Reflections of Evelyn

Say condoms one more time in this episode Evelyn and this will become a drinking game. Ha!

The girls at the front desk kept saying, “You know you can go to free health clinics to find free condoms right?” And I said, "I ain't trying to attract no small penises in my life anymore”. And what am I going to do? Grab the whole container? No one size fits small, for me!

Shout out to my mom and dad who bought me condoms! I was too frugal to get the good kinds. If my childhood tv shows and movies were Sex and the City and James Bond, I think it’s appropriate.

To the man this episode is about: I like how you criticized my work and told me, are you just gonna post about it after attitude, so yes darling, I will. Just for you. It had nothing to do with our schedules, mental health, or living far away from each other and you know it. If the only communication I hear from you is you liking my photos then you cannot convince me of anything other than a surface level connection. You say it’s not a causal mindset, I say it is. I don’t need or want the clicks for validation. The twenty year old me was right. You did not like me enough back then, and you did only have one main intentional mindset and that has not changed. You still make great music and I was singing one of my favorite songs of yours in my car the other day. I do still wish I could attend one of your comedy nights and it’s okay, bash the hell out of me. Maybe you already did. I never got the invite. I learned my love of monsteras from you and how to water them. I remember wearing your green jersey shirt and taking this cute photo of myself in your mirror all those years ago. You were a part of my coming of age journey and you will always have a part of me, obviously. I wish our connection and chemistry wasn’t that vain and sleeping with you did not lead to feelings.

You are all grey now and it’s super adorable. But I am proud of the 34 year old woman that I am now who can proudly and respectfully say no. I do however hope that you can learn to trust women again and love someone very special as you are a special dude to me. Not every person or circumstance is the same so please don’t generalize us all or it will be harder to see the beauty and love and art and connection of someone who wants to care and love for you deeply. I know she hurt you babe and you tried hard and your love was deep for a long time. But now is your time to find someone as wonderful as you are and find what is truly important and valuable to you. I see your soul and your beauty so it’s hard for me when I see you acting out in other ways on the surface when I know you better than that. Take as long as you need to heal. And to the point of your text message, I don’t think that process of healing ever stops, it just changes over time. I’m sending you so much love.

PS I wonder if you still have those recordings we did and the duet of your song. I would adore to hear them. The lyrics you wrote for me to sing from, the hard copy was stolen years ago when my guitar and music lyrics was taken from me but I still can hear it in my head…”you’ve been going on, your own way/road…and I hope you’ll be a better man, someday…” Did I get it partially right? I can hear the chords better than I can remember the lyrics at this moment in time. Best song you have ever written hands down and honestly I don’t know why you don’t play that literally everywhere and it’s stamped on everything you own. It’s magical, enchanting, beautiful, and real. Why you perform but don’t have Apple Music or Spotify so I can selfishly listen to that song on repeat I won’t ever know. Can you please for me after this post? So you can break some more hearts? Besos dude.

Until you reach your goal of a secure and confident attachment style, if that is your goal, you still feel the crushing pain of break-ups, situationships, and the all knowing and famous, “it’s complicated”. It does not matter if you break up with them or them you, it is still agonizing in different ways. Pain is pain. This episode is a special guest episode with my dear friend Joseph who was trying to support me as a friend and give me some dating advice as he has seen me go through the wringer of liking the real “winners”. When I like someone, I see their soul, their potential, their subconscious, their heart, and rarely do I see the reality of the situation or the current state of affairs. I am a firm believer in, you cannot help who you like. But that comes at a cost. Imagine a person loving you so much, in the way they know how to and they reject and hurt you because that is the form of love they have received and have not figured out any other way.

I can judge and criticize myself all day long for attracting broken and or hurt people to me. It is not from a lack of self worth or feeling like I could do better, it is seeing their heart and the beauty of a human being who is looking at you through a lens of horror, terror, abuse, hurt, pain, stress, struggles, and trauma. Despite wanting different things, I was shown the hard way growing up with an avoidant father and an anxious mother. But there comes a point in every person's life where you get to choose how you want to live, think, love, and feel. Where you want to find a love that you did not learn growing up. You believe in a love so beautiful, so healthy, that you go down a rabbit hole of self development in your adult years to find ways to attract people who say and do what they say they are going to do, treat you with respect, honor who you are, and don’t criticize and hurt you on a regular basis.

