Pulling Threads, Weaving Authenticity

Men's anger after divorce isn't really about anger — it's a translator for grief, fear, shame, and longing. Book a discovery call: [DISCOVERY CALL URL] | theloomlife.com

If you're a man who is divorced, separating, or on the other side of a long marriage that ended in any direction, this episode is for you. Leslie Mathews walks through the kind of anger that sits in your chest at the grocery store, the flash of rage at a driver who didn't really do anything, the flatness that's one wrong comment away from breaking you. The advice most men get — manage it, tame it, apologize for it — is exactly what makes the anger dig in deeper.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• Why your anger keeps coming back no matter how much you work out, cold plunge, or breathe through it

• The four emotions hiding underneath male divorce anger: grief, fear, shame, and longing

• Which of the four is most likely your door — and how to recognize it when it shows up

• What healing actually looks like (smaller and quieter than the internet is selling you)

• An honest note on the kind of anger that needs more than a podcast can offer

This is episode 6 of the For the Boys playlist on Pulling Threads. If you're a woman supporting a man through this — maybe an ex-husband, a friend, or a son — this episode can give you language for what he may not be able to name.

———

WORK WITH LESLIE

• Book a discovery call: [DISCOVERY CALL URL]

• Learn more: https://theloomlife.com

FOLLOW ALONG

• Instagram: https://instagram.com/the.loom.life

• TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@leslieellenmathews

NEXT IN THIS PLAYLIST

Episode 7 — Why so many men didn't see the divorce coming, and what to do with what comes after. (Link will be added once published.)

A NOTE ON SAFETY

There is a version of male anger that is dangerous — to the people around you, to your kids, to yourself. The work in this episode isn't a substitute for help if you're in that territory. If your anger has scared someone you love or scared you, please reach out to a therapist, a men's group, or your doctor. In the U.S., you can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at any time.

CHAPTERS

00:00 Who this episode is for

01:00 Body scan: where you're holding tension

03:00 The kind of anger we're talking about

04:00 Welcome to For the Boys

05:00 The blindsided moment (preview of Episode 7)

06:00 Anger isn't the problem — it's a signal

07:30 The four emotions underneath

08:00 Grief: what's actually been lost

09:00 Fear: the future just got wider

10:00 Shame: the failure narrative

11:00 Longing: the hardest one

12:00 Why managing your anger doesn't work

13:00 What healing actually looks like

15:00 An important note on dangerous anger

16:30 Letting the translator rest

17:00 How to keep going with this work

Keywords: men's anger after divorce, letting go of anger after divorce, life coach for men after divorce, how men heal after divorce, divorce recovery for men, emotional recovery after breakup, men's mental health divorce, somatic work for men, nervous system regulation after divorce

#MensMentalHealth #DivorceRecovery #PullingThreads #ForTheBoys #LifeCoachForMen

Are you in love with a man you’re quietly trying to fix? This episode names the pattern, the psychology behind it, and the way out.

There is a script some of us learned long before we ever met him: love hard enough, see deeply enough, hold space generously enough, and you can reach the wounded part of him no one else has reached. Our culture calls these the highest things a woman can offer. Sometimes they are. And sometimes — wearing the exact same clothes — they are something else entirely.

In this solo episode of Pulling Threads, I share the psychology that finally gave me language for what I had been doing in my own relationship, including the stretch I am not proud of and the part of me that learned in childhood that fixing equals safety. We meet the Michelangelo Effect (Drigotas, 1999) and its dangerous twin, the Pygmalion phenomenon — and the difference between affirming the partner he wants to become and chiseling him toward the one you need him to be.

By the end you will have a framework for telling apart the three men you might actually be with: the one who is chiseling, the one who could but isn’t, and the one whose contempt makes this pattern dangerous, not just expensive.

