Pulling Threads, Weaving Authenticity

Divorce isn't just emotional — it's physiological. In this solo episode, Leslie walks you through whole-person healing → theloomlife.com

Work with Leslie:

→ THROUGH (8-week divorce coaching program): theloomlife.com/through

→ Mindful Untangling Community: theloomlife.com/community

→ Book a 90-minute Power Session or Discovery Call: theloomlife.com

—

When clients first come to work with Leslie through divorce or a difficult breakup, they expect strategy sessions about their ex and the loss of the marriage. What surprises almost every one of them is that the real work — the work that determines whether they walk out grounded or limp out depleted — happens somewhere they didn't expect: in the body.

Divorce is not primarily a legal event. It is not primarily an emotional event. It's a sustained physiological event your nervous system was never designed to carry for months or years. In this episode, Leslie pulls back the curtain on what she actually works on with clients — and why these are the conversations that change the outcome of a divorce, not just the experience of it.

What you'll learn in this episode:

• Why divorce is a physiological event — and what chronic cortisol does to your sleep, digestion, memory, and decision-making

• The sleep, nutrition, and movement foundation that everything else stands on

• Why pleasure and self-pleasure are nervous system co-regulation — not a distraction from healing

• The honest question to ask yourself before you start dating again

• Monkey branching: what it really means when your ex moves on quickly (and why it's not about you)

• Why starting a new hobby literally rewires the brain during a rumination event

• How to prepare for hard days — court dates, custody exchanges, first holidays — like an athlete prepares for competition

This episode is for anyone going through a divorce or breakup, anyone preparing for one, and anyone who loves someone walking through it. It's for men. It's for women. It's for the friend in your group chat who is barely holding on.

—

RESOURCES MENTIONED

• OMG Yes (women's pleasure education): omgyes.com

• Blood work, hormone testing, and supplement support — talk to your own practitioner

WORK WITH LESLIE

• THROUGH — the 8-week divorce coaching program (small group or 1:1): theloomlife.com/through

• Mindful Untangling — the divorce & breakup recovery community: theloomlife.com/community

• 1:1 Coaching, 90-minute Power Sessions, and Discovery Calls: theloomlife.com

• Therapy with Leslie (EMDR, IFS, trauma): loomlifetherapy.com

• Leslie's main site: leslieellenmathews.com

• Email: [email protected]

FOLLOW & CONNECT

• Instagram: @the.loom.life

• TikTok: @leslieellenmathews

• Podcast: Pulling Threads, Weaving Authenticity — wherever you listen

—

ABOUT LESLIE

Leslie Mathews is a former attorney turned therapist and divorce coach, the founder of The Loom Life, and the host of Pulling Threads, Weaving Authenticity. Her work supports people moving through divorce, breakup, and post-divorce transformation with a whole-person approach: body, nervous system, mind, and identity.

—

If this episode resonated, the kindest thing you can do is subscribe, leave a comment, and share it with someone who needs to hear it. Every share helps another person find this work.

Keywords: divorce recovery, how to heal after divorce, divorce coaching for women, nervous system healing, whole-person divorce healing, divorce coaching program, life after divorce, healing podcast for women, mental health podcast for women, monkey branching, dating after divorce, rebuilding identity after divorce

00:00

Cold open — what clients are surprised we talk about

02:00

Welcome to Pulling Threads — episode intro

04:00

The reframe: divorce as a physiological event

07:00

What I assess first: your nervous system

09:00

Sleep is the foundation of everything else

11:30

Nutrition, hydration, and daily movement

14:00

The patterns I see in men vs. women

15:30

Supplements, blood work, and hormones

17:30

Pleasure & self-pleasure as nervous system co-regulation

21:30

Dating during divorce — what is it really for?

24:30

Monkey branching: when your ex moves on quickly

27:30

Why a new hobby literally rewires your brain

30:30

Preparing for hard days like an athlete

32:30

Recap — the body is the foundation

33:30

Work with Leslie: THROUGH, 1:1, Power Sessions

Burnout, manifesting & reinvention — Cassidy Gard shares her raw journey from Good Morning America to author & mother.