I only learned recently and it is tragic to bare, but one of the ways to find the people you are hoping to exist, and to love the ones who hurt you, is to say no more to the person and feelings you have for the ones who cannot give you that.

I had to say no to two people this year and when you split up with someone who is on a different journey than you, your feelings have not changed, but your heart and mind fight you tooth and nail because there is something different you need to find with someone else. I used to think make up sex was hot, but it is actually kind of tragic if you think about it.

I wish my gents nothing but the best, I care for them dearly, and it was hard to let go and say no more, but I needed to find someone who was capable of love, wants to love and be loved, communicate, take accountability and have some shred of awareness. It feels like I am being an asshole or doing something wrong, it should not feel like this, but what other choice do we have? Keep living psychopathic, tornado run relationships with passion and flare and drama and turmoil? And you hope one or both of you does not end up dead or in jail? Oye.

I only wish that one day they can work on finding the love they wish to have one day by showing that love and kindness to themselves. That could be getting themselves out of bad situations and believing they are worthy of something wonderful. I want them so badly to find a beautiful love, I so badly want them to allow themselves to be loved AND receive love. I see you as a wonderful father one day. I want you to be happy and thriving. Even if that is not with me. But you need to allow yourself to feel happiness and love. Even you, deserve it. Please stop being the things that hurt you. Learn another way. And to the assholes who hurt the men who hurt me....I am warning you, if it is not this life and it's the next, don’t you ever cross my path and make yourself known, because I don’t want to go to jail for the ways you will burn in hell.

Today I went on a road trip and journey, LITERALLY!

Life will always have never ending struggles and challenges along your journey, but how you approach them and react to them gets easier over time by putting in the HARD work. Whatever that looks like for you. No one said it would be fun and easy. It is all in the perspective… An older man falling asleep at the wheel at a traffic stop while braving the West LA traffic could be seen as “That poor old man who is struggling” and you feel bad for him. Another view point is, “Look at him go! He still has a car, is driving and is facing another day. It’s all in how you look at it. Or “AI is taking over the world. It’s feeding me with all this information, sensory overload!” And you could reply to yourself, “Well, where is all that information coming from? How does it receive that information?” You. You and I feed it. We are still here and it cannot live without us. Or even a mini van I saw today with a handicap sticker on the back that read, “life rolls on”. Whatever life you are living right now, maybe not in your ideal timeline, can and will get better. Or different. How do you want to change your life? What are YOU going to do about it? Take a much needed break when the world is constantly spinning regardless? Or make that push to get away for an hour, a day, a weekend, because you worked hard. What will bring you joy? What will make you smile or chuckle?

Do you need a more supportive network of friends and loved ones? Do you need to change industries? Do you need to readjust and prioritize what is most important in your life? You do not need to stay or think the same you have always been. That is growth. Do you need to start saying no instead of yes? Or yes instead of no? What about going alone for a while? Or stop going alone? Or in my case today, not choosing to let the bastards grind me down at work when they cannot hold up to their own accountability. Made no bucks today? Try again, tomorrow! When was the last time you had plenty of rest? Have you noticed after a much needed sleep that your mind feels better?

And to all of you hopeful and hopeless lovers out there, if finding your partner is only something you can do alone, to find yourself and the love you want to give and receive, then I hope you find what you are looking for. Safe travels out there on your journey.

