In the words of the “late”, great Tupac Shakur:

“Even as a crack fiend, Mama. Ya’ always was a black queen, mama. You are appreciated.”

When it comes to my relationship with my mother, no truer words have ever been spoken.

Well, at least the part about being appreciated.

You are soooo f-ing appreciated, mom. Exclamation point.

My mother has shown up and loved me despite.

Period.

End of sentence.

Despite all the shit I have put her through the years.

Temper tantrums, taking my old man’s side on every issue, attacking her friend because I thought he was hitting on her…

All that shit.

And, especially, for all the times that I took her for granted. She still showed up. She still loved unconditionally.

So, to say that I am grateful for her is the understatement of my lifetime. She truly has never left my side.

I now realize my gratitude for her.

I promise.

I realized this gratitude when I was a little boy.

I realized this gratitude the day I got out of inpatient.

I realized this gratitude on my wedding day.

But even more so today, I live in a constant state of gratitude for her. Even during our arguments, or even during some “foul mouthed tirades” I may go on, or even during my recovering alcoholic mood swings, or even when she is always taking my older sister’s side on everything…

All that shit.

I am grateful, mom, and I love you.

Now, I’ll text you my grocery list.

Twenty episodes! Allow us to pat ourselves on the back, shall we?

Listen, we realize twenty episodes is no huge feat, but you cannot get to two hundred without hitting twenty, right?

Kind of like how you cannot get to home-base without first getting to first, second, and third, right?

Unless of course you and her are the only two left sitting at the bar on a random Tuesday night, and after one last shot of tequila and one last key bump y’all you decide to sneak outside for a quick smoke ‘n poke… In that case, no need to waste any time with French kisses and titty play.

Or so I’ve heard.

Anyway!

Twenty episodes! How ‘bout that!?

For real though, what a fun time this has been!

Not only have Jeff and I have had the absolute privilege of having on some cool as fuck guests on, we have had tangible human beings reach out and take the necessary steps to make a change in their life.

And that shit gets me off.

After all, that is what we’re here for.

Oh. And we are not going anywhere. So help us, God.

We have even gotten Jeff "The Liberal" to say a few swear words on this thing!

Hell, he even calls out some double-lifed Christian hypocrites on this episode.

And I could not be more proud of him!

So, come on in and check out this show, guys, and listen as we recap what we’ve accomplished and join our discussion regarding our vision moving forward.

Fuck.

Maybe you would like to help.

Or, maybe you need some fucking help.

Either way, NEVER hesitate to reach out!

God bless you all!

Let us pray.

-Chris

Pondoff's Anonymous (Podcast and ZeroProof Journal)

If I could legally steal people’s music… kidding.

If I knew how to source and reasonably pay for intro music, I would have paid to use the “Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase’s WWF/WWE ring entrance music to introduce Mark to the show.

Instead, because I suck at podcasting, I will just welcome him with my magical words.

On Episode 19, Jeff and I welcome my good friend, The STL Tax Lawyer, Mark Milton.

Thanks for joining us, Mark!

Mark and I went to high school and college together (I L L), so we have known each other for quite some time. (One of us is a successful lawyer with college degrees and the other is a former coked up, drunk college dropout who got a job from his daddy and now talks into a recorded zoom call once a week with a cheap hat that says, “Pondoff’s Anonymous” on it. You be the judge as to who's who.) Having said that, we have been friends for quite a while now, so I obviously moved my tax returns from H&R Block’s consistent proctology exam to Mark, who has been a Godsend. My wife and I use him, and we highly recommend him.

You may be asking, “Why are (we) having a tax guy on our recovery and mental health Pondcast?”

Well lemme tell ya’ something, Mean Gene.

Sorry. Couldn’t resist.

The short answer is this…

Mark has encountered countless people who have tax problems that are either directly or indirectly a result of their addiction. So, we talk about that.

Mark has also encountered people that are trying to turn their life around and often fear that their tax issues problems are too big to face and attempt to get in front of. So, we talk a lot about that. And, in my opinion, we dispel most of the fear you may have regarding this issue. Often times, we make the “monster-under-our-bed” mistake and fear that these problems are far too large for us to handle.

This is not true. You CAN get in front of this.

Last, Mark will give our audience (of seven) some good insight into the Government’s stimulus package and how it will be dispersed, even if you haven’t filed your tax return in the past couple of years.

So, tune in, and please listen and share as always.

