Raunchy Reading

This week on the podcast, we’ve got hose in different area codes! Join us for the vampire femdom extravaganza that is The Vampire Queen’s Servant, by Joey W. Hill. A jacked AF knightly Irishman meets a half-Japanese, half-fae vampire who invites him into her fairy portal (not a euphemism). Note to self: when choosing a manservant, make sure he has been in the circus, gets along with your dog, and can do manicures AND oral. Along the way, we learn things about ballet, hilarious lightning accidents, and perhaps… even… ourselves. Also, Tuxedo Mask is here! #renfairecircuit #sexycircusmanabs #getyourshittogetherlouis #throwingarose #nails #menintights #freakyvampiresex #ihighlightedthisforyou #deliniation #buttholetraipsing #sleazy80svillain

Content warnings: femdom, sounding, bdsm, vampire-appropriate blood and gore

We are back for Part 2 of Desperate Measures, by Katee Robert! It's off the rails chaos- the ride is worth. it.
Disclaimer: Have you or a loved one have had negative side effects from Jafasmine? You may be entitled to compensation! Thanks #Ke$ha!
Here's what you need to know: Red is Jasmine's color. Raja is good boi. Entering stage left is Captain Cock with Schrodinger's dick-hand. Turns out Carpet is a bear named Seth, Smee is a service sub, and Jasmine needs to learn Python, because aesthetic. Remember to never under estimate Backend Developers or flexible lads. And! We have reached our next evolution as themed interior designers/inventors.
Seem like a lot? Don't be intimidated, just breathe deep and tell me about your tech stack, Daddy!
Seriously though, do you smell... man-flesh?
Episode Safeword: Stale Crackers

TRIGGERS: Daddy Kink, Sex Toys, Chintzy Fuck-Pads, M/F and M/F/F pairings, Exhibitionisms
MENTIONS: Bukake, But Plugs, Murder, Ron Jeremy

Are you ready to take some Desperate Measures? We are! Thank you Katee Robert for writing your Wicked Villains series, and giving the world a glimpse into an AU where Mob Princess Jasmine finally falls into the Daddy Dom arms of Jafar, and boobs are free from gravity's sway! RIP Gilbert Gottfried and Robin Williams, we hope you will feel honored by what we have done here. #justiceforiago #caveofwonders #Rajaismysafeword . You can keep your #sweatyfupacrackers . Watch out for the #disneyvillaincreepermove, grab your #lubelamp, and recognize the new canon of Aladdin's Big Himbo Energy. Join us and find out how SSSSSNAKE-LIKE YOU CAN BE!

We nominate Jennifer Coolidge to voice Jasmine.

TAGS: Daddy Dom, Brats, Baby Girl, Mentioned threesome, mentioned anal

DEFINITEIONS: AU= Alternate Universe, Himbo= Attractive male bimbo

Oof, it's Tempting the Beast by Lora Leigh.  Umm, wow. In this M/F, we've got an experimental cat-man, but not how you'd expect. It's worse. We've got military experimentation, a woodland commune, a plucky reporter who never seems to do her job, and a GRIP of toxic masculinity, bad choices, and dubious consent. Hark! What Lion Man jacks it in yonder field? 'Tis LOTR references, Emo Boyfriends, Grammar, Frothing, Dick-barbs, and a much needed overview of Feminism. Thundercats Ho! Quick reminders: the condom does fit, never jump from ass to vag., and that's exactly where you don't use sandpaper... Grab your emotional support Faramir, and cheer for Emily, she read this so none of us would have to. #wehatesitmyprecious #YeastInfection #DickBarbsandCatNards #Alldrynow

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Rape (presented as not rape), Toxic Masculinity, Anal
MUSICAL REFERENCES: Mumford and Sons, Cats

The edging is over, welcome to Part 2 of Married to the Mobster: Real Mob Husbands of NY! A review of the true life novel by Leighton Greene. That's right, it's time for the honeymoon- turtles, intrigue and gooey ducks. We've got a clueless mobster, a sentimental tattoo, and a serious case of marrying up to a fashion and social-savvy babe. But wait, are those... bad choices, tacky mob wives, fresh drama, and telenovela plot twists? Why yes, yes they are. And you get to hear all about them. Now who's the luckiest little bitch in all of New York City? Let us walk you through the moral takeaways, and learn you some know how- hint, you should always ask, do the nips match the dick? 