WORK WITH ME:

→ Book a discovery call: https://theloomlife.com

→ THROUGH — my 8-week divorce coaching program: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram

→ 1:1 coaching for women rebuilding relationships and themselves: https://theloomlife.com

MORE FROM THE LOOM LIFE:

→ The Loom Life (coaching): https://theloomlife.com

→ Loom Life Therapy (EMDR, IFS, trauma therapy): https://loomlifetherapy.com

→ Leslie Ellen Mathews: https://leslieellenmathews.com

→ Instagram: https://instagram.com/the.loom.life

→ TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@leslieellenmathews

COMPANION EPISODE FOR THE MEN IN YOUR LIFE:

→ “They Told You Women Want a Beast” (For the Boys playlist) — send it to him if anything in today’s episode named something you’ve been carrying together.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

→ The Michelangelo phenomenon, Drigotas, Rusbult, et al. (1999)

→ The Pygmalion phenomenon as the unhealthy twin

→ The “fix-him script” and the “psych nurse” part

→ The three situations: the man chiseling, the man who could but isn’t, the man with contempt

If anything here named something you’ve been carrying, drop a comment and tell me where you are in this — whether you’ve seen David, whether you’ve tried to carve your own, or whether you’re questioning the whole thing right now. Other women read these comments and learn from them.

Take exquisite care of yourselves out there.

— Leslie

#PullingThreads #TheLoomLife #FixHimTrap #MichelangeloEffect #RelationshipPodcast #HealingPodcast #WomenInRelationships

KEYWORDS: how to stop trying to fix him, fix him trap, fix him syndrome, Michelangelo effect relationships, Pygmalion phenomenon, codependency, people pleasing in relationships, attachment wounds, healing after toxic relationship, mental health podcast for women, relationship podcast, IFS parts work, women’s personal growth

Healing after divorce starts in the body — not the spreadsheet. In this conversation, crisis coach Pamela Dussault joins Leslie Mathews to share why nervous system reset has to come before any of the practical work, and how women rebuild self-trust after an abusive marriage, burnout, or estrangement.

▶ Ready for structured support through divorce? Learn about THROUGH, Leslie's 8-week coaching program: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram

▶ Book a free discovery call with Pamela: https://pamela-dussault-consulting.com

——————————————

In this episode of Pulling Threads, Pamela Dussault — a coach with more than 23 years of experience guiding women through divorce, burnout, estrangement, and existential reckoning — walks us through her signature framework she calls "victory." Pamela's path began with her own series of storms, including a divorce from an abusive partner who threatened her life when she sought to leave. From that breaking point, she built a methodology that moves clients through three anchors: resetting the nervous system, disrupting the identity and belief patterns that no longer serve them, and rebuilding self-trust so they can emerge as the most authentic version of themselves.

Leslie and Pamela talk candidly about the moment of awakening that comes inside crisis — when you finally see that the wall in front of you is actually a new beginning. They explore what it feels like to choose change, why acceptance is the hardest and most empowering step, and how something as small as the "butterfly tap" under the collarbone can move you out of fear and back into your body's wisdom. Pamela also shares her own story of setting new standards for love after divorce, and why it took her four years to find a relationship that matched what she actually wanted.

If you're in the middle of your own storm — divorce, burnout, an estrangement, or that quiet existential question of "is this really my life?" — this episode is a gentle, grounded reminder that change isn't happening to you. It's happening for you.

WHAT WE COVER:

• Why nervous system reset has to come before the legal, financial, and parenting decisions

• The "butterfly" technique and a hand-on-heart practice you can use today

• How to spot the belief patterns keeping you in a life that doesn't fit anymore

• Pamela's three-pillar framework: reset, disrupt, rebuild

• Setting new standards for love (and why this isn't about finding a partner)

• Holding both connection and distance in estrangement

• The Disneyland moment when joy comes back — and what to do with it

TIMESTAMP

00:00 Welcome & introducing Pamela Dussault

01:30 The one thing your younger self would be surprised by

04:00 'I need to know this for a reason' — the wounded healer's path

06:00 Leslie's newspaper-article moment & deciding to leave

10:30 Pamela's 3am awakening & the gentle voice that changed everything

14:00 The mind-body downloads after the spiritual opening

18:00 The black-mold sign and trusting the universe

20:30 What the reframe to hope actually looks like inside the pain

23:30 Joy returning after suffering: the Disneyland story

25:00 The first choice — acceptance is the hardest, most powerful move

26:30 Why nervous system reset is the first pillar (not finances)

29:00 Two practices: the butterfly tap & hand-on-heart

31:30 Disrupting belief patterns: what story are you living in?