Keywords: go at your own pace, encouragement, live your life, breathe, hike, write, contrarian thinker, philosophy, growth, awareness, reflections of evelyn, meditation, stream of consciousness, writing, producing, inspiration, positivity, guidance, discovery, momentum, consistency, resilience, sustainability, venture, trends, society, russia, england, portugal, united states

Follow the duck & Evelyn on her adventures and journeys @ducklifeproductions

Song links!⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/evelynslatershew/songwriting-days⁠⁠⁠⁠

*Update everyone, she found her glasses! One week later under the passenger seat of my car during a car wash. Gifts of life, blessings, whatever you want to call them, do happen. : ) And it will come around in due time and happen for you. Do you see them? Can you notice them when they happen? ; )

Everyone has a bad day. Or two. Or three. It’s “fun” when you can get to a point where the pain only lasts a couple of hours because of your growth and you are able to hold on much easier. Whether it is music, a therapist, your favorite sport, treating yourself to a yummy sausage breakfast burrito from Pepe’s Finest, spending time with a loved one, a pet or a cozy movie, hold on to that, take a deep breath in and let it alllllll out, out loud. Over and over again until it works. Slow, easy breaths. Feel how you respond to your breath and question what you need to recover. How does your breath feel? Sound? Hold on to your loved ones. Keep them tight and near. Love hard. Experience all you can, anytime, anywhere. Be open and say yes to “everything”.

Let the unexpected, surprise you. Don’t judge a book by its cover. Remember that you do not know everything and there is bigger and better and brighter and smarter and wiser source out there for you. Get out of your bubble. Take a long drive somewhere with no destination. Be safe! Take a run or walk without your headphones and hear, everything! TAKE A HIKE! Get a massage and or facial. Pamper yourself. Take a bath. Volunteer. Tell your favorite people you love them and why. No matter who they are. Pet an animal (ask permission first). Become a plant parent!

Talk it out. Be honest. Be vulnerable. If they can’t take it, move on and do it again and again with someone else. Notice when something is wrong and when you are tripping out in your head. This takes time and patience and practice. You got this! Keep trying! Notice when a thought is from your past but that every person or experience is not the same. And don’t treat them as such.

Live, laugh, love, breathe, explore, challenge yourself, motivate a stranger when you don’t know the outcome. I recommend trying out some pilates with “Boho Beautiful Yoga” on Youtube. Compliment yourself, and others! Speak life into your soul and be kind to your mind. Sending you so much love and hope. Besos.

Encouraging and loving songs on your journey: look up the lyrics, listen to them and sing along! Even cry it out! Scream it out! Crying releases so many feelings and emotions that are keeping you stuck and helps you feel better later.

Avril Lavigne -Who Knows

Jimmy Eat World-The Middle

Frida Hyvonen- Straight Thin Line

Flogging Molly- Float

The Walkmen- Angela Surf City

Fitz and the Tantrums- Tighter

Death With Dignity- Sufjan Stevens

Spiritualized-Lay It Down Slow

Josh Groban- You Are Loved

Lastly for those of you who got to the end (<3) here is a post-it note I saved for myself which is an excellent piece of advice I learned on my own journey, credits unknown.

For feeling grounded and strong, lift weights!

For letting go of stuck emotions, try dancing, yoga, or pilates!

For overall health, stretching!

***For creativity and calming an overactive mind and nervous system, try walking or hiking! ***

For ease on your joints and increasing focus, try swimming or yoga

Song links!⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/evelynslatershew/songwriting-days⁠⁠⁠⁠

If “words” are too much right now, just look below for some very helpful and inspiring quotes that very eloquently describe this episode, perfectly.

I must say, I am particularly proud of this episode. The more you know, the more at peace you feel with your decisions. Knowledge is in your power and the scope of what you are able to see and understand. The plot of this episode is to challenge everything you see and hear. Especially in today's world with AI and corrupted/powerful forces at hand, it is of vital importance to find understanding for yourself, challenge what you see and hear, and make decisions for yourself.

To me, that is where the peace and reassurance comes from. It is great to take feedback and advice from professionals like therapists, and loved ones like family, friends, and mentors, but take everything with a gain of salt. Listen to what they have to say and then process that information for yourself. Ask yourself questions and then answer them out loud. The more grounded you are in your own beliefs, the better off you will become and be much more satisfied with your decisions and convicted in your truths. Question everything! Do we believe everything we are told? Do we hear something and automatically believe it? What feels right to you? Trust your gut, your intuition, and don’t doubt yourself. You won’t lead yourself astray.