TAGS: Anal, Rimming, Drug Abuse, Mob violence, Comas, Free Babies, Emotionally Dense Husbands [#idiot sandwich], and Blow Jobs

DEFINITIONS: We are coining this!- PNC= Post-nut clarity!

Hi Raunchy Readers, Part Two of Married to the Mobster needs to be delayed until Wednesday the 20th. This is us officially popping the podcast cherry of needing to delay an episode... and I can tell you it's not for us. We love you all, and I promise- Finch's nips are still pink and puffy, Luca is still protective and angsty, and Tino's just the best. We just have to edge you for two days about it.

After this delay we will be right back to our regularly scheduled programming of every other Monday with Tempting the Beast on Monday May 2nd!

Pop a Cannoli and check out Leighton Greene, our author while you wait!

Part 1 of Married to the Mobster by Leighton Greene a charismatic M/M Romance between an Angel and a Devil- I mean a Mobster and his Little Bird. We've got it all~! Nipples, tropes done well, plenty of romping and rolling, puffy nips, the need for BJ diagrams (seriously, email us), remedies for under-eye-circles, dark humor, not joking about the nips, and a very unapologetic mess of a man we couldn't love more. What's that? The druggie club-kid stitched up a Made Man and their worlds were never the same again?
We loved it so much, we couldn't fit it into one podcast! Part 2 coming at you April 18th.

DEFINITIONS: Stunad- Italian slang: stupid/crazy
TAGS: Drug abuse, alcohol abuse, wound care
REFERENCES: Curious blowjob angles, man-nips, parent death

Psycho, by Onley James, is a sexy (?), gay romance novel about a genius astrophysics professor who moonlights as a vigilante serial killer... also he's a psychopath... it's a lot. But don't worry, there is more! In this /obviously/ reskinned Harry/Draco AU expect holistic family bonding, erotic feedback loops, gettin' sucked in the stacks, and the FBI. But wait, who's that sexy blond romantic interest? Why it's Criminal Psychology Professor  Draco Mal- wait, no. Lucas! Lucas Blackwell, and he's got a special power of his own.
Did we say it's a lot?
Sorry Stephen Hawking, these Fireflies are busy shaking ass!

DEFINITIONS: OP= Over Powered

TAGS: Um... Sexy wound care? OP people.
REFERENCES: Anal, Rimming, Fingering, vanilla sex being labelled dangerous

Does the title sound crazy? Good, that's accurate. We started recording intending to make the intro, and got distracted, like we do. Tangents galore, and questionable, but lovely, discoveries along the way. Orange Highlighters will never be the same. Join us on the journey, because boy howdy are we happy we had it!

TAGS: M/M, Poly, M/M/F
PASSING REFERNCES: M/F, F/F, Threesomes, Sub/Dom dynamics, Brats, Pegging, Anal, Kinks, Spanking, Edging
DEFINITIONS: OTP= One True Pairing, Consensual Non-Consent, OC= Original Character, Canon, Switch

 Coming Soon: Check out our website for our Read-Along calendar, and Glossary of Terms.

You know the drill, this is the trailer where we introduce ourselves and let you know what the podcast is all about!

TAGS:
This episode contains bad words, suggestive language, and passing references to Alien appendages. Enjoy~!

First full episode coming Monday, March 7th.

Visit our website to learn more about us, and check our Read Along Calendar so you're ready to laugh right along with us, spoiler free.