One of our biggest fears is that we are not good enough. 

These fears are often vague or based in the future and not in the present. 

To help combat these fears you can…

1. Ask yourself questions that help you focus on the present and what is really happening. One beneficial question is,"What needs am I trying to meet or am afraid of losing?"
2. Train your brain to look at positive outcomes that can happen. This can help motivate you to action. 

Take a close look at where you feel 'Not good enough' and try asking yourself questions and thinking about the possible positive outcomes. 

When you've seen what works for you, then you are ready to work through this process with your child. 

Children may tune us out if we approach them with the attitude of 'I have the answer'. Instead, approach a child with an attitude of curiosity. 'This is something that works for me. I wonder if it would help you."

Recommended Episodes: 

Lead By Example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q0GDZc6P9ns 

Children's Psychological Needs: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJ6Mhh0lT1w&t=15s 

If you got real value out of this video, then 'subscribe' to my channel and turn the notification on for more videos like this: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Get the Free Guide: 

7 Tips to Stopping Tantrums https://www.raisinggreatkids.net/deescalation-tools 

*** CONNECT WITH ME (Cynthia Armstrong) ***

Youtube: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Facebook: https://bit.ly/FB-RaisingGreatKids 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/raisinggreatkidscynthia/ 

Twitter: @RaisingGreatKid

Website: www.raisinggreatkids.net 

A child is in crisis when they are dysregulated. They can be dysregulated to varying degrees. 

Our child can only become as regulated as we are. 

Prepare for when your child will become dysregulated by preparing a story that will help you remain calm. 

I feel mad or frustrated when my story is that my child is doing this on purpose, they are so selfish, I can't believe they are doing this again, etc. I can tell a story that helps me stay calm. My child is just trying to meet a need which can lead me to feel sad for my child's struggle. Another story example: there is something I haven't taught my child yet to help them handle these situations. If that story brings me curiosity then I stay at a higher energy level or higher brain function. When I'm in my higher brain functions I can help my child more. 

If I bring fire to match my child's fire then we just have a bigger fire. There's plenty of fuel and it can take awhile to burn out. (also leaves a lot of damage)

We approach calmly, but then our child does something that triggers us to lose our calm. Be aware of yourself and what triggers and find a way to think about those triggers so they no longer cause a reaction in you. 

To stay calm:

1. Think of a montra or  phrase to help keep you in a higher energy level. I use "Eye of the storm". This reminds me that I have power over how I feel and respond. I only 'lose it' when I give my power to my child. 
2. Think of something you love or that brings you happy thoughts. Can be anything from "chips and questo" to a funny image to desired long term outcome like 'helping kids shift"

Recommended Episodes:

My Children Are Messed Up https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnMq9ev6rII 

How To Calm Your Child https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHbv3lWAUy8 

If you got real value out of this video, then 'subscribe' to my channel and turn the notification on for more videos like this: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Get the Free Guide: 

7 Tips to Stopping Tantrums https://www.raisinggreatkids.net/deescalation-tools 

*** CONNECT WITH ME (Cynthia Armstrong) ***

Youtube: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Facebook: https://bit.ly/FB-RaisingGreatKids 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/raisinggreatkidscynthia/ 

Twitter: @RaisingGreatKid

Website: www.raisinggreatkids.net

In the old testament. The leaders had a great impact on how well the nation did. They either helped the people to make choices that led to growth or not. 

As parents we have the same effect as leaders of our family. If we are focus on the give me, give me to meet needs we are not growth centered. When we are focused inward to what feels right and what brings peace we are connected to our guidance system. 

Children don't learn from the things we say but from us being authentic. We are authentic when our words, actions, and attitudes match. 

When we look at ourselves and serve our truest intentions and not the needy, external self, then how much more likely will our children listen to us. 

When our children feel our love, we act in love, and we speak in love, then we become the examples our children see to help them know where to go in life. 

It's awesome when we make mistakes. 

How empowering is it when children see us make mistakes and use it as a means for growth instead of negative self-talk?! 

When we make mistakes we can put ourselves down, put others down to make us feel better, or learn and grow from mistakes. 

Don't take what I say as truth. See what feels right for you. 

Recommended Episodes:

Help Children Be Their Authentic Selves Part 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HL0ZO8pSYss 

Help Children Be Their Authentic Selves Part 2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zLij5c-TIE

If you are struggling with changing your focus you can reach out to me on my website - www.raisinggreatkids.net or email me at [email protected]

Recommended Episode: 

Help Children Be Their Authentic Selves https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HL0ZO8pSYss 

If you got real value out of this video, then 'subscribe' to my channel and turn the notification on for more videos like this: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Get the Free Guide: 

7 Tips to Stopping Tantrums https://www.raisinggreatkids.net/deescalation-tools 

*** CONNECT WITH ME (Cynthia Armstrong) ***

Youtube: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Facebook: https://bit.ly/FB-RaisingGreatKids 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/raisinggreatkidscynthia/ 

Twitter: @RaisingGreatKid

Website: www.raisinggreatkids.net 

When I look around I see so many people who do not have joy in their parenting. 

