Quiet Reflections: On BPD Recovery

Content Warning: Su*cidal Ideation, Substance Abuse, Violence/Assault

With his larger-than-life personality, Luciano has amassed over 120k+ followers on TikTok and Instagram from speaking about his experiences with BPD. But what really sets him apart is his unique way of coping with his BPD: by making creative videos that showcase his goofy side, and bring levity to our struggles. If you've ever come across his page, you'll recognize him immediately by his infectious smile.

In this episode, we got to chat about an issue that is often overlooked - how toxic masculinity affects men's emotional well-being. The attitude that showing any emotion is a sign of weakness and character is not a sustainable one. It robs us of our humanity, and it stops men from feeling safe in asking those around them for help.

Luciano is here to show you that there is strength in vulnerability. 

Follow Luciano on TikTok: @lucianoxxxarellano - Instagram: @luciano999arellano

Need a DBT Skill? DBT Pocket Guide

[ s o c i a l s ]

averythequiet.carrd.co

heartandsleeve.co

Join the community on Discord:

The Quiet BPD Keep is a recovery-focused community that offers daily affirmations, tarot readings, self-care reminders, DBT skill commands, books and resources, and more. Age 18+, LGBTQ+ and 420 friendly.

[ c r e d i t s ]

Recorded with: Podcastle

Music by ODDBAHL, Lunareh

[ d i s c l a i m e r ]

My content is meant for educational purposes only and is not a replacement for professional clinical advice, diagnosis, or therapy.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When you get a diagnosis of BPD, at whatever stage in life you’re at, it can be really confusing. It can feel hopeless. It can feel scary. There are a lot of new things you’re gonna learn about yourself that you gotta navigate.

On one hand, it’s a hard reality to accept. On the other hand, it can feel empowering to many of us, it can feel freeing, it can feel like something has been unlocked for us. The power that exists in knowing that you’re not alone, is so, so real. And we can use this power to propel ourselves forward and really cultivate joy in our lives that we are so, so deserving of.

Melanie's journey with BPD has been an exploration of self-discovery, resilience, and hope. Through her own experiences, she has discovered the transformative power of self-acceptance and self-love, inspiring others to embark on a similar path of empowerment. As she trains to become a therapist, Melanie's passion for helping others shines brightly, making her a Rae of Light for those seeking clarity and finding their own inner strength.

Get ready for an authentic and uplifting conversation on navigating the darkness and embracing the Raes of Light in our own lives. 

Find Mel on Insta: @mindovermelanie

Need a DBT Skill? DBT Pocket Guide

[ s o c i a l s ]

averythequiet.carrd.co

heartandsleeve.co

Join the community on Discord:

The Quiet BPD Keep is a recovery-focused community that offers daily affirmations, tarot readings, self-care reminders, DBT skill commands, books and resources, and more. Age 18+, LGBTQ+ and 420 friendly.

[ c r e d i t s ]

Recorded with: Podcastle

Music by ODDBAHL, Lunareh

[ d i s c l a i m e r ]

My content is meant for educational purposes only and is not a replacement for professional clinical advice, diagnosis, or therapy.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Content Warning: Discussions about Abuse

Micaela Kelly (she/her) is known for her BPD content under the handle @bpdrelatable, and that really says it all - Since 2021, she's cultivated a massive recovery focused community across TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook by creating insightful content about her experiences with BPD. Mic has a unique talent for articulating her experiences in a way that so many of us can relate to. Mic and I are good friends and we're delighted to be able to have you join us in this more laid-back, candid exchange about topics like trust issues, self-blame, and emotional over-control that is so typically seen in quiet BPD.

In this episode, Mic and I chat about:

• What does living with Quiet BPD look like for us?
• How has our experience with Quiet BPD changed over time?
• Why do people with Quiet BPD often have an issue with ghosting or abruptly ending long term friendships or relationships?
• Do people with Quiet BPD have emotional outbursts?
• How does Quiet BPD make us vulnerable to abusive behaviour from others?
• How does our experience with Quiet BPD affect our ability to trust others or form close relationships?
• What about our ability to trust ourselves and our own judgement?
• What are some of the triggers that can cause a "crash" or emotional breakdown for us?
• How do we recognize and manage self-destructive thoughts or behaviors?
• What are some things we’d like to see more awareness on regarding Quiet BPD?
• What are some common misconceptions or arguments made about Quiet BPD?
• Is quiet BPD high functioning? Is it a real thing? Is it worse or easier to live with than other presentations of BPD? Is it curable?