Hopefully this episode can shed some light for you guys.

Thanks again to Mark for being apart of the program this week and, as always, thanks to all of you for listening and supporting us!

Be well and stay safe out there!

Let us pray, amen.

-Chris

Related Links:

www.irs.gov

www.pondoffsanonymous.com

On Episode 18, Jeff and I talk quite a bit about our anxiety disorders and how they can literally hijack our hours, days, and weeks if we don’t get them under control.

We also talk about Jeff’s personal medical issues he had and how a hot doctor had to thoroughly examine him. If you know what I mean.

My doctor is beautiful as well. She saved my life. And I love her.

Anyways… onto part three of this little pond-cast mini-series. On Episode 9, we recorded part one titled “The Ugly Liability” where we talked about how big of a liability I had become to my friends, my family, and all the bar regulars out there that I used to drink with. On Episode 17, we did part two titled, “The Bad Reliability” where we detailed how I had lost all sense of reliability that I once had with the folks listed above. And finally, on Episode 18 titled “Footprints”, I try my best to articulate my “great humility” or my "ultimate humbling"… or my "castrating humiliation", if you will.

Man. I can really, really, reallllly relate to that Footprints prayer / poem.

I AM that guy walking the beach with Jesus.

Ugh.

So, tune in! And hopefully my personal redemption story will help you or someone you know realize that once you’re truly humbled, then you can start to ascend into a life of gratitude, hope and peace.

It has worked for me… and a ton of people like me.

I promise.

I'm by no means perfect at this life, as I error often, but I am grateful to say that I'm more mindful and self-aware than I ever have been before this.

It’s like my pastor always says…

“Chris, you’re a work in progress.”

That I am.

Which is truly evident towards the end of this episode when I briefly and accidentally mention an encounter I had with a Russian hooker in Vegas on my 21st birthday.

Nobody’s perfect.

Thanks for listening!

Let us pray.

-CP

Chris Pondoff

On Episode 17, Jeff and I sit down and discuss our lovely Zoom backgrounds.

Well his. I record from my shitty basement office that I’ve been reduced to.

Thanks, Ash. Thanks, Charlie.

Anyway. In this episode, we ramble and chat mostly about three things.

1) The 800lb gorilla. We’re still “quarantined” and it’s hard to not discuss it a little bit.

2) The 200lb gorilla. The namesake of this episode. How un-fucking-reliable I had become as the grips of alcoholism got tighter and tighter.

3) 100lb baby gorilla. Please pray for my cousin. She’s been through so fucking much in three or four lifetimes, let alone one. She’s one of my greatest inspirations when it comes to the whole faith-hope-love game and has helped me in my own grief journey more than she could ever possibly know.

I don’t know why I kept adding gorillas. They just kind of rolled off the tongue and I write show notes like I talk.

And 8 + 2 + 1 = 11.

And I AM number 11.

I hope you all had a wonderful Easter Sunday!

He is risen!

There is reason for hope! Because, “God does his best work when it’s dark!”

Let us pray.

Chris Pondoff

On Episode 16, it is our distinct honor and privilege to welcome Matt Miofsky, lead pastor of The Gathering here in St. Louis.

Did that sound hoity-toity?

It kind of did, didn’t it?

So be it. This guy is one of my tickets to heaven!

And, he’s Jeff’s literal boss.

So, ass-kissing, we shall.

In all seriousness, Matt has been at the top of our list to have on the podcast since we launched this thing. Initially, I wanted to wait for the perfect time to have him on… and then it hit me… no better time than now… with the beginning of Holy Week leading up to Easter on Sunday.

F***ing genius, right?

Quarantine be damned.

Normally, I’m this show’s biggest critic. But, not on this one… I absolutely loved the conversation we had on this episode!

Matt, Jeff, and I have a real-life conversation about church and Jesus and the power of the resurrection. Matt gets into how the church can be the church’s own worst enemy and how Matt quite often is trying to undo a lot of the wrongs church has done to folks over the years.

We chat about the power of addiction and darkness and discuss real-life examples that happen every day that Matt and I have been witness to. We won't bore you with the impossible-to-read stories in the bible that happened thousands of years ago (which are super relevant too… but it’s nice to see this God and Jesus shit play out in our everyday lives, right?).

Right.