34:30 Social media, constant fear, and the noise we absorb

38:00 Burnout, career change, and the courage to stop

40:30 Setting new standards for love after an abusive marriage

43:30 Looking for the relationship — not the person

45:30 How long it took, why she wasn't nervous, and what she refused to settle for

48:30 When overwhelm is real and when it's a signal

51:30 Pamela's three-pillar method: reset, disrupt, rebuild

54:00 Estrangement: how to love from a distance

57:00 The Pisces symbol — holding both wholeness and connection

01:02:30 How to work with Pamela: discovery calls & the Victory package

01:04:30 Closing reflections

CONNECT WITH PAMELA DUSSAULT:

• Website & free discovery call: https://pamela-dussault-consulting.com

• Instagram & Threads: @pamela.dussault.consulting

• All her links: https://linktr.ee/CrisisCoachPamela

• Free burnout quiz: https://shorturl.at/8igxA

CONNECT WITH LESLIE & THE LOOM LIFE:

• THROUGH — 8-week divorce program: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram

• Main hub: https://theloomlife.com

• Therapy practice: https://loomlifetherapy.com

• Leslie's site: https://leslieellenmathews.com

• Instagram: @the.loom.life

• TikTok: @leslieellenmathews

▶ SUBSCRIBE for weekly conversations on divorce recovery, nervous system healing, and authentic living.

▶ If this episode helped, leave a rating or review — it's the single best way to help another woman find this work.

#DivorceRecoveryPodcast #NervousSystemReset #HealingAfterDivorce #PullingThreads #TheLoomLife

The internet keeps telling men that women secretly want a “beast” — that dominance, danger, and edge are what really attract her, and that being kind makes you invisible. In this episode of Pulling Threads (For the Boys, Episode 5), Leslie Mathews takes that advice seriously instead of dismissing it — and shows exactly where it’s half-true and where it goes dangerously wrong.

Using the story of Beauty and the Beast, Leslie unpacks the difference between the Beast — wounded, complex, full of depth — and Gaston, the entitled, cruel man Belle actually rejects. The men’s-content space and manosphere has been telling you to become Gaston while calling him the Beast. What women are really scanning for isn’t danger; it’s contained intensity: depth, self-direction, and edge without the chaos or cruelty.

This is a conversation about becoming the prince at the end of the story — not a different man, but the same man who finally did the work of meeting his own woundedness instead of weaponizing it.

▶ WORK WITH LESLIE

If this episode landed for you — or for a man in your life — book a call with Leslie at https://theloomlife.com. Leslie is currently opening space for men ready to do this work.

— — — (everything above this line shows before “Show more”) — — —

IN THIS EPISODE

• Why the “women want a beast” theory is sticky — and partly true

• The “fix him” pattern and why it pulls people into painful relationships

• The real difference between contained intensity and danger

• How to have the depth and edge of the “bad boy” without the cost

• What becoming the “prince” actually requires

CHAPTERS

00:00 The “Women Want a Beast” Myth

01:30 For the Boys, Ep. 5 — Taking the Advice Seriously

03:00 The Manosphere Argument, Explained

04:00 What’s Actually True About It

05:30 The “Fix Him” Pattern

06:00 The Beast Is Wounded, Not Cruel

07:00 Gaston — The Man Belle Actually Rejects

07:30 Contained Intensity vs. Danger

09:00 Depth Without the Damage

10:00 Women Drawn to Real Beasts

10:30 Becoming the Prince: The Beast Who Did the Work

12:30 Healing Inside Relationship

15:00 What Actually Works: Contained Depth

15:45 Closing & How to Work With Leslie

ABOUT THE SHOW

Pulling Threads, Weaving Authenticity is a podcast on personal growth, healing, relationships, nervous system regulation, and authentic living — hosted by Leslie Mathews, former attorney turned coach and founder of The Loom Life.