🔗 Pre-order Cosmic Goodness (May 12, 2026): https://amzn.to/4sTTAD3

🌐 Cassidy's website: https://www.cosmicgoodness.com

🌿 Work with Leslie: https://www.theloomlife.com | https://www.leslieellenmathews.com

What happens when the version of success you worked your whole life for starts to feel like a cage?

In this episode, Leslie sits down with Cassidy Gard — three-time Emmy Award–winning television producer, former Good Morning America on-air reporter, and debut author of Cosmic Goodness: Surrendering the Shadows to Live in the Light (Post Hill Press / Simon & Schuster, May 12, 2026).

Cassidy's story is one of radical reinvention: moving from New York City to the mountains of Montana during the pandemic, reckoning with burnout and grief, navigating motherhood and postpartum rage, choosing a relationship outside of marriage, and — woven through all of it — trusting the force she calls "cosmic goodness" to guide her forward.

This conversation goes deep on healing, identity, the invisible cost of hypervigilance, what it means to break generational cycles, and why authenticity is less about having it figured out and more about telling your truth even when it's uncomfortable.

✨ In This Episode:

How Cassidy manifested her way from a small Florida town to the Good Morning America newsroom at 17

What "Saturn Return" burnout actually feels like from the inside — and what broke open first

Growing up with an alcoholic parent and the grief of losing someone you were never close to

What "cosmic goodness" means and how to recognize it in your own life

Honest reflections on postpartum rage, motherhood, and the power dynamic of household labor

Why she built her own sanctuary in Montana — and how it changed everything

Her take on marriage, identity, and building a committed life on your own terms

The non-traditional education path that nobody talks about enough

📚 About Cassidy's Book:

Cosmic Goodness: Surrendering the Shadows to Live in the Light — out May 12, 2026 via Post Hill Press / Simon & Schuster. Featuring a foreword by Mariel Hemingway and advance praise from Mel Robbins and Marianne Williamson. Revealed exclusively in PEOPLE Magazine.

Available now for pre-order: https://amzn.to/4sTTAD3

🔗 Connect with Cassidy Gard:

Website: https://www.cosmicgoodness.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cassidygard

🌿 Work with Leslie:

The Loom Life: https://www.theloomlife.com

Leslie Ellen Mathews: https://www.leslieellenmathews.com

Loom Life Therapy: https://www.loomlifetherapy.com

Mindful Untangling Community: https://www.theloomlife.com/mindful-untangling

THROUGH 8-Week Coaching Program: https://www.theloomlife.com/through

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.loom.life

[email protected]

⏱️ Timestamps:

00:00 Welcome & Guest Introduction

02:00 Growing up in Florida, moving to NYC at 17

04:00 Astrology, human design & manifesting signs

07:00 Blake Lively stand-in on the Gossip Girl set

09:00 Building a career: red carpets, press junkets & domino-effect networking

11:00 Saturn Return, burnout & her father's terminal cancer

14:00 Lady Gaga press line & the energy cost of being hypervigilant

17:00 The pandemic reckoning & the decision to leave NYC

22:00 Moving to Montana & building Cosmic Goodness Ranch

28:00 Sobriety, growing up with an alcoholic parent & the patterns we carry

34:00 What manifesting really means + the power of journaling

39:00 Writing the book: seven parts, one honest story

44:00 Hyphenating last names, choosing partnership without marriage

49:00 Her partner's story & how they met

52:00 Montana as a sanctuary — and why every woman needs a world of her own

54:00 What "cosmic goodness" actually means

56:00 Inside the book: prologue, grief, burnout, love & motherhood

01:00:00 Grieving an estranged parent + breaking generational cycles

01:03:00 Pre-order Cosmic Goodness (May 12, 2026)

01:04:00 What authenticity means to Cassidy right now

01:05:00 What she's manifesting next: books 2 and 3

01:07:00 Non-traditional education + building your own path

🔔 Never miss an episode — subscribe and hit the bell!