You see, my story (because it’s the one I know and “own” in terms of sharing) is one where the impossible became possible. And yes, it’s because of Jesus. For some of you, that may turn you off… I get it… the church way isn’t your bag. It wasn’t necessarily mine either at one point… granted, I always had faith and believed in heaven… but I never knew the power of the love of Jesus… never.

Until I leaned the fuck into him and decided to allow him to work in my heart.

And THAT decision…

That decision took me from the suffocating darkness into a life of light, love, hope, and joy.

When you have nothing to lose, why not try it a different way?

So, tune in!

Maybe you can make your decision to lean in like I did on this upcoming Easter Sunday. You can listen and watch The Gathering’s Easter Service online, and you can hear Matt describe the power and the hope of the resurrection in detail. And how THAT actually is good f***ing news! Not like the churchy, religiousy khaki-panted good news door-knockers tell you. It's more like when a friend calls you on the phone and says, "Hey... I have some great news to share with you!" And then they tell you about a new baby, a new relationship, or that some gal that you have the hots for is sweet on you... THAT KIND OF GOOD NEWS. Because that's what this shit is! You can resurrect your own life by leaning towards Jesus and you can start this Sunday. Like I did. And look at me... I'm still rough around the edges and say the "F' all the time!

Can I get an AMEN!?!

Anyway.

Just remember, as you’re enjoying Easter with us, always remember that Jesus can resurrect your (or your “friend’s”) life from the dead and the darkness that consumes us.

I promise you. This shit works, B.

Let us pray.

-Chris

Visit gatheringnow.org to join us for Easter online!

On Episode 15, we are so honored to welcome our guest, my friend, Joey Miner.

Welcome, Joey!

*The crowd goes wild.

Joey has been a lifelong friend of mine as we first met when we were like 6 or7. Fast forward 30 years and now we’re on a recovery podcast being all vulnerable and shit about our past experiences with rock bottom.

Crazy.

And, Pondoff... it's a fiddle, not a banjo, you absolute dumb fuck.

Ugh.

Anyway.

Joey is one of the most talented musicians I’ve ever known and has been playing in the legendary local (STL/So. Illinois) band Well Hungarians for six years now.

Joey has been clean from heroin for 7 years.

But, Joey still drinks.

And he wants to chat with y’all.

You see, Joey is the perfect guest for our podcast. Joey is a real mother fucker that still experiences the highs and lows of life and he himself is like all of us… admirably imperfect.

On this episode we discuss Joey’s drug use, his recovery journey, and his present state during this fucking pandemic.

And Joey couldn’t be anymore fucking baller for coming on and sharing with you. His heart is as big as they come and he literally, with every fiber of his being, cares about people.

So, tune in, and hear a real-life story from a real-life person on his battle with addiction and mental health.

You won’t be sorry.

Let us pray.

-Chris

*Pondoff’s Anonymous would like to dedicate this episode in memory of Joey’s cousin, Rachel Boaz. Joey, we’re praying for you and your whole fucking family, brother. We love you.

(You can reach Joey on FB @JoeyMiner or Instagram @wh_joeyminer)

(For More information on the Well Hungarians, visit their website: https://wellhungarians.net/)

On Episode 14, Jeff and I sit down and talk in depth about how absolutely fucking brutal “shelter-in-place”, “self-quarantine”, and “isolation” are to folks that are struggling with an addiction or a mental health issue.

This episode is so, so important. It wasn’t my favorite to listen back to… because it’s hard shit we’re all dealing with now. So pardon the lack of hunky-dory, here.

(As I’m writing these episode notes, I’m broken hearted over an email I just received this morning letting us know of a young man’s OD death this morning.)

God! I say “uhh” a lot starting off this pocast. Ugh. Fucking speech class 101, you idiot.

Sorry about that, y’all. New setting.

Check out our new mics! Courtesy of Heil Sound! Thanks to Steve Warford and Heil who donated these baller ass mics to us! Check them out at: https://heilsound.com/! They are some great people and are highly recommended! Call Steve at their shop in Fairview Heights, IL anytime for help with anything sound.

Guys. This isolation shit is real, now, as you all know.

Along with all the heroes out there in the likes of doctors, nurses, social workers, teachers, first responders, etc. (this list goes on and on), what is front and center in our hearts and on the top of our prayer lists are those who are struggling with alcoholism, addiction, mental health, grief and overall fucking loneliness.

Self-isolate… is a personal hell for those of us in recovery. I can attest to that personally.

