Practicing Hope Podcast

Why does being misunderstood feel so threatening, especially in the relationships that matter most?

In this second episode of our Beholding series, Tanner Smith, Sarah Johnson, and Chase Rashad Stancle explore unmet expectations, the need for approval, and the pressure we put on others to secure our identity and peace. They discuss grieving the relationship you wish you had, releasing the need to change another person, and finding your worth in God's love.

Through honest stories and practical suggestions, they consider how to love someone as they are, even when the relationship remains difficult.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• How to recognize what you're asking a relationship to provide, including approval, security, or a sense of worth

• Why grieving unmet expectations can help you release the pressure to change another person

• How Scripture, supportive relationships, and shared activities can help you approach a difficult relationship with love

Key Resources Mentioned

• Beholding digital workbook — a companion resource for the Beholding series with practices for working through difficult relationships

• Thomas Keating's "programs for happiness" framework — an introduction to how our needs for security, affection, and control shape our expectations and reactions in relationships

• Romans 8:38–39 and Isaiah 53:3 — passages discussed in connection with God's inseparable love and Jesus' familiarity with grief

• Find Your People by Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors — a song mentioned during the conversation about finding relationships that remind us we are known and loved

• Got a Person Who Triggers You at Work? — an episode of The Mode/Switch Podcast from our friend Craig Mattson. The conversation explores how naming the feelings another person brings up in us can loosen their grip and help us reconnect with what matters most.

Have a question you'd love to hear us explore on the podcast? Send us a voice memo or write to [email protected]. We'd love to hear what's on your mind, and your question may help shape a future conversation on the podcast.

Join our newsletter Want more practical encouragement for navigating conflict faithfully? Subscribe to our twice-monthly newsletter by visiting colossianforum.org/newsletter. Receive stories and reflections from Christian leaders, practices for everyday peacemaking, and resources to help you grow through conflict.

How are you practicing hope? Has something from this podcast or another Colossian Forum experience inspired you to try a new practice or take a different approach in a relationship? We'd love to hear what you tried and what happened. We'll be sharing selected listener stories during episode breaks throughout the Beholding series.

Record a voice memo of 90 seconds or less. Start with your name, your work, and/or how you're connected to The Colossian Forum, then tell us your story. Use your phone's recording app to record, then select Share to email the audio file to [email protected] with the subject line "Practicing Hope Story." No polished script needed; just tell us in your own words.

Disappointment doesn't just change how you feel about someone. Over time, it can change who you think they are. You start bracing for the familiar behavior and noticing the evidence that confirms what you already believe.

In this first episode of the Beholding series, Tanner Smith, Sarah Johnson, and Chase Rashad Stancle explore what disappointment does in our bodies, emotions, and perceptions — and why learning to notice it matters. You'll begin identifying your own "script of disappointment," separating what actually happened from the story you've built around it, and making room to see another person more fully.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• How to recognize your "script of disappointment" and the ways it narrows what you see in another person

• What your body and emotions can reveal about your reactivity in difficult relationships

• How to separate what actually happened from the meaning you've assigned to it

Key Resources Mentioned

• Beholding digital workbook — a companion resource for the Beholding series with practices for working through difficult relationships

• When Trying to Reconnect Pushes Someone Away — Here's What Helps — an article from our blog that explores the "stretch zone" and how to discern when there's enough safety and capacity to move toward a difficult relationship

• Got a Person Who Triggers You at Work? — an episode of The Mode/Switch Podcast from our friend Craig Mattson. The conversation explores how naming the feelings another person brings up in us can loosen their grip and help us reconnect with what matters most.

Have a question you'd love to hear us explore on the podcast? Send us a voice memo or write to [email protected]. We'd love to hear what's on your mind, and your question may help shape a future conversation on the podcast.

Join our newsletter Want more practical encouragement for navigating conflict faithfully? Subscribe to our twice-monthly newsletter by visiting colossianforum.org/newsletter. Get stories and reflections from Christian leaders, practical peacemaking practices, and resources to help you grow through conflict.

Some relationships don't get easier, even when you're committed to loving faithfully. You've tried to understand, had the conversation, prayed for change — and still find yourself caught in the same painful patterns. What does love ask of us when a relationship stays hard?

