Pulling Threads, Weaving Authenticity

'Til death do us part is the easiest vow you'll ever make, and that's exactly the problem.

This is Part 2 of The Six Words, a series about the promise almost all of us have made and almost none of us have questioned. In Part 1, I traced where those words came from, and how "'til death" once meant roughly nineteen years, not sixty. This episode asks a harder question: not how long the promise lasts, but how little it costs to make it.

Standing at the altar, forever asks nothing of you the next morning. And the research on long marriages keeps landing in the same place: once we're certain someone isn't going anywhere, we quietly stop courting them. We save our warmest, most patient selves for coworkers, friends, and strangers on the internet, people who could actually walk away, and hand the person we promised the most our leftovers. The security the vow was meant to give us is the same security that can turn into stagnation.

So I want to offer a different promise. Smaller, harder, and braver: I still choose you. Forever points at a future you can't see or control. Still points at this ordinary morning, this actual person, this real relationship with all its wear and tear. You can only keep that one by staying awake to it. This one is for anyone considering marriage, in a marriage, or wondering whether they'd do it differently next time. No

blame the whole way through.

▸ WATCH PART 1 FIRST: https://youtu.be/QELnaOhElTU

CHAPTERS

00:00 — Forever Is the Easy Vow (The Backwards Idea)

00:55 — Welcome to Part Two of The Six Words

01:50 — Recap: Where 'Til Death Do Us Part Came From

02:40 — What Does the Vow Actually Cost You?

03:35 — The Overnight Shift: "Now We Can Coast"

04:10 — Gray Divorce and a Promise That Never Checks In

05:10 — Why We Save Our Best Selves for Strangers

06:10 — Turning Away: The Micro-Moments That Disappear

07:25 — Leslie's Own Marriage: "Everything Changed"

08:25 — What the Research Says About Long Marriages

09:40 — When Security Turns Into Stagnation

10:30 — Owning the House vs. Renting the House

11:55 — Nobody Has to Put Up With You Forever

12:45 — This Is Not About Making Your Partner Afraid

13:45 — The Higher Bar: "I Keep Choosing You"

15:15 — "Still" Points at Right Now

16:35 — You Don't Need a Ceremony to Start Choosing Again

18:05 — Coming Next in the Series + Where to Find Support

WORK WITH ME

If this landed and you want to do this work with support, book a 1:1 discovery call: https://theloomlife.com/discovery-call

FIND ME EVERYWHERE

Coaching & podcast — theloomlife.com

Therapy practice (Florida) — loomlifetherapy.com

Personal site — leslieellenmathews.com

Instagram — @the.loom.life

TikTok — @leslieellenmathews

A NOTE ON SUPPORT

This episode touches on relationship strain, divorce, and the grief of feeling unchosen. If you are struggling, you deserve real

support. In the US, call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Outside the US, find a helpline in your country at

findahelpline.com.

Subscribe so you catch Part 3, on why we fall out of love, and why nobody warned us.

Keywords: marriage vows, 'til death do us part meaning, why marriages fail, gray divorce, taking each other for granted, how

to rebuild connection in a marriage, staying in love long term, relationship coaching, marriage advice for couples, personal

growth podcast for women

#PullingThreads #TheSixWords #MarriageAdvice #GrayDivorce #RelationshipGrowth

“Till death do us part” was written in 1549, when the average person lived to 43. It promised about 19 years. Today it is asked to cover 57.

Same six words. Nearly triple the sentence. And we have been quietly blaming ourselves for the difference ever since.

If you have ever stood in a hard season of a long marriage and wondered what is wrong with you, this one is for you.

───────────────

WORK WITH ME

Book a 1:1 coaching call → https://theloomlife.com/discovery-call

───────────────

In this first episode of a new series, Leslie Mathews pulls apart the most sacred six words we have. Not to argue against marriage, she is emphatic that she is not anti-marriage, but to ask whether a promise calibrated for two decades can honestly carry five.

She traces the vow back to Thomas Cranmer and the 1549 Book of Common Prayer, where the original line read “till death us depart.” She looks at what changed between then and now: gray divorce, longer lives, remarriage, and a legal system that makes leaving punishing. And she makes the case that the problem is not the length of the promise at all, it is that we confused the word with the thing.

Forever is easy. It costs nothing at the altar because it asks nothing of you tomorrow morning. Presence is hard. Presence is choosing someone on an ordinary Tuesday when the dishwasher is broken and nobody is watching.

