Real Confidence

Mean People Suck

I've been wanting to do this podcast forever and, I’m guessing, because How to Deal with Grown-Up Bullies is our most popular episode to date, you’ve been wanting me to do it, too. 

Mean people - unlike bullies – are usually people we know – but our relationship to mean people is a little less personal. It might be the snobby barista at your coffee shop, a rude seatmate on your flight or really anyone you encounter who just has a tangible aura of negative energy. 

Plus, unlike known bullies who we expect and are prepared to have bad behavior, mean people often take us by surprise. When we’re caught off guard like that, our brain stems spring into action to protect us or defend us. This happens even though we are likely aware that something else is up with that meanie and it has NOTHING to do with us. 

What can we do when someone’s yelling at us for taking their parking spot? Or that grumpy relative that is constantly criticizing you?  

As much as we’d like to avoid these encounters, it’s not a realistic strategy but in this episode of Real Confidence I’m sharing practical tips on how you can deal with them from a place of calmness, control and – you guess it – confidence. 

Highlights include:

How to Have Difficult Conversations with Confidence

Confrontation. The word by itself can make us want to run, hide, or bury our head in the sand. We avoid confrontation because we don’t have certainty around how the other person will react. 

Will they think we’re out of line and put us in our place? Will they be hurt and cry? Will they be angry and lash out? Whatever could or might happen, the anxiety around having difficult conversations is something we all experience in our lives – some of us on the regular. 

What qualifies as a difficult conversation? It comes down to this: it’s a conversation you don’t really want to have because it is likely to be embarrassingly awkward, uncontrollably emotional, even physically uncomfortable.

Where we get hung up is the underlying belief that when we confront someone, it’s going to be contentious. But while you and the person you’re confronting may not ever be on the same “side”, that doesn’t mean you’re wasting your breath or that it will end in disaster. 

In this episode of Real Confidence, I’m joined by Roberta Matuson, author of “Can We Talk? Seven Principles for Managing Difficult Conversations at Work.”

We get into:

For more than 25 years, Roberta Matuson has been helping organizations find, hire, grow, and keep top talent, saving them millions of dollars that would otherwise be lost in the recruiting process, and achieve dramatic growth because they have the best people.

To learn more about Roberta visit matusonconsulting.com. For information on where to buy her book, go here.

Thank you, but … 

No one gets out of this thing called life with experiencing rejection. Big rejections, little rejections, personal rejections, not-so-personal rejections ... and every one of them sucks. 

It’s easy to want to bypass the hurt, shame, frustration, anger, or humiliation that comes with rejection. Our society and culture want us to look on the bright side, trust that some things are meant to be and some aren’t, and to find the lesson in a situation that – let’s be honest – feels AWFUL. 

And that awful feeling isn’t lost on the brain, whose job it is to keep us safe. It starts whispering things in our ear, like, “I don’t want to do that again,” “See what happens when you put yourself out there,” or “Let’s go dig a nice hole and hide out in it for the next decade or two.”

That’s a normal human response, but there’s nothing productive about feeling crappy. 

Or is there?

In this episode of the podcast, I share my own stories of being on the receiving end of “Thank you, but…” and what I do to move through the anger, frustration and pain so the next time I stick my neck out there, it doesn’t feel so masochistic. 

I’ll cover things like:

Sales isn’t just about products and services. We sell ourselves to recruiters and hiring managers when we change jobs, sell our family on where to spend the next vacation, and friends on why we pick for book club pick is the best.

So, whether you sell for a living or not, there’s something in this podcast for you I guarantee will open your mind and change the way you see yourself.

Join me and my special guest, Meshell R. Baker as we get into why selling rattles our confidence even if we had a solid track of success – and what we can do about it.

Tune in to find out more about:  

Meshell Baker is the Owner of Meshell Baker Enterprises, founded to help business owners and sales leaders empower their salespeople to develop high-performance resilience and unstoppable confidence. Along with her team, Meshell leverages her 25+ years of sales and leadership success in more than a dozen countries, to inspire energetic and collaborative communication. Students acquire the knowledge, skills, and support integrating success principles and fundamentals and cultivate markedly improved confidence and sustainable increased sales results.