CONNECT

Website: https://theloomlife.com

Instagram: @the.loom.life

TikTok: @leslieellenmathews

If this episode resonated, drop a comment below and subscribe for more from the For the Boys series.

#PersonalGrowth #HealthyMasculinity #MensMentalHealth #RelationshipAdvice #PullingThreads

If you've been dating an avoidant man and you can't quite name what you've been tracking — this is for you. There's a paradox he can't articulate, and you've been guessing for your whole relationship. Today it gets language.

👉 Ready to stop performing your way through this? Book a 1:1 discovery call with Leslie: https://theloomlife.com

👉 If he's willing to do the work, send him the companion men's episode "Understanding Avoidant Attachment in Dating" on the For The Boys playlist.

— — — — — — — — — —

You are not crazy. You've been tracking something real. The fact that you can't quite name it is part of what makes the experience so disorienting — and it's the part the dating advice industrial complex never explains. In this companion episode to last week's For The Boys release, Leslie names what an avoidant man actually wants (yes, both things at once), why most online advice for women dating avoidant men is actively harmful, and what to do instead.

In this episode:

• The paradox he's been asking you to solve without telling you (and probably without knowing it himself)

• Why "have your own life" as a strategy doesn't work — and what does

• Performed distance vs. the real thing: why his nervous system can tell the difference instantly

• Leslie's own story: the four-month discard, the conversation that changed everything, and what she learned saying no

• The 5 things to actually do when you're dating an avoidant man

• How to tell the difference between a healing avoidant and an unhealed one (this is the whole game)

• Why "the full life is the point, not the bait"

This episode pairs with For The Boys Ep. 4: "Understanding Avoidant Attachment in Dating" — same information, written for the man on the other side of this conversation.

— — — — — — — — — —

🧵 ABOUT PULLING THREADS

Pulling Threads is a podcast hosted by Leslie Mathews — former attorney turned coach and host of The Loom Life. The show explores attachment, dating, divorce recovery, nervous system regulation, somatic work, and authentic living.

🌐 WORK WITH LESLIE

• Website: https://theloomlife.com

• Book a discovery call: https://theloomlife.com

• Instagram: https://instagram.com/the.loom.life

• TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@leslieellenmathews

📬 DROP A COMMENT

Did this land for you — especially section 5 on whether he closes the gap? Tell Leslie below.

00:00

Welcome — A Companion Piece for the Girls

01:00

You Are Not Crazy

02:00

Why Most Dating Advice for Women Is Wrong

03:00

What He Actually Wants

04:00

Both Needs at Once: The Paradox

05:00

Leslie's Story: The Air Filter Moment

07:00

What You've Already Learned in Your Body

08:00

Same Week, Opposite Signals

09:00

Where Dismissive Avoidance Comes From

10:00

What His Nervous System Is Scanning You For

11:00

Leslie's Full Life When They Met

12:00

The Middle: When She Stopped Saying No

13:00

Why His System Reads You as a Threat

14:00

Why the Internet's Advice Is Harmful

15:00

Performed Distance Is Still Engulfment

16:00

The "Orbiters"

17:00

The Full Life Is the Point, Not the Bait

18:00

The Four-Month Discard

19:00

The Calm Response That Changed Everything

21:00

The 5 Recommendations Start Here

22:00

1: Don't Text Him First All Day

22:30

2: Don't Make Him Your Primary Emotional Regulator

23:30

3: Let Him Pursue

24:00

4: Communicate Clearly, Not in Questions

24:30

5: Watch Whether He Closes the Gap

26:00

You're Not Weak. You're Not Too Much.

27:00

The Real Choice You Get to Make

28:00

Where to Find Leslie + Book a Call

Former model and longtime QVC host Chelsea Freeman on what it actually takes to reinvent yourself after a major life pivot — and why looking good has nothing to do with vanity.

