raising the curtins

Apologies out the gate if this post is a little haphazard and seems like it was written by a sleep-deprived, walking milk truck who can’t remember anything unless it’s written down on a piece of paper. The post may seem less coherent than my others but I wanted to write down Evie’s birth story soon before all the details get lost in this brain of mine and I forget the pain, guilt, and sheer joy/love of welcoming my third daughter into this crazy world we live in right now. Evangeline’s birth story is a song of sun and water. I…

The age gap between my kids is pretty significant and for the most part, 100% intentional. Four and a half years separates Scarlett from Gianna. Baby girl #3, who is due in June, will be almost 9 years younger than Scarlett. I intentionally waited to try for another baby. I’ve talked about those reasons before. So now, here I am essentially starting all over again when my oldest is 13. One big thing for me that is different about this pregnancy vs. my other two is now I have two little mothers around. Two little mothers who want to be…

Being grateful actually makes you MORE HAPPY than getting more money or buying a sweet ass car or dream home. Our brains tell us this isn’t true, but the science backs it up. My brain is one of them. Honestly, I think I would be 100 times more happy if I had a bigger house vs if I expressed gratefulness about things every day…but the research doesn’t back it up. And, if I really think about it, once I get something I’ve wanted for a long time, it does give me happiness for a minute…but then there I am –…

I talk about positivity and how I am focused on living my life with that type of mindset. However, I am human. I am a pregnant human with hormones and indigestion. I have 2 strong willed daughters who are adjusting to this new normal. I’m married to a man who gets joy out of being a complete dick sometimes. So, while I constantly try to live with a positive mindset, I definitely have my moments of sheer exhaustion and “woe is me” pity parties. I get sad. I get annoyed and depressed. I am human.

I forgot how much being pregnant sucks. 32 weeks in and I’m f*cking done. I want my body back. I want to be able to see all my parts without tucking my belly in and stretching my neck out like a damn giraffe. I want to be able to bend down without grunting like an 80 year old man. I want to eat what I want to eat and not worry about another human when I do. Which brings me to diabetes, and the fact that I failed my 1 hour glucose test recently.

I’ve dealt with Santa and actually somewhat enjoyed the magic he brings to the season, however, I’ve never, EVER been a fan of the Easter Bunny. He’s creepy, slutty, and serves no purpose except to kill the magic of Christmas. At least that’s what he does in my house.

It’s insane how quickly the world can change. At first, I downplayed it all. I mean, we’ve had Zika, the swine flu, Ebola, and other scares that seemed so similar to this. I wasn’t concerned. But then, the panic from society and the government reactions started rolling in and shit got real. I see the seriousness now, and only because of how everyone else is dealing with this virus. Not because of how I see it. Because, from my personal viewpoint (and we all have our own) I’m not worried. I refuse to let fear and uncertainty control me right…

I’m worrying about what life will look like a few short months from now when this baby is born. Looking around and analyzing everything I do on daily basis and seeing it through the lens of how it will feel when the baby comes. And I’m realizing that too many things in my house rely on me to stay alive. It’s overwhelming me right now.

My family has a history of mental illness. I spent a good part of my life waiting to see if I would also be afflicted with something. Now that I have kids, I am still waiting. Waiting to see if I’ve passed that gene along to them.

I need to teach my kids about money. Not that a quarter equals 25 cents That’s covered in school. But they never learn money’s true value, it’s importance, how to earn it, save it, give it. Our school system fails them miserably in this regard. So most kids grow up learning all about isosceles triangles and chlorophyll, but not how to manage money.