And if your marriage already ended: you did not fail at forever. Forever was never the thing. The choosing every day was the thing.

CHAPTERS

00:20 The Warning: I’m About to Ruffle Some Feathers

01:10 A Promise Written When People Died at 43

02:30 Welcome to Pulling Threads

03:00 To Be Clear: I Am Not Anti-Marriage

03:50 Thomas Cranmer, 1549, and “Till Death Us Depart”

04:30 The Math Nobody Tells You: 19 Years

05:30 Gray Divorce and the Glow-Up

06:10 From 19 Years to 57 Years

07:00 Where the Shame Actually Comes From

07:50 My Own Nineteen Years

08:40 Blame the Programming, Not Yourself

09:30 Forever Is Easy. Presence Is Hard.

11:10 The Loom: Cloth Left Unattended Unravels

12:45 The Irony, We Stop Trying Because We Promised

13:35 Keep Dating the Person You Married

14:20 What Would You Promise Now?

15:00 If Your Marriage Already Ended

THIS IS PART 1

Over the next few weeks: the research, what an unhappy marriage does to your body, the pushback, and the vow I would write instead. Subscribe so you catch the rest.

ALSO FROM THE LOOM LIFE

THROUGH, divorce coaching for women, mentioned in this episode:

https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram

FIND ME

The Loom Life → https://theloomlife.com

Loom Life Therapy → https://loomlifetherapy.com

Leslie Ellen Mathews → https://leslieellenmathews.com

Instagram → https://instagram.com/the.loom.life

TikTok → https://tiktok.com/@leslieellenmathews

A NOTE ON SUPPORT

This episode touches on marriage strain, divorce, and grief. If you are struggling, please reach out to someone. In the US you can call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or text HOME to 741741 for the Crisis Text Line. Outside the US, findahelpline.com will point you to local support. Nothing here is therapy or a substitute for it.

TELL ME

What would you promise now, knowing what that word actually asks of you? I read the comments.

Keywords: till death do us part meaning, wedding vows history, marriage vows explained, gray divorce, how to heal after divorce, rebuilding identity after divorce, long marriage problems, personal growth podcast for women over 40, mental health podcast for women, relationship coaching

#TillDeathDoUsPart #MarriageVows #GrayDivorce #DivorceRecovery #PullingThreads

Trauma bonding is not weakness. It is neurobiology. In this teaching session, therapist and

coach Leslie Mathews explains exactly what happens in your brain and body inside an emotionally

abusive relationship -- and why leaving is so much harder than anyone outside it understands.

Ready for structured, guided support through your divorce? THROUGH is my 8-week divorce

coaching program for women: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

If you have ever asked yourself why you cannot just walk away -- or why you keep going back to

someone who hurts you -- this episode is the answer, and it has nothing to do with your character.

Leslie walks through the four-stage cycle that keeps people bonded: idealization and love bombing,

devaluing and gaslighting, the discard and silent treatment, and hoovering, when the charm comes

back and pulls you in again. She explains intermittent reinforcement -- why unpredictable warmth

builds a far stronger attachment than steady, reliable love -- and then breaks down the specific

brain chemistry underneath it: dopamine driving the seeking and the craving, oxytocin physically

reattaching you to the person hurting you, and cortisol and adrenaline holding you in

fight-or-flight, hypervigilance, and walking on eggshells.

She also explains why the prefrontal cortex -- your rational, decision-making brain -- goes offline

under chronic stress while the amygdala takes over, which is why it becomes so difficult to think

your way out of a relationship that is harming you, and why distance from the person makes

clarity possible.

The session closes with cognitive dissonance: the experience of holding two contradictory truths

at once -- this person is harming me, and this person is my person -- and how the mind minimizes

harm to survive that contradiction. Plus the practical ties that keep people in place: money,

children, a shared home, a future already built.

Staying is not a character flaw. It is a neurobiological one, and it can be understood and undone.

This episode opens with a short grounding meditation. If you would like to skip straight to the

teaching, use the chapters below.