🌿 Work with Leslie: https://theloomlife.com

✨ THROUGH — 8-Week Divorce Program: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram

📩 [email protected]

In this episode of Pulling Threads, Weaving Authenticity, Leslie sits down with longtime friend Chelsea Freeman — seasoned QVC host, former shopping-TV model, and creator of The Chelsea Standard — for a wide-ranging conversation about identity, confidence, and the kind of reinvention that arrives whether you’re ready or not.

Chelsea began her career in shopping television at just nineteen and spent years in front of the camera and behind the scenes in product development before stepping back from the industry to focus on family. After an unexpected family move from Florida to Pennsylvania, she launched The Chelsea Standard — a fashion, beauty, and lifestyle brand that’s allowed her to step into a fresh chapter on her own terms.

Together, Leslie and Chelsea unpack:

How early modeling shaped (and sometimes distorted) Chelsea’s relationship with her own body

What our mothers and grandmothers passed down about beauty and worth

The difference between beauty as performance and beauty as self-care

Why “vanity” and “self-respect” are not the same thing

Permission slips women rarely give themselves — to evolve, to take up space, to like the way they look without apology

How to navigate big life pivots when they weren’t your idea

This is a lighter episode about heavy themes: identity, visibility, self-worth, and the quiet work of becoming who you’ve always imagined yourself to be.

✨ CONNECT WITH CHELSEA

Instagram: @thechelseastandard

TikTok: search “The Chelsea Standard”

Catch her hosting on QVC

🌐 CONNECT WITH LESLIE

Website: https://theloomlife.com

Therapy: https://loomlifetherapy.com

Personal: https://leslieellenmathews.com

Instagram: @the.loom.life

TikTok: @leslieellenmathews

🎯 READY FOR YOUR OWN REINVENTION?

Curious about working with Leslie 1:1 or joining the THROUGH divorce coaching program? Visit https://theloomlife.com to book a discovery call.

📺 Subscribe for new episodes weekly — real conversations on healing, identity, and weaving an authentic life.

⭐ If this episode resonated, leave a 5-star rating on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — it helps more women find conversations like these.

#PullingThreads #ReinventingYourself #WomenInTransition #Confidence #PersonalGrowth

Avoidant attachment in men isn't about not wanting love. It's about a paradox almost no one names: you want her to choose you completely AND have a full life that doesn't depend on you. This episode names it.

👉 For the woman in your life who's been confused by you: send her the companion episode "What an Avoidant Man Actually Wants" on the main Pulling Threads feed (dropping next week).

👉 Ready to work on this 1:1? Book a discovery call at https://theloomlife.com

— — — — — — — — — —

If every woman you've ever dated has told you she's confused, hurt, or in tears and you didn't have an answer for her — this episode is for you. Leslie names the central confusion of dating with an avoidant attachment style: you want to be the center of her universe AND you need her to have her own life. Until somebody names it, it stays a contradiction. Once it has language, something can quietly shift.

In this episode:

• The paradox you've been living inside (and why men's content space treats it as a contradiction)

• Where dismissive avoidant attachment actually comes from — the two signals your nervous system got before you had any choices

• What your nervous system has been scanning every woman for, without your permission

• Why the woman who wants you the most is the one you can never quite want back

• The 90-second engulfment alarm — and how to catch it before it makes the call for you

• How to communicate your need for space without disappearing

• The conversation that begins to repair what you couldn't name before

• Chosen vs. needed — the reframe that changes the entire dating landscape

This episode is part of Pulling Threads' For The Boys playlist — a series geared specifically toward men navigating attachment, dating, and personal growth.

— — — — — — — — — —

🧵 ABOUT PULLING THREADS

Pulling Threads is a podcast hosted by Leslie Mathews — former attorney turned coach and host of The Loom Life. The show explores divorce recovery, attachment, nervous system regulation, somatic work, and authentic living.

🌐 WORK WITH LESLIE

• Website: https://theloomlife.com

• 1:1 coaching discovery calls: https://theloomlife.com

• Instagram: https://instagram.com/the.loom.life

• TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@leslieellenmathews

📬 GOT A TOPIC?

