Probing Ancient Aliens

Did Prya Pisnokar throw an alien-crafted plasma sword into lake Tonle Sap? Was the young King Arthur’s famous sword in the stone equipped with a Biometric Sensor that allowed only his DNA to release the blade from it’s rocky grip? Were the Hindu gods and goddesses using nuclear weapons and guided missiles in crazy wars in the skies over India? Did ancient aliens teach early man how to harness fire and forge swords? Is there any reason that an advanced alien race would teach early man how to make simple weapons like blades while concurrently giving them rock-vitrifying laser cutting rays, anti-grav tools that could lift 50 ton stones, and nuclear devices like the Ark of the Covenant? Apparently our favorite ancient astronaut theorists think there is! What that reason is...as David Childress says: “So we can be like them!” Because Aliens fly around and then kill people with Swords? If ancient aliens had the tech to fly across the galaxy and act as gods, why would they not just blow people away with more advanced weaponry? Let’s PROOOOOOOOOOOBE and find out!

Was the Garden of Eden an ancient alien laboratory where ET’s hand crafted modern humans? Was the Mayan city of Copan and Nazca in Peru visited by ancient astronauts posing as sky gods, demanding blood sacrifices? How were the Easter Island Moai statues carved and moved without anti gravity technology? Well according to our resident ancient astronaut theorists, its aaaaaaaaall possibly aliens that connected these lost worlds by intergalactic spacecraft and master-minded ancient humans like the Magi and Rapanui into building some pretty crazy sites. Is there any proof or evidence? Naaaaaaah! But they sure as heck are willing to create plenty of cognitive dissonance in our Annunaki crafted brain to make you feel like it can't be anything else! Let's PROOOOOOOOOOOOBE into lost worlds!

Was the grim reaper really an alien spreading The Black Plague with a high teck “scythe?” Did an Extra Terrestrial Virgin Mary warn the people of Portugal about the devastating Spanish Influenza outbreak of 1917? Do meteorites bring microbes and possibly new diseases to Earth, literally infecting us with outer space illnesses? The answer to that last one - as Tsouks would say - IS YES!!! For once we can agree! Most of this episode is just learning that diseases spread in various ways and a bunch of scientists talking about symptoms, but Steve & Joey make the most of it with some of their goofiest guffaws and chortles yet! Let’s PROOOOOOOOOBE into some disgusting sores and fever mouths!!!

Was ancient man capable of building massive megalithic structures like the Pyramids at Giza, Ollantaytambo in Peru, The Oracle Room on the island of Malta, the temples of Vijayanagara, or the pyramid city-scape of Teotihuacan with simple stone and metal tools? Steve and Joey don’t really know for sure, but our favorite Ancient Astronaut Theorists are giving it a very HARD “NO!” Extra Terrestrials must have been the only beings capable of stacking heavy rocks up and carving them out of quarries with fancy laser beams to keep early man...well...busy! So where are those magical cutting devices that assuredly an ancient race would have protected as a sacred artifact? Why didn’t they draw or document the building of their stone monuments with the help of these divine devices with god-like power? Tsouks, Childress, and Coppens deeeeeeeefinitely have the hard evidence to prove that Ancient Aliens provided Ancient Engineers with the tech they needed, and Steve & Joey are just in awe of how well they prove their points! Let’s PROOOOOOOOBE!

Are magic rituals allowing us to communicate telepathically with aliens? Are crowns, scepters, and thrones technological artifacts that give kings and queens the power of the gods? Did ancient aliens really require blood sacrifices from the ancient Mayans? Are Extra Terrestrials using Quantum Entanglement technology with Native Americans? All these questions and more are...answered? On today’s episode by Tsoukalos, Childress, Martell and the rest of the gang! Steve and Joey probe deep on logic flaws galore: Noory once again knows the psychology of aliens; Tsouks says we cremate people to mimic ancient alien ships’ rocket fuel exhaust; and Childress...just kinda reiterates what 5 other people just said before him. Regardless, we hope you’ll ritually sacrifice an hour and ten minutes of your life to listen to all the jokes, strokes, sexy blokes, and more! Let’s prooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooobe!!!