This is Part 1 of a series. Upcoming episodes cover how to leave, and how to protect yourself if

you are choosing to stay.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

WHAT YOU WILL LEARN

- The four phases of the narcissistic and emotional abuse cycle, and how each one hooks you

- Why intermittent reinforcement creates a stronger bond than consistent love

- What the craving to reach out actually is -- and why naming it as chemical changes everything

- The role of dopamine, oxytocin, cortisol, and adrenaline in keeping you attached

- Why your thinking brain goes offline and your survival brain takes over

- What a trauma bond is, and why you cannot fight what you believe is only love

- How cognitive dissonance minimizes harm, and how to recognize it in yourself

- Why letting go of the shame is the first real step in recovery

CHAPTERS

00:00 Welcome -- who this session is for

02:20 Grounding meditation

05:40 Why the neuroscience removes the shame

07:00 A personal note from Leslie

10:15 The abuse cycle: idealization and love bombing

11:40 Devaluing, coldness, and gaslighting

13:10 The discard phase and hoovering

13:45 The covert devaluing most people miss

14:45 Why the relief is what hooks us

15:45 Intermittent reinforcement explained

16:45 Dopamine and the chemical craving

19:15 Oxytocin and physical reattachment

20:45 Cortisol, adrenaline, and the offline thinking brain

22:20 What a trauma bond actually is

24:15 Cognitive dissonance: holding two truths at once

26:00 Eroded self-worth and the ties that keep us

27:45 Staying is not a character flaw

28:30 What is coming next in this series

SUPPORT RESOURCES

If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

National Domestic Violence Hotline (US) -- call 1-800-799-7233, text START to 88788, or chat at

thehotline.org. Free, confidential, and available 24/7.

988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (US) -- call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org.

Outside the US, please search for your local domestic violence or crisis line.

-

WORK WITH LESLIE

The Loom Life -- coaching, programs, and resources: https://theloomlife.com

Loom Life Therapy -- therapy for clients in Florida: https://loomlifetherapy.com

CONNECT

Instagram: https://instagram.com/the.loom.life

TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@parandpeace

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

If this episode helped you, the most useful thing you can do is subscribe and leave a comment --

it helps someone else searching for this at 2am actually find it.

Please note: this episode is educational and is not therapy, diagnosis, or a substitute for

individual mental health care or safety planning.

Burnout recovery is not a personal willpower problem — and if you are a working parent trying to hold a demanding job and a full life at the same time, this conversation will name something you have been carrying quietly.

Leslie sits down with Jessica Lattif, founder of Not Working in Tech, a platform and community challenging toxic workplace culture and the myth that burnout is just the price of success. Jessica spent more than a decade in the tech industry, rising to senior engineering manager, before a string of illnesses, a chaotic team, and a performance plan led her to take medical leave — and never go back.

Together they get into what actually drives burnout: the unspoken cultural rules that punish anyone who is neurodiverse or simply unconventional, the impossible math of caregiving alongside a job that expects round-the-clock availability, and the way hustle culture asks individuals to solve problems that were never individual to begin with. Jessica also shares why she now tells clients to take the leave they have already earned, and what it looked like to rebuild a working life on her own terms.

If this one lands, the invitation at the end is simple: you do not have to figure out the next chapter alone.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

WORK WITH LESLIE

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Book a 1:1 coaching discovery call → https://theloomlife.com/discovery-call

Coaching + programs → https://theloomlife.com

Therapy (Florida clients) → https://loomlifetherapy.com

Leslie Ellen Mathews → https://leslieellenmathews.com

Instagram → @the.loom.life

TikTok → @leslieellenmathews

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

CONNECT WITH JESSICA LATTIF

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Not Working in Tech → https://www.notworkingintech.com

Instagram → @notworkingintech

TikTok → @notworkingintech

LinkedIn → https://www.linkedin.com/company/not-working-in-tech

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

CHAPTERS

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

00:00 Welcome & meet Jessica Latif

01:18 Growing up between cultures and feeling like an outsider

07:30 From nutrition policy to sustainable seafood

13:15 An unexpected path into tech

15:15 Career pivots, imposter syndrome & starting over

17:25 "Family friendly" doesn't always mean parent friendly

18:10 What working in tech was really like

21:00 Burnout, motherhood & becoming the first parent on leave

23:15 The job that pushed her to the breaking point

27:30 How burnout quietly builds over time

30:00 Can employers access your mental health data?

33:20 Why taking leave can change everything

36:10 Entrepreneurship, hustle culture & the social safety net

40:35 How Jessica helps people recover from burnout

42:40 Why burnout isn't something to solve alone

45:00 Hidden resources most people never hear about

47:10 Building Not Working in Tech

49:45 Why teachers, healthcare workers & parents are burning out

53:00 Why young people are rethinking work and family

54:10 Envisioning a healthier future for work

55:10 Final thoughts and Closing

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

SUPPORT RESOURCES

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

This episode discusses burnout, workplace discrimination, and mental health. If you are struggling, support is available.