Drop it in the comments — Leslie is opening up topic requests from men specifically. What do you want her to talk about next?

In a recent therapy session, my therapist asked me a simple question I couldn't answer: "How would it feel to say I?" I couldn't.

✨ If this episode names something you've been carrying, I work with women on exactly this at The Loom Life → https://theloomlife.com

✨ Ready for structured support through divorce or transition? Explore the THROUGH program → https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram

This solo episode is about a single moment in a couples therapy session — and the much bigger pattern that moment exposed. I'm calling it the disappearing I: what happens when women have lived so long inside the emotional weather of another person that they no longer have a neutral location to speak from. The first-person voice goes quiet. Sometimes for years.

In this episode I unpack:

• Why "selfish" is the word that flashes when we try to claim our own needs

• How IFS protector parts learn to keep us safe by keeping us tuned to other people

• The fawn response in polyvagal terms, and how anxious attachment treats merging as safety

• How the disappearing I leaks into business, client work, creative life, friendships, and the body

• The way back — treating the first-person voice as a muscle that has atrophied, not a moral failing

This is a quieter episode. Not a dramatic before-and-after, but the kind of inner work that slowly changes a life.

CHAPTERS

00:00 Today's vulnerable opening

01:00 "How would it feel to say I?"

02:00 Welcome to Pulling Threads — introducing the disappearing I

03:00 The neon word: selfish

05:00 Context — a partner in deep trauma work

07:00 "Can you locate yourself?"

08:00 Defining the disappearing I (this is not selflessness)

09:00 Where it comes from

10:00 IFS protector parts and childhood origins

12:00 Becoming the calm one for an exhausted parent

13:00 Polyvagal fawn and anxious attachment

15:00 Cultural conditioning and good-girl training

16:00 How the disappearing I leaks: business, pricing, client work

18:00 Career, creative life, friendships

19:00 How it leaks into the body and your sense of self

20:00 The way back (a Mother's Day reflection)

22:00 Practicing I with my own therapist

23:00 Treating the first-person voice as a muscle

24:00 A note on partners in active trauma work

26:00 Closing reflection and an invitation

CONNECT WITH LESLIE

Website → https://theloomlife.com

Therapy services → https://loomlifetherapy.com

Personal site → https://leslieellenmathews.com

Instagram → https://instagram.com/the.loom.life

TikTok → https://tiktok.com/@leslieellenmathews

Email → [email protected]

WORK WITH LESLIE

THROUGH (8-week divorce coaching program) → https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram

1:1 coaching & therapy inquiries → https://theloomlife.com

If this episode resonated, please subscribe, leave a comment with the moment that landed for you, and share with someone who might need to hear it. Thank you for being here.

Keywords: people pleasing in relationships, fawn response, anxious attachment, internal family systems, IFS parts work, polyvagal theory, women's mental health, healing attachment wounds, losing yourself in a relationship, reclaiming your voice, therapy for people pleasers, mother's day reflection

#PullingThreadsPodcast #MentalHealthPodcast #PeoplePleasing #FawnResponse #IFSTherapy #AnxiousAttachment #WomensMentalHealth

What happens to a teenager who's sent away to be "fixed"? Kaila Miller spent 48 weeks inside a residential program at 16 — and now she's a therapist helping families heal differently.

✨ FROM LESLIE

🌐 theloomlife.com | loomlifetherapy.com | leslieellenmathews.com

💌 Book a discovery call → theloomlife.com

🌿 THROUGH (8-week divorce coaching program) → theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram

📩 [email protected]

🎁 GUEST: KAILA MILLER

📖 Memoir "Am I Changed?" → amichanged.com

🌀 Outrvention (whole-family intervention) → outrvention.com

📱 IG & Threads: @kailatheauthor

— — —

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

At 16, Kaila Miller was woken up at 5 a.m. by transporters, flown to the Arizona desert, and dropped into a residential program for what would become 48 weeks of her life. The question that came out of that experience — am I changed? — became the title of her debut memoir (an Amazon Top New Release) and the foundation of her life's work as a therapist, advocate, and co-founder of Outrvention.