Follow Mic on IG, TikTok, and FB: @bpdrelatable

Need a DBT Skill? DBT Pocket Guide

[ s o c i a l s ]

averythequiet.carrd.co

heartandsleeve.co

Join the community on Discord:

The Quiet BPD Keep is a recovery-focused community that offers daily affirmations, tarot readings, self-care reminders, DBT skill commands, books and resources, and more. Age 18+, LGBTQ+ and 420 friendly.

[ c r e d i t s ]

Recorded with: Podcastle

Music:

Vanilla Sky by Lunareh

Sonic Sepia by Lunareh

Limbanja by ODDBAHL

Paper Ghosts by ODDBAHL

[ d i s c l a i m e r ]

My content is meant for educational purposes only and is not a replacement for professional clinical advice, diagnosis, or therapy.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Content Warning: Eating Disorders, Fatphobia, Brief mentions of Suicide

In Memory of Cerys Lupton-Jones.

Please consider donating to BEAT (UK) in Cerys' name.

Canada: EDFC | United States: Project HEAL

Andy Kretschmer (she/they) is a Licensed Social Worker in Ohio, and their expertise goes beyond professional knowledge. They have personally experienced the challenges of eating disorders, and emerged with a fierce determination to understand and assist others facing similar struggles. 

Andy's research and dedication to unraveling the complex factors that contribute to subclinical eating disorders illuminates this need for a compassionate and inclusive approach to supporting those who struggle with disordered eating and food insecurity. In this episode, we delve into the connection that anti-fatness AND food insecurity have in the development of eating disorders, including binge eating disorder. This episode is a must-listen for anyone interested in understanding the multifaceted nature of eating disorders and the broader societal influences at play.

Follow Andy on TikTok: @andylynnevans - Instagram: @edfoodjustice

Medium article: Exploring the Role of Weight Stigma in the Development of Eating Disorders among Food-Insecure People

Need a DBT Skill? DBT Pocket Guide

[ s o c i a l s ]

averythequiet.carrd.co

heartandsleeve.co

Join the community on Discord:

The Quiet BPD Keep is a recovery-focused community that offers daily affirmations, tarot readings, self-care reminders, DBT skill commands, books and resources, and more. Age 18+, LGBTQ+ and 420 friendly.

[ c r e d i t s ]

Recorded with: Podcastle

Music:

Vanilla Sky by Lunareh

Sonic Sepia by Lunareh

Limbanja by ODDBAHL

Paper Ghosts by ODDBAHL

[ d i s c l a i m e r ]

My content is meant for educational purposes only and is not a replacement for professional clinical advice, diagnosis, or therapy.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Who puts the B in BPD? Bianca McIntyre, a therapist who not only has personal experience with BPD but also dedicates her work to helping patients with personality disorders.

She focuses on challenging some long-held beliefs about the treatment of personality disorders, and advocates for a more compassionate and validating approach that puts the human element front and center. Many people with BPD face stigma directly from mental health professionals, and people like Bianca aim to change the narrative that’s forced on us by MHPs and stigmatizing communities out there - the idea that people with BPD can't be helped.

If you've ever questioned out of despair if you’re beyond help, if you’re the problem, if you’re a monster – this episode is a must-listen. You are NOT a monster.

In this episode, Bianca and I got to chat about:

• The lack of knowledge widely available about BPD before the emergence of social media
• The stigma patients with BPD face in clinical environments
• The frustration that patients with BPD often feel when CBT is used as the main form of treatment
• What can professionals include in their approach in order for patients with BPD to become more responsive?
• Where does the field of psychology and its practices have limitations?
• Why do we need to consider systems of oppression when treating mental health conditions?
• How radical acceptance can help us move through our suffering, rather than prolong it
• What perpetuates stigma of Cluster B personality disorders in clinical settings?
• Can social media help to educate the masses about BPD? Or is it only spreading misinfo?
• How would it be helpful to have more therapists out there with lived experience of BPD themselves?
• In what ways can helping people with personality disorders be rewarding?
• What are common recovery fallacies people with BPD fall into? How can we let go of unreasonable expectations we place on ourselves?
• Why should we embrace and accept our big feelings?

[s o c i a l s]

Follow Bianca on TikTok: @putting_the_b_in_bpd

Instagram: @bianca.mc.intyre

Need a DBT Skill? DBT Pocket Guide

[ s o c i a l s ]

averythequiet.carrd.co

heartandsleeve.co

Join the community on Discord:

The Quiet BPD Keep is a recovery-focused community that offers daily affirmations, tarot readings, self-care reminders, DBT skill commands, books and resources, and more. Age 18+, LGBTQ+ and 420 friendly.

