PolySoCal

Can every partner really be equal? In Episode 65 of the PolySoCal Podcast, guest host Noah sits down with Kat, Bev, Patty, Kim, Michael, and Cookie to explore hierarchy, relationship anarchy, equity, responsibility, and what fairness actually looks like in polyamorous relationships. The conversation quickly moves beyond the idea of simply giving everyone the same amount of time or attention. Nesting partners, spouses, children, mortgages, outside partners, play partners, and changing life circumstances all create very different needs and responsibilities. Patty explains why hierarchy does not have to mean control or veto power, while Cookie challenges the idea that literal equality is even realistic. Michael, approaching the topic as a relationship anarchist, finds common ground in the idea that the real goal is not ranking people, but connecting honestly and deeply with the people we care about within the time, capacity, and commitments we actually have.

Nobody warned us about this part. In Episode 64 of the PolySoCal Podcast, Alonzo sits down with Noah, Bev, Michael, and Heather to talk about the strange, funny, unexpected things they discovered after entering polyamory, ENM, and the lifestyle. From realizing this world actually exists, to unexpected friendships, used condoms after parties, changing ideas about attraction, unusual kinks, and the moment a once-unreachable fantasy becomes surprisingly ordinary, the conversation goes everywhere. Beneath the laughs is something real: many people arrive expecting sex and discover community, self-knowledge, friendship, and an entirely different way of connecting with people. It’s candid, occasionally inappropriate, definitely adult, and exactly the kind of conversation nobody thinks to warn you about beforehand.

In Episode 63 of the PolySoCal Podcast, Alonzo Banx asks a simple question: “My first poly experience was…” Bev, Michael, Noah, and Kat each look back at the moment non-monogamy became real for them—and what happened after the excitement wore off. Bev remembers watching Michael with other women and realizing a long-held fantasy finally had a place in her real life. Noah talks about the first experience that confirmed he and his partner were not simply imagining something that could work. Michael shares the moment he finally found a community where he no longer felt fundamentally different, while Kat tells a much messier story of jealousy, insecurity, closing the relationship, healing, and eventually choosing ENM again. The result is an honest conversation about discovery, mistakes, self-acceptance, and the difference between wanting non-monogamy and actually learning how to live it.

Episode 62 is both a celebration and a look at the reason PolySoCal exists in the first place. With Polyam Radio and the mobile apps now fully live, Alonzo Banx brings together Michael, Bev, Jon, Heather, Double D, Dante, Lana, Blake, and Noah to answer one question: Why do we do this? The answers are as different as the relationships around the table. For some, polyamory means freedom, exploration, autonomy, and the ability to love more than one person. For others, it means finally finding a relationship structure that feels natural, discovering community after years of feeling different, or having the freedom to explore emotional and sexual needs without asking one person to be everything. The conversation also gets into jealousy, sex, mistakes, transitioning from monogamy, learning through the “oopsies and ouchies,” and why communication and honest motivation matter when opening a relationship.

Alonzo Banx, Michael, Bev, Jon, Heather, Double D, Dante, Lana, Blake, Noah 

 In Episode 61 of the PolySoCal Podcast, the women get their turn. After hearing what the men said makes an ideal female partner, Alonzo Banx sits down with Kim, Bev, Double D, and Captain Lynn to ask the other side of the question: what makes an ideal male partner in polyamory and ENM? The conversation moves through emotional intelligence, communication, honesty, vulnerability, self-acceptance, intimacy, seduction, integrity, and the importance of doing your own emotional work. But the women do not always want the same things. Bev talks openly about menopause and why sexual seduction does not currently resonate with her, while Captain Lynn shares a recent dating experience that looked almost perfect until she discovered she would have to remain a secret. What emerges is not a checklist for the “perfect man,” but a conversation about being present, authentic, emotionally aware, and honest enough to build real connection. 

 In Episode 60 of the PolySoCal Podcast, Alonzo Banx sits down with Michael, Noah, and Dante to ask a deceptively simple question: what makes an ideal female partner in the poly and ENM world? What follows is not a conversation about body type, age, or sexual performance. The men instead focus on radical honesty, communication, emotional intelligence, enthusiastic consent, empathy, mutual desire, and having a partner who knows what she wants and can say it clearly. The conversation also explores vulnerability, aging, BDSM, emotional safety, and the value of a supportive “wing woman” who helps open doors rather than simply waiting for them to be opened. The result is a thoughtful look at what these men actually value in a partner—and a setup for next week, when the women get their turn to tell the men what an ideal male partner looks like.

In Episode 59 of the PolySoCal Podcast, Alonzo Banx sits down with Michael and Bev for an unusually honest look at a poly relationship that has worked for fourteen years precisely because the two people in it are not trying to be the same. Michael came into the relationship already deeply non-monogamous and committed to living openly and honestly. Bev discovered later in life that monogamy did not fit her either, and that her own nature and attraction to a partner who is sexually free were genuine parts of who she was. That did not mean jealousy, fear, or insecurity disappeared. Bev talks openly about learning to sit with those feelings, care for herself, and eventually become more comfortable in her own skin, while Michael describes learning how to give those feelings room without abandoning who he is. Their story is not a formula for everyone. It is a clear example of two very different people whose differences fit. 

In Episode 58 of the PolySoCal Podcast, Alonzo Banx is joined by Noah and Kim for a lighter, blunt, and practical conversation about the red flags and green flags people notice when meeting someone new. From hygiene, authenticity, bragging, and money to consent, sobriety, communication, indecision, and learning how to read the room, the conversation looks at the small behaviors that can tell you a lot about someone very quickly. Kim brings a monogamous, poly-adjacent woman’s perspective, while Noah and Alonzo talk about what they have seen in poly, ENM, and play spaces. The result is less of a checklist and more of a conversation about being a decent adult: know what you want, be honest about who you are, respect consent, communicate clearly, and please, for everyone’s sake, wash your butt.

  Alonzo Banx, Noah, Kim 

This is a very special episode of the PolySoCal Podcast. Alonzo Banx sits down with Kim, one of our own, for an honest and deeply human conversation about her journey through aggressive stage-three breast cancer. Kim talks openly about finding the first lump, getting diagnosed in January, starting chemo within weeks, losing her hair, dealing with neuropathy, brain fog, surgery, drains, pain, fear, humor, and the strange little realities no one prepares you for. But this episode is not only about cancer. It is about community, friendship, asking for help, accepting help, knowing your body, and staying alive in every sense of the word. Kim brings blunt honesty, dark humor, and real practical wisdom for anyone facing a diagnosis, and for the people standing beside them who do not always know what to say or how to help. 

In this Episode 56 roundtable, guest host Noah leads Michael, Blake, Lana, and Cupcake into a deeper conversation about compersion: the joy that can come from seeing someone you love experience love, pleasure, or connection with someone else. The group moves beyond the easy definition and gets into the real emotional territory: jealousy, neutrality, fear of being replaced, arousal, trust, self-care, communication, and the difference between feeling something and acting from it. Michael gives the episode its strongest grounding by naming that jealousy, arousal, and compersion can all exist at the same time, while Cupcake brings in the reality of emotional processing, chronic illness, and needing space before reacting. Blake and Lana add practical tools from their relationship, including regular check-ins, fantasy-building, journaling, and learning not to get pulled into each other’s storms. 

Guest Host: Noah
Voices: Michael, Blake, Lana, and Cupcake.