Keywords:

burnout recovery for women, manifesting your life, healing from childhood trauma, reinvention after burnout, personal growth podcast, women's empowerment, Cassidy Gard, Cosmic Goodness book, Good Morning America, motherhood and identity

#PullingThreadsPodcast #WomensEmpowerment #ManifestingLife #PersonalGrowthPodcast #MentalHealthPodcast

Why Divorce Loneliness Hits Men So Hard (And What's Actually Happening)

This one is for the men. Specifically the men 40 to 60 who

are coming out of a long marriage and don't have language

for what their body is doing without her in it.

Most of the content out there for divorced men is either

selling you a playbook or pretending the loneliness will

go away if you just download the apps. This is neither.

This is the biology of what just happened to you, said

plainly, by someone who actually likes you.

We talk about:

— Why the silence in the house is louder than you expected

— Co-regulation: how your nervous system used your wife as

an anchor for years without you knowing it

— Why divorced men are statistically lonelier than widowed

men and lonelier than divorced women

— The 11pm trap (you know the one)

— Why the next woman is probably going to look a lot like

the last one if you skip the inner work

— The three-part path back, none of it flashy

This is Episode 1 of a new playlist called For the Boys.

The next episode — How to Be a Man a Woman Feels Safe

With — picks up where this one leaves off.

If this is more relevant to a man in your life than to

you, send it to him. That's how it gets where it needs

to go.

⏱ CHAPTERS

00:00 Boys. Hi. Pull up a chair.

01:00 Why I'm making this episode (and a confession)

02:30 Why you're here

03:30 The hum that won't go away

05:00 Your wife was your nervous system's anchor

07:00 When the signal goes silent

09:00 The 11pm trap

10:30 The friend you don't have at 10pm

12:30 Why this is a life-and-death conversation

13:30 The instinct to find a new her

14:30 Why the next one will look like the last one

15:30 Three things that actually work

17:30 A different shape of man

18:00 You're not broken

18:45 What's coming in Episode 2

🧵 KEEP GOING

Book a discovery call with Leslie:

https://theloomlife.com/discovery-call?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=youtube&utm_content=why-divorce-loneliness-hits-men-so-hard

Read the written version on Substack:

[insert your Substack URL here]

Visit The LooM Life:

https://theloomlife.com

📚 REFERENCED

GS Youngblood — Masculine in Relationship

(referenced in the Episode 2 tease)

🪡 ABOUT PULLING THREADS

Pulling Threads is a podcast about attachment, nervous

system regulation, and how human beings move through the

big transitions — divorce, breakup, midlife, becoming.

Hosted by Leslie of The LooM Life.

💬 I'D LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU

If you're a man who has been through this, drop a comment.

Tell us how long it took. What helped. What didn't. What

you wish someone had told you at the beginning. Other men

will read it.

#fortheboys #divorcedmen #postdivorce #menshealing

#nervoussystem #attachmenttheory #midlifedivorce

#mensmentalhealth #dating40s #loneliness

Free trauma regulation guidebook from Ashley Anne: substack.com/@gravitypointinstitute

Work with Leslie: theloomlife.com

What if trauma work didn’t have to feel like guesswork?

In this episode of Pulling Threads, Leslie sits down with Ashley Anne, PhD — trauma specialist, neuro counselor, TEDx speaker, and founder of the Gravity Point® Institute — to unpack nearly 20 years of research into one of the most important distinctions in healing: self-care vs. self-regulation.

Ashley grew up as a highly sensitive, neurodivergent child who looked fine on the outside and felt everything on the inside. She became a trauma therapist and burned out badly — despite doing yoga, journaling, therapy twice a week, and all the self-care. What she discovered in her research was that self-care and self-regulation are not the same thing. And that difference changed everything.

In this conversation, Leslie and Ashley explore:

• Why self-care alone can’t heal a dysregulated nervous system

• The Gravity Point Method: a step-by-step process for resolving stress and trauma — not just managing it

• How the body signals dysregulation before the mind catches up

• The difference between a “true state” and a “trauma state” — and why divorce activates both

• Why highly sensitive and neurodivergent people get stuck in toxic dynamics

• How healing yourself is contagious — one nervous system at a time

This episode is for anyone who has done “all the things” and still feels stuck, anyone navigating divorce trauma, and anyone curious about what it actually means to regulate — not just cope.