In this conversation, Kaila and Leslie talk about:

• The lineage and family history that shape every child long before they "act out"

• What actually happens inside Troubled Teen Industry (TTI) programs — the level system, the silence, the punitive structure

• Why parents end up there in desperation, not malice — and what to look for if you have to send your child to a program

• Outrvention: a whole-family intervention model where every member of the family gets their own treatment plan, not just the "identified patient"

• Parenting teenagers while your own teenage self is still healing

• The IFS-informed moment in Big Sur where Kaila finally let her adult self parent her teenage self

• Navigating divorce, co-parenting, and what kids actually need when a family restructures

• Why the most powerful thing a parent can do is heal themselves

• Resilience, hope, and the belief that life is a journey of becoming, not arriving

TIMESTAMPS

00:00 Welcome & introducing Kaila Miller

02:30 Lineage: why your story starts before you do

04:45 Childhood abuse, addiction at 12, and putting an abuser in prison

08:30 Running away at 16 and the night the transporters came

12:00 Inside a residential program: levels, silence, and "work hours"

17:00 Hitting bottom on level two and making run plans

20:00 Why families end up in the Troubled Teen Industry

28:30 What Kaila wishes her parents had known

31:00 If you have to send your child to a program what to look for

35:30 December crisis, Big Sur, and meeting her teenage self

41:00 Letting the adult self parent the inner teenager

50:00 Lineage, family systems, and how patterns travel

56:30 Why DSM diagnoses are not lifetime sentences

61:30 Outrvention: a treatment plan for every member of the family

68:00 Sons, fathers, and the work mothers don't always realize they're doing

75:00 The most important thing a parent can do is heal themselves

80:00 Becoming, not arriving where Kaila's conviction comes from

83:00 Building resilience and reinstalling hope

88:30 The brain wants to heal prescription over diagnosis

93:30 What Kaila would tell her 16-year-old self

97:00 Where to find Kaila, the book, and Outrvention

ABOUT KAILA

Kaila Miller (Kaila Kraft) is a licensed therapist (AMFT), TTI survivor, mom of four, and the author of "Am I Changed?" — an Amazon Top New Release. She is the co-founder of Outrvention, a family-centered intervention model that treats the whole system rather than the "identified" child.

WORK WITH LESLIE

🌿 The Loom Life: theloomlife.com

🧠 Loom Life Therapy (EMDR, IFS, trauma): loomlifetherapy.com

💛 Coaching with Leslie: leslieellenmathews.com

🎯 1:1 coaching & therapy — book a discovery call at theloomlife.com

PROGRAMS

✨ THROUGH — 8-week divorce coaching program for women → theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram

ABOUT PULLING THREADS

Pulling Threads, Weaving Authenticity is a podcast for anyone navigating divorce, healing from trauma, and rebuilding their life with intention. New episodes weekly.

CONTENT NOTE

This episode includes discussion of childhood abuse, the Troubled Teen Industry, and residential treatment. Listen with care.

If this conversation moved you, please rate, review, and subscribe — it helps others find the show.

KEYWORDS: troubled teen industry, TTI survivor, residential treatment for teens, parenting teenagers, trauma healing, generational trauma, IFS inner teenager, whole family intervention, Outrvention, divorce and parenting, mental health podcast for women, Pulling Threads, Leslie Mathews, Kaila Miller, Am I Changed

#PullingThreads #TroubledTeenIndustry #TraumaHealing #ParentingTeens #MentalHealthPodcast

Grounded masculinity isn't a performance — it's a state. What women's nervous systems actually scan for, from a therapist's perspective.

🔗 Work with Leslie 1:1: https://theloomlife.com

🎧 Subscribe to Pulling Threads, Weaving Authenticity for the rest of the For the Boys playlist.

