Pod Sematary

Get more at podsematary.com! Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1457498454486364162

CW: Harm to Children and Animals

It’s a Frankenstein Double Feature on Pod Sematary! Chris & Kelsey drop out of medical school and 3D-print a human man to find out who the REAL monster is.

The "Original": Frankenstein (1931)

"Dr. Frankenstein dares to tamper with life and death by creating a human monster out of lifeless body parts” (IMDb.com). While not a faithful adaptation of the Mary Shelley classic novel, 1931's Frankenstein is a classic itself with not an inconsiderable amount of quality in its brisk runtime.

The "Remake": Frankenstein (2015)

"A married couple of scientists create a modern-day monster” (IMDb.com). This modern retelling of the story we already know and love by Bernard Rose, director of the original Candyman, begins with a promise of novelty that it fails to keep.

Audio Sources:

"Awakening: Part 1" (Gargoyles S01E01) produced by Disney Television Animation

"Clue" produced by Paramount Pictures, et al

"Feed My Frankenstein" written by Alice Cooper, et al., and performed by Alice Cooper

"Frankenstein" (1931) produced by Universal Pictures

"Frankenstein" (2015) produced by Bad Badger, et al.

"Pet Sematary" written by Dee Dee Ramone & Daniel Rey and performed by The Ramones

"Science Fiction/Double Feature" written by Richard O'Brien & Richard Hartley and performed by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

"Sound of da Police” written by Lawrence Parker, et al., and performed by KRS-One

"Treehouse of Horror" (The Simpsons S02E03) produced by Gracie Films & 20th Century Fox Television

"Young Frankenstein" produced by Gruskoff/Venture Films, et al.

Get more at podsematary.com! Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1455308361709154304

CW: Death of a child

It’s Haunted Doll Week on Pod Sematary! Chris & Kelsey dive back into their two "favorite" franchises with one possessed doll that lost its edge and another that still isn't possessed at all.

The Classic Film: Child's Play 3 (1991)

"Chucky returns for revenge against Andy, the young boy who defeated him and now a teenager living in a military academy” (IMDb.com). Sorry, Jack—Chucky's back... in a dull and unnecessary sequel that didn't even scare Kelsey, who is notoriously terrified of the murderous doll.

The Modern Film: Annabelle: Creation (2017)

"Twelve years after the tragic death of their little girl, a doll-maker and his wife welcome a nun and several girls from a shuttered orphanage into their home, where they become the target of the dollmaker's possessed creation, Annabelle” (IMDb.com). This is one of those rare cases where the sequel is better than the original, but that's not saying much. Unfortunately, while an upgrade for the franchise, this entry in the expansive and fluctuating Conjuring Universe is NOT more than the sum of its pretty compelling parts. Just remember: ♫It's just a doll♫

Audio Sources:

"Annabelle: Creation" produced by New Line Cinema, et al.

"Buzz Buzz Buzz" written by Bobby Day (as Robert Byrd) & John G. Dolphin and performed by The Hollywood Flames

"Child's Play 3" produced by Universal Pictures

"The Conjuring" produced by New Line Cinema, et al.

"Jesus Christ Superstar" (1973) produced by Universal Pictures

"Lonesome Ghosts" (1937) produced by Walt Disney Productions

"National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" produced by Warner Bros., et al.

"Pet Sematary" written by Dee Dee Ramone & Daniel Rey and performed by The Ramones

"You Are My Sunshine" written by Jimmie Davis and performed by Charles McDonald

Get more at podsematary.com! Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1452380469702508544

CW: Suicide

It’s Halloween on Pod Sematary! Chris & Kelsey continue with the most retconned horror franchise in history with Halloween 5, the last okay entry in the original Halloween series, before moving on and all the good will from 2018's Halloween is sucked out of them watching its follow-up, the brand new and superbly awful Halloween Kills.

The Classic Film: Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)

"One year after the events of Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers, the Shape returns to Haddonfield once again in an attempt to kill his now-mute niece” (IMDb.com). Look, it isn't as bad as everyone says. Yes, it teases a sharp turn toward garbage in the next installment and it's not a great movie, but there's still some quality stuff here.

The Modern Film: Halloween Kills (2021)

"The saga of Michael Myers and Laurie Strode continues in the next thrilling chapter of the Halloween series” (IMDb.com). Well, they've lost the plot. This follow-up to the admirably great 2018 refresh is so fan-servicey that it's hard for a fan to actually enjoy. It wouldn't be so bad if it were at least competent... but it's not. This is one of the biggest dips in quality since Part II in 1981. At least Carpenter's soundtrack is still pretty good?

Audio Sources:

"GOT'EEEEMM!!!!!" via WelvenDaGreat @ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4v8ek9TEeOU

"Half in the Bag: Halloween Kills" via RedLetterMedia @ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K71JAJMWeco

"Halloween" produced by Compass International Pictures, et al.

"Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers" produced by Magnum Pictures, et al.

"Halloween Kills" produced by Universal Pictures, et al.

"Happy Gilmore" produced by Universal Pictures, et al.

"Jamie Lee Curtis Spills Details on New 'Halloween’ Film" via SiriusXM @ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjvI5rBlfbA

"Pet Sematary" written by Dee Dee Ramone & Daniel Rey and performed by The Ramones

"A Picture Is Worth 1,000 Bucks" (Family Guy S02E11) produced by Fuzzy Door Productions, et al.

"The Rap Battle (PARODY) (ORIGINAL) OHHH!" via SUPAHOTFIRE DESHAWN @ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iu90z9Akxgk

"Spider-Man" (2002) produced by Columbia Pictures, et al.

Get more at podsematary.com! Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1450244090117832708

It’s a Recommendation Week on Pod Sematary! Chris & Kelsey have their croc-killing cake and eat it too and then they summon a demon for a conference call. Thanks to David for the recommendations!

The Classic Film: Lake Placid (1999)

"Three people attempt to stop a gigantic crocodile, who is terrorizing residents in Black Lake, Maine” (IMDb.com). Lake Placid is just a bundle of clichés in a Jaws suit, but we can see why it may be some people's comfort flick.

The Modern Film: Host (2020)

"Six friends hire a medium to hold a seance via Zoom during lockdown, but they get far more than they bargained for as things quickly go wrong” (IMDb.com). Host, a byproduct of quarantine life and socializing via Zoom, won't blow your skirt up or anything, but it's pretty impressive for its low budget, short production turnaround, and relatively non-existent time commitment.

Audio Sources:

"Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure" produced by De Laurentiis Entertainment Group, et al.

"The Heart Wants What it Wants" written by Selena Gomez, et al., and performed by Selena Gomez

"Host" (2020) produced by Shadowhouse Films

"I Think I Love You" written by Tony Romeo and performed by The Partridge Family

"I Think I Love You" written by Tony Romeo and performed by Less Than Jake

"It's Not Unusual" written by Les Reed & Gordon Mills and performed by Tom Jones

"Lake Placid" produced by Fox 2000 Pictures, et al.

"Pet Sematary" written by Dee Dee Ramone & Daniel Rey and performed by The Ramones

"Truth Hurts" written by Melissa Jefferson, et al., and performed by Lizzo

"Zero Effect" produced by Castle Rock Entertainment, et al.

Get more at podsematary.com! Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1447388359081463812

CW: Sexual Assault, Suicide

It’s Musical Horror Week on Pod Sematary! Chris & Kelsey sign contracts in blood and get much-needed organ makeovers!

The Classic Film: Phantom of the Paradise (1974)

"A disfigured composer sells his soul for the woman he loves so that she will perform his music. However, an evil record tycoon betrays him and steals his music to open his rock palace, The Paradise” (IMDb.com). Brian DePalma and Paul Williams' musical tragedy cribs its story from several all-time greats, including Phantom of the Opera (of course), Faust, and The Picture of Dorian Gray, couching it all in some glam rock style that's not much like Rocky Horror Picture Show at all.

The Modern Film: Repo! The Genetic Opera (2008)

"A worldwide epidemic encourages a biotech company to launch an organ-financing program similar in nature to a standard car loan. The repossession clause is a killer, however” (IMDb.com). Repo! is a goth opera that's probably more style than substance, but maybe that's what you're into. We're a little into it.

Audio Sources:

"All the Duke's Men" (The Critic S02E06) produced by Gracie Films & Columbia Pictures Television

"Atlanta" (from "Nice Try, The Devil") written and performed by Pete Holmes

"I Smell Like Beef Original Extended Version #beefbaby - Katie Ryan" from Katie Ryan via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5eZyspecXJE

"Léon: The Professional" produced by Columbia Pictures, et al.

"Pet Sematary" written by Dee Dee Ramone & Daniel Rey and performed by The Ramones

"Phantom of the Paradise" produced by Harbor Productions & Pressman-Williams Enterprises

"Repo! The Genetic Opera" produced by Twisted Pictures & Burg/Koules Productions

"Scarface, Amnesia, and One Hundred Million Dollars" (from "The Top Part") written and performed by John Mulaney

"Secret of NIMH" produced by Don Bluth Productions, et al.

"Stars Are Blind" written by Fernando Garibay, et al., and performed by Paris Hilton

Get more at podsematary.com! Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1444799752009252869

CW: Harm to Children

It’s Wholesome Horror Week on Pod Sematary! Chris & Kelsey ride the carousel backward and enjoy absolutely terrific horror movies made for kids to kick off October! This time, both movies are about evil entities posing as things kids tend to love in order to feed on their souls.

