Look and Ask

1. Get on your child's level
2. If your child allows, gently touch their arm or shoulder
3. Look softly, loving, and with real presence into their eyes
4. Ask in a gentle voice, "What do you need?"
5. Pause and listen
6. Ask again as needed (Sometimes children don't realize we are sincerely asking.)

For this to be effective the adult needs to be in a calm state. Ask yourself before approaching, if you are calm and in a state to help your child. (if not see recommended episodes below)

Children are not used to us being fully present with them. This tip can break the tantrum because it's a different approach than you've used before. 

You can use this before a tantrum to prevent it. 

Previous Episodes: 

How To Calm Your Child (With Breathing) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHbv3lWAUy8

Keep Calm In Child's Crisis https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-ziztz-kAg

If you got real value out of this video, then 'subscribe' to my channel and turn the notification on for more videos like this: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Get the Free Guide: 

7 Tips to Stopping Tantrums https://www.raisinggreatkids.net/deescalation-tools 

*** CONNECT WITH ME (Cynthia Armstrong) ***

Youtube: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Facebook: https://bit.ly/FB-RaisingGreatKids 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/raisinggreatkidscynthia/ 

Twitter: @RaisingGreatKid

Website: www.raisinggreatkids.net

In this episode I talk about 3 reasons we need our children.

1. Physical Comfort for the parent
2. Emotional Comfort for the parent
3. To Look Good To Others

Parents can have the same actions but for different reasons. 

1. We need physical or emotional comfort or to look good to others so we can feel good about ourselves. 
   • Our interactions with our child are about and for us. 
   • We take offense or feel sad or depressed by our children's words and actions. 
   • We are more angry or impatient. 
2. We already feel complete or good in ourselves and our interactions with our children show unconditional love. 
   • Our actions are about teaching and loving them.
   • Our experiences with our children enhance us. We don't need them to complete us. 
   • We are more patient and allow our children space to learn and grow.

Recommended Episodes: 

Your Most Important Relationship https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiIxwB4j6bI 

Beginning of School Year Anxiety https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=REjkAv_4HuU

If you got real value out of this video, then 'subscribe' to my channel and turn the notification on for more videos like this: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Get the Free Guide: 

7 Tips to Stopping Tantrums https://www.raisinggreatkids.net/deescalation-tools 

*** CONNECT WITH ME (Cynthia Armstrong) ***

Youtube: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Facebook: https://bit.ly/FB-RaisingGreatKids 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/raisinggreatkidscynthia/ 

Twitter: @RaisingGreatKid

Website: www.raisinggreatkids.net

In this episode I discuss how children are people too and how we sometimes forget. 

Children don't like to be told what to do or who to be. They will either rebel, shut down, or become followers doing what they are told. 

Become aware of your children's dreams. Encourage your children to fulfill their dreams. 

If we've been working off our own agenda, our children may not even know what their dreams are. 

How much more likely will be it for our children to succeed if they feel they are capable. 

Recommended Episodes:

Parents' Relationships With Children https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiIxwB4j6bI 

I'm Not Good Enough https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJVbBy2V0Qk

If you got real value out of this video, then 'subscribe' to my channel and turn the notification on for more videos like this: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Get the Free Guide: 

7 Tips to Stopping Tantrums https://www.raisinggreatkids.net/deescalation-tools 

*** CONNECT WITH ME (Cynthia Armstrong) ***

Youtube: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Facebook: https://bit.ly/FB-RaisingGreatKids 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/raisinggreatkidscynthia/ 

Twitter: @RaisingGreatKidWebsite: www.raisinggreatkids.net

In this episode I share a personal experience of being a terrible parent. I go into  the importance of taking strength in terrible parenting. 

Often a terrible parent can spiral into thoughts of being terrible which leads to being stuck and leaves us struggling to make any lasting change. 

You can use your terrible parenting to help you see the damage it does and use that as the catalyst for permanent change. That change comes from being grateful for noticing the pain and using it as a motivator to change. 

I was grateful that I was a terrible parent or I may not have caused or felt enough pain to go through the process of changing. 