In this trailer, Rev. Dr. Tanner Smith of The Colossian Forum introduces Beholding, a new series from Practicing Hope about learning to look again at a relationship that has become difficult for us to see with hope. Together, we'll explore what disappointment does to the way we see people, Christian practices for hard conversations, and how to keep loving faithfully without pretending everything is okay or assuming we can make another person change.

In this series, you'll learn:

• How the stories we tell after repeated disappointment shape the way we see another person

• Why our peace can become dependent on someone else changing — and how relying on God's love can free us to relate differently

• Practical ways to lower defensiveness, reconnect in tense relationships, set faithful boundaries, and hold onto hope when reconciliation remains unfinished

Key Resources Mentioned

• Beholding Workbook — A digital guide from The Colossian Forum designed to help you work through one difficult relationship step by step alongside the series

Have a question you'd like to hear us explore on the podcast?

Write to [email protected]. We'd love to hear what's on your mind, and your question may help shape a future conversation on the podcast.

Join our newsletter

Want more practical encouragement for navigating conflict faithfully? Subscribe to our twice-monthly newsletter by visiting colossianforum.org/newsletter. Receive stories and reflections from Christian leaders, practices for everyday peacemaking, and resources to help you grow through conflict.

What happens after the decision is made and things still do not feel settled?

In leadership, we often think the hard part is getting through the decision itself. But what happens when the decision changes the shape of the community? When people leave, relationships shift, or everyone is trying to figure out whether they still belong?

In this episode, Rev. Dr. Tanner Smith, Chase Rashad Stancle, and Sarah Johnson explore what it means to lead faithfully after a major decision has already been made. Through stories from church leadership, organizational change, COVID, and their own experiences, they unpack the grief, anxiety, ambiguity, and relational tension that often emerge after seasons of discernment, and how leaders can respond with honesty and care.

In this episode, you'll hear:

• Why good decisions can still create grief, loss, and uncertainty in a community

• How anxiety changes before and after a major decision, and why leaders need to pay attention to both

• What it looks like to bless people, process change honestly, and lead without defensiveness when a community changes shape

Show Notes

• Who Moved My Cheese? by Spencer Johnson

• Our Iceberg Is Melting by John Kotter and Holger Rathgeber

• Colossians 3:15 — "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts…"

What do you think of Practicing Hope? We're always looking for ways to make the podcast more meaningful, encouraging, and useful to listeners. Please take 5-10 minutes to fill out this feedback form.

If you're interested in learning more about The Colossian Forum, visit our website colossianforum.org, and follow us on social media @colossianforum.

What if discernment isn't something you do alone, but something that takes shape in a relationship?

In this episode, Tanner Smith, Chase Rashad Stancle, and Sarah Johnson explore what it looks like to build a "personal board of advisors" — a circle of people who help you listen well, stay grounded, and move forward with clarity.

Through stories, humor, and practical wisdom, they unpack how to recognize trustworthy voices, how to engage others without outsourcing your responsibility, and how discernment shapes who you're becoming over time.

In this episode, you'll hear:

• Why discernment requires both personal responsibility and shared wisdom

• The kinds of people who bring clarity to your decisions

• Practical ways to build and test a trusted circle of advisors in your life

Show Notes:

• Proverbs 15:22 (theme): "Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed

• Balcony vs. dance floor metaphor — learning to step back and see clearly

• Leadership on the Line by Ronald Heifetz & Marty Linsky

If you're interested in learning more about The Colossian Forum, visit our website colossianforum.org, and follow us on social media @colossianforum.

What do you do when a decision impacts everyone, but not everyone agrees?

Making decisions on your own is hard enough. But in leadership, decisions often have consequences for an entire community. The challenge is building a process people can trust, even when they don't get their way.

In this episode, Tanner Smith, Chase Rashad Stancle, and Sarah Johnson explore the real tension of communal discernment: how leaders can navigate complex decisions with clarity, honesty, and care. Through stories from church leadership, organizational life, and their own experiences, they unpack practical ways to involve people, reduce anxiety, and build trust that lasts beyond the decision itself.

In this episode, you'll hear:

• Why clarity about roles and decision-making authority builds trust — even when people disagree

• How practices like "if-then thinking" and separating data gathering from decision-making reduce anxiety

• What it looks like to care for people after a decision — especially those who feel like they lost

Show Notes

• Fair Process framework — honesty, transparency, and respect in decision-making

• "If-Then" practice — naming fears and planning responses to reduce catastrophizing

• Colossians 3:15 — "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts…"

If you're interested in learning more about The Colossian Forum, visit our website colossianforum.org, and follow us on social media @colossianforum.