The Classic Film: Something Wicked This Way Comes (1983)

"In a small American town, a diabolical circus and its demonic proprietor prey on the townsfolk” (IMDb.com). Ray Bradbury's script adaptation of his own novel is yet another 80s film that Disney seems content to forget about, but impeccable writing and a great performance by Jonathan Pryce make this movie a must-watch during the Halloween season.

The Modern Film: Coraline (2009)

"An adventurous 11-year-old girl finds another world that is a strangely idealized version of her frustrating home, but it has sinister secrets” (IMDb.com). Full disclosure: We are a Gaiman-loving household. But beyond the story, Coraline is a beautiful and disquieting stop-motion feat and possibly Laika's best.

Audio Sources:

"Coraline" produced by Laika Entertainment, et al.

"Get Out" produced by Monkeypaw Productions, et al.

"Ghost" (1990) produced by Paramount Pictures & Howard W. Koch Productions

"I'd Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That)" written by Jim Steinman and performed by Meatloaf

"Pet Sematary" written by Dee Dee Ramone & Daniel Rey and performed by The Ramones

"Something Wicked This Way Comes" produced by Walt Disney Productions & Bryna Productions

"The Trial of Jack McCall" (Deadwood S01E5) produced by HBO, et al.

Get more at podsematary.com! Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1442615970464370695

CW: Homophobia, Rape

It’s another Witchy Woman Week on Pod Sematary! Chris & Kelsey are back on that bullshit, this time with two movies about witchy women that put curses on entire bloodlines and where multiple people need a good eye stabbin'.

The Classic Film: Black Sunday [La maschera del demonio] (1960)

"A vengeful witch and her fiendish servant return from the grave and begin a bloody campaign to possess the body of the witch's beautiful look-alike descendant, with only the girl's brother and a handsome doctor standing in her way” (IMDb.com). Mario Bava's official directorial debut may be beautifully designed and shot, but the story itself is a jumbled mess and just incredibly boring. Sorry.

The Modern Film: Fear Street: Part Three - 1666 (2021)

"The origins of Sarah Fier's curse are finally revealed as history comes full circle on a night that changes the lives of Shadysiders forever" (Netflix). We finally wrap up the Fear Street Trilogy and warm up to this last installment despite a less interesting second half.

Audio Sources:

"Black Sunday" produced by Galatea Film & Jolly Film

"Come Out and Play" written by Dexter Holland and performed by the Offspring

"Fear Street: Part Three - 1666" produced by Chernin Entertainment

"Gigantic" written by Kim Deal & Frank Black and performed by the Pixies

"Live Forever" written by Noel Gallagher and performed by Oasis

"Mo' Murda" written by Tony C, et al., and performed by Bone Thugs-N-Harmony

"Mr. Grieves" written by Frank Black and performed by the Pixies

"Pet Sematary" written by Dee Dee Ramone & Daniel Rey and performed by The Ramones

"Start Wearing Purple" written by Eugene Hütz and performed by Gogol Bordello

Get more at podsematary.com! Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1439749737243021314

CW: Suicide, Rape

It’s a Witchy Woman Week on Pod Sematary! Chris & Kelsey start their own covens of warlocks and witches (respectively) and determine whether women were an accident or were inflicted upon the world intentionally.

The Classic Film: The Witches of Eastwick (1987)

"Three single women in a picturesque village have their wishes granted, at a cost, when a mysterious and flamboyant man arrives in their lives” (IMDb.com). This silly comedy-horror is a lot of fun on its face, but it also surfaces some very intriguing concepts about villainy, spirituality, sexuality, and the plurality of feminine expression. Oh, and it's WEIRD AS HELL.

The Modern Film: The Craft: Legacy (2020)

"A group of high school students forms a coven of witches” (IMDb.com). We legitimately thought we would LOATHE this movie as another cringey update to a beloved classic, but it turned out to be very endearing and actually made some welcome updates to outdated tropes... and that just made it so damned disappointing that it isn't good.

Audio Sources:

"Alien" produced by Brandywine Productions

"Alien 3" produced by Twentieth Century Fox & Brandywine Productions

"Atlanta" (from "Nice Try, The Devil") written and performed by Pete Holmes

"The Craft" produced by Columbia Pictures & Red Wagon Entertainment

"The Craft: Legacy" produced by Blumhouse Productions, et al.

"Mary Poppins" produced by Walt Disney Productions

"Pet Sematary" written by Dee Dee Ramone & Daniel Rey and performed by The Ramones

"Sugar Honey Iced Tea (S.H.I.T.)" written and performed by Princess Nokia

"Trainwreck" produced by Universal Pictures, et al.

