dark arts teachers got a job and can’t comprehend the timetable. Jackson dreams of being a football star, Zammit wants to know which of his teachers are werewolves and Duscher just wants everyone to understand Harry Potter is immortal. Join the gang as they try to find everyone a job, do some table math then kinda just give up on everything all together. It's an education that goes nowhere as we realise that no one is prepared for a single wizarding job.To help us find a real job head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can make a difference in our wizarding lives.

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In which our heroes fail to exhibit any magical tendencies, are barred from attending Hogwarts, and become janitors as we wonder where Squibs fit into the Harry Potter Universe. We discuss Filch's unfortunate situation, Wizard genetics, Wizard medical procedures and the double standard of Mudbloods and Squibs. Jackson wonders how many Hermiones there are, Zammit gets existential about paintings, and Duscher just assumes he'd be a Wizard no matter what. It's an unfortunate, scramble for a job suitable for a Squib as we avoid being Squid shamed and watch all the cool kids learn magic while we can’t even learn how to mix a potion or tame a dragon. Want to help us enrol in Wizarding Community College? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in our magicless lives.

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In which our heroes get on our Nimbus 2000s, let the golden snitch slip through our fingers and get hit by a bludger while while wondering who thought Quidditch was a good idea? We look at the proud sport of Boulderhead, the problem of height, and the danger inherent in using cleaning equipment as sporting equipment. Jackson accuses Madame Hooch of having a drinking problem, Zammit wants to introduce some basic necessary regulations, and Duscher just wishes he could do a Scottish accent. It's a brutal, airborne, game of champions, that can only end when someone grabs a snitch.Want to help us get the newest Firebolt? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in our quidditch career.

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In which our heroes lock themselves in chains, try to avoid the dementors, and serve out their sentence, whilst asking what are the ethical implications of Azkaban. In part three of our seven part exploration of the Harry Potter Universe we look at the best ways to capture wizards, the job possibilities of a dementor, and the frankly incompetent justice system in the magical world. Jackson tries to sort out the deer/rabbit equation, Zammit refuses to actually reference Harry Potter, and Duscher just wants all criminals to be permanently paralysed. It's a lawless, crime filled wizarding world, as we find ourselves adrift in a sea of criminal negligence.To help pay for our wizarding defence team head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can make a difference to our continued freedom.

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In which our heroes count up their galleons, bamboozle some muggles, bully Ron, and wonder why the Weaslys are so poor. In part two of our seven part exploration of the Harry Potter Universe we look at the bizarre nature of Wizard currency, discover we don't understand brains in the slightest, and explore the danger of floo-powder. Jackson thinks the Weaslys would enjoy Catholicism, Zammit doesn’t think the Weasly’s are poor at all, and Duscher just wonders why magic wont solve everything. It’s a wizarding spending spree as we spend every last knut, galleon, and the middle one on a fleet of nimbus 2014s and all the butter beer we can drink so we can rub it in Ron’s impoverished face .To help Ron afford new robes head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can make a difference to his shitty poor wizard life.

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In which our heroes arrive at Hogwarts, cross the Great Hall, get up in front of the teachers table and wonder where the Sorting Hat will put them. In part one of our seven part exploration of the Harry Potter Universe we look at the Sorting Hat’s frightening omnipotence, the dangerous nature of Hogwarts dinners, and the distribution of babes across all houses. Jackson gets vomited on instead of sorted, Zammit accepts Slytherin house far too readily, and Duscher just wishes everyone would accept his position as teaching staff. It's a Hogwarts divided against itself, all at the hands of an old, shitty hat.To help our wizarding dreams a reality head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can make a difference to our muggle lives.

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