[★ RESOURCES MENTIONED]

★ Ashley’s FREE Guidebook (download via Substack): substack.com/@gravitypointinstitute

★ Ashley’s Book: gravitypointinstitute.com/publications

★ Gravity Point® Institute: gravitypointinstitute.com

★ Follow Ashley: @gravitypointinstitute (Instagram, YouTube, all platforms)

[★ WORK WITH LESLIE]

► The Loom Life (coaching, therapy & more): theloomlife.com

► Loom Life Therapy: loomlifetherapy.com

► THROUGH — Leslie’s 8-Week Divorce Coaching Program: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram

► Mindful Untangling Community: https://theloomlife.com/community

► Follow Leslie on Instagram: @the.loom.life

► TikTok: @leslieellenmathews

#PullingThreads #TraumaHealing #NervousSystemHealing #SelfRegulation #DivorceTroubleRecovery

What happens when the voice that was taken from you becomes the very thing that heals you?

In this powerful episode of Pulling Threads, Leslie sits down with Nashville-based singer, songwriter, and vocal coach Demaree Hill — a Broadway performer, single mom, and the woman who recorded a duet with Dolly Parton — for a conversation about what it truly means to find your voice again, literally and emotionally.

Demaree's story spans from singing as a two-and-a-half-year-old into a candlestick for her family, to performing in Les Misérables on Broadway at age eight, to navigating the silence that a controlling marriage placed over her music and her dreams. After her divorce, she found that words and journaling weren't enough — music became the medicine that unlocked what nothing else could reach. Now, through her "Finding Your Voice Again" workshops and one-on-one sessions at Story Studios, she helps women and men reclaim the voice that life tried to quiet.

This episode covers:

Why so many women are silenced — and how it starts in childhood

The deep connection between your nervous system, your throat, and emotional healing

How music creates somatic release that talk therapy alone can't always reach

Demaree's full story: Broadway, a controlling marriage, COVID pneumonia, and how she ended up singing a duet with Dolly Parton

The moment Dolly listened to Demaree's songs — and said "I want to record with you"

Why you don't have to be a singer to heal through music

Identifying the voices (internal and external) that made you play small

Leslie's own story of the voice she sat down in sixth grade — and where that healing is taking her

If you've ever been told your voice was too much, not enough, or that your dreams had an expiration date — this episode is for you.

Connect with Demaree Hill:

Website + workshops: www.demareemusic.com — workshop sign-up coming soon

Instagram: @demareemusic

Twitter / Threads / X: @demareemusic

Facebook: Demaree

Story Studios Instagram: @storystudiosnashville

Email: [email protected]

Work with Leslie & The Loom Life:

Mindful Untangling (community): https://theloomlife.com/community

THROUGH (8-week coaching program): https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram

Loom Life Therapy: [email protected]

Website: www.theloomlife.com

Instagram: @the.loom.life

TikTok: @leslieellenmathews

#PullingThreads #FindingYourVoice #HealingThroughMusic #DivorceRecovery #TheLoomLife

Ready to do the real work? Join THROUGH: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram or Book a call: theloomlife.com

The divorce glow up is everywhere on TikTok right now. The before-and-after

side-by-sides. The captions: "The divorce effect is real. No lab coat required."

And honestly? I love them. But I want to tell you the part that doesn't make it

into the 62-second clip — because that part is actually the most empowering thing

I could say to you today.

The glow up you see in those videos is real. But it takes real, non-linear,

sometimes very painful work. And it's worth every bit of it.

In this episode, I'm breaking down:

• What's actually happening biologically, psychologically & somatically when

someone exits a suppressive relationship

• Why your nervous system dysregulation shows up in your body (cortisol,

jaw tension, disrupted sleep) — and what recovery actually looks like

• The Window of Tolerance and why the glow up doesn't just appear because

you want it to

• What doing "the work" really means in practice — somatic tracking,

emotional processing, recovering the parts of yourself that went quiet

• How to find yourself in the gap between who you were and who you're becoming

If you're watching those videos from inside the hardest part of your story —

if you don't feel like you've had your glow up yet — you're not doing it wrong.