Have you ever sat in a room where something needed to be said, but no one said it?

In this episode, Tanner Smith, Chase Rashad Stancle, and Sarah Johnson explore the challenge of naming hard truths with both courage and care. From "pointing to elephants" in the room to learning how to avoid dropping "verbal bombs," they reflect on the practices that help us discern when to speak, how to prepare our hearts, and how to stay connected even in difficult conversations.

In this episode, you'll hear:

• Why naming hard truths requires both courage and emotional maturity

• How to discern your motivation before speaking, and why it matters

• Practical ways to enter hard conversations with clarity, curiosity, and care

Show Notes:

• Colossians 4:6 — "Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt…"

If you're interested in learning more about The Colossian Forum, visit our website colossianforum.org, and follow us on social media @colossianforum.

Have you ever had a decision that just… lingers?

A conversation you know you need to have. A leadership call that keeps getting pushed to the next meeting. You tell yourself you're "still discerning" — but you're not actually moving forward.

In this episode, Tanner Smith, Chase Rashad Stancle, and Sarah Johnson explore the tension between faithful discernment and avoidance — why decisions get stuck, how fear and uncertainty keep us spinning, and what it looks like to grow into leaders who can listen deeply and act when it's time. Drawing on stories from church leadership, parenting, and everyday life, they offer practical ways to recognize real progress, name what's underneath our hesitation, and move forward with courage and clarity.

In this episode, you'll hear:

• How to recognize the difference between real discernment and subtle avoidance

• Why fear of consequences — not the decision itself — often keeps us stuck

• Practical ways to move forward, including small decisions, play, and honest conversations

Show Notes:

• The Failure of Nerve by Edwin Friedman

• Leading with a Limp by Dan Allender

• Holy Play by Kirk Byron Jones

• The Book of Esther (referenced as a model of courageous decision-making)

If you're interested in learning more about The Colossian Forum, visit our website colossianforum.org, and follow us on social media @colossianforum.

Have you ever made a hard decision — only to realize the real challenge comes after?

Maybe you're in a church, workplace, or community where there's real disagreement. You've wrestled with whether to stay or leave, and you've made your decision. But now a new set of questions begins: How do you stay without losing yourself? How do you leave without damaging relationships? And how do you move forward with honesty and care when there's no clean resolution?

In this episode, Tanner Smith, Chase Rashad Stancle, and Sarah Johnson explore what it looks like to live your decision with humility and courage. Through stories, humor, and practical wisdom, they name common pitfalls like silent quitting, over-functioning, and avoiding grief — and offer a more hopeful path rooted in boundaries, vulnerability, and love.

In this episode, you'll hear:

• Why disagreement often surfaces grief and how avoiding it can distort how we stay or leave

• Common unhealthy patterns (like over-functioning, appeasing, or shutting down) and how to recognize them

• Practical ways to stay present, set boundaries, and move forward without losing yourself or others

If you're interested in learning more about The Colossian Forum, visit our website colossianforum.org, and follow us on social media @colossianforum.

When tension rises, certainty can feel like safety. We've all been in a room where strong conviction takes over and starts to sound like control, self-protection, and avoidance.

In leadership, certainty is often rewarded. It feels decisive and strong. But what if discernment asks us to listen instead?

In this episode, Tanner Smith, Chase Rashad Stancle, and Sarah Johnson explore what to do with your own certainty (and someone else's), how to respond when someone says, "God told me…," and how to stay grounded without closing the process. Drawing on Scripture and stories from parenting, church leadership, and everyday life, they reflect on how the Holy Spirit guides communities — not just individuals — over time.

In this episode, you'll hear:

• Why certainty is often about control, not faith

• How to respond wisely when someone claims spiritual authority

• What it looks like to be confident and humble at the same time

Show Notes (resources + references mentioned):

• Discernment by Henri Nouwen

• Acts 15:28 — "It seemed good to the Holy Spirit and to us…" (a model of shared discernment)

• Matthew 7:7–11 — "Ask, seek, knock…" (confidence rooted in relationship, not control)

If you're interested in learning more about The Colossian Forum, visit our website colossianforum.org, and follow us on social media @colossianforum.