Put Yourself First

You know the spiral. Something happens with your partner, your mate, your sister, and instead of feeling it, you're straight into detective mode. Why did they say that? What's going on for them? Is it their attachment style, their childhood, a bad day?

Sound familiar, sister? If you've done any personal development at all, you've got a library of explanations on tap for other people's behaviour. And that's exactly the problem.

In this short and sweet one, I'm calling out a pattern I see constantly in over-functioning, over-giving women: using your self-awareness and compassion on everyone except yourself. The ruminating, the theorising, the endless "well maybe it's because..." isn't understanding. It's another way of over-functioning. Another way of making yourself responsible for someone else's behaviour instead of your own response to it.

I walk through why this happens (hello, sense of control), what it actually costs you, and the one phrase that's changed how I handle conflict for good: impact is more important than intent.

In this episode:

• Why over-functioning women default to analysing other people instead of themselves
• The real cost of ruminating on someone else's behaviour
• A live example of shifting from "why are they like this" to "what do I want"
• The phrase that'll change how you handle every hard conversation from here on

Feeling hurt by someone who isn't showing up the way you need them to? Stop trying to get inside their head. Come find out what putting yourself first actually looks like in the Sisterhood.

LINKS

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You've healed your childhood wounds. You've done the work on your romantic relationship. You can spot a red flag in a man from three streets away.

But have you ever sat down and actually looked at your friendships the same way?

In this episode I'm joined by my friend and dating and relationship coach Amy Rushworth, and we go somewhere the internet basically never goes. Not dating. Not men. Female friendship. The wounds, the patterns, the heartbreak that can be just as brutal as anything a man's ever put us through.

Amy's spent years helping women heal their romantic patterns, but she's honest about the fact that the next level of the video game for her was her friendships with women. And once she said that out loud to me, I knew this conversation had to happen.

We get into why we'll pour endless energy into fixing our love life and completely ignore the same wounds showing up with our girlfriends. Why being the reliable one, the low maintenance one, the one who always initiates, is quietly costing you. And why decentring men might be the single best thing you can do for your friendships.

What we cover:

• Amy's origin story, from an absolute shit show of a dating life to ten years happily married, and why healing her romantic wounds just uncovered a new layer with women
• Taking personal responsibility without turning it into self blame, and why looking in the mirror is always the more empowering move
• The overgiver pattern, why it feels like a gift and quietly comes from a wound, and how it trains people to expect nothing back from you
• Why relationships with women can be just as savagely traumatising as romantic ones
• Being a self centred woman (not selfish, self centred) and why decentring your man is one of the healthiest things you can do for your marriage, your friendships, and yourself
• Friendship red flags to watch for, and the green flags that actually matter
• Why the ability to receive is just as important as the ability to give, and how hard that can be for an overgiver
• Amy's advice for the woman thinking "where the fuck did all my friends go"

A few of my favourite moments:

• "Relationships with women can be just as savagely traumatising as romantic relationships."
• Amy's take on overgiving as a way to stay in control, so you never have to depend on anyone else
• The reminder that friendship is a goal like any other, and sometimes you just have to be brave enough to ask someone to be your friend

If this episode stirred something up for you, I want to know. Screenshot it, pop it in your Instagram stories, tag us both, and let us know what landed.

More from Amy:Instagram: @thisisamyrushworthHer new membership, Chosen Woman, is live now for anyone who wants direct support and coaching around dating and relationships.

In March, we found out my mother-in-law has cancer. It's now mid-July and she's in palliative care at home. We have weeks left with her.

I wanted to share this episode as a resource, whether you're supporting a partner through illness, grief, or any traumatic event, or you're the one going through it and need the words to ask for what you actually need.

Four months into this crash course, here's what I'm covering:

• Why "let me know if you need anything" is one of the worst things you can say, and what to do instead
• How to stop projecting your own needs onto your grieving partner
• Why honouring someone's nervous system matters more than trying to fix how they're coping
• How to support your loved one without abandoning yourself in the process

If you've got your own wisdom on grief, your masters, your PhD in it, send it my way. DM me or drop a comment on Spotify.

Sending you love, whether you're going through this or supporting someone who is.

Connect on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/kat_horrocks/

Summer gives you the space that January never quite does. Time off, time with family, more room to actually reflect on what's happened this year and what you want for the rest of it. In this episode I'm taking you through a mini version of my Pleasure Led Planning process. It's the exact framework we run live every month inside the Sisterhood, so you can do your own mid-year reset right now, wherever you are.

This one is meant to be worked through, not just half listened to while you scroll. Pause it, journal on it, talk it through with a friend who's also into her goals and growth. Whatever works for you.

