Monday 9th February - Penisgate - Rich and Ally are back after their deserved weekend break with all the news that’s fit to talk about. Today it’s the big controversy at the Winter Olympics, wherever that is, and the lengths and widths that male ski jumpers are prepared to go to to win. But is the real story perverted cock-obsessed journalists, which Rich and Ally definitely aren’t? With a live report from the slopes of the Olympics.

Wednesday 11th February 2026 - 20-Year-Old Ejaculate - Newsround is back after yesterday’s hiatus when no news happened, but the grown-up news has missed today’s big story, an interview with tech entrepreneur Bryan Johnson the man who intends to live forever by going to bed at 8.30pm every night. Just like John Craven in the original Newsround, Rich displays his jealousy of a younger man’s ability to produce gametes, whilst Ally warns of the dangers of eternal life. Exactly like John Craven’s Newsround. Which this is nothing like. Look out for the new titles too. Thanks Andy Bobbin.

Thursday 12th February 2026 - Tomato Sauce Science - Rich and Ally are back with some of your comments about the new titles. Well suck it. They discuss new evidence that suggests the Turin Shroud may not be really the shroud of Christ, for all those of you who thought this was wrapped up (no pun intended) already. Do we need evidence to believe in Jesus and isn’t it more important to follow his philosophy? Is St John a liar? Has Ally confused Jesus with Pinocchio? And is Jesus back now, saying wise things? Maybe on a short YouTube video, rather than a mount.

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