[ c r e d i t s ]

Recorded with: Podcastle

Music:

Vanilla Sky by Lunareh

Sonic Sepia by Lunareh

Limbanja by ODDBAHL

Paper Ghosts by ODDBAHL

[ d i s c l a i m e r ]

My content is meant for educational purposes only and is not a replacement for professional clinical advice, diagnosis, or therapy.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Identity Disturbance had me conforming to what society kept telling me I should be. At one point in my healing journey, I was ready to think really hard about how true to myself I was being, and I realized I was not. I found that there were lots of people out there with the same experiences as me, and that there was a name for that. There are words for that experience. And those words for me, are queer and nonbinary.

In this episode, I'll chat with you about:

• What is Identity Disturbance and what can that look like?
• What does it even mean to have a stable, consistent, coherent sense of self?
• What are things that can seem like identity disturbance, but really aren't?
• How can we solidify our sense of self?
• Why are our core values and priorities important? How do we find these?
• Why it's perfectly normal to change and grow, and what it means to have consistent core aspects to your identity
• How did I figure out I was nonbinary, and what does that mean?
• Was I questioning my gender and sexual identity because of my identity disturbance?

PREVIEW: Letting In, vs Coming Out: Uncovering my Queer Identity after Self-Abandonment

[ r e c o m m e n d a t i o n s ]

Gender Reveal (a trans podcast)

Beyond the Gender Binary, by Alok Vaid-Menon

Distinguishing and Addressing Gender Minority Stress and Borderline Personality Symptoms (2019, Goldhammer et al.)

Need a DBT Skill? DBT Pocket Guide

[ s o c i a l s ]

averythequiet.carrd.co

heartandsleeve.co

Join the community on Discord:

The Quiet BPD Keep is a recovery-focused community that offers daily affirmations, tarot readings, self-care reminders, DBT skill commands, books and resources, and more. Age 18+, LGBTQ+ and 420 friendly.

[ c r e d i t s ]

Recorded with: Podcastle

Music:

Vanilla Sky by Lunareh

Sonic Sepia by Lunareh

Limbanja by ODDBAHL

Paper Ghosts by ODDBAHL

[ d i s c l a i m e r ]

My content is meant for educational purposes only and is not a replacement for professional clinical advice, diagnosis, or therapy.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Content Advisory: Brief mention of suicidal ideation

Dr. Jesse Finkelstein (he/him) has been on his own non-linear journey to find his purpose. He is a graphic designer, an illustrator, a game designer, a co-founder... And as of April 2023, he is now a clinical psychologist and DBT therapist. On his path, he has found so much freedom in being able to accept his emotions. To feel everything fully. DBT is not meant to make people feel like they have to ignore, to numb, to silence their emotions.

In this episode, Jesse and I chat about:

• What inspired Jesse to become a DBT therapist?
• How did DBT become an evidence-based treatment for BPD?
• Why are patients with BPD generally less responsive to CBT compared to DBT?
• What is THE Dialectic that DBT is talking about?
• What does it actually mean to build a life worth living?
• What are the different modules included in DBT?
• What does it mean to tolerate our distressing emotions?
• What are the different ways patients can access DBT?
• What are some problems DBT has when it comes to helping patients retain the skills?
• What solution does TheraHive aim to bring to the DBT world?
• How does it feel to witness a client's progress in therapy?
• Bonus: Jesse's TOP 5 FAV DBT SKILLS 🌱💟

[s o c i a l s]

Find Jesse elsewhere:

talkgood.org

@talkisgood

@dbttiktok

[ m e n t i o n e d ]

The Game of Real Life: Successfully backed on Kickstarter

TheraHive: FAQs

DBT-RU: DBT Skills from Experts (YouTube Channel)

Need a DBT Skill? DBT Pocket Guide

[ s o c i a l s ]

averythequiet.carrd.co

heartandsleeve.co

Join the community on Discord:

The Quiet BPD Keep is a recovery-focused community that offers daily affirmations, tarot readings, self-care reminders, DBT skill commands, books and resources, and more. Age 18+, LGBTQ+ and 420 friendly.

[ c r e d i t s ]

Recorded with: Podcastle

Music:

Vanilla Sky by Lunareh

Sonic Sepia by Lunareh

Limbanja by ODDBAHL

Paper Ghosts by ODDBAHL

[ d i s c l a i m e r ]

My content is meant for educational purposes only and is not a replacement for professional clinical advice, diagnosis, or therapy.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

People with BPD often feel like they don't belong anywhere. The thing is, we as humans need connections with others to survive and to feel emotionally fulfilled. Hyper-individualism is shit and it doesn't work.

So how do we combat loneliness? We cultivate meaningful connections with others. But how - and where - do you do that?