"The Witches of Eastwick" produced by Warner Bros., et al.

"Witchy Woman" written by Don Henley & Bernie Leadon and performed by the Eagles

Get more at podsematary.com! Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1437164682599493632

CW: Rape, Abortion, Alcoholism

It’s Back to School Week on Pod Sematary! Chris & Kelsey join the other teenage archetypes for Saturday School and must escape a for-real, not-at-all-fake ghost!

The Classic Film: Return to Horror High (1987)

"In the early 1980s, a series of gruesome murders occurred at Crippen High School. A few years later, a film crew uses the now-abandoned Crippen High as the set for a film, but an uninvited guest makes an appearance on the set” (IMDb.com). Return to Horror High is a parody of horror movies, but also not? It's a movie within a movie but there're even more layers? Basically, it's the Inception of horror comedies—an admirably ambitious affair without the chops to hold that lofty title.

The Modern Film: School Spirit (2019)

"A group of social outcasts stuck in weekend detention is confronted by the school's legendary hauntings” (IMDb.com). The Breakfast Club but "haunted," School Spirit is a low-stakes, campus horror from the Hulu and Blumhouse Into the Dark series that disappoints in how uninspired it is. Even the opportunity of a haunted high school is completely abandoned in favor of a pretty predictable twist. When is Into the Dark supposed to get good?

Audio Sources:

"145 - Bad Ronald (1974) & The Evil Within (2017)" produced by Pod Sematary

"All My Life" written by Rory Bennett & JoJo Hailey and performed by K-Ci & JoJo

"Blurred Lines" written and performed by Robin Thicke, et al.

"The Day the Violence Died" (The Simpsons S07E18) produced by Gracie Films & 20th Century Fox Television

"Dead Man on Campus" produced by MTV Films, et al.

"The Godfather" produced by Paramount Pictures & Alfran Productions

"Mario Twins" written and performed by Gröûp X

"Pet Sematary" written by Dee Dee Ramone & Daniel Rey and performed by The Ramones

"Return to Horror High" produced by Balcor Film Investors & New World Pictures

"Scary Movies" written by Larry Weir and performed by Pleasant Company

"School Spirit" (Into the Dark S01E11) produced by Blumhouse Television & Hulu

Get more at podsematary.com! Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1433591495261450241

CW: Suicide, Self Harm, Child Abduction, Rape

It’s our 200th episode AND Kelsey's birthday! So we're having a Campground Slasher Week to celebrate for some reason! Chris & Kelsey go to summer camp and enjoy the spin cycle!

The Classic Film: Madman (1981)

"A legendary psychopathic murderer stalks a summer camp” (IMDb.com). In a movie that probably thinks it's more serious than it is, this killer—functionally a combination of Jason and Candyman—probably could have been replaced by Bigfoot and been more interesting.

The Modern Film: Fear Street: Part Two - 1978 (2021)

"Shadyside, 1978. School's out for summer and the activities at Camp Nightwing are about to begin. But when another Shadysider is possessed with the urge to kill, the fun in the sun becomes a gruesome fight for survival” (Netflix). The Fear Street trilogy just gets better as it takes us to 1978 and we learn a bit more about how the curse works and things get a bit more personal.

Audio Sources:

"Andy Samberg/St. Vincent" ("Camp Wicawabe," Saturday Night Live S39E21) produced by Broadway Video & SNL Studios

"Brother Love's Travelling Salvation Show" written and performed by Neil Diamond

"Carry On Wayward Son" written by Kerry Livgren and performed by Kansas

"Cherry Bomb" written by Joan Jett & Kim Fowley and performed by The Runaways

"Don't Leave Me This Way" written by Kenneth Gamble, et al., and performed by Thelma Houston

"Ever Fallen In Love (With Someone You Shouldn't've)" written by Pete Shelley and performed by The Buzzcocks

"Fear Street: Part One - 1994" produced by Chernin Entertainment

"Fear Street: Part Two - 1978" produced by Chernin Entertainment

"The First Cut Is The Deepest" written and performed by Cat Stevens

"Love Will Keep Us Together" written by Neil Sedaka & Howard Greenfield and performed by The Captain & Tennille

"Madman" produced by The Legend Lives Company

"The Man Who Sold the World" written and performed by David Bowie

"The Man Who Sold the World" written by David Bowie and performed by Nirvana

"Moonage Daydream" written and performed by David Bowie

"Pet Sematary" written by Dee Dee Ramone & Daniel Rey and performed by The Ramones

"(Don't Fear) The Reaper" written by Donald "Buck Dharma" Roeser and performed by Blue Öyster Cult

"Slow Ride" written by Dave Peverett and performed by Foghat

"Sweet Jane" written by Lou Reed and performed by The Velvet Underground