Inspirational quotes to encourage greater depth, understanding and awareness:

“You rarely see what is right in front of you” -Unknown

“Society everywhere is in conspiracy against the manhood of every one of its members” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

“The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane” -Marcus Aurelius (My favorite dude)

“Trust the process” -my therapist

Follow the duck & Evelyn on her adventures and journeys @ducklifeproductions

Song links!⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/evelynslatershew/songwriting-days⁠⁠⁠⁠

Keywords: capitalism, united states, individual, thinking, contrarian thinker, philosophy, self development, growth, awareness, reflections, reflections of evelyn, meditation, producer evelyn, stream of consciousness, writing, producing, blogs, journaling, mindfulness, yogi, spiritualism, flora, relationships, inspiration, encouragement, positivity, news, journalism, politics, trends, trending, responsibility, accountability, emotional intelligence, maturity, mental health, peace, joy, love, art, humans with a pulse, real life, no filter, authenticity, raw, moving, story telling, eco friendly, economy, subjective, abstract, picture this, documentary, creative, talk therapy, support, guidance, beauty, unknown, quotes, dystopia, communism, social media, media, outlets, trends, black and white, balance, middle ground, fires, individual, thinking, falling through the cracks, comeuppance, karma, greed, manipulation, home life, it starts within, psychic, ahead of your time, unity, peace, together

Life can be full of wonderful surprises when you least expect it if you are open to it. How else can life bring joy into your life unless you make room for it? I mean, I guess you can get hit by a car or be smacked in the face, if you want. Or, you can receive a gentle nudge/guidance to remind you of life's little pleasures. I like to believe if your car breaks down, maybe you needed to have a much needed break from work, if there is no work at all, maybe you need to slow down and enjoy the ride and not work ten times harder for some extra pennies, maybe you are hitting road blocks because there is something you need to focus on that requires your attention. Life can be beautiful if you can try not to resist it.

I broke out of the capitalistic grind for a moment and “treated” myself to a hike on one of my favorite mountain regions in Southern California. I may have needed to drop two whole dollars on a biscuit for some refueling and spend a few more dollars on some gas, but what a blessing how life can work out in your favor and support you along your journey. I highly recommend the scenic drive up to San Jacinto if you ever get a chance as it is quite a trip driving right up against the cliff but please, please drive safe and be mindful if you are afraid of heights!

Mountain Etiquette: Please let us practice some common sense and common courtesy if it does not feel so common to you. 1. Pull over to the side when safety allows for drivers who are going faster than you. 2. Perhaps maybe leave the boom box at home temporarily as the mountains are a place of peace and quiet for many to unwind and regroup. 3. Take out those earbuds to decrease over stimulation, distract from the current moment and can be a danger when you are unaware of your surroundings. 4. Pack it out. Leaving a doggy waste bag in the middle of the trail is not doing your part. Do you really want someone else to have to pick that up for you? Most of our parks are underfunded and under staffed. The mountains rely heavily on volunteers and good samaritans. Please respect the animals, native flora and surrounding eco system. Pick up after yourself and not force someone else to do it. Let’s try to enjoy our escape/vacation from our busy lives and cities and not try to replicate being at home. 5. Maybe you don’t need to honk at people who are enjoying a different pace than you. We need this precious time out there. Thank you!

Song links!⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/evelynslatershew/songwriting-days⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow the duck & Evelyn on her adventures and journeys @ducklifeproductions

Keywords: hiking, solo hiker, adventure, solitude, isolation, optoutside, journey, destination, socal, mountains, capitalism, united states, america, individual, thinking, contrarian thinker, philosophy, self development, growth, awareness, reflections, reflections of evelyn, meditation, producer evelyn, stream of consciousness, writing, producing, blogs, journaling, mindfulness, yogi, spiritualism, flora, relationships, inspiration, encouragement, positivity, news, journalism, politics, trends, trending

Each generation comes with its own set of societal rules and trends and all come with their own struggles. You know what you know at the time you are experiencing it and change can come on an individual level if you choose to think and act differently for yourself. When generations start to mix and people get older, situations can look convoluted and difficult to adjust to when it is all you have ever known but you can be the change you wish to see in the world. You are your own person.

