Raunchy Reading

Lightning Bored by Sam Burns is an M/M reimagining of Frankenstein. We wanted to cover a creepy book for Halloween, instead we got a flat tale that didn't inspire us at all. So what are two Raunchy Readers to do? Go off the rails. From Hans Christian Andersen to Count Silver Nose, this is an episode of flights of fancy, tales from the crypts of our mind, and fun facts.

Enjoy or fearsome tales. Sleep over truths from middle school (the most horrifying of times), Star Wars, LOTR, more plucky reporters, Supernatural, Zombies, Nightmares and Stoned Kids in Graveyards.

Warning: Suicide, and discussion of suicide ideation.

Back on Halloween, Monday October 31st with Lightning Born by Sam Burns- Book One of the Monsters and Mayhem series of MM Romantic retellings of classic horror literary works!

This episode's book is Melting Iron by Laurann Dohner, an M/F Cyborg, space romance brought to you by the local library, because... because. Are you looking for a sci-fi Stockholm syndr- sorry, ROMANCE, extra-light on the sci-fi with perfectly normal human 'cyborgs' minus all the pesky emotions?! Cool, lower your expectations a touch, and we are there! Don't worry, if your nebulously enormous, color-changing captor/boyfriend goes unresponsive- he's just updating his OS. FYI dick recalibration requires two-factor authentication- Seek a cyborg technician if updates last longer than 4 hours... or haul him over to Best Buy.

Emily read this, so we all wouldn't have to. Respect. This battle station was NOT operational.

Careful: Pet-humans will eat your body after you die, so beware of choking on lug-nuts alone in your berth. Tauntauns  were harmed in the making of this episode, they'll see you in hell. The Godfather book made some surprising choices about genitalia. News flash- the V is elastic, just saying. 
Coming soon:  Pillows
Safeword: Garden (10/10 would tree)
Question: If a dog gets wet on a calculous test, does anyone really know?

Join us for AJ Truman's Barkeep and the Bro, an HEA (Happily Ever After) M/M romance novel featuring an age gap,  self-discovery, a zucchini that *opens a lot of doors* and quite the Bear on Frat Bro action! Talks of college, finance, and the economy are worth it, we promise!
Are you looking for people just living their lives, and learning their way without all the /panic/? We were too, and this is where we found it.

Come with us, we're going on an adventuuureee Chaarrrlliieee- it's candy mountain, Charlie; name: Mitch.

Moral of the Story: When a bunk deal goes bad, bunk up with a Bear baby!

Safe word: Mai Thais

Triggers: Dirty fraternity house bathrooms, the realities of partying too hard (vomit), and truths about fending off creeps!

Welcome to a magical world that is not Hoth, where alien dicks fit into human vaginas and alien consonants fit into human ears. It’s Ice Planet Barbarians, a book that we had a lot of thoughts and feelings about. We’ve got good blue bois, third nipples, linguistic rants, and a whole-ass tangent about the Oregon Trail! It’s a timeless tale of a space idiot who meets a lorge alien sex toy (who respects her), climbs him like a mountain, and ends up barefoot and pregnant on an ice planet. We’re full of rage, but you could also say this book ~resonated~ with us. 

PS From Emily: English isn’t a Romance language—it’s a Germanic language that borrows heavily from Romance languages. But who among us hasn’t gotten so distracted by the logistics of alien babies that they forgot everything they learned in grad school?

Trigger warning for alien gang rape 😨 and just a lot of grossness and trauma in the first chapter. 

#bluealiendick #georgiemountain #linguisticdeusexmachina #spacecheetos #youdiedofdysentary #cupcakeforyourbrain 

Time for a jaunt into the fraught world of Greek Dickthology (or do I mean mythology?) with Katee Robert's second Wicked Villains book Learn My Lesson.  Our new favorite thruple! The mythology lessons are as real as the struggle of talking about the Greek Pantheon right on the heels of Roe v. Wade being overturned. We can all agree that no one wants a swan coming after you with its dick out. Luckily we have the best Hercules of them all popping off these pages to make it all better. It's flight or fuck for our sweet himbo at the Underworld with Megaera and Hades. Let's put the peg in pegging, and and dodge the golden showers of regression! Herc, you #sweetpotatopie, leave the apron on, because you are in for the ride of a lifetime!

Safeword: Cerberus
Spoilers: Neon Gods by Katee Robert
Tags: M/F/M, BDSM, Anal, Pegging, Caning, Collaring, Exhibition, Finding your people
Triggers: Fellatio as a powerless act, Mythology discussions (read: rape, dehumanizing, toxic relationships), Politics- when recorded they had just overturned Roe v. Wade in the US

Thanks be unto Joey W. Hill for this literary marvel, because it truly failed at being #actualgarbage.  'Tis a poetic journey of cis-boy butt fuckery, unapologetic femdom, the most realistic unrealistic male romantic lead, and just so, so, so much more. There is no time to explain it all- you need to collect your pointiest pumps- it's time for our first vampiric dinner party! Be sure to mind the Vampires while you're #keeping up appearances.
Dig in as we fill out the track list on our debut album, Carnal Caravan, and ask burning questions, such as- Bro, do you even hose? But ew David, our Moira impressions need work, we own that.

Come! For the night is dark and full of terrors... that one would not want to miss!

M/F Romance
Safeword: Canapes
Warnings: Anal, Monster sex, orgies, orgasm on command, blood, forest sex, sweet baby vampires named Brian, a ripped shirtless renaissance vagabond playing with your dogs.

This week, strap on your chunkiest heels and slip into your most embellished jeans, as we join Lyssa and Jacob at the mall! There are tragic backstories. There’s cum on a kitten crop top. There’s the sleaziest villain to ever sleaze. There are dissolute French cats that might also be Russian. Emily learns that we all, do, in fact float down here, and Morgan gets inspiration for a new centerpiece. We may have 99 problems, but this book isn’t one!

The soundtrack for this episode was provided by Camberous Cock, the hottest, most throbbing band that you’ve probably never heard of. 

#psychicblowjob #competenceporn #thornybutthole #tablesettings #fountainsex #hottopic #vampirepheromones #whydomyhandsfeelviscous 

Content warnings for sexual assault (referenced—we don’t read the passage on the show), vampire-related blood and gore