You're just in the middle. And the middle is exactly where transformation happens.

The divorce effect that doesn't fit in TikTok is the one I care about most.

It's the one I've lived. And it's the one I help women build every day.

WORK WITH LESLIE:

• THROUGH (8-week divorce coaching program): https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram

• Mindful Untangling Community (launching May): https://theloomlife.com/community

• 1:1 Coaching + Discovery Call: theloomlife.com

• Loom Life Therapy: loomlifetherapy.com

CONNECT:

• Instagram: @the.loom.life

• TikTok: @parandpeace

• Email: [email protected]

• Website: theloomlife.com

00:00:00

Hook: The Divorce Effect Is Trending

00:01:00

The Unpopular Opinion Inside All That Hope

00:02:00

Welcome to Pulling Threads

~00:02:30

What's Actually Happening in the Before & After Videos

00:03:00

Chronic Relational Stress, Cortisol & Your Nervous System

00:04:00

What the 62-Second Clip Can't Show You

00:05:00

The Highlight Reel vs. a Map

00:06:00

If You're in the Middle of the Process Right Now

~00:06:30

The Window of Tolerance — Why the Glow Up Takes Time

00:07:00

What the Real Work Looks Like in Practice

00:08:00

Tracking Sensations & Building Emotional Capacity

~00:08:30

Recovering the Parts of Yourself That Went Quiet

00:09:00

Tolerating the In-Between Space

00:10:00

The Truth Is More Hopeful Than a Shortcut

00:11:00

The Divorce Effect That Doesn't Fit in TikTok

~00:11:30

Leslie's Personal Story

00:12:00

Rock Bottom & the Work That Changed Everything

00:13:00

EMDR, Meditation & Learning to Trust Yourself

~00:13:30

How This Work Led Leslie to The Loom Life

00:14:00

THROUGH Program & Mindful Untangling Community

00:15:00

Discovery Call & What Support Looks Like

00:16:00

A Message for Women Earlier in Their Story

00:17:00

Thank You + Subscribe

divorce glow up, divorce effect, how to heal after divorce,

nervous system healing after divorce, somatic healing, window of tolerance,

post-traumatic growth, divorce recovery, divorce coaching, healing after divorce

#DivorceRecovery #DivorceGlowUp #HealingAfterDivorce #NervousSystemHealing

#PullingThreads

Divorce financial planning starts before you hire a lawyer — and the team you build changes everything.

📖 Melissa's book — Divorce by Design: https://amzn.to/4e5znpU

─────────────────────────────────────

What if divorce didn't have to feel like chaos? In this episode of Pulling Threads, host Leslie Mathews sits down with Melissa Murphy Pavone — Certified Financial Planner™ (CFP®), Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® (CDFA®), and founder of Mindful Divorce Partners — to talk about what it really means to design your divorce instead of just reacting to it.

Melissa explains why the first person you should call is NOT an attorney, how a well-built divorce team actually saves you money, and the most common financial mistake people make — which almost always involves the house.

Whether you're quietly thinking about divorce, in the middle of the process, or rebuilding your life after signing the papers — this conversation will change how you think about divorce and money.

💡 In this episode:

What a CDFA does — and how they differ from a forensic accountant

Why your first call shouldn't be to a lawyer

How a collaborative divorce team saves time AND money

The #1 financial mistake in divorce (hint: it's usually the house)

Why not all assets are equal — retirement vs. cash explained

How your nervous system affects decisions in divorce meetings

Post-divorce financial checklist: beneficiaries, insurance & more

Melissa's Financial Clarity Package for anyone quietly considering divorce

─────────────────────────────────────

🌿 ABOUT MELISSA MURPHY PAVONE

Melissa Murphy Pavone, CFP®, CDFA®, is a Certified Financial Planner™ and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® with over a decade of experience helping individuals navigate divorce with clarity and confidence. As the founder of Mindful Divorce Partners, she specializes in collaborative divorce planning, financial education, and helping clients make informed decisions during one of life's most challenging transitions.