What's covered

• Why decision fatigue, not lack of motivation, is usually the real thing stopping you from following through
• Celebrating how far you've come. What you're proud of from 2026 so far, including my own experience of staying devoted to my fitness through a genuinely hard year
• Auditing your 2026 goals and vision board. What still fits, what's shifted, and why that's completely normal after six months
• My own curveball this year, my mother in law's cancer diagnosis landing right as I headed into what's usually my busiest season, and what that taught me about seasons and pivoting
• Where you're actually at on the line from where you started this year to where you want to be
• Shiny object syndrome versus genuine misalignment, and how to tell the difference
• A New Year's Eve journal prompt to get properly clear on what you want for the rest of the year
• Embodiment. Who you're being when you've hit that goal, including my own reflections on stepping into being a wife and training for my half marathon this October
• Outcome goals versus process goals, and why process goals (the repeatable, habitual kind) tend to get you there feeling better along the way
• Building your Pleasure Led plan of action. 3 to 5 concrete steps or habits you can start this week
• Why putting it in the calendar is what makes it real, and how to infuse pleasure into even the hardest tasks

A quotable moment

"Decision fatigue will stop more goals and dreams from coming true than a lack of motivation ever will."

Join the Sisterhood

I'm offering a 14 day trial to the coaching and membership. Come in, watch the full six month reset call for free, and decide for yourself if it's the right space for you. Cancel any time during your trial and you won't be charged. Zero stress, give it a go.

➡️ Join the Sisterhood, 14 day trial.

Loved this episode?

Please follow or subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next. And if you've got a personal development girlie in your life who's also chasing her goals and dreams this year, send this one her way. You might just find your new accountability partner for the rest of 2026.

Are you the organised one. The one who initiates, who holds it all together, who remembers every birthday and manages every group chat. You're the friend everyone calls when something's going wrong, and you hold space for them beautifully.

Except when it's your turn. Then you go quiet. You don't ask for help. You don't let your feelings take up room, not in the group chat, not at the dinner table, not with your partner.

In this episode I'm talking about how lonely that identity can feel, even when you're surrounded by people who love you. I share why this role gets built so early (hello, being praised for being "so reliable" as a kid), what it's actually costing you now, and what I had to let go of to stop carrying everything alone.

What we cover:

• Why being "the strong one" isn't a personality trait, it's a role you were praised into from childhood
• The invisible mental load of constantly tracking, remembering and anticipating for everyone else
• Why you default to going quiet in your own crisis, even with friends you know would show up for you
• The difference between being independent and being interdependent, and why independence is actually the lonely one
• What it actually looks like to let people in, including the small, uncomfortable moment of just saying yes when someone offers to help
• Why saying yes to support is a gift to the other person, not a burden on them

Mentioned in this episode:

• Put Yourself First Live this September. Grab Early Bird Tickets Here - https://www.khorrocks.com/PYFlive
• Follow me on Instagram - ⁠https://www.instagram.com/kat_horrocks/⁠
• Cherished early bird spots are open now, save £100 on the last round price plus bonus 1:1 sessions over summer. DM me CHERISHED on Instagram for details.
• DM me COACHING on Instagram to enquire about working together

Before anything else - this break was the longest one I've ever taken from this podcast. It wasn't planned. Adam's mum went into end-of-life care right before the wedding. She was there anyway, watching from her bed on FaceTime, glass of wine in hand, cheersing us from a screen. That's the year it's been. The highest high and the lowest low, sat right next to each other, no space between them. I go into it properly in the episode. Here I just want you to know why I went quiet.

This episode isn't that though. This is the one you've been messaging me for.

Do we have a prenup?

What actually got said about money before the ring went on?

And what did we do at our wedding that made a few people's eyebrows hit the ceiling?

I'm answering all of it. The financial conversation most couples avoid until it's already too late to have it properly.

The decision around a prenup that surprised even some of my own clients.

And the choices we made on our wedding day that weren't for anyone's comfort but our own.

Ready to build this level of honesty into your own relationship?

Cherished opens again in September. Join over the summer on early bird and lock in bonus one-to-one sessions with me, no extra cost. DM the word Cherished on Instagram. https://www.instagram.com/kat_horrocks/

The penultimate episode before the wedding - and there is a lot to update you on. So I wanted to sit down, get real with you and share what's actually been going on behind the scenes = the good, the exciting and the hard.