Recommended Episodes:

Brain Motivators  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhsqrYcXw4k 

As Parents, We Can't Know It All https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXlwSnK-hMg 

If you got real value out of this video, then 'subscribe' to my channel and turn the notification on for more videos like this: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Get the Free Guide: 

7 Tips to Stopping Tantrums https://www.raisinggreatkids.net/deescalation-tools 

*** CONNECT WITH ME (Cynthia Armstrong) ***

Youtube: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Facebook: https://bit.ly/FB-RaisingGreatKids 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/raisinggreatkidscynthia/ 

Twitter: @RaisingGreatKid

Website: www.raisinggreatkids.net 

In this episode we talk about children's brain development. 

Babies have very underdeveloped brains when they are born. 

We are still learning all the ways our brain decideds to make connections. I talk about a couple ways we know about. 

Children can't think about thinking until around age 7. 

Psychologists say children have anxiety, depression, OCD, ADHD, etc and say this is the problem. Nueroscientists know that these are the symptoms not the problem or root cause. They know it is the brain. 

When we understand how our children's brains make connections, we have a greater capacity to help them. 

Recommended Episodes

https://youtu.be/9N0NZbwpY9g 

As a teacher I get a lot of complaints from parents that their child doesn't tell them about their day or what happened in school. In this episode I will give some tips to help you get your child to tell you more about their day. 

The biggest tip I can give you is to watch how you respond to things your child tells you. If we respond in a way that shows judgement or needing to solve a problem that will often shut your child down. They won't want to share with you. 

Instead leave space for your child to have their own thoughts and feelings. Come from a space of gathering information. 

Your child might give you information you will benefit from talking to the teacher about or getting help of some kind. However, just take in the information while your child is talking. You can decide on a plan of action later. 

Children come to know their own thoughts and feelings when we give them that space to process and talk without us jumping in with our own thoughts and judgements. 

A 2nd tip is to notice when the best time to talk to your child is. Sometimes it may not be right after school. They may still have a lot going on in their heads and they are not yet ready to share. They may be ready to talk right after school. If they are not, try asking as a meal time conversation. Or you might be part of the night time tucking in routine. Get to know your child and see what works best for them. 

Recommended Episodes: 

Faulty Communication  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6QCukBFajk

Beginning of School Year Anxiety  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=REjkAv_4HuU 

If you got real value out of this video, then 'subscribe' to my channel and turn the notification on for more videos like this: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Get the Free Guide: 

7 Tips to Stopping Tantrums https://www.raisinggreatkids.net/deescalation-tools 

*** CONNECT WITH ME (Cynthia Armstrong) ***

Youtube: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Facebook: https://bit.ly/FB-RaisingGreatKids 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/raisinggreatkidscynthia/ 

Twitter: @RaisingGreatKid

Website: www.raisinggreatkids.net

Communication is a big deal. We want  to communicate to our children what we want them to do, life lessons, expectations, and lots of different things. 

Communication is inherently flawed. When we say something it has energy, tone, and body language. We say something a certain way. When our children take it in they interpret it from their own perceptions and we don't have any control over that. 

As a society, I think we have this big false belief about communication. If I learn to communicate better I will feel understood. 

Sometimes we communicate to be understood by our children and not in a selfless desire to help them. 

There is no way to communicate perfectly because we are communicating from our perceptions and they are receiving it from theirs. 

What if it's OK to attempt to communicate with your child and they get all angry and interpret it in a way we did not mean. Now they are communicating with us and we can interpret it many different ways from our own perspectives. 

100% effective communication is an elusive goal that does not really exist. We don't have control over how the other person interprets what we say. 

There are ways we can provide the greatest opportunities for our children or others we talk to to accept in or understand more thoroughly what we were trying to communicate.

Action: Notice how you send out communication, how others respond to our communication, and how you take their communication in. 

Recommended Episodes: 

Find Joy In Parenting https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BBnonfpZ1o

Children Are Messed Up https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnMq9ev6rII 

If you got real value out of this video, then 'subscribe' to my channel and turn the notification on for more videos like this: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Get the Free Guide: 

7 Tips to Stopping Tantrums https://www.raisinggreatkids.net/deescalation-tools 

*** CONNECT WITH ME (Cynthia Armstrong) ***

Youtube: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Facebook: https://bit.ly/FB-RaisingGreatKids 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/raisinggreatkidscynthia/ 

Twitter: @RaisingGreatKid

Website: www.raisinggreatkids.net 

Beginning of School Year Anxiety

For some children they are excited for school, wave goodbye to their parents and head into school. For other children it brings a lot of anxiety. For younger children there could be crying and clinging. For older and younger children stomach aches and aches. 

