The easy answer to this is “ask questions.” But about what? I’m pretty extroverted and can carry both sides of a conversation if I need to. But I wondered how other people keep a conversation flowing. Enter my wonderful panel:

First off, we learned that Kevin Wash has a game he plays (yes really!) to see how much he can learn about someone without telling them so much as his name. (Side note – I find the last thing people ask me is my name.)

His tip – start with an interesting question that even a stranger will answer and then follow up with a question related to their answer.

Inga Hebden agreed with asking a question and then listening to the answer with a caveat that some people give VERY short responses. Maybe they are shy or just not very comfortable. She then shared an example of trying to get to know someone who just didn’t want to share. In the end she wondered if it was even worth the effort to try to get to know the person if they didn’t want to be known.

Rick Alcantara added that in a business setting asking questions about what they are trying to accomplish and what their needs are is a good place to start. On the personal side some topics he suggested are the weather, sports, music, politics (if you are brave).

There is a downside to being really good at creating conversations – you get to the end of your scheduled time and you know all about them and they haven’t learned anything about you. Fine if you’re playing Kevin’s game. Not so good if you are networking. (That happened to me today in fact.)

How do you keep a conversation going with a stranger without making it all about you?

Connect with the panelists:

Inga Hebdon: https://www.linkedin.com/in/inga-hebdon/

Leadership & Personal Impact Coach helping people increase their impact, their ability to lead, their influence and act strategically.

Rick Alcantara: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rickalcantara/  

He does public relations, digital marketing and crisis communication at Rick Alcantara consulting

Kevin Wash: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-wash-23b90915/

Coach, mentor, author, trainer, and speaker running a consultancy business specializing in sales for international property development. Based in Spain

Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

AKA Mental MacGyver. My doctorate is in organizational business psychology with a concentration in sport and performance. I provide luxury level, high performance support and coaching to executives, founders, celebrities and athletes.

Want a summary of Quick Hits plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist in your in-box every week? Let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/

#QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.MentalMacGyver.com

Joey Robert Parks started us off by saying he tries to keep an open mind and look for counter-arguments to his existing opinion.

Jim Tam came in next to say that it feels like someone is being lazy when they say “do your own research.” Or maybe they don’t really know the answer. He believes it takes a very secure person to challenge their own biases and keep an open mind.

Lisa McDonald pointed out that actual scientific research is about looking for things that say your hypothesis is wrong. But the way it is generally used, people mean “do your own research” and you’ll find things that support me.

My frustration with people who insult me with “do your own research” is that there is no data I can bring to the table that is disagreement with them that is “acceptable.” They want me to do my own research but only if I find information that agrees with their existing beliefs. 

After we turned the recording off Jim made the point that there are really smart people who think differently than he does and he wonders, what do they know that I don’t?

Have “do your own research” been tossed at you as an insult? How do you make sure you get a well-rounded look at a topic before you create your opinion?

Connect with the panelists:

He is a 32-book author and ghostwriter and The DaVinci of Writing. He can write in any style, genre, or topic, and make it sound natural, like he’s been an expert in it for decades.

Jim Tam: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jimtam/

Is a Principal Client Director with Korn Ferry’s Digital group where he advises organizations on how to improve their sales effectiveness using world-class sales methodology and technology.

Lisa McDonald: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lisa-k-mcdonald-executive-career-coach/

Founder of Career Polish where she is an specializes in career management and executive presence.

Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

AKA Mental MacGyver. My doctorate is in organizational business psychology with a concentration in sport and performance. I provide luxury level, high performance support and coaching to executives, founders, celebrities and athletes.

Want a summary of Quick Hits plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist in your in-box every week? Let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/

#QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.MentalMacGyver.com

The conversations I’m posting yesterday and today were born out of the discussion: How should anger be expressed in the workplace? https://youtu.be/q8uPMUPGvgY

After we turned off the recording for that conversation the panel started talking about how hard it is to express anything in a dysfunctional workplace. We didn’t all have time to record again right then so we came back together to create this conversation.

In this part of the conversation, I asked the panelists to share their stories.

Claire Schwartz started us off talking about her time in the fast paced and often toxic environment of the legal and financial world in New York. Her advice was to get (good) advice and support and connect yourself to other grounded people.

Laura Agafitei agreed with the idea of creating a community. She provided the toxic and abusive example of having worked as an admin. She was very open about why she stayed in that environment even though she had other options. She suggested finding others to help you validate that what is happening is toxic so you don’t just accept it as “normal.”