US — call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline)

Outside the US — find a helpline at https://findahelpline.com

This podcast is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, or legal advice.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

KEYWORDS

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

burnout recovery, working mom burnout, tech industry burnout, toxic workplace culture, taking medical leave for burnout, neurodivergent at work, hustle culture, life coach for women in transition, mental health podcast for women, career burnout support

#BurnoutRecovery #WorkingMomBurnout #ToxicWorkplace #PullingThreads #TheLoomLife

Rebuilding confidence after starting over doesn’t happen all at once. It happens one small, brave choice at a time. In this episode of Pulling Threads, Cammy De shares what it really looks like to reclaim your voice and take up space again while you’re still in the middle of healing.

Cammy didn’t expect to be starting over at forty. A mother of three, farmer, speaker, and stand-up comedian, she’s rebuilding her life after leaving an abusive marriage and business partnership, walking away not just from a relationship, but from a successful career, a way of life, and the communities that came with it. Instead of waiting until she has it all figured out, she talks openly about healing in real time: the uncertainty, the grief, the small wins, the laughter, and the surprising ways we find our way back to ourselves.

She and Leslie get honest about the fog that only lifts once you get distance, why confidence built on achievement can vanish overnight, and what it means to rebuild, a career, a voice, and a sense of self, without an existing platform. They also talk about the tools that actually help: humor, stand-up comedy, listening to your body, and letting healing move in seasons.

In this conversation:

• Living a “double life,” confident in public, silenced in private

• How clarity comes only after you create distance

• Rebuilding confidence from who you are, not what you’ve done

• Finding the joke in what was meant to hurt you

• Reclaiming your voice (and the surprisingly hard “mirror practice”)

• The role AI, algorithms, and podcasts played in her healing

• How to know when to rest versus when to push forward

If you’ve spent years taking care of everyone else and lost touch with your own voice, this one is for you.

👉 Follow Cammy: @Cammy.De.Speaks on Instagram and Facebook.

💬 If this resonated, leave a comment with the one small brave thing you did today, and subscribe for more honest conversations about rebuilding, reclaiming your voice, and taking up space.

⏰Chapters:

00:00 Welcome & meet Cammy De

00:40 Starting over after divorce at 40

01:45 Building a successful farm while being silenced

05:10 Why clarity only came after leaving

09:25 "The clarity came when I walked out the door"

11:20 Gaslighting, finding support, and rebuilding confidence

17:25 Leaving everything behind to reclaim herself

22:45 Finding her voice after abuse

24:40 Rebuilding confidence from within

28:30 Starting over one small step at a time

32:00 Using comedy to reclaim power

33:05 Reclaiming your voice after being silenced

42:40 Why hearing other women's stories matters

43:35 Learning to rest instead of constantly pushing

49:45 Healing through life's seasons

54:00 Recreating the life you thought you lost

56:35 Celebrating small wins while healing

1:02:00 The relief that comes after divorce

1:05:30 "You are worth it"

1:06:40 Where to find Cammy De

Keywords: rebuilding confidence, starting over at 40, reclaiming your voice, healing after abuse, taking up space, healing in real time, midlife reinvention, rebuilding your life, women rebuilding, finding your voice again

#RebuildingConfidence #ReclaimYourVoice #StartingOver #TakingUpSpace #PullingThreads

The neuroscience of why heartbreak physically hurts — and how to rewire a brain stuck in survival mode. In this episode of Pulling Threads, Leslie Mathews welcomes her first-ever male guest, mental health creator and coach Collin Patrick, for an honest conversation about overthinking, emotional regulation, and rebuilding a life after everything falls apart.

After a near-fatal motorcycle accident left him bedridden for months — during the same stretch his marriage ended — Collin turned a season of grief and recovery into a deep dive into neuroscience. Together, he and Leslie unpack why your brain keeps steering you back toward familiar pain, why feeling stuck is a pattern problem (not a motivation problem), and what real emotional regulation actually looks like day to day. They also get candid about men and anger, the pressure of “be the man of the house,” and the difference between leading and simply managing the people you love.