Thoughts to ask yourself: What kind of human am I? Do I anticipate needs? Do I want to help someone out when it is not my job or department? Do I watch the world burn and ask someone to pass me the popcorn? Do I step up because it is the right thing to do because perhaps there is a larger picture? Do I know what the right thing to do is? Do I sit back and watch the chaos because someone else will handle it? Will someone else handle it?

Films spoken about in episode 12: 1981 film, Mommie Dearest and 1944 film, Gaslight

Keywords: government, jury duty, society, culture, politics, social media, greed, news today, journalism, movies, philosophy, family dynamics, traumas, ex, societal pressures, environment, self development, self improvement, real life, raw, organic, no filter, stress, economy, mindfulness, books, community, neurodivergent, mental health, encouragement, inspiration, love, sports, survey, achievements, success, drugs, sober living, relationships, music, career, plants, lovers, fetish, adult pleasure, PTSD, coping, support, talk therapy, corrupted power, power of authority, law enforcement, corporate greed, power dynamics, nepotism, corporate, real estate, military, disarm, legal, law, safety first, domestic violence, peace, responsibility, accountability, emotional intelligence, maturity, mental health, mental illness, trends, black and white, balance, middle ground, fires, individual, thinking, falling through the cracks, comeuppance, karma, greed, manipulation, home life, it starts within, psychic, ahead of your time, reflections, reflections of evelyn, meditation, producer evelyn,

Song links!⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/evelynslatershew/songwriting-days⁠⁠⁠

Watch Law Abiding Citizen and Seven Psychopaths if you are looking for good films to watch as they are a great depiction of bits I talk about in this episode when I had to miss work to attend Jury Duty. Nuff said. Enjoy!

"It's not what you know. It's what you can prove in court". -Law Abiding Citizen

Movie clip: https://youtu.be/fZdvuM9sI3M?si=kLonE3fFhpctKg3L

“You're the one who thought psychopaths were so interesting, but they're kinda tiresome after a while, don't you think?" -Seven Psychopaths

Movie clip: https://youtu.be/ZilNWiVD-8M?si=0V76AHDCdztndPFK

Keywords: Government, jury duty, society, culture, politics, social media, greed, news today, journalism, movies, philosophy, family dynamics, traumas, ex, societal pressures, environment, self development, self improvement, real life, raw, organic, no filter, stress, economy, mindfulness, books, community, neurodivergent, mental health, encouragement, inspiration, love, sports, survey, achievements, success, drugs, sober living, relationships, music, career, plants, lovers, fetish, adult pleasure, PTSD, Coping, Support, Talk Therapy, corrupted power, power of authority, law enforcement, corporate greed, power dynamics, nepotism, corporate, real estate, military, disarm, legal, law

Song links!⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/evelynslatershew/songwriting-days⁠⁠⁠

I had an online, psychic reader yesterday tell me that for $475 and a team of 7 working round the clock for 7-10 days, can break my cursed roots from my Egyptian past life and be with my soul partner now. She said we freed so many slaves that dark energies were so enraged that they kept us apart for life times to come as punishment. Life always separated us and we spent thousands of years trying to get back together as that was always fate but something always kept us apart. Mainly the dark attachment energy that she said surrounded me. I asked her about present time and she said, he tried to move on and it didn’t work. Every time you think about him, he thinks about you. He still loves you and he pushed you away because he believes you can do better and is not worthy of your love. He tried to spare you from himself. He lives day by day, doing the best he can but longs and yearns for you both to be together but will not allow himself that love.

She confirmed this man in the podcast you hear today was my soul partner and she specialized in past life deep root energy clearing and until I cleared the air, something would always keep us apart. She said five years was too long, time was running out and stretching us both too thin to the brink of exhaustion and overwhelm. She said you will be lucky to have 1-2 more years of chances to get back together but our red chord is almost completely severed and after that, all hope will be lost forever. Pray about it and sleep on it she said. She said, I could not do it alone and that it was up to me to do the work she asks of me and pay the price for both for us because he wasn’t able to get there himself.