In this episode I'm sharing:

• The big business update - closing Put Yourself First Ltd, going back to sole trader and rebranding under my married name (yes, I'm taking Adam's name and yes, the new name is pretty bloody cool)
• The platform migration - moving the entire Sisterhood to a brand new platform the month before the wedding because apparently I don't do things the easy way
• Wedding updates - the week off I've booked to decompress, write cards for our guests and just breathe before we get married on 20th June
• The mini moon - we're flying into Naples and heading to Praiano on the Amalfi Coast and I cannot wait
• A difficult family health update - we've been navigating anticipatory grief as a family for a few months now and I'm sharing the full context for the first time
• What this season has taught me about my relationship with Adam, the importance of communication and why I'm more certain than ever that I'm marrying the right person
• Why work has been my outlet and my anchor through all of it - and why that's okay

One more episode to come on Monday 15th before I sign off for the wedding - and then I'll be back in July, a married woman. Thank you for being here. It means more than you know. 💗

Offers mentioned:

• The Sisterhood: 50% off your first 3 months with code LOVERGIRL at checkout (ends Friday 12th June): https://www.khorrocks.com/sisterhood
• Cherished Autumn 2026: 2 early bird spots left, secure your place for £125: DM me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/kat_horrocks/
• Put Yourself First Live in Manchester on 26th September: https://www.khorrocks.com/PYFlive

In this episode I'm talking about:

• Why summer is such a powerful container for this kind of reset
• What "falling back in love with your life" actually means (and what it doesn't)
• The vulnerability in softness - and why letting yourself receive feels so hard for high achieving women
• The visualisation I take you through to meet the version of you at the end of August
• Four tiny, practical shifts that will genuinely change how you feel by September
• How to join us inside the Sisterhood for our 8 week summer challenge and Lover Girl Era

This one is a feel-good, inspiring listen. Share it with a friend who needs a reminder that she doesn't have to wait for the perfect moment to start enjoying her life.

Resources mentioned:

• Join The Sisterhood - 50% off your first 3 months with code LOVERGIRL: https://www.khorrocks.com/sisterhood
• Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kat_horrocks/

Subscribe so you never miss an episode - new episodes every Monday 💗

This one's for the girl who's lost her spark a little bit.

Maybe you've been going through a rough time lately. Maybe you're so busy and stressed that you've stopped really feeling like yourself. Maybe life has just been happening and you're ready to come back to yourself - back to your joy, your playfulness, your energy, your good vibes.

In this episode I'm getting really honest about what's going on in my own life right now and why this work is so personal for me at the moment. I'm also sharing why I think so many women are walking around feeling flat, disconnected and like they've lost that spark - and what it actually takes to get her back.

In this episode we talk about:

• What "losing your spark" actually means and why it happens to so many high-functioning women
• The awareness trap - knowing you need to change but feeling stuck in the gap between knowing and actually doing
• The 47 tabs metaphor and the mental load that is quietly draining you
• Why you're not going to wait your way into feeling better (and what to do instead)
• Why no one is coming to save you - and why that is actually the most empowering thing I can tell you
• The before and after from the Lover Girl Era embodiment call and what one hour can actually do
• How to join us inside The Sisterhood for Lover Girl Era this summer

Resources mentioned:

• Join The Sisterhood: 50% off your first 3 months + bonus 1:1 session when you DM me after listening: https://www.khorrocks.com/sisterhood
• Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kat_horrocks/

Do you ever feel like your brain never fully switches off?

You sit down to relax and suddenly you’re mentally replaying a work meeting, remembering you need to order your friend’s birthday gift, renew your passport, sort the holiday admin, clean the kitchen, reply to messages, organise plans, and somehow still be present, sexy, connected, calm and emotionally available for everyone around you 🤣

In this week’s episode, we’re talking about the REAL reason so many women feel disconnected from themselves lately.

Not because you’re lazy.
Not because you’re “bad at self-care”.
Not because there’s something wrong with your relationship.

But because the mental load women carry is HUGE.

And over time, constantly holding everything together can quietly disconnect you from:
• your joy
• your softness
• your libido
• your confidence
• your nervous system
• your spark

Inside this episode, we dive into:
💗 what the mental load actually is (and why it’s deeper than a to-do list)
💗 how women are socialised into over-functioning and hyper-independence
💗 why “just ask for help” often doesn’t feel that simple
💗 how survival mode impacts your relationship, libido, confidence and energy
💗 the hidden cost of constantly being “the capable one”
💗 why spaciousness is the medicine modern women need more of

And if this episode really hits home for you, I’d absolutely love to invite you inside Lover Girl Era 💗

A free feminine embodiment experience designed to help you:
• regulate your nervous system
• release stress and tension
• reconnect to yourself
• feel more playful, confident and connected again
• lighten the mental load and stop carrying everything alone

✨ JOIN LOVER GIRL ERA: https://www.khorrocks.com/reset

✨ FOLLOW ME ON INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/kat_horrocks/

✨ APPLY FOR 1:1 COACHING: https://forms.gle/5BoZfPaU5x1wSKYT6

✨ JOIN THE SISTERHOOD: https://www.khorrocks.com/sisterhood

If you loved this episode, please make sure you’re following the podcast and leave a rating/review because it genuinely helps more women discover the show 💗