In this episode, I’ll chat with you about:

• Understanding loneliness as a trigger for BPD symptoms
• What if you feel like you don’t really have a good support system?
• Why a support system is important for BPD recovery
• Who is and who isn’t, appropriate to inform about your BPD?
• How do I explain my BPD to people?
• Red flags you shouldn't ignore - no matter how strong your fear of loneliness is

[r e a d m o r e]

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

Dr. Martin Bohus, MD - Google Scholar

BIPOC Mental Health: Community Care

Loneliness, Social Isolation, and Their Difference: A Cross-Diagnostic Study in PDD and BPD (2020)

Understanding chronic feelings of emptiness in borderline personality disorder: a qualitative study (2021)

Need a DBT Skill? DBT Pocket Guide

[ s o c i a l s ]

Follow my IG for updates: @averythequiet

Want more content? Join me on Patreon: Avery, the Quiet

averythequiet.carrd.co

Join the community on Discord:

The Quiet BPD Keep is a recovery-focused community that offers daily affirmations, tarot readings, self-care reminders, DBT skill commands, books and resources, advice and listener roles, and voice chats. Age 18+, LGBTQ+ and 420 friendly.

[ c r e d i t s ]

Recorded with: Podcastle

Music:

Vanilla Sky by Lunareh

Sonic Sepia by Lunareh

Limbanja by ODDBAHL

Paper Ghosts by ODDBAHL

[ d i s c l a i m e r ]

My content is meant for educational purposes only and is not a replacement for professional clinical advice, diagnosis, or therapy.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Can we find a balance when it comes to attachment where we don’t completely lose ourselves in a relationship? Lena Nicodemus, LMFT (she/they), is dedicated to showing others with BPD that we can. I still have a lot to learn about breaking out of relationship patterns and I felt a lot better after talking to Lena.

In this episode, Lena and I got to chat about:

• Breaking patterns of unhealthy forms of attachment 
• What is it like to have a partner with secure attachment?
• Forming your own sense of personal identity outside of relationships
• When and how do we tell our partner about our BPD?
• How can we learn to develop trust in relationships?
• How we can co-regulate with a partner during times of conflict
• Tips for dealing with conflict with partners
• Having patience with ourselves during conflict and during healing

Follow Lena on TikTok: @yourhumantherapist - Instagram: @lenanicodemustherapy

Need a DBT Skill? DBT Pocket Guide

[ s o c i a l s ]

Follow my IG for updates: @averythequiet

averythequiet.carrd.co

Join the community on Discord:

The Quiet BPD Keep is a recovery-focused community that offers daily affirmations, tarot readings, self-care reminders, DBT skill commands, books and resources, advice and listener roles, and voice chats. Age 18+, LGBTQ+ and 420 friendly.

[ c r e d i t s ]

Recorded with: Podcastle

Music: Limbanja by ODDBAHL

Paper Ghosts by ODDBAHL

Intro: Vanilla Sky by Lunareh

Outro: Sonic Sepia by Lunareh

[ d i s c l a i m e r ]

My content is meant for educational purposes only and is not a replacement for professional clinical advice, diagnosis, or therapy.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Content Advisory: Strong Language, Discussion of abuse, brief mention of SH

As people with BPD, we are born with a genetic predisposition to emotional vulnerability. On top of that, growing up in an invalidating environment can foster this mental health condition, where our trauma responses become invasive and maladaptive. But what does it mean for an environment to be invalidating? How can we learn to validate ourselves? And how can our loved ones learn to validate and express compassion to us as we're healing?

In this episode, I cover these topics:

• What are the four types of trauma responses, and how do they manifest in individuals?
• How are the fawn response and quiet BPD similar?
• Where does a fawn response come from?
• How can emotional abuse/neglect also have a significant impact on a person's well-being?
• What can emotional invalidation look like?
• How can individuals recognize and address trauma responses and emotional invalidation in themselves?
• What are some effective strategies for self validation and compassion?
• How can people better support and validate their loved ones with BPD?

[ m e n t i o n e d ]

Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, by Pete Walker

The Artist's Way, by Julia Cameron

Need a DBT Skill? DBT Pocket Guide

[ s o c i a l s ]

Follow my IG for updates: @averythequiet

averythequiet.carrd.co

Join the community on Discord:

The Quiet BPD Keep is a recovery-focused community that offers daily affirmations, tarot readings, self-care reminders, DBT skill commands, books and resources, advice and listener roles, and voice chats. Age 18+, LGBTQ+ and 420 friendly.

[ c r e d i t s ]

Recorded with: Podcastle

Music: Paper Ghosts by ODDBAHL

Intro: Vanilla Sky by Lunareh

Outro: Sonic Sepia by Lunareh

[ d i s c l a i m e r ]

My content is meant for educational purposes only and is not a replacement for professional clinical advice, diagnosis, or therapy.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.