Catarina von Maydell echoed what Laura said, adding that as hard as it is to hear, sometimes we have to recognize that we are complicit in allowing dysfunction in our lives because we have been taught to just “suck it up.” In her case she “loved” being in some of those dysfunctional, even abusive, environments because it was high powered, smart people and it was fun. But there was a lot of damage being done.

After sharing some of my own journey I added what I believe to be the best thing anyone can do for themselves: you have to stop choosing dysfunction

What tips do you have for functioning (keeping your sanity?) in a dysfunctional environment?

You can watch the first half of this conversation here: https://youtu.be/1JG80Gt1MU8

Connect with the panelists:

Laura Agafitei: https://www.linkedin.com/in/laura-agafitei/

Strategy and design Consultant for the health and wellness industry. Based in Dublin.

Catarina von Maydell: https://www.linkedin.com/in/catarinavonmaydell/

She helps business leaders build disruptive business models and define key leverage points to create powerful change and impact using a process of systemic, organizational, and human evolution.

Claire Schwartz: https://www.linkedin.com/in/clairemschwartz/

She is a Grief Coach and Trauma Healing Expert. Demystifying and Destigmatizing Grief and Trauma healing. Working with Individuals, Organizations and Families.

Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

AKA Mental MacGyver. My doctorate is in organizational business psychology with a concentration in sport and performance. I provide luxury level, high performance support and coaching to executives, founders, celebrities and athletes.

Want a summary of Quick Hits plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist in your in-box every week? Let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/

#QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.MentalMacGyver.com

The conversations I’m posting today and tomorrow were born out of the discussion: How should anger be expressed in the workplace? https://youtu.be/q8uPMUPGvgY

After we turned off the recording for that conversation the panel started talking about how hard it is to express anything in a dysfunctional workplace. We didn’t all have time to record again right then so we came back together to create this conversation.

Ten minutes wasn’t enough so we ended up with parts one and two.

Catarina von Maydell started us of talking about how dysfunction is on the rise. We have to laugh just so we don’t cry. How do we differentiate between palliative responses, which is just how do we deal with it in the moment, and then more systemic changes?

Laura Agafitei agreed and shared some of her story of being in a toxic work environment before going out on her own. Sometimes the hardest thing is to realize how toxic the situation is and that the level of distress (physical, emotional, mental) that you are carrying is in no way normal.

Claire Schwartz pointed out that what makes workplace dysfunction particularly challenging is that it is tied to your livelihood. Many people can’t just up and quit their job because their boss is toxic. Even if, ideally, it would be better for them mentally to get a job in a healthier environment.

When we reached the 10-minute mark I felt like we had done a good job of defining the problem but I wasn’t sure we had given solutions. Hence there is a part two that will be posted tomorrow.

Connect with the panelists:

Laura Agafitei: https://www.linkedin.com/in/laura-agafitei/

Strategy and design Consultant for the health and wellness industry. Based in Dublin.

Catarina von Maydell: https://www.linkedin.com/in/catarinavonmaydell/

She helps business leaders build disruptive business models and define key leverage points to create powerful change and impact using a process of systemic, organizational, and human evolution.

Claire Schwartz: https://www.linkedin.com/in/clairemschwartz/

She is a Grief Coach and Trauma Healing Expert. Demystifying and Destigmatizing Grief and Trauma healing. Working with Individuals, Organizations and Families.

Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

AKA Mental MacGyver. My doctorate is in organizational business psychology with a concentration in sport and performance. I provide luxury level, high performance support and coaching to executives, founders, celebrities and athletes.

Want a summary of Quick Hits plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist in your in-box every week? Let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/

#QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.MentalMacGyver.com

Oh boy. Trying to please everyone all the time sounds exhausting to me. But Tim Hawkes was keen to have a go at this question because he believes that saying, “You can’t please everyone” is a cop out to not have to bother trying to make a situation better or care about upsetting people.

Stewart Wiggins agreed to a point. He shared an example of giving $20 prizes and people complaining that they were given $20 bills instead of smaller bills.

Lynn Whitbeck disagreed. Looking at it from a business standpoint she said, “This is not about pleasing everyone. This is about pleasing who you serve.” She then added that personally, as a woman, she abhors people pleasing.

The conversation didn’t end there. We went back and forth and worked on what it means to try to please everyone all the time. Is it about pleasing or treating with dignity?

Listen to the whole conversation before you pass judgement on it. I think it is actually surprising where we started and where we ended up.

Based on this conversation, do you agree with Tim’s idea of trying to please everyone or do you land more with Lynn and being focused about who you try to please?