Meshell has been recognized winning awards such as:

Meshell understands that many sellers struggle with fear of rejection, doubt, and imposter syndrome. She is on a mission to establish confidence as a core tenet for sales training success. Meshell is renowned for her authentic value-based and no-nonsense approach to selling that inspires students to confidently convert more conversations into superfan clients. Meshell has phenomenal results, accolades, awards and has compiled an incredible track record of raving recommendations with clients over the years.

Learn more Meshell at meshellrbaker.com.

Can You Dress for Yourself AND Success?

You know when I was a kid, I had two sets of clothes. One for school and one for play. We’d come home in the afternoon, change outfits and move in the next, inarguably more fun part of our day.

When my school years were behind me, I traded those clothes for work clothes. I didn’t technically have play clothes anymore but believe me when I say my off-the-clock self dressed a lot more like how I felt on the inside.

A lot’s changed in the workplace since then – you don’t need me to tell you that – but my good friend Anna Ettin and I do want to invite you to listen in on an awesome conversation we had about visual self-expression and how it does – or doesn’t – hurt your chances for professional success.

This might be my favorite episode yet.

Highlights include:

Anna Ettin is the Senior Employee Inclusion Leader responsible for amplifying, enabling and scaling Amazon’s 13 Affinity Groups. She is accountable for the global affinity groups’ strategy and operations, and provides support and resources to global and chapter leaders for 900 chapters with more than 100,000 memberships.

Prior to her role at Amazon, Anna spent 18 years at Bank of America. She held a variety of roles from teller to call center manager to learning consultant, finally spending two years leading the company’s employee networks. Anna also launched an Inter-Generational Employee Network (IGEN), helping shape the company's strategies and practices around a multi-generational workforce. She was recognized four times with the company’s Global D&I Award.

She lives in North Carolina and has two daughters, one grandson, and a few pets. Her kitchen table is just as likely covered with craft projects as a meal for friends and family. She is a frequently requested keynote speaker on a variety of D&I topics and leadership skills, including networking and sponsorship.

https://www.linkedin.com/in/anna-ettin-7054ab1/

Dealing with Gossip at Work and Otherwise

Gossip is so common, in fact that I don't think we notice it half the time. Not just that it’s happening around us, but that we are also unconsciously participating in it without even realizing it.

Meaning, we’ve all been both the victim and the promoter of gossip.

We make a comment about a friend, colleague or teammate we’re frustrated with but rarely think about what happens with those words when we’re done venting.

But we sure pay attention when we’re the ones who’ve been vented about, and that lie becomes an accepted truth that shows up during a performance review or when it comes time for promotion or party invitation.

So, can you stop these lies from killing your confidence? How do you know if you’re the reason someone else’s confidence is eroding? 

That’s what I’m getting into in this episode of Real Confidence. Episode highlights include:

The Confidence to Be Your Own Boss with Natalie Benamou

Some of us have always known we want to work for ourselves. Others fall into entrepreneurship by chance or necessity and still others step onto the entrepreneurial path to create a legacy for themselves, their loved ones or the people they want to serve.

No matter what your reason is for wanting to be your own boss, the reality of being 100% responsible – and accountable – is as terrifying as it is freeing.  

That feeling of terror is what holds a lot of us back or finds us quitting right before the getting gets good.

But what if you had the confidence to step forward and keep taking steps forward, even when the going gets tough?

That’s what we’re talking about in this episode of Real Confidence with special guest Natalie Benamou, who, after a 29-year corporate career, struck out on her own and built a B2B membership platform that helps organizations find new ways to offer women the support they need.