WHAT WE COVER

• How overthinking becomes a learned habit that quietly shapes your identity

• Why heartbreak registers in the brain like a physical injury — and what that means for healing • The pull of “familiar pain over unknown peace” and why we repeat relationship patterns • Clarity over solutions: what most self-help gets wrong

• What anger is often masking for men — and the emotions underneath it

• How small, daily wins compound into real, lasting change

CHAPTERS

00:00 Welcome — meeting Collin Patrick

01:15 The motorcycle accident that changed everything

05:00 Hitting rock bottom and facing himself

08:00 How healing led him to neuroscience

10:30 Your brain is doing exactly what it was programmed to do

13:00 Why self-awareness matters more than quick fixes

16:30 Trauma bonds and the chemistry of attachment

20:00 The neuroscience of heartbreak and emotional pain

24:30 Why survival mode disconnects you from yourself

27:00 Familiar pain vs. unknown peace

31:00 Small daily choices that rewire the brain

38:00 Why lasting change comes from tiny wins

43:00 Reacting vs. responding with intention

47:00 Healing your identity instead of chasing motivation

53:00 Confidence is built through evidence, not affirmations

59:00 Reprogramming your brain for happiness

1:03:00 How Collin helps people transform their lives

1:06:00 Where to find Collin and his resources

CONNECT WITH LESLIE — THE LOOM LIFE

Coaching & podcast: https://theloomlife.com

Therapy (Florida clients): https://loomlifetherapy.com

Leslie Ellen Mathews: https://leslieellenmathews.com

Instagram: @the.loom.life · TikTok: @leslieellenmathews

CONNECT WITH COLLIN PATRICK

Instagram / TikTok / Threads: @Collin.Patrick.Health

Still Moving Journal: https://collinpatrickhealth.gumroad.com/l/stillmovingjournal

1:1 coaching: booking link in Collin’s Instagram bio

WORK WITH LESLIE

If this conversation resonated and you’re ready to understand your own patterns and rebuild from a steadier place, Leslie offers 1:1 coaching. Book a free discovery call: https://theloomlife.com/discovery-call

A NOTE ON SUPPORT

This episode touches on grief, trauma, addiction, and the aftermath of hard relationships. If you’re struggling, you don’t have to navigate it alone. In the U.S., you can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24/7. Outside the U.S., findahelpline.com lists free, confidential support in your country.

Keywords: neuroscience of heartbreak, why heartbreak hurts, survival mode nervous system, overthinking, emotional regulation, healing after a toxic relationship, trauma bonds, men’s mental health, nervous system regulation, how men heal after a breakup

#MentalHealthPodcast #Neuroscience #HealingJourney #MensMentalHealth #PullingThreads

What happens when a high-achieving wife and mom walks away from a 15-year, six-figure career to heal her body, her marriage, and her family?

In this conversation, Kayla Licari shares how leaving her physician assistant career unraveled the deeper truth she had been carrying, chronic back pain, chest pain, anxiety, and a marriage held together by white-knuckling and self-abandonment.

Kayla and Leslie unpack what it really looks like when two people heal alongside each other through complex PTSD (CPTSD), nervous system dysregulation, and the cycles of rupture and repair that most couples never get language for. This is honest, embodied conversation about the science of the nervous system, the wisdom of the body, and the slow daily work of rebuilding intimacy, including the parts most podcasts skip over: low libido as data, self-abandonment as the hidden cost of high achievement, and how to broach the hardest conversations with your partner without it blowing up in your face.

Whether you're in the messy middle of your own healing, considering whether your marriage can come back to life, or simply trying to understand why your body keeps speaking up when your mind says everything is fine, this episode is full of practical, compassionate insight.

TIMESTAMP

00:00 Introduction to Kayla Licari

02:00 Leaving a 15-year PA career

05:00 Burnout, stress, and choosing family first

08:10 Financial security vs. self-abandonment

12:00 Why high-achieving women struggle to ask for help

14:00 Understanding complex PTSD

18:20 How childhood experiences shape relationships

22:20 Healing together instead of growing apart

30:00 Navigating conflict through nervous system awareness

37:15 How unhealthy relationship dynamics affect your health

42:00 When growth together can save a relationship

46:20 Stress, libido, and emotional connection

52:10 Staying connected through marriage and parenting

58:00 Receiving love, pleasure, and intimacy

01:04:45 Why every challenge can strengthen your relationship

01:08:15 How to talk about intimacy without blame

01:12:15 What to do when you've lost desire

01:16:00 When staying isn't the right choice

01:19:10 Healing together changes every relationship

✦ WORK WITH LESLIE ✦

→ THROUGH, 8-Week Divorce Coaching Program: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram

→ 1:1 Coaching, Book a discovery call: https://theloomlife.com

→ Loom Life Therapy (EMDR & IFS): https://loomlifetherapy.com

✦ CONNECT WITH KAYLA LICARI ✦

→ Instagram: @kayla.licari

→ Instagram: @happywivesandhusbands

✦ FOLLOW LESLIE ✦

→ Website: https://theloomlife.com

→ Personal site: https://leslieellenmathews.com

→ Instagram: @the.loom.life

→ TikTok: @leslieellenmathews

✦ IN THIS EPISODE WE TALK ABOUT ✦

• Leaving a six-figure career to prioritize family, marriage, and health

• Body symptoms as nervous system messages, back pain, chest pain, anxiety

• What complex PTSD (CPTSD) actually is and why it isn't in the DSM

• Healing alongside a partner with complex trauma

• Individual work vs. shared work in a marriage

• Rupture, repair, and abandonment wounds

• Low libido as data, what your body is telling you about your marriage

• Lifestyle drivers of sex drive (sleep, sunlight, alone time, connection)

• How to broach hard conversations without defensiveness

• Setting boundaries with partners, kids, and family

• Authenticity and the full-body yes

✦ MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE ✦

→ When the Body Says No by Dr. Gabor Maté

→ Internal Family Systems (IFS)

→ EMDR therapy

→ Esther Perel

→ Human Design

Subscribe so you don't miss new episodes of Pulling Threads, Weaving Authenticity. If this episode resonated, the kindest thing you can do is leave a rating and review. It helps other women find this conversation.

Keywords: complex PTSD healing, CPTSD in marriage, nervous system regulation couples, healing marriage trauma, rupture and repair, low libido marriage, somatic healing women, leaving high-achieving career, burnout recovery women, IFS parts work, self-abandonment, holistic marriage healing

#PullingThreadsPodcast #TheLoomLife #MarriagePodcast #NervousSystemHealing #CPTSD #WomensHealing #BurnoutRecovery

If years of over-functioning have left you feeling checked out, numb, or disconnected from your own life, this episode is for you. Sex therapist and intimacy coach Dr. Tabitha Taylor joins Leslie to talk about what it really means to reclaim intimacy from the inside out — and why it starts with you, not your partner.

🌿 Ready to feel like yourself again after divorce or a breakup?

→ THROUGH — Leslie's 8-week divorce coaching program: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram

🌿 Grab Tabitha's free Gentle Reconnection Guide:

→ https://drtabithataylor.com

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Over-functioning women often don't realize how far they've drifted from themselves until exhaustion, numbness, low libido, or a quiet sense of "I'm not really here" forces the question. In this conversation, Leslie and Dr. Tabitha Taylor unpack the quiet cost of self-abandonment — and how reconnection can be a gentle, micro-moment process rather than another performance to perfect.

Together they explore why intimacy is so much more than physical, what "reclaiming intimacy from the inside out" actually means, and how trust and safety within yourself are the real foundation for trust and safety with a partner. Leslie shares her own embodiment story — including the EMDR moment at 47 when she realized she was feeling sensation in her body for the first time — and the post-divorce period of self-discovery that changed everything about how she experiences intimacy now.

Whether you're in a relationship that's drifted into autopilot, walking through a divorce or breakup, or in the in-between period of rediscovering who you are, this episode is an invitation to come home to yourself.

IN THIS EPISODE

What "living checked out" looks like — and the early signs of disconnection

Why self-abandonment is invisible to the person doing it

How over-functioning trains your nervous system into numbness

What reclaiming intimacy from the inside out really means

Why trust and safety within yourself comes before trust with a partner

The difference between performing intimacy and being present in it

How to start with micro-moments instead of another self-improvement checklist

Self-pleasure, anatomy education, and reclaiming pleasure post-divorce

Why becoming connected can change — or end — relationships, and why that's okay

WORK WITH LESLIE

🌿 THROUGH — 8-week divorce coaching program: https://theloomlife.com/throughdivorceprogram

🌿 1:1 coaching & discovery calls: https://theloomlife.com

🌿 Therapy services: https://loomlifetherapy.com

🌿 Leslie's website: https://leslieellenmathews.com

CONNECT WITH LESLIE

🌿 Instagram: https://instagram.com/the.loom.life

🌿 TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@leslieellenmathews

ABOUT TABITHA TAYLOR

Dr. Tabitha Taylor is a Licensed Professional Counselor, certified sex therapist, and intimacy coach. She helps over-functioning women heal from disconnection, self-abandonment, and living checked out — reclaiming intimacy from the inside out through nervous system healing, reconnection, and self-led intimacy. She also hosts the podcast Checked In: Reclaiming Intimacy from the Inside Out.

