Parenting is meant to be a team sport, but now we find ourselves having to do it alone. Often we ourselves already feel beat up, defeated, and even like a failure, so to parent from that position, with no checks and balances, can seem overwhelming. Knowing that parenting in and of itself is hard, we can find ourselves wondering, “How can I raise healthy kids on my own when it is designed to done as a team with my spouse.?”

To address this pervasive fear, Solo Parent Society has pulled together 5 anchoring approaches to help raise healthy kids. These are not behavior modifiers for correction; rather, these are simple but profoundly helpful approaches to developing successful and healthy adults. Giving focus and deliberate effort to instilling these principles while our kids are in our care will better prepare them for their own enriched lives as adults.

We call them our 5 R’s:

RELATIONSHIP

This principle is paramount to all the others. We must teach (and model) the value and power of healthy relationships. Teaching our kids what healthy relational dynamics look like includes:

-Learn that people are all different

-Our emotions in conflict shouldn’t match others who are elevated (Staying calm and not reactionary)

-The power of really listening

-There is a time to keep our mouths shut

-Allowing them to teach us - and when they do TELL THEM

-Pursue peoples hearts, not compliance

RESPECT

In a society that seems to have lost this fundamental principle, we must teach (and model) the importance of honoring others. It starts with them showing respect for our position in their lives - our job is to keep them safe, their job is to be a kid. Showing respect goes just beyond the parent-child relationship to include:

-All of those in authority - adults, the other parent, teachers, government as examples. It is OK to differ from those in authority but it is critical to show respect.

-The opposite sex - teach chivalry

-Other races, traditions and people with differing opinions

-Honoring others by making eye contact, shaking hands and being comfortable making conversation

RULES

While relationship and respect are fundamental principles, we must teach that in life, there are absolutes. Everything we do costs something - there is a cost to not being able to do whatever we want whenever we want it, there is also sometimes a more significant cost to getting our way all the time… called consequences.

Rules and consequences are essential to teach the way the real world works, but always remember rules without relationship (trust) equals rebellion.

RESPONSIBILITY

Helping our kids develop an independent and contributing mindset is an investment into their future. Teaching them to fish over just bringing them a fish helps guide them into strong individuals. We can do this by showing them:

-There are things they can do on their own

-Helping out around the house develops a contributing mindset

-The importance of a good work ethic - we work hard to accomplish what we want

RISK

Along with all the other principles teaching them that taking risks are an essential part of life. Embracing the famous quote, “What if I fall? Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?”

-Failure is not bad - failure is often the best teacher, especially while they are in a safe place… in our care.

-Teach our kids through modeling and discussing the importance of taking chances.

These R’s are not meant to be the exhaustive list of do’s and don'ts - the point is to be deliberate about what we are investing into our kids' lives to mold them into successful and healthy adults. The goal is not to just correct our kids into compliant children but to guide them with anchoring principles that develop their character.