📧 [email protected]

📞 631-903-8282

🌐 mindfuldivorcepartners.com

📸 Instagram: @mindfuldivorcepartners

💼 LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/melissamurphypavone

🗓️ Free 30-min consultation with Melissa: mindfuldivorcepartners.com

─────────────────────────────────────

⏱ CHAPTERS

00:00 Welcome & Introduction — Meet Melissa Murphy Pavone

01:15 CDFA vs. Forensic Accountant: What's the Difference?

02:30 Financial Neutral vs. Advocate: How a CDFA Fits Your Divorce

03:15 Melissa's Story: Why She Pivoted to Divorce Financial Planning

04:30 No Two Divorces Look the Same — Customizing the Process

05:00 Mediation & Collaborative Divorce: When It Works

07:00 What Does It Mean to 'Design' a Divorce?

09:00 Why Emotional Support Comes Before Financial Planning

11:00 Leslie's Story: Fight-or-Flight & the Urge for Numbers

13:00 Nervous System Triggers in Divorce Meetings

15:00 How Divorce Teams Actually Get Assembled

17:00 Debunking the Myth: Having a Full Team Costs More

19:30 The #1 Financial Mistake: Keeping the Marital Home

22:00 Replacing Fear with Facts: Best & Worst Case Scenarios

24:00 When Emotions Hijack Financial Clarity

25:00 Not All Assets Are Equal — Understanding Tax Impact

45:00 Tracking Expenses & Lifestyle Analysis During Divorce*

53:00 Post-Divorce Financial Guidance: Building a New Team

55:00 The Post-Divorce Checklist Most People Miss

58:00 What Melissa Has Had to Unlearn in This Work

1:00:00 'Divorce Disruptors' — Changing the Landscape

1:01:30 Starting the Process: What to Know First

1:02:00 Melissa's Financial Clarity Package

1:03:30 A Note on Alimony Guidance

1:04:30 How to Find Melissa + Divorce by Design

*Timestamp approximate — please adjust to actual video before publishing.

─────────────────────────────────────

🌿 ABOUT LESLIE & THE LOOM LIFE

Leslie Mathews is a therapist, divorce coach, and host of Pulling Threads — a podcast about healing, personal growth, and the beautiful complexity of being human. Leslie specializes in supporting women navigating divorce through her Mindful Untangling community and THROUGH coaching program.

🌐 theloomlife.com

🌐 loomlifetherapy.com

🌐 leslieellenmathews.com

📸 Instagram: @the.loom.life

#DivorceFinancialPlanning #MindfulDivorce #PullingThreads #DivorceRecovery #DivorceByDesign

When a friend gossips about your divorce or breakup, it's not just betrayal — it's trauma. Here's what the research says, and how to heal.

🔗 Work with Leslie: www.theloomlife.com

There is a specific kind of pain that happens when you're going through the hardest thing in your life — a breakup, a divorce, infidelity — and the person you trusted to hold your story turns it into someone else's entertainment. This episode is personal. It's also one of the most important conversations we've had on Pulling Threads.

Today Leslie — therapist, former attorney, coach, and founder of The Loom Life — unpacks why women gossip about each other during a crisis, what drives it neurologically and evolutionarily, and what it costs the person whose story is being shared.

In this episode:

The real definition of gossip — and the crucial line between healthy processing and harmful betrayal

Why female connection is physiologically regulating (the UCLA tend-and-befriend study explained)

The dopamine reward behind gossip and why it happens even without malicious intent

Robin Dunbar's research on social grooming and what old wiring is doing to modern friendships

What gossip does to your nervous system, your ability to trust, and your healing timeline

Why betrayal by a friend during divorce can take longer to heal than the relationship itself

What to do if you've been betrayed — and what to do if you've been the one who couldn't hold someone's story

How Leslie used EMDR to process layered grief from both her divorce and a friend's betrayal

Research cited: Dr. Brené Brown (trust and "hot gossip"), Dr. Bessel van der Kolk (betrayal trauma), Dr. Shelley Taylor (tend-and-befriend), Robin Dunbar (social grooming), Dr. Jennifer Freed (betrayal trauma), plus studies from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology and the Journal of Psychological Science.