CONNECT WITH TABITHA

🌿 Website: https://drtabithataylor.com

🌿 Instagram: https://instagram.com/drtabtaylor

🌿 Facebook: Tab Taylor Coaching

🌿 Coaching group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/drtabcoaching

🌿 Email: [email protected]

🌿 Free Gentle Reconnection Guide: available at https://drtabithataylor.com

🌿 Tabitha's podcast: Checked In: Reclaiming Intimacy from the Inside Out

RESOURCES MENTIONED

🌿 OMGYes.com — anatomy and pleasure education referenced in the conversation

🌿 Sex With Emily — podcast referenced by Leslie

🌿 Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) — Leslie's mindfulness training

SUBSCRIBE TO PULLING THREADS, WEAVING AUTHENTICITY

If this conversation resonated, please subscribe, rate, and share. New episodes weekly.

TIMESTAMP

00:00 Introduction

01:34 Intimacy Is More Than Sex

04:52 What Intimacy Really Means

06:13 Signs of Self-Disconnection

09:20 Self-Abandonment

12:10 Reconnecting with Yourself

15:08 Choosing Yourself Without Guilt

17:10 Reclaiming Intimacy

20:18 The Divorce Glow Up

22:12 Staying Connected Daily

24:02 Why We Disconnect

26:41 When You Change, Relationships Change

30:31 Body Awareness & Intimacy

35:35 Mindfulness & Embodiment

40:46 Simple Reconnection Practices

42:10 Knowing Your Body

44:15 Trust & Vulnerability

47:27 Presence Over Performance

50:12 Why Pleasure Feels Difficult

53:00 Rebuilding Confidence After Divorce

56:28 Rediscovering Yourself

59:00 Tabitha's Work

01:03:34 Final Thoughts and Closing

KEYWORDS

reclaiming intimacy, self-abandonment, over-functioning women, disconnection, living checked out, self-connection, intimacy after divorce, women's pleasure, nervous system healing, somatic healing, divorce recovery, self-pleasure, embodiment, women's mental health

#ReclaimingIntimacy #SelfAbandonment #OverFunctioningWomen #DivorceRecovery #PullingThreadsPodcast

Dating after divorce as a man can feel like you’ve become a whole

different person — steadier, easier to be with. Here’s the honest why.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

WORK WITH LESLIE 1:1 → Book a private, no-pressure discovery call:

[1:1 COACHING DISCOVERY CALL — confirm booking URL]

The Loom Life (coaching): https://theloomlife.com

Therapy (FL clients): https://loomlifetherapy.com

Leslie Ellen Mathews: https://leslieellenmathews.com

Instagram @the.loom.life · TikTok @leslieellenmathews

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

In this For the Boys episode, Leslie Mathews — former attorney turned

coach — unpacks why the same man can be “the disappointment” in one

relationship and a “safe harbor” in the next. It isn’t your character

that changed; it’s the container. We get honest about the real

differences between being a boyfriend, a husband, and a husband with

kids in the mix — plus the question most men skip right past: do you

actually want to be a stepfather? Drawing on research from the Gottman

Institute, Esther Perel, and leading stepfamily experts, this is a

grounded, shame-free look at choosing your next relationship with your

eyes wide open.

WHAT WE GET INTO:

• Why a new relationship feels “lighter” — what’s real vs. honeymoon

• The pursue–withdraw pattern and how good people get stuck in it

• Dating a woman with kids, by the age of her children

• Why blended families take years (not months) — and why that’s normal

• Permission to choose the role you actually want

CHAPTERS (timestamps are estimates — verify against final edit)

00:00 Intro — boyfriend, husband, stepdad: what this episode is

02:00 The paradox: the disappointment in one story, the safe harbor in another

04:00 What actually changed — the container, not your character

08:00 The pursue–withdraw pattern (Gottman Institute)

11:00 Boyfriend vs. husband: the weight the words carry (Esther Perel)