We often live each day, one day at a time, by our routines. We are often regimented on our schedules and leave little room in them for idle time.

Remember that saying, “idle hands are the devil’s workshop” or “playground” or whatever-the-fuck?

There’s so much fucking truth to that.

So, if you find yourself in this new arena of loneliness and are really feeling the temptation of relapse, PLEASE REACH OUT!

In fact, we’ve recently started a Facebook Group “sub-page” off of our Facebook Page (Pondoff’s Anonymous) called Pondoff’s Anonymous – PA Online Meetings. Please join it… we created it to be a safe place for you while you’re unable to attend your meetings. We’re open-minded and ready to listen. And could use anyone with experience in sobriety to help those that show up. Spread the word!

As we close the episode, I want everyone to know that this is real. People can and already have died from the loneliness and their addiction during these short 10-14 days of this isolation. It IS HAPPENING!

So, please, keep your eye out and prayers up for these folks. If you know someone that fits this mold, call them… tell them you love them… and please let them know that we are here to help.

Let us pray.

For real this time. Join us at the end of this episode for a closing prayer.

Amen.

-Chris

On Episode 13, we welcome Jeff Stevens, founder of Wellbeing Brewing, which is the country’s first brewery solely dedicated to brewing Non-Alcoholic Craft Beer.

How ‘bout that!?!

*Disclaimer… trigger happy folks… we certainly discuss the potential risks in engaging in NA beers if you ARE a recovering alcoholic. So, before you empty your clips at us, please listen to our discussion first.

Jeff, as he says on his website (www.wellbeingbrewing.com), is a “NON-alcoholic”.

I love that!

On this episode we discuss Jeff’s recovery history and how he always longed for a fun, healthy alternative to drink when going out. Jeff discusses in depth his path through his own recovery journey and having NA drinks.

"But Jeff, NA beers as I know them taste like shit."

"Exactly. That’s why I came out with an NA beer that tastes good."

Voila.

Y’all. Check out this episode! Jeff Stevens, Jeff “The Liberal”, and I have a fun conversation on the NA beer market here in STL, nationally, and even in Europe, where NA beer is a really big deal.

So, when life gets back to normal, ask your server if they serve Wellbeing.

And, If they don’t, ask them why the fuck not.

Check us out, guys! And if you like what you hear, please subscribe to us on YouTube and like our FB page! By doing that you expand our reach and our potential to help some people out!

And then grab yourself a Wellbeing!

Thanks, God Bless, and be safe and stay well!

Let us pray.

-CP

On Episode 12, we welcome the one and only, Mike Wellington.

Mike is a professional golfer and still caddies at times on the pro tour.

Mike also has Bipolar Disorder.

And he’s not afraid to tell you about it.

Six years ago Mike started a foundation called “Birdies4Bipolar”, and he subsequently wrote an amazing book titled, “Birdies, Bogeys, and Bipolar Disorder”, which published in 2016, and details his journey with his disease in depth. I could not recommend this book more. It is an intriguing, gut-wrenching, and inspiring book, not just for folks that may suffer from Bipolar Disorder, but also those of us that do not suffer from it.

(I firmly believe it is critically important for us to learn about this disease… because it may be only a matter of time before we encounter someone we love who lives with this diagnosis or someone who has yet to be diagnosed but is, in fact, suffering from the disease. Also, educating ourselves about Bipolar Disorder will give us some perspective on depression, as well as give us some tools to battle our own demons.)

So. What does this have to do with addiction and recovery?

A lot, actually.

It’s mental health, y’all. Plain and simple.

We discuss his disease at length and dive into healthy ways to deal with it. None of which include “self-medicating”.

Mike’s episode is courage, compassion, and eagerness to help all balled up into one.

Speaking of balls…

Do you know my old man’s most famous golf joke?

“I played the other day… and the best two balls I hit were when I stepped on a rake.”

*Pause for laughter.

So, please, join us on episode 12 and learn about Bipolar disorder and depression and always remember if you, or someone that you know, suffers from either, that the light of hope is at the end of the tunnel.

Let us pray.

-CP

*If you’re interested in acquiring a copy of Mike’s book, “Birdies, Bogeys, and Bipolar Disorder”, you can find it on Amazon (link below) or shoot us an email anytime and we can help you find a copy.

https://www.amazon.com/Birdies-Bogeys-Bipolar-Disorder-against/dp/1632990644