CHAPTERS:

00:00 The episode that had to wait

01:05 Welcome to Pulling Threads

02:00 Why this episode is personal to Leslie

03:30 Defining gossip — what it is and isn't

06:00 The test: who does the sharing serve?

07:00 Why women need each other (the neuroscience)

09:00 Why we gossip: evolutionary roots

10:30 The dopamine hit from sharing someone else's story

12:00 Emotional offloading: when people can't hold your pain

13:30 Relational aggression and competition in female friendships

14:30 What gossip does to the person on the receiving end

16:30 Betrayal trauma and your nervous system

18:00 Shame, isolation, and delayed healing

19:30 Why friend betrayal often outlasts the relationship itself

21:00 If you've been betrayed: what to know and what you're allowed to do

22:30 Learning discernment — what safe friendship actually looks like

24:00 Using EMDR to process layered loss

25:00 If you've been the one who gossiped

26:30 How to repair, reflect, and do better

29:00 Leslie's personal experience with gossip during her divorce

31:00 Closing: let's hold each other's stories as sacred

Mindful Untangling (divorce support community): https://theloomlife.com/community

THROUGH (8-week divorce coaching program): https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram

www.loomlifetherapy.com

📩 [email protected] | theloomlife.com

Keywords: women gossip psychology, gossip and betrayal trauma, friend betrayal during divorce, healing after divorce, female friendship and trust, betrayal trauma recovery, gossip during crisis, emotional healing after betrayal, divorce recovery support, tend and befriend stress response

What do you do when you need to talk — but you're not looking for advice, just to be heard?

Erin Snow is a Professional Listener and founder of The Unmuted Room, a first-of-its-kind confidential listening space in Newington, New Hampshire — also available virtually. Most people have no truly neutral place to speak: friends have opinions, family is too close, therapy is clinical, coaching is goal-driven. The Unmuted Room fills that gap. Sessions are private, confidential, and completely uninterrupted. No diagnosis. No advice. No agenda. Just skilled, steady listening from someone with nowhere to be except present.

Erin built this space after 17 years as a trauma-informed legal advocate for survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking — and after knowing personally what it costs to have nowhere safe to say what is true. In June 2024 she left her career of 16+ years, and by August she had opened The Unmuted Room.

In this episode:

- What professional listening is — and what it is NOT

- Why being truly heard is harder to find than it should be

- How it differs from therapy, coaching, and confiding in a friend

- The problem with 'just leave' culture — and what to ask instead

- Why divorce grief is ongoing (and why people stop asking)

- Erin's own divorce story, reinvention, and the answer to: do you regret it?

00:00 Introduction & Welcome

02:00 Erin's Personal Story — Why Being Heard Matters 08:00 The Beach Moment That Started The Unmuted Room 09:00 17 Years as a Domestic Violence Legal Advocate 12:00 What Professional Listening Looks Like in Practice 15:00 How It Differs from Therapy, Coaching & Friends 18:00 Why This Kind of Space Hasn't Existed Until Now 22:00 What Sessions Are Like & Who Reaches Out

42:00 Divorce Grief & What People Don't Talk About 45:00 The Problem with 'Just Leave' Culture

49:00 What People Actually Need: Asking vs. Assuming 50:00 Grief Is Ongoing — Keep Showing Up

57:00 Erin's Own Divorce, Reinvention & No Regrets 1:01:00 How to Find Erin & Book a Free Consult

Free 10-minute consult with Erin: https://theunmutedroom.com/contact

Website: https://theunmutedroom.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.unmutedroom/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/the.unmutedroom LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/erin-snow-237998334/

Pulling Threads is hosted by Leslie Mathews of The Loom Life. Subscribe for new episodes every week on YouTube, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts.

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You expected grief. You expected rage. What you didn't expect was... nothing.