I called my friend after this reading and he nearly lost it. He went on to tell me about how everyone has free will and she’s a load of bologna. He said that he and his girlfriend knew all the answers to spirituality, how to do it right, what is horse crock and not but no, they weren’t emotionally available for free or payment to dive into this with me. That my reading 8 months ago didn’t come true and it wasn’t up to their reading or opinion to clarify or update.

I believe with this friend I need to not talk about spirituality with him, because it’s like talking politics to someone you disagree with. Regardless, I texted him this morning and said thank you for saving me from a scam but that I also needed some alone time.

I don’t know what this life and life’s process will look like ahead. Only time and future knows that answer. I know I do all the things I can, to find that delicate balance of moving on and staying true to how I feel while not leading on others and attempting to feel along the way. But enough time has passed and these were the last messages I ever sent to the other side of my heart. I share them with you now. To all you humans with a pulse.

According to WhatsApp, he read them and played them, and silence to me was his response. I don’t chase him now, I leave him alone, I continue to work on myself and just appreciate time with my cat, and my condo. The little joys of talking to strangers and connecting with them wherever I go, the gratitude of having a job in a scary economy, and above all, my health. A shot glass of wine here and there, maybe a cigarette or two every couple of months. But for the most part, I can’t be any prouder of how hard I try or care. This is me. This is all of me. My last post on social media was: “I have something to say. Take it or leave it. Don’t let anyone. And I mean, anyone. Tell you there is something wrong with you for wanting to love or be loved. Period. The end”.

Sending love to you all who want it in your lives. -EV

Keywords: heartbreak, grief, pain, sorrow, human emotions, growing, healing, learning, changing, honesty, raw, genuine

For any of you folks who are paying attention, congratulations, you smart person you, this is not the heart break episode, I made a boo boo, and that will be #10. This episode is some beautiful life reflections on a great drive in San Clemente, California off Ortega Hwy. I highly recommend it if you are in town to check out this highway and its lush greenery and rolling hills. It is a little gem I do not hear a lot of people talk about. You are welcome. This episode helps us appreciate the moment we are in and given even though it is not like how it looks in our head or wants it to be.

“It’s funny how life is, like do I want to be in San Clemente right now, not making money? No. Am I not making money but I am in San Clemente right now? Yes.” -Reflections of Evelyn Episode 9

Meditation thought: To my favorite people out there right now, humans with a pulse, nerds, peeps who are interested in this podcast and are paying attention, that quote I simply could not remember accurately that I was completely butchering was: “When you lose an emotional attachment to someone, you realize how ordinary they are. It was your love that made them seem so special” -Unknown

In conclusion, ask me why I am picturing Roman Holiday with Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck in my head right now while writing this description.

“Why Evelyn?”

Well, first it was completely tragic to me, broke my heart and left me sad for a long while. Then today, while making eggs and talking to you I realized, I bet if you asked both of them, after some time had passed, they would have rather experienced that moment in time, then never at all. What a blessing and a gift to be given from life. Truly, some people never get to have that. Let alone feel or experience it. So to even try to convince someone to care or to conceive to understand would not make any sense. Even if that is how it had to go down. What a gift to even have experienced a moment, a memory, a love like that, then not at all.

"'Tis better to have loved and lost / Than never to have loved at all," written by Alfred, Lord Tennyson in his 1850 poem In Memoriam A.H.H.

Keywords: Reflections, Reflections of Evelyn, Meditation, outlet, creative writing, exposure, breathing, Bird Watching, journaling, poetry, books, philosophy, author, niche, contrarian, noble, non conformity, free spirit, counterculturist, maverick, individuality, unorthodox, unconventional, avant-garde, alternative, indie, independent, raw, organic, no filter, california, orange county, san diego county, los angeles, riverside county, angeles forest, hiking, driving, working, medical industry, independent contractor, life, 2026, trending podcast, like, share, follow, subscribe

Song links!⁠ ⁠https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/evelynslatershew/songwriting-days⁠⁠