Connect with the panelists:

Tim Hawkes: https://www.linkedin.com/in/timhawkes/

Managing Director of Unlimited Potential. Mental engineer and executive coach focusing on logical and practical solutions to challenging problems.  He is in the UK

Lynn Whitbeck: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lynnwhitbeck/

She is the Founder & CEO of Petite2Queen where she helps people Get More Clients and Uncover Hidden Profits using her Results Driven Sales Strategy System.

Stewart Wiggins: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stewart-wiggins/

Induna Advisors – where he offers Fractional Chief Operating Officer services and Brings resources together to help scale your business.

Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

AKA Mental MacGyver. My doctorate is in organizational business psychology with a concentration in sport and performance. I provide luxury level, high performance support and coaching to executives, founders, celebrities and athletes.

Want a summary of Quick Hits plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist in your in-box every week? Let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/

#QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.MentalMacGyver.com

Well, this was not the conversation I expected to have on this topic. All three of my panelists they use “just kidding” in conversation.

In contrast, I find it inauthentic and rude.

Bonnie Versace shared that she uses it as “benign sarcasm.” She doesn’t mean for it to be harmful or detrimental in any way.

Atif Agha agreed saying some people just think it’s funny or they might be using it to say, “I didn't mean to say it, or it didn't come out right.”

Brandon Mahoney went further saying it is up to the recipient to understand the relationship well enough to realize if the person saying it meant to be hurtful or if they really are just teasing and joking.

After years of being told I was too thin skinned and I couldn’t “take a joke” I finally realized it is not my responsibility to have thick enough skin to be okay for you to cut me and laugh while I bleed.

What do you think? Is “just kidding” an okay way to smooth over something off-putting you might have said or is it a cover up for being rude? Do you use it or do you really dislike it?

Connect with the panelists:

Atif Agha: https://www.linkedin.com/in/atifagha/

Technology specialist doing data analytics and avid runner, based in Chicago

Bonnie Sussman-Versace: https://www.linkedin.com/in/bversace/

Re-imaginer at FOCUSED LLC. Where she specializes in developing leaders, building positive and productive workplace cultures, and improving individual, team and enterprise-wide performance

Brandon Mahoney: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drstartup/

Co-Founder of Launch Point Labs, National venture firm where he is the expert in creating sales departments. He is known as Dr Startup

Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

AKA Mental MacGyver. My doctorate is in organizational business psychology with a concentration in sport and performance. I provide luxury level, high performance support and coaching to executives, founders, celebrities and athletes.

Want a summary of Quick Hits plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist in your in-box every week? Let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/

#QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.MentalMacGyver.com

Dr Cole Galloway started us off by saying there is no absolute answer to this question. It depends on what the “end” is and it depends on what the “means” were. There are certainly times were winning the battle isn’t worth the damage you caused to win it.

Joe Pici came in with a hard line in the sand. “The end never justifies the means. How you get there is more important than arriving.”

Fallon Siniscarco said it comes down to morals. She would rather work really hard and not get the outcome she hoped for than to cheat to get the end results she wanted.

Then I wondered why it’s so clear when we sit in our little zoom boxes (which I stumbled over badly trying to say) that bad means aren’t justified by a good end. But in the real world, it doesn’t play out like that.

In the real world, the people who cheat often do win. We talked about that near the end of the conversation too.

What do you think? Does the end ever justify the means? And how do you handle it when you see people cheating their way to success while you struggle to do things fair and square?

Connect with the panelists:

Joe Pici: https://www.linkedin.com/in/joepici/

He is a speaker, coach and strategist specializing in results driven sales training for top sales professionals

Dr Cole Galloway: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cole-galloway-1ba715107/

Recovering academic working in social justice and disability, primarily with babies as the Founder at Go Baby Go

Fallon Siniscarco: https://www.linkedin.com/in/fallon-siniscarco-889558267/

Student Utica university studying occupational therapy. She will be starting grad school in the fall to study the same.

Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

AKA Mental MacGyver. My doctorate is in organizational business psychology with a concentration in sport and performance. I provide luxury level, high performance support and coaching to executives, founders, celebrities and athletes.

Want a summary of Quick Hits plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist in your in-box every week? Let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/

#QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.MentalMacGyver.com

Pity is a strange emotion. Is it the same/similar to empathy? I didn’t think so but one of the panelists suggested that maybe it is. Listen in and see if you agree or not.

Daniel Gramkee started us off by noting the difference between just pitying yourself verses having other people notice that you are.

Alexi Bracey noticed that when someone is feeling pity for you, they mean well but often come with unsolicited advice and information, which can make you feel worse rather than better.

