Meet the Christian Guitar Hero in every way except legally: It's Guitar Praise! Eli has a lot of questions about the weird world of Christian knockoffs, and Taylor has plenty of thoughts (and also a closet full of them), so let's go!

On today's show, Taylor and Eli remember older and colder times, thwart the devil, appraise the devil's looks, get haunted by the devil and finally mangle some classic English poetry.

Eli and Taylor pit each other in the most question-packed episode of the series yet, as one of them's the boss interviewing the other for an unspecified position--but who's the boss? We don't know! Find out whether San Francisco becoming an island nation would result in Australia or Wakanda, why Eli would survive being locked in a blender, and how Taylor forgets the most important pirate law of all.

Taylor and Eli ask two questions and answer many, many more, including: What's your professional eating name? What actual crime did young Eli commit in the name of childhood espionage? How would Eli go about eating a hot dog every four seconds for five minutes? Could you rip all the teeth out of your mouth for survival? ...What about for glory?

Taylor and Eli ask two questions and answer many, many more, including: Do any cereal mascots endorse heroin? What does Eli's mind palace look like? Is Sunny the Raisin Bran Sun a very high seed or a very low seed in a bracket? Can General Mills revive the trading card game industry? The official bracket is available here: https://imgur.com/Q6eLufs

WE'RE BACK! Sorry for the break. Taylor and Eli jump back into things by asking two questions and answering many, many more, including: Would mental illness transfer with you in a body swap? Does muscle memory help you make pots? How do you break to your friend's fiance that you are inhabiting his body? And what episode of the podcast is this anyway?

Taylor and Eli ask two questions and answer many, many more, including: Why are spiders bad at diplomatic agreements? Have you ever met a tattoo person who didn't have tattoos? Who is more likely to be a serial killer: Taylor or Eli? Is Eli trying to become a monarch without any actual political power? Why didn't anyone die in Taylor's shower room? What even is a shower room? And wait a sec, did Taylor's family have foster kids growing up??

Taylor and Eli ask two questions and answer many, many more, including: Can you really prove that dogs exist? Why do turtles smell? Is gray actually a secret color? Why does Eli have an impromptu poem about the color orange ready to go? What is Taylor's breaking point when it comes to bleeping?

Eli and Taylor ask two questions and answer many more, including: What's in a Moscow Mule? Does not wearing pants make you better at the hit CBS reality series Survivor? How can you unlock the sixth quadrant? Does the FBI track your movements throughout the grocery store? If you're paranoid that people will think you're crazy, does that make you crazy? 

SHOW NOTES: Link to Taylor's Survivor game: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtAcyaqnxR2dugYt--Bt5eA/videos

Hello and welcome to this week's backdoor pilot for an exciting new series, "Taylor and Eli Are Going to Depress You," in which our two hosts blather about themselves and their personal problems and occasionally remember to be funny. Regale yourself with exciting stories about Dungeons and Dragons, uncomfortable physical feelings and theologically-questionable explanations of "soul sleep." We promise we will never ever do this again. Please don't leave us.