In Episode 2 of For the Boys, Leslie Mathews — therapist, coach, and former attorney — unpacks the difference between a man women keep going back to and a man women politely never see again. This isn't dating-coach advice or pickup strategy. It's the actual nervous-system work underneath the noise around "masculine energy" — and why performing it never works.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN

• Why a woman's nervous system "files a report" on you within 7 minutes

• The 4 things women are scanning for — and how to know if you actually have them

• Why performing groundedness reads as a threat

• The difference between habit and performance after years in the dating world

• Why "regulation hunger" sabotages even sophisticated strategies

• The unsexy practice steps that actually build a regulated nervous system

• What G.S. Youngblood calls "presence" — and why it's downstream of nervous system work

WHO THIS IS FOR

Men who are post-divorce or post-breakup, re-entering the dating world, and want to grow rather than chase. Not for skilled players who've made the game a habit — for the men trying to figure out how to actually show up.

WORK WITH LESLIE

Leslie is a therapist, coach, and former attorney specializing in divorce, breakups, and relationships. She typically works with women but is opening some 1:1 coaching space for men because the work matters on both sides of the equation.

🌐 Websites

• theloomlife.com

• loomlifetherapy.com

• leslieellenmathews.com

📩 Contact: [email protected]

📲 Follow

• Instagram: @the.loom.life

• TikTok: @leslieellenmathews

📚 Mentioned in this episode

• "Masculine in Relationship" by G.S. Youngblood

NEXT IN THE PLAYLIST

Why men pick the same kind of woman over and over — attachment patterns, how your body chooses partners before your mind does, and why you keep ending up across the dinner table from a slightly different version of your ex.

CHAPTERS

00:00 Intro: For the Boys, Episode 2

01:00 Why men's content gets "masculine energy" wrong

02:00 What a woman's nervous system is actually scanning for

03:00 "Collecting information": below conscious level

04:00 What women aren't looking for (it's not biceps or money)

05:00 Presence, regulation, and why performing fails

06:00 Performance reads as a threat

07:00 For men new to post-divorce dating

08:00 Habit vs. performance — the long-term difference

09:00 Scan #1: Can you be with your own feelings?

10:00 Scan #2: Can you hold her feelings without flinching or fixing?

13:00 Holding space without taking on the burden

14:00 What "just listen" actually looks like

15:00 Scan #3: Do you have a life that's yours?

16:00 Scan #4: Do you trust your own yes and no?

17:00 The trap: weaponizing this as strategy

18:00 Why doing this for her response collapses the state

19:00 The actual (unsexy) practice

20:00 Practicing your "no" and "yes" with small things

21:00 Leslie's own people-pleasing story

22:00 What it feels like when the work works

23:00 What to do next

24:00 Next in the playlist + outro

#GroundedMasculinity #MasculineEnergy #DatingAfterDivorce #MensPersonalGrowth #PullingThreads

Keywords: grounded masculinity, masculine energy explained, nervous system regulation for men, dating after divorce for men, presence in relationships, masculine in relationship, G.S. Youngblood, life coach for men after divorce, men's personal growth after divorce, how to be a safe partner

DISCLAIMER: This podcast is for educational and informational purposes and is not a substitute for therapy or professional mental health care.

Time

Chapter Title

00:00

Intro: For the Boys, Episode 2

01:00

Why men's content gets "masculine energy" wrong

02:00

What a woman's nervous system is actually scanning for

03:00

"Collecting information": below conscious level

04:00

What women aren't looking for (biceps, money, game)

05:00

Presence, regulation, and the G.S. Youngblood reference

06:00

Why performance reads as a threat

07:00

For men new to post-divorce dating

08:00

Habit vs. performance — the long-term difference

09:00

Scan #1: Can you be with your own feelings?

10:00

Scan #2: Can you hold her feelings without flinching or fixing?

13:00

Holding space without taking on the burden

14:00

What "just listen" actually looks like

15:00

Scan #3: Do you have a life that's yours?

16:00

Scan #4: Do you trust your own yes and no?

17:00

The trap: weaponizing this as strategy

18:00

Why doing this for her response collapses the state

19:00

The actual (unsexy) practice

20:00

Practicing your "no" and "yes" with small things

21:00

Leslie's own people-pleasing story

22:00

What it feels like when the work works

23:00

What to do next

24:00

Next in the playlist + outro