Kevin Wash thinks that some people mix up pity and sympathy. He feels that sympathy is sincere concern. And pity is condescending, contemptuous, aggressive – patronizing (I agree with that last one).

What does it mean to pity someone (or have them pity you)? Is there any positive aspect to it? Why do you think it feels so awful?

Connect with the panelists:

Kevin Wash: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-wash-23b90915/

Coach, mentor, author, trainer, and speaker running a consultancy business specializing in sales for international property development. Based in Spain

Alexi Bracey: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alexi-bracey-34935a7/

Mission Happiness. Promoting happiness for no reason. Bouncing back after cancer and dementia prevention specialist.

Daniel T Gramkee: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dtgramkee/

He is a photographic artist with a background in performance and coaching who will capture you at your competitive best

Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

AKA Mental MacGyver. My doctorate is in organizational business psychology with a concentration in sport and performance. I provide luxury level, high performance support and coaching to executives, founders, celebrities and athletes.

Want a summary of Quick Hits plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist in your in-box every week? Let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/

#QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.MentalMacGyver.com

When I asked, “Is it important to have friends at work?” (https://youtu.be/9egtuaT11y8)? This panel unanimously agreed that it is very important.

The question of what if you don’t have friends at work followed so naturally that we had to get together again to discuss it.

Dave Roberts started us of by saying if you don’t have friends at work, you can at least be friendly, collegial and cooperative. That could help you get a promotion or develop friendships.

Glady Baradaran thinks that leaders have a role in helping their employees develop friendships.

Todd Karges pointed out that there are benefits to an organization for its employees to be friends and in that case, he agrees that it should be intentional. But he also noted that he has worked with people who didn’t have friends at work and that was because they weren’t open to making friends.

All of that said, I have been in situations where my friendliness was taken advantage of and people just dumped their work on me.

Is it a big deal not to have friends at work? If someone doesn’t, should they go out of their way to create them?

Connect with the panelists:

15 years of HR experience and a love for organizational development. Based in Canada.

Todd Karges: https://www.linkedin.com/in/toddkarges/

Has a background in project management and building agile development mindsets.  He is a transformation and change management practitioner and a leadership development coach. Based outside of Toronto.

Dave Roberts: https://www.linkedin.com/in/david-roberts-56690513/

Teacher, co-author of the book When the Psychology Professor Met the Minister and a bereavement support specialist

Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

AKA Mental MacGyver. My doctorate is in organizational business psychology with a concentration in sport and performance. I provide luxury level, high performance support and coaching to executives, founders, celebrities and athletes.

Want a summary of Quick Hits plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist in your in-box every week? Let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/

#QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.MentalMacGyver.com

Hindsight is 20/20. Monday morning quarterbacking. It’s easy to look in the rear-view mirror and “know” things were going to turn out like they did.

I share a story during this conversation about doing something “stupid” and breaking something that was important to me. I was SO angry at myself because I know better.

Philip Tate started this conversation by saying you have to give yourself some grace and allow yourself to learn from your mistakes. Later in the conversation he brought up self-compassion.

Stewart Wiggins talked about Mike Tyson – you can do lots of planning but once the punches start flying it becomes a problem-solving exercise. It’s not about how you look at it when it happens but how your respond to fix it.

Inga Hebdon added that trying to anticipate all possible problems before they happen can be a spiraling rabbit hole that gets you stuck doing nothing.

I feel like we danced around this topic more than answered. Grace. Learn from it. But letting go of being angry at yourself? I don’t think we came up with a good answer.

How do you let go of a mistake you “should” have seen coming? Or maybe worse, did see coming (like the story I shared) and didn’t stop it?

Connect with the panelists:

Inga Hebdon: https://www.linkedin.com/in/inga-hebdon/

Leadership & Personal Impact Coach helping people increase their impact, their ability to lead, influence, and act strategically.

Stewart Wiggins: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stewart-wiggins/

Induna Advisors – where he offers Fractional Chief Operating Officer services and Brings resources together to help scale your business.

Philip Tate: https://www.linkedin.com/in/philiptateaprfellowprsa/

He is a communications consultant doing Brand Building | Strategic Communications and Marketing based in Charlotte NC

Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/

AKA Mental MacGyver. My doctorate is in organizational business psychology with a concentration in sport and performance. I provide luxury level, high performance support and coaching to executives, founders, celebrities and athletes.

Want a summary of Quick Hits plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist in your in-box every week? Let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/

#QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.MentalMacGyver.com