12:00 Remarriage as an “incomplete institution” (Andrew Cherlin)

14:00 Is it real, or the honeymoon phase? What the research says

17:00 Dating a woman with kids — by the age of her children

20:00 The blended-family fantasy vs. reality (Papernow & Bray)

22:00 Do you actually want to be a stepfather? Removing the shame

28:00 Other shapes a committed relationship can take

31:00 Choosing your next container with your eyes wide open

34:00 Honesty, and the one early conversation — plus how to work with Leslie

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

• Gottman Institute — the pursue–withdraw pattern

• Esther Perel — desire and the need for space

• Andrew Cherlin — remarriage as an “incomplete institution”

• Dr. Patricia Papernow & James Bray — stepfamily research

RELATED EPISODE:

• Keeping the “honeymoon” feeling alive long-term:

[COMPANION EPISODE — confirm URL]

A NOTE OF SUPPORT:

Divorce and rebuilding can be heavy. If you’re struggling, you don’t

have to carry it alone — in the U.S. you can call or text 988 (Suicide

& Crisis Lifeline), any time, day or night.

KEYWORDS: dating after divorce for men, life coach for men after

divorce, boyfriend vs husband, should I be a stepdad, blended family

advice, men’s personal growth after divorce, relationship coaching for

men, healing after divorce, stepfamily research, how men heal after

breakup

#ForTheBoys #DatingAfterDivorce #MensMentalHealth #BlendedFamily #RelationshipCoaching

KEEP THE SPARK: STAYING SECURE AND DESIROUS

The honeymoon phase fades for almost everyone — but the spark doesn’t have to. In this solo episode, Leslie Mathews unpacks what early passion is really made of and how to stay both secure AND desirous for the long haul.

➤ Work with Leslie 1:1 (individuals & couples): [INSERT DIRECT BOOKING LINK]

➤ The Loom Life: https://theloomlife.com

➤ Therapy: https://loomlifetherapy.com | Personal: https://leslieellenmathews.com

➤ Instagram @the.loom.life · TikTok @leslieellenmathews

──────────

IN THIS EPISODE

We usually treat the honeymoon phase like a single fuel that burns out. Leslie makes the case that early intensity is actually two strands braided together — real love, and a quieter, more anxious wish to secure someone who doesn’t yet feel like yours. Understanding that difference changes what it means when the fireworks quiet down.

Drawing on her own three-year relationship, the neuroscience of new love (dopamine, norepinephrine, the serotonin dip), gender differences in bonding, and the work of Esther Perel and the Gottmans, Leslie explains why calm is not the end of desire — and is often the sign that something is finally right. She also takes an honest, careful look at how the honeymoon phase shows up in coercive and abusive relationships: love bombing, intermittent reinforcement, and trauma bonds — and how to tell a bond that’s maturing from a cycle that’s repeating.

Then the question she cares about most: can you keep the good of the honeymoon phase alive on purpose? Her answer is yes — through your own regulation and healing work, protecting the space that keeps each person whole, and “chosen reaching” instead of fear-driven reaching.

⏱ CHAPTERS (timestamps approximate — confirm against final edit)

00:00 The feeling that never left

02:00 What the honeymoon phase is really made of

07:30 Two strands: real love + the wish to secure

08:00 Why men and women fall on different timelines

16:30 The brain on new love — and why it fades

18:00 From the chemistry of pursuit to the chemistry of attachment

21:00 When the spark quiets: love leaving, or fear?

22:30 “The threat felt like desire” — Esther Perel

23:30 The honeymoon phase in coercive & abusive relationships

27:00 Trauma bonds & intermittent reinforcement

30:00 Love wants closeness, desire wants distance

32:00 Why security and mystery need each other

34:30 Keeping the spark alive on purpose: the three pieces

37:00 Chosen reaching & the unglamorous work of staying

39:00 You don’t have to trade the spark for safety

SUPPORT

This episode discusses coercive relationships and trauma bonds. If you’re experiencing abuse, you’re not alone — the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788. Additional trauma-bond resources are on theloomlife.com.

Keywords: honeymoon phase, keeping the spark alive, secure attachment, anxious attachment, attachment styles and relationships, chemistry vs compatibility, keeping desire in a long-term relationship, Esther Perel desire, love bombing, trauma bonds, relationship coaching, mental health podcast for women

#RelationshipPodcast #KeepTheSpark #SecureAttachment #HoneymoonPhase #TheLoomLife