A survey was taken asking the next generation if they wanted to be parents and why. There were a large number of people who did not want to be parents. One said their she didn't think her grandma wanted to be a parent. She knew her mom didn't want to be a parent. So, she was going to break the cycle and not have any children. 

It was rough when I first started parenting. I had no clue. I got upset, yelled, lectured, was grumpy, and tired. Even before they could understand or talk, there would be an energy of exasperation or 'I can't believe it'. Our children pick up on these messages. 

I realized things needed to change when I saw my daughter's reaction to my energy and moods. I could see she didn't feel loved or that she was a burden. I came to understand this isn't what I wanted. This isn't what I intended. What am I going to do differently?

To feel joy in parenting, to let our children know we have joy in them…

• We need to look inside ourselves
• Let go of expectations
• Don't focus on what kids take away from us. This isn't joyful or fun or a beneficial way to connect.
• Focus on what they bring to us. The joy in just being. 

What have you ever accomplished that means anything to you that there wasn't a little bit of struggle, a little of effort, a little bit of overcoming? I can't think of effort. 

Struggle and effort is where growth comes from. 

If we are constantly in friction mode then we are wearing out not growing. 

We can experience growth and joy even in the midst of struggle. 

That growth brings us to a higher level, a higher understanding, a higher energy level. 

A lot of information out there says just notice that it's you and change it. 

If you are struggling with changing your focus you can reach out to me on my website - www.raisinggreatkids.net or email me at [email protected]

Recommended Episode: 

Help Children Be Their Authentic Selves https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HL0ZO8pSYss 

If you got real value out of this video, then 'subscribe' to my channel and turn the notification on for more videos like this: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Get the Free Guide: 

7 Tips to Stopping Tantrums https://www.raisinggreatkids.net/deescalation-tools 

*** CONNECT WITH ME (Cynthia Armstrong) ***

Youtube: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Facebook: https://bit.ly/FB-RaisingGreatKids 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/raisinggreatkidscynthia/ 

Twitter: @RaisingGreatKid

Website: www.raisinggreatkids.net 

When we make children say "I'm sorry" then we are teaching them to

• Lie
• Not be authentic

We want to teach children:

• That "negative" feelings are okay
• How to identify and name "negative feelings" 
• Recognize the message in negative feelings (Our needs and not really the other person)
• Begin to identify why they felt their needs were not met.
• We gave the other person an opportunity to feel a deficit in their needs. How can we give them an opportunity to meet their needs? (May include "I'm sorry" but doesn't need to)

Recommended Episodes: 

Children's Psycological Needs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJ6Mhh0lT1w&t=15s

If you got real value out of this video, then 'subscribe' to my channel and turn the notification on for more videos like this: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Get the Free Guide: 

7 Tips to Stopping Tantrums https://www.raisinggreatkids.net/deescalation-tools 

*** CONNECT WITH ME (Cynthia Armstrong) ***

Youtube: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Facebook: https://bit.ly/FB-RaisingGreatKids 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/raisinggreatkidscynthia/ 

Twitter: @RaisingGreatKid

Website: www.raisinggreatkids.net 

Children come into this world as their authentic selves. Then we as their parents start programming them not to be authentic. And the world and society helps with that programming too. 

We are not to blame for the programs we picked up as a child, but it is our responsibility to look at them and see if they still benefit us. 

When one child hurts or takes from another, it is built into us to want to defend and protect. We often do that by telling the child that was more aggressive to stop, that was wrong, that was mean, that was not okay. Even if we don't verbally label that child as bad, they interpret what we said as them being bad.

The moment we do not allow all of our children's emotions, we teach them not to be authentic. 

So many of us have been trained that what are labeled as "negative" emotions are not okay. We end up suppressing, avoiding, or denying them. Avoiding negative feelings makes it difficult for us to even label them correctly or specifically. Mean is not an emotion. 

We can teach the aggressive child by identifying their feelings and why they may have chosen to do what they did. You felt super powerful when you took that toy. Was that a kind thing to do? If you wanted to feel powerful you must have been feeling weak. 

Perhaps the aggressive child had been told no about something early and they had no control over that. They knew they could feel control over this other child. 

All emotions are allowed and okay. How we respond or react to emotions may not be okay. That is what we can help our children with. Help them identify emotions and how to beneficially respond to them. 

Helping our children might require us to change how we see and identify with negative emotions. 

Recommended Episodes: 

Beneficial Use of Weaknesses https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlR7gK1LG60&t=3s 

Again? Seriously? (When children keep doing the same inappropriate behaviors) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnllpjZY6Jg

If you got real value out of this video, then 'subscribe' to my channel and turn the notification on for more videos like this: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Get the Free Guide: 

7 Tips to Stopping Tantrums https://www.raisinggreatkids.net/deescalation-tools 

*** CONNECT WITH ME (Cynthia Armstrong) ***

Youtube: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Facebook: https://bit.ly/FB-RaisingGreatKids 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/raisinggreatkidscynthia/ 

Twitter: @RaisingGreatKid

Website: www.raisinggreatkids.net

Joshua said, "Choose ye this day whom ye will serve." 

