Pshht Themes

Erin and Brennan go through drastic surgery; Erin to become the new head of the FBCIAMI (You'll get it if you listen) and Brennan gets stuck in some stupid B-rated maximum security prison with magnetic boots in the middle of the the Los Angeles coastline. Doves cross our screens in slow motion while we walk through the church of bad movies that somehow make us laugh *question mark*???  I mean, how did this movie get made? Unfortunately our hosts can't get past the hilarity of Nic Cage and John Travolta in the completely terrible yet somehow enjoyable film: Face/Off. 

Dust off your orange tanktop, plastic bald cap, and "thermal" bandages for a trip down the wormhole of the Fifth Element, aka Jean-Paul Gaultier gets to design the future in his image. Was Captain Planet right all along? WAS LOVE THE FIFTH ELEMENT?!?! It certainly seems that way with Bruce Willis falling instantly for the perfect Milla Jovovich who somehow managed to make an orange G-string seem comfortable. Erin and Brennan get really excited about Ruby Rhod, impeccable ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs, and Korben Dallas' modular apartment. Will Erin and Brennan ever be able to properly pronounce the name of the duck aliens? We better hope so if they're the key to our survival. Mondacheewin, Monashawan, Mandashoo'in, . . . Mandalorian. . .Marshawn Lynch. . . Mila Kunis. . . M&M's. . . Mugatu. . . Macarons. . . .

This week, Erin swoons and Brennan rolls his eyes as we bask in the presence of the original heart-throb, Mr. Darcy. Once again, it's the time of the year to pay our respects to our dear mother by reviewing one of her favorite films, the romantic classic Pride and Prejudice. Erin gives one of the most comprehensive rundowns of one of the most difficult stories, and Brennan insists on mocking the constant swooning over MR. DARCY!!! OHHHHHH!!! But in the midst of Kitty's giggles and the most exquisite boiled potatoes, The Dame Judy Dench is quick to put a stop to any notion of happiness. Though not as detailed as the BBC series, the film does reward it's viewers with a wet Mathew MacFaedyen, but it's no Colin Firth's nipples. 

The trilogy is finally over and all this exposition feels like a dead dragon on our backs. The conclusion of The Hobbit ends less like a Battle of Five Armies and more like a long painful groan. Erin and Brennan magically fight of two orc armies, a swarm of battle bats, Earth-eaters, trolls, and wargs while successfully brokering a peace between men, elves, and dwarves with no idea how they did it. Do not speak to ME about following the source material, clearly Peter Jackson didn't! Erin is so frustrated with the battle of Dol Guldur and Brennan decides that Galadriel's witch form looks more like Old Greg's fish-wife than an all powerful being. The movie is so boring that our hosts even wrote their own subplot, the father-son bonding story of Azog the Defiler and Bolg: reuniting by tearing dwarves apart. Ultimately the best thing about this movie is that the trilogy is finally over. Wow, that was sad. 

So, who wants to watch Lord of the Rings?

Erin and Brennan are told that the journey through the Green Wood is fair sailing so long as they follow the path, but find that thanks to bad exposition, cringe romance, and overused tropes, they are not in the Green Wood, but IN MIRKWOOD AND THE PATH WAS LOST LONG AGO!!!! The Company of the Siblings trudges through the Desolation of Smaug with more than a few things to quarrel about. We discuss the use of Go Pro footage in fantasy film, the need for original strong female characters, and Smaug is a dangerous magpie! All the Stephans descend on Lake Town with Stephen Fry taking the reins as Master of Esgaroth, and Stephan Colbert finally living the dream, even if it is in Lake Town. Ultimately we ask the real questions like: has Peter Jackson been eating the same carrot for 100 years, and when Galadriel mental phones you, is there a ringtone? Either way, Luke Evans is a hunk. Done. 

Deep in the Misty Mountains, Erin and Brennan find themselves on an Unexpected Journey between a Dame Edna and murderous Gollum. One has racks for torture and the other has nine teeth. Which will they choose? The ring of power, duh. 
This week, Erin and Brennan leave their comfy Hobbit holes and wonder why the hell Peter Jackson and MGM couldn't just leave a classic the way is was? From painfully boring exposition to uncalled for romances, our hosts would rather brave the railing-less Erebor than watch ANOTHER panorama. Despite it's short-comings, there are some things that stand the test of madness: Dwarves being the best worst house guests, Andy Serkis being a LEGEND (can we just give him an Oscar already?), and the gift that is Martin Freeman and his words of wisdom: "Skin them first!"

Erin and Brennan get lost in the Spider's Web (episode reference) and must use their combined college degrees to find the right path out of the labyrinth! We're talking Shakespeare, samurai, Noh, MURDERS, and centipede PTSD. To wrap up Erin's birthday month, which was one week longer than Brennan's, we dive into the fantastic mind of Akira Kurosawa and his acclaimed retelling of "THE SCOTTISH PLAY" in Sengoku Japan. We discuss fate, omens, and the critical need to not tell your wife EVERYTHING that happens at the office. Brennan dusts off his thespian memories, Erin dusts off some middle English, and Mifune dusts off a pigeon from his pauldrons. Let's be real, this movie is AWESOME and we learn the original Japanese is better than the English translation. 

Spider's Web Castle vs. Forest Castle: you decide. 

This week we sip wine, eat grapes fresh off the Tuscan vines, and read poetry, but what's this? Strapping lads galloping over the ridge crests, chests bare, pants leather, and cocky smirks adorning their faces as they ride to our villa. Here, here they ride for our entertainment: Much Ado About Nothing, the Shakespeare comedy very much like all his other comedies but made all the better by DENZEL WASHINGTON, friggin' sparkling. We discuss Keanu Reeves in an evil massage dungeon parlor, Michael Keaton being on his own planet, and Emma Thompson in her element, just shredding it. Once again, it's all about love: being in love, not wanting love, falling in love, destroying love, and in the end does someone die? No, and yes, wait, maybe, kind of, from a certain point of view. 

Erin and Brennan murder EVERYONE to take over the kingdom. Children don't have a place in politics anyways, they might as well be locked in the Tower. This week we revel in the disgusting and delicious adaptation of Richard III by the inimitable Sir Ian McKellen as he returns to our hearts not as the wise white wizard, but as the brutish black boar. (Nice alliteration) Erin is appalled by Richard's proposal, slipping rings from tongues to fingers in a morgue, and Brennan regales us with the number of children's bodies found in the Tower of London. See? They're better off there than in politics. But let's get back on theme for this month, Dominic West is HOT in his first cinematic performance. 

This movie has it all: stabbing, machine guns, swords through the chest, garrotes, regicide, fratricide, wife-icide, nephews-icide, all the ~cides! And death by shock!

Item 1: he's hot. Item 2: he's hot. And item 3: he's Australian. Oh how does Erin love Heath Ledger, let me count the ways, even better, let me count the posters. Welcome back Void, we begin the New Year and our new season of Pshht Themes with a celebration of Erin. While Brennan subjected everyone to a show no one else has seen (we saw those episode stats), Erin has decided to grace you all with Shakespearian English, cause everyone LOVES iambic pentameter! But fear not till truth make all things plain, this here is a movie if you will know. We discuss 10 Things I Hate About You, the film adaptation of The Taming of the Shrew, but more importantly we discuss how hot Heath Ledger is (see above), how young Joseph Gordon-Levitt looks, and where did they manage to find Seattle's Hogwarts? This film truly does something special, it's better than the Shakespearian original, and it has Allison Janney as a horny guidance counselor violating every ethics code in the books!