Did ancient South Americans sacrifice gold to the alien gods of the lost city of El Dorado? Does Roslynn Chapel hold the Holy Grail in one of its pillars among little green men? Did ancient aliens (by way of Atlantis) store all their knowledge of time and space on a mountain of gold under the Sphynx’s paw? Did ancient Egyptians actually own the famed Philosopher’s Stone and use it to create the most vast gold treasure hoard the ancient world had ever known? Tsoukalos, Childress, and newcomer Richard Henry seem to think so, with the latter believing that there’s pretty much a Stargate in every Egyptian building....ever! Come probe with us as we discover...well...just one lost city of gold, but really just visit some places that have gnarly artifacts in them, not necessarily gold.

Is Temple Mount, Jerusalem a landing zone for ancient UFO’s? Are the monolithic churches at Lalibela a former storage facility for the nuclear powered Ark of the Covenant? Does the Kaaba in Mecca actually hold a meteorite brought down by an archangel that’s actually a flesh and blood extra terrestrial? While none of these can be confirmed, we do know that all these places are...Koinda Scaaaaaary! I mean...Koinda Saaaaacred! Although they are koinda scary too, being that these are ancient POWER PLACES. Anyway, Steve and Joey probe DEEP into Season 3, Episode 3 of Ancient Aliens this week, which is chock full of classic logic flaws about ancient stone cuttng techniques; inconsistencies on how advanced a culture had to be to understand basic astronomy; and how all the Abrahamic religions are connected by one thing: Ancient. Fucking. Aliens. OF COURSE! Let’s PROOOOOOOOBE!

Do dragons exist? Did ancient extraterrestrials hybridize animals to make mythological creatures like the Chimera, the Hydra, the Kraken, and Cerberus? Is the Loch Ness Monster just one of many dinosaurs that survived the extinction event 65 million years ago? Tsoukalos, Childress, Noory, Redfern, and the rest of the ancient astronaut theorist crew sure think so - and Steve & and Joey are here to probe into their logic and proposed evidence, to see if there are any...leaps in logic, shall we say? Despite being about monsters, this episode is really about how our ancient alien researchers seem to have a deep understanding of super advanced alien psychology, assuming that they’re a lot like us and understand how these beings think...even though we don’t even know whether or not they exist. But hey! That’s the fun of Ancient Aliens isn’t it?! Let’s proooooooobe!

Aliens abducting cowboys? Ancient Indian Burial Grounds...full of Extra Terrestrials? Tsouks’ gorgeous brown velvet suit?! It’s all here in our discussion of the Season 3 premier of Ancient Aliens, where we’re wranglin’ warped logic and breakin' down Brigham Young and Joseph Smith’s celestial encounters. We also have the first appearance of series regular Nick Redfern, “the Bald Brit,” with his gorgeous gleaming head and killer ear piercing! So let’s get a little Transcendental and probe these cowpokes for all they’re worth! Yee-HAAAAAAW!

The season 2 finale of the History Channel’s Ancient Aliens is all about Alien Contacts with human beings, past and present...which is exactly what EVERY episode of Ancient Aliens is about! Nevertheless, Steve & Joey probe deep into the Rendlesham Forest incident with US Air Force officers; Moses and the Burning Bush; Joan of Arc and her contact with three “saints,”; the battle of Troy and its subsequent destruction; and the biggest question: are the aliens nudging humanity toward success, or engineering our destruction? We also delve into some Graham Hancock discussions, pondering if he’s the most “reasonable” of the Ancient Astronaut Theorists, as well as call out some pretty clear contradictions with Tsouks, Coppens, and the gang. Let’s probe!