Do I serve the mortal, base self or my higher, immortal, spiritual self?

We get to decide where we put our energy when we become consciously aware first.

TV shows, movies, and commercials will program our subconscious mind. They want us to feel unhappy so we want to get their items/service to feel happy.

When we consciously choose the programs we run, we teach our children they can run the programs they want as well. 

Recommended Episode: 

Where Do Children's Behaviors Come From? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8_74ESdjxM 

If you got real value out of this video, then 'subscribe' to my channel and turn the notification on for more videos like this: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Get the Free Guide: 

7 Tips to Stopping Tantrums https://www.raisinggreatkids.net/deescalation-tools 

*** CONNECT WITH ME (Cynthia Armstrong) ***

Youtube: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Facebook: https://bit.ly/FB-RaisingGreatKids 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/raisinggreatkidscynthia/ 

Twitter: @RaisingGreatKid

Website: www.raisinggreatkids.net 

Today I'll talk about how our children are messed up. 

Our children are messed up because we live in a world where nothing is perfect. 

I wondered why my daughter seemed to only pick up on my bad habits or programs. We tend to see the things we don't like in our children because it is something I don't like in myself. 

Our brain is negatively biased so we are always looking for danger or things that might lead to danger. 

We tend to beat people with the things we accuse them of beating us or others with. 

We can train our brain to look for positive programs. When we notice them in ourselves and our children. We are training our brain to run the positive programs more often. 

Recommended Episode: 

Children's Psychological Needs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJ6Mhh0lT1w&t=15s

If you got real value out of this video, then 'subscribe' to my channel and turn the notification on for more videos like this: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Get the Free Guide: 

7 Tips to Stopping Tantrums https://www.raisinggreatkids.net/deescalation-tools 

*** CONNECT WITH ME (Cynthia Armstrong) ***

Youtube: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Facebook: https://bit.ly/FB-RaisingGreatKids 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/raisinggreatkidscynthia/

Twitter: @RaisingGreatKid

Website: www.raisinggreatkids.net 

Today, I am going to talk about how to help calm your child's nervous system.

Children may need help calming their nervous system for many reasons.

• Tantrum
• Fears
• Anxiety
• Upsetting News

Breathing Deeply Calms the Nervous System

Settling Breath

• Two Inhales and long exhale

Triangular Breathing

• Inhale for 4 count
• Hold for 4 count
• Exhale for 4 count

Exhaling through the mouth can help dissipate energy.

Be creative in coming up with ways to breathe with your child. Hot Chocolate breathing. Blow the steam off the hot chocolate. 

Vagus nerve stimulation.

• With triangle breathing, tuck chin when holding breath
• With settling breath 

Give Children Choices

• Would you like to breathe this way or that way
• Would you like to breathe or hold a cuddly pillow

If child is not able to regulate say, 

"That's okay. I breathe for both of us." Do breathing yourself where they can hear and see you if possible. 

Recommended Episode: 

Beneficial Use of Weaknesses https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlR7gK1LG60&t=3s 

If you got real value out of this video, then 'subscribe' to my channel and turn the notification on for more videos like this: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Get the Free Guide: 

7 Tips to Stopping Tantrums https://www.raisinggreatkids.net/deescalation-tools 

*** CONNECT WITH ME (Cynthia Armstrong) ***

Youtube: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube 

Facebook: https://bit.ly/FB-RaisingGreatKids 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/raisinggreatkidscynthia/ 

Twitter: @RaisingGreatKid

Website: www.raisinggreatkids.net 

I love it when science and scriptures teach the same things.

In 2 Corinthians 12 Paul talks about the "thorn in his side". We have these weaknesses so we can be humble, so we don't become proud.

To be humble, to me, means to be teachable. We are aware we are not perfect and are open to greater learning and understanding. This does not mean to feel bad about ourselves or have negative self-talk.

God knew we would have weaknesses. When I'm talking about the programs our brains, God already knew this. He actually planned for us to have weaknesses.

We don't start off being all knowing. With our children we want to be. I know what is best for them. I want my child to be successful and I know the path they need to take.

Weakness can be used as excuses to not learn and to not try. This does not benefit us. Use our weaknesses to be humble or teachable.

We see the weaknesses in our children. That can bring fear to us. If we can learn to be humble in our weaknesses, our children learn to be humble in theirs.

If children feel judged for their weaknesses or that we are disappointed in them, they become harder to teach.

Sayings out there like "You can't learn if your cup is full" and other religions have similar teachings.

Recommended Episode: Baby Superpowers https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ksPsPwtW1p4

If you got real value out of this video, then 'subscribe' to my channel and turn the notification on for more videos like this: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube

Get the Free Guide: 7 Tips to Stopping Tantrums https://www.raisinggreatkids.net/deescalation-tools

*** CONNECT WITH ME (Cynthia Armstrong) ***

Youtube: https://bit.ly/RaisingGreatKidsYouTube

Facebook: https://bit.ly/FB-RaisingGreatKids

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/raisinggreatkidscynthia/

Twitter: @RaisingGreatKid

Website: www.raisinggreatkids.net