In this episode, Leslie unpacks the science behind that strange, flat, disconnected feeling that so many women experience after betrayal and divorce — and why it's not emptiness, weakness, or avoidance.

It's called dorsal vagal shutdown. And it might be the most protective thing your body has ever done for you.

Learn what's happening in your nervous system, why it makes complete sense, and five gentle ways to begin finding your way back to yourself.

You are not broken. You are protected. And you will feel again.

The feeling of nothing has a name — and understanding it changes how you see yourself completely.

When the threat is too large or too sustained, your nervous system doesn't always fight or fall apart. Sometimes it does something else entirely. It goes quiet. Flat. Still. And it does this not because something is wrong with you — but because something very right is happening inside your body.

Polyvagal Theory & Your Three Nervous System States

In this episode, Leslie introduces Polyvagal Theory — developed by neuroscientist Dr. Stephen Porges — and explains the three states your nervous system moves between:

Safe & Social (Ventral Vagal) — your home state. Connection, clarity, calm.

Fight or Flight (Sympathetic) — mobilization. Rage, panic, hypervigilance.

Shutdown (Dorsal Vagal) — the freeze-and-collapse response. Feeling nothing. Feeling flat. Feeling like you're watching your life from somewhere outside of it.

Dorsal Vagal Shutdown: What's Actually Happening

The dorsal vagus nerve is the oldest part of your autonomic nervous system. When it activates — especially after sustained or unsurvivable-feeling threat — it conserves your energy by going into a kind of protective stillness.

This is not depression. This is not avoidance. This is armor.

Leslie walks through what shutdown looks and feels like — including the signs you might recognize in yourself — and offers the reframe that so many women in this season need to hear: you are not broken. You are protected.

Five Ways to Begin the Thaw

The path out of shutdown is not through forcing yourself to feel. It's through gently, consistently offering your nervous system the message that it is safe enough to open. Leslie shares five low-bar, no-performance-required practices:

Name what's happening — without judgment

Warmth and gentle movement

One small pleasurable thing (pleasure as medicine, not betrayal)

Co-regulation — borrowing safety from a regulated nervous system

Releasing the timeline — healing on your body's schedule, not the world's

A Special Note on Betrayal Trauma

Shutdown after divorce is one experience. But shutdown after betrayal — an affair, a double life, a public new relationship before yours is legally over — carries a different weight.

Betrayal trauma activates the same threat-response centers as physical danger, and each new piece of information (a social media post, a legal document, a mutual friend's comment) is a fresh activation. Leslie speaks directly to the women carrying both at once — with honesty about what this requires and what's possible.

Resources Mentioned

Free guide — When You Feel Nothing (PDF): https://theloomlife.com/whenyoufeelnothing

Mindful Untangling Community: https://theloomlife.com

The Loom Life Instagram: https://instagram.com/the.loom.life

0:00 Cold Open — A post that stopped me in my tracks

1:10 Welcome to The Loom Life

2:15 Part 1 — Naming what nobody names

4:45 Part 2 — Polyvagal Theory & your three nervous system states

9:30 Part 3 — What's actually happening inside your body

12:45 Part 4 — Five ways to begin the thaw

15:50 Part 5 — A special note on betrayal trauma

17:30 Closing — You will feel again

18:45 Resources & how to find us

A Note on Sharing

If this episode spoke to you, the greatest gift you can give is to share it with a woman you know who's in this season. You don't have to say anything. Just send it. Sometimes the most important thing is knowing someone else has put your experience into words.

About The Loom Life

The Loom Life is a community and coaching space for women navigating divorce — from the first conversation with a lawyer to the first morning they wake up and feel like themselves again. Founded by Leslie Mathews, The Loom Life is rooted in trauma-informed care, nervous system education, and the belief that rebuilding is not just possible — it's the beginning of the most authentic chapter of your life.

Mindful Untangling is our ongoing community — $99/month — where women in every stage of the divorce journey come together for education, connection, and support.

Join us: https://theloomlife.com

Link to Free Guide: https://theloomlife.com/whenyoufeelnothing