What are we doing that increases anxiety about school in our children? 

• Not wanting our child to go because we meet a lot of needs having them with us
• Talking about school concerns in or supposedly out of our child's hearing (masks, teachers, shootings…)

What we can do…

• Show excitement for our child going to school (What adventure will your child have in school today/this year?)
• Tell them you are excited to hear about one thing that was fun, one thing that was challenging, and one thing that they learned. 
• Be aware of what your child hears you say with their super hearing. 
• Don't avoid talking about challenges at school but always finish up with excitement or anticipation in their ability and our support in overcoming them. 
• Share stories whether your own or someone elses about school, the fun things and overcoming challenges.

Beginning of school year anxiety can tell about something deeper going on with our children that we might not have noticed before. 

Recommended Episodes

Our Most Important Relationship  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiIxwB4j6bI 

Help Children Be Their Authentic Selves Part 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HL0ZO8pSYss 

If you got real value out of this video, then 'subscribe' to my channel and turn the notification on for more videos like this: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Get the Free Guide: 

7 Tips to Stopping Tantrums https://www.raisinggreatkids.net/deescalation-tools 

*** CONNECT WITH ME (Cynthia Armstrong) ***

Youtube: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Facebook: https://bit.ly/FB-RaisingGreatKids 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/raisinggreatkidscynthia/ 

Twitter: @RaisingGreatKid

Website: www.raisinggreatkids.net 

What do you consider your most important relationship to be?

For me it is my relationship with myself. 

My relationship with my children is only as good as my relationship with myself. 

I was being the best parent I could be in the past. I have more skills and knowledge now. I'll have even more in the future. Continue to develop and improve each day. That is our best self. 

There is no way to teach my children what I don't have. It is the process of learning something myself that enables me to step up as a parent. Are you good company for yourself?

You can see if you are using your relationships to complete yourself or coming as a complete person. 

We can see our relationship is missing with ourselves when we have negative self talk or avoid being with ourselves.

Connecting with ourselves allows us to connect to our children  in a meaningful way. 

When trying to help children change to more appropropriate behaviors we often have what we call extinction behaviors. The behaviors increase before they decrease or are replaced. I found my subconscious was doing this to me when I was trying to change my self talk and my behaviors. 

Take the time to self-reflect, feel the discomfort and check in on your relationship with yourself. 

If you want a better relationship with your children, get a better relationship with yourself. 

Enjoy being a parent. Enjoying the opportunity and privilege to raise great kids. 

Recommended Episodes: 

Parents' Relationship with Children https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiIxwB4j6bI 

Find Joy In Parenting https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BBnonfpZ1o 

If you got real value out of this video, then 'subscribe' to my channel and turn the notification on for more videos like this: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Get the Free Guide: 

7 Tips to Stopping Tantrums https://www.raisinggreatkids.net/deescalation-tools 

*** CONNECT WITH ME (Cynthia Armstrong) ***

Youtube: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Facebook: https://bit.ly/FB-RaisingGreatKids 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/raisinggreatkidscynthia/ 

Twitter: @RaisingGreatKid

Website: www.raisinggreatkids.net 

Parents' Relationship With Children

As a teacher we say we learn about history so it doesn't repeat itself. Well we also learn about history so we can understand ourselves better. 

I was reading an article about how the roles of women have changed over time and how it affected marriages. Well, if it affected marriages, it has also affected our relationship with our children. 

In the past, women were reliant on men for financial support. They had limited educational and employment opportunities. Women were often subservient to the man. It was difficult for the woman to feel love, connection, or significance to someone they felt subservient to. So women would turn to caring for their children to meet these needs externally. 

I don't know how this has affected our relationship with our children or how we perceive that relationship should be. But I know that it has affected it and it is important to think about it. 

If you got real value out of this video, then 'subscribe' to my channel and turn the notification on for more videos like this: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Get the Free Guide: 

7 Tips to Stopping Tantrums https://www.raisinggreatkids.net/deescalation-tools 

*** CONNECT WITH ME (Cynthia Armstrong) ***

Youtube: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Facebook: https://bit.ly/FB-RaisingGreatKids 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/raisinggreatkidscynthia/ 

Twitter: @RaisingGreatKid

Website: www.raisinggreatkids.net