Pshht Themes

Contrary to the common advice for online dating, this time the magician gets the girl! Fall is here and we're feeling the vibes of sepia tone Vienna. The Illusionist is about the love affair between a duchess of Hungary and a young boy who wants to be a musician- I mean magician. Brennan had a really hard time making that distinction this week. We discuss conjuring, magic tricks, paranoid princes, and a tree that just suddenly disappears. Mostly we just talk about how much we love Paul Giamatti, the anchor of this Romeo-and-Juliet-gone-right story. 

We must stress, SPOILERS are in abundance. If you want to enjoy the podcast, watch the movie first.

The summer may be over, but the heat is still lingering, and just like a lingering heat, our film this week is long, has a lot of explosions, and people are wearing next to nothing. By golly that sounds like a Michael Bay movie! Well, if you can call this a movie... then yes, yes it is. This week Erin and Brennan roll out in favor of the Autobots, not because they're the good guys, but because them winning ends the movie faster. Honestly, we couldn't tell the difference between the two sides, and didn't care. That was until we saw the LAPD Patrol Car and thought, "Decepticon. Definitely Decepticon." There's not a lot more than meets the eye with this movie except Hasbro. Is Hasbro secretly a Bernie Bot bent on defunding the law enforcement establishment? Ultimately, we hated this movie and spent so much time talking about anything else.

Coming to you this week from the back of the "Fun 'Vee" with AC/DC and a side of whiskey on the rocks as they ride through Bishop, Califor- I mean. . . Afghanistan, are our hosts Erin and Brennan. EXLOSION! The only way out of our terrible predicament is to make a SUIT out of IRON and all in our tank-tops. Thank God we're geniuses, huh! This week we discuss the beginning of the MCU, a movie that had no guarantee of being a hit. We gather an out of work RDJ, the director of "Elf," and a C-Level Marvel hero with some rock anthems in the mix. The call from selfish playboy billionaire to philanthropic kinda-only-one-girl billionaire is challenged by none other than The Dude (minus the hair and White Russian) and his Iron Monger. And at the end, we get a call from the Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division. Hmmm, I wonder what that could be about?





End Credits: Nick M.F. Fury

This week, our hosts steal the Declaration of Independence to keep it out of the clutches of EVIL Sean Bean. They team up with Nic Cage, Diane Kruger, and Justin Bartha to track down the minute clues left behind by the FOUNDING FATHERS (and Masons) (and Knights Templar) that lead to a NATIONAL TREASURE beyond comprehension! This movie is filled with all the hallmarks of a Jerry Bruckheimer film, like things blowing up that wouldn't and people with no fire safety sense. We giggle through the ludicrous plot points: US History passwords to government buildings, lemons revealing secret ink, throwing the Declaration in the oven, millions of secret passages, relief carving pipes with messages, and sooooooo much more. Is this movie at all accurate? No! But it's certainly a fun ride.

We are back, Void! After almost two months away, our hosts have returned from Post-Nose Egypt with the gift of a new episode all about the 1999 blockbuster The Mummy. This week Brennan brushes off the dust and cobwebs from his Egyptology days while Erin gets a fan to cool herself from Brendan Fraser's hotness. We discuss scarabs, vampire motifs, and the pharaohs of ancient (Pre-Nose) Egypt. We learned that it's best to never read aloud from ancient scripts, especially if it's from THE BOOK OF THE DEAD!! But luckily for all of you, we learn the greatest defense against the biblical plagues is your super obnoxious, hairball puking, and utterly uninterested cat. Which leaves us to find the answer to the age old question: what is a place like me doing in a girl like this?

What, did you think we would make some kind of (du dun. du dun. dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun BUBUHDADA!!!!!!) Jaws pun for the title? Of COURSE not, the description is where we prefer to CHUM the waters to lure our prey. . . I mean our guests. Fish are friends, not food. This Fourth of July weekend, nothing sums up the current state of affairs than a massive man-eating shark terrorizing people while the government prioritizes capitalism. Our hosts bravely board the Orca, questionable alcohol in hand (don't drink that), and see which is more frightening: imaginary sharks or anchor themed suits. Guess what, it's the suit! We scream, we laugh, we learn a lot about sharks, and at the end of the day we still hate the elected officials. Hey, maybe they should've closed the beaches!

Well, I think the title sums it up. Val is our uncontested villain of this film; you'd think it was the Republican senator (and to be fair, you're not wrong), but in this case there's just someone worse. We follow the beautiful albeit far from tranquil relationship of Armand and Albert as they deal with their horrible college son and his quest to un-gay them in pursuit of a HIGH SCHOOL GIRL! What we really want to talk about is Albert and how much we love her. Through all the rubbish she remains our hero doing anything for her family and playing the role of a lifetime: a conservative housewife. 

Erin and Brennan turn left at that one village without any vowels to find themselves in a village with only one vowel. Wait, are we in Wales? Why yes, good chap! We're in the UK in 1984 when Margret Thatcher (Darth Karen) went to war against the mining unions across the nation. And in these dark times, times when help is of the utmost importance, to whom can we turn for aid? THE GAYS!!!! Specifically a small group looking to buck the system called LGSM, Lesbians and Gays Support the Miners. We're treated to Jonathan Blake teaching the straight men of southern Wales to dance to disco, as well as heart warming stories of the most unlikely friendships. Welsh women having the best night of their lives in London gay bars, young queer people finding their voice, and even older generations accepting their own truths. To reach these goals, they must fight the bigotry of Karens everywhere that are so determined in their quest to be Karens that they torpedo the hopes of their own community. Thank goodness there are Siâns in the world. 

Erin and Brennan travel to Isla Nublar, an island off of Costa Rica, where "Dinosaurs Rule the Earth." There they find an incompetent theme park devoid of proper staffing, proper infrastructure, and proper safety protocols. We're talking a place with a massive law suit waiting to happen! Oh wait! That's right, they ARE being sued after a poor man was torn apart by a Velociraptor!! Sorry, to our paleontologist fans, we mean Deinonychus. We all know the story: people go to place filled with things that can eat you and they do. Luckily we have Jeff Goldblum's abs and weird growl-laugh to fight off the scary T-Rex that is closer than it appears. We have Dr. Grant being the Indiana Jones of dinos, Dr. Sattler unencumbered by fear, Lexy getting sneezed on, and poor little Tim (they're always named Tim or Timmy right?) almost getting killed by everything. So strap yourself in, or tie your seatbelts together, because when all is said and done, Life Finds a Way. 

This week Erin and Brennan plan the ultimate heist, to reveal the subtle details of Ocean's Eleven. In a seemingly messy and disorganized series of events, it turns out that DANNY PLANNED IT ALL! This movie is about three things: money, love, and messing with Linus. We are talking about Tess having the WORST taste in men, Brad Pitt eating constantly, and what happens when the lights go out in Vegas? CHAOS. But the real highlight, Eliot Gould's amazingly gaudy outfits.

You've been practicing this review haven't you.

Yeah, I felt like I rushed it a bit. Did I rush it?

No, I liked it, it was good.