 Tune to hear us talk about:

Natalie Benamou MBA, (She, Her)

CEO HerPower2, Inc. | Founder, Chief Growth Officer, HerCsuite™ Mentoring and Advisory Platform for Women | Purpose Driven Leader | Advancing Women Entrepreneur | Speaker | Strategic Advisor | Alliance Maven | Podcast Host of HerCsuite™ Radio a podcast for women leaders on the move

Natalie has accelerated her career to leadership positions in both the marketing industry and non-profits. She is a rainmaker, achieving a high level of client success generating over $110 million in sales revenues.

Natalie has a ‘serve first’ approach to life and has held executive board roles, advisor and mentor to senior women and served as President for three non-profit boards, including the Healthcare Businesswomen’s Association (HBA) Chicago and is a co-founder of an animal rescue, A Heart for Animals.

Natalie is an event expert and the podcast host of HerCsuite™ Radio. She is a sought-out speaker for events like Coupa Empower and conferences including the Healthcare Businesswomen’s Association (HBA) National Conference, HCEA Connect and podcasts like Conscious Millionaire, Brave Women at Work, Go Find Out, What's Your Ask and Lioness Magazine featured article.

After 29 years in the trade show event industry, Natalie turned passion into her purpose and created HerCsuite™ an all-in-one platform giving women a mentoring and advisory framework to achieve success in every phase of their careers. She is helping organizations change the way women get business done through rethinking mentoring, lunch and learns and immersive event Experiences. You can learn more about Natalie at HerCSuite.com

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Yay, me! But No One Cares.

Picture this: you’ve just done something hard. Remarkable. Personally or professionally meaningful. You nailed it and you want the world to know.

You post it on your social media channels, text your friends and family and … mostly crickets. 

Now, your feelings of pride and accomplishment are replaced by disappointment and underneath that, some notes of insignificance or rejection.

Don’t worry – you’re not an egomaniac. This is a totally normal response when our level of enthusiasm isn’t matched by the world around us. 

In this episode of Real Confidence, I share my own my experience and talk about:

People We’re Allergic To:

Who brings out the worst in you? 

Is it a family member, a frenemy, your boss, a colleague or a certain personality type? 

What happens when you’re triggered by them, and your worst self takes over? 

I know what happens to me. I get angry that they got the best of me and spend too much judging my behavior, like “Oh, you idiot. Why did you do that? What did you act like that? Why did you let them get the best of you?” 

Here’s what I want you to know: 

Behaving or speaking in ways that aren’t your best doesn’t make you a bad person and it doesn’t mean you can’t do better next time. 

In this episode of Real Confidence, I talk about:

I can’t even count the number of times I’ve talked to someone who thinks – and hopes – that the best way to gain more confidence is to pursue a degree, a certification - or several of each!

But every one of these well educated individuals reported back to me that their confidence boost was temporary at best. In fact, many said that the credential REDUCED their ongoing confidence. One reason is an expectation to always be expert and perfect which is simply not possible - and inevitably exhausting. Another reason is that situational confidence or a specific competency doesn’t give you overall REAL confidence.

If this is ringing any school bells for you, you’re going to want to listen to this episode where I unpack what the teaching institutions don’t want you to know!  My confidence colleague adn personal friend, Dr. Jeanette Winters, joins me to dish the truth about degrees. She ‘s not only qualified as the Chief Coaching Officer for ACI, but she knows firsthand with more lettered credentials following her name than anyone I know!

Listen in while Jeannette and I discuss:

Dr. Jeanette Winters holds a doctorate in Public Administration from the University of Southern California, a Master’s Degree in Higher Education Administration and Bachelor of Arts from American University in Washington, D.C., and is a certified executive Coach from the Hudson Institute.  She is a NeuroLink certified practitioner and also holds a certificate in neuroscience and leadership from the NeuroLeadership Institute.  Dr. Winters is one of the founding members of the University of Pennsylvania’s Executive Chief Learning Officer Doctoral Program Advisory Board and Faculty Director for UC Berkeley Corporate Education's "Aspiring CHRO/Emerging Talent Leader" program.

​You can learn more about Jeanette at www.parrishpartners.com or connect with on her LinkedIn   linkedin.com/in/jeanettewinters