Refrigerator Moms

Puberty is hard enough without autism in the mix, and almost nobody talks about it honestly. Julianna and Kelley tackle the cringy, necessary conversations that come with an autistic teen's changing body, from hygiene and masturbation to consent, comorbidities, and the difficult question of permanent birth control. Grounded in their own family experience and the Refrigerator Moms research paper on the topic, this is the second in a three part series on autistic teens.

Key takeaways:

• Autistic teens show higher rates of gender dysphoria and reduced sexual awareness compared to peers
• The Circles of Intimacy tool, often introduced through ABA, gives kids a visual for who can see or touch their body
• Privacy and redirection, not shame, are the right response to masturbation
• Hygiene struggles are not a personal autonomy issue and need consistent, team wide messaging
• Puberty is a common trigger for new or shifting comorbidities like anxiety, depression, and OCD
• Permanent birth control is a real conversation for some families and deserves years of lead up, not a snap decision
• Sex ed adapted to a child's functional level belongs in the IEP
• Zones of regulation help teens name feelings that get more abstract during adolescence
• Pornography and unrealistic expectations need direct, ongoing discussion, not silence

Resources Mentioned in This Episode

HBO, The Pitt: Season 2, Episodes 10 and 11
A medical drama referenced for a storyline involving a character's sister and a UTI tied to sexual activity, used as an example of how autistic people's sexuality gets overlooked in fiction

Zones of Regulation: https://zonesofregulation.com/
A framework for naming and communicating emotions, described as useful for adolescents as feelings become more abstract

Sex Ed Rescue: sexedrescue.com/puberty-for-autistic-kids
A hub of articles from sexual health nurse Cath Hakanson on autism and puberty, with guides for girls, boys, and periods. Offers explicit, concrete language and sensory-aware strategies for teaching body changes, hygiene, and privacy.

Planet Puberty: planetpuberty.org.au
A free resource from Family Planning Australia for parents and caregivers of children with intellectual disability and autism. Organized by topic (body changes, feelings, relationships, identity, safety), with teaching plans, printable resources, and workshops.

🔗 Learn More:
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMoms

Refrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments for mental health conditions including depression, PTSD, OCD, anxiety, ADHD and autism. Our treatments utilize TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) protocols including rTMS, aTMS, and MeRT. All of our treatments are drug-free and noninvasive. Call for insurance options or learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com

00:00 Why nobody talks about autism and puberty
00:36 What is the role of parents, doctors, therapists
07:23 Circles of Intimacy as an ABA tool
09:26 Nonspeaking kids and masturbation privacy
12:19 Autonomy and privacy versus safety
13:00 Hygiene, smells, and periods
15:16 How comorbidities shift during puberty
17:05 Consent and permanent birth control
23:24 What to do when puberty hits
27:57 What not to do, panic and shame
28:39 Where to find the paper and more episodes

Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen dig back into the world of autism parenting social media, starting with a viral thread about a mom whose son melted down over Pokémon cards and the flood of PDA-affirming advice she received in response. Kelley breaks down why most of that advice, dressed up in new language, is really just classic behavioral intervention (delayed gratification, redirection, reward systems) repackaged and sold back to autism parenting communities. The two also take a detour into Julianna's own special interest, the Jane Austen Society, before returning to social media comments on ABA therapy controversy, new state laws banning phones in schools, and the Lindsay Clancy trial and what it reveals about psychotropic medication and postpartum mental health care.

Key takeaways:

• Solving for yes and delayed gratification tactics are sticker charts with new names
• PDA-affirming advice often just relabels standard aba therapy strategies
• Sometimes no is a complete sentence, even in PDA parenting
• Private equity has made ABA therapy staffing chaotic, but the principles still work
• Julianna's real-life special interest is the Jane Austen Society of North America
• Phone bans in schools are showing kids handle the friction better than parents expect
• The Lindsay Clancy trial raises hard questions about psychotropic medication oversight
• Parents should not self diagnose or opinion shop for medication changes

🔗 Learn More:
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMoms

Refrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments for mental health conditions including depression, PTSD, OCD, anxiety, ADHD and autism. Our treatments utilize TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) protocols including rTMS, aTMS, and MeRT. All of our treatments are drug-free and noninvasive. Call for insurance options or learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com

00:00 Pokémon meltdowns and PDA advice begins
01:23 The PDA-affirming advice breakdown
04:33 Solving for yes is a sticker chart
06:07 Can we start saving for the card
09:27 Sometimes we just have to accept disappointment
12:09 Not about autism: the Jane Austen Society
16:20 ABA does nothing, social media comments
18:22 State laws banning phones in schools
22:07 The Lindsay Clancy trial and medication oversight

Nearly a third of American adults have self diagnosed a mental health condition, and half of Gen Z has done the same, so Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen dig into what that means for autism specifically. TikTok checklists promise a diagnosis in ninety seconds, but the criteria on those videos (liking the sound of a hairdryer, having strong opinions, researching a purchase before buying it) has little to do with autism levels or the clinical picture used in an actual assessment. Julianna and Kelley separate the legitimate reasons adults seek out self diagnosis, including cost, long wait lists, and mistrust of the healthcare system, from the diagnostic creep that pathologizes ordinary introversion and everyday bad behavior. They also cover the real harm: diluting the meaning of autism, building an identity that is hard to walk back from, and letting treatable issues like anxiety or undiagnosed ADHD go unaddressed. If you're curious whether an autism diagnosis fits you, this conversation lays out where curiosity is a fine starting point and where the real work has to begin.

Key takeaways:

• Self diagnosis of mental health conditions has spiked sharpest in adults ages 26 to 34
• TikTok checklists often describe normal human traits, not clinical criteria
• 52% of top ADHD videos and 41% of autism videos studied contain inaccurate medical information
• Legitimate barriers to formal diagnosis include cost, access, stigma, and fear of not being believed
• Loneliness, not TikTok trends, is often the real driver behind the search for a label
• A label should be the start of doing the work, not a reason to stop trying
• Self diagnosing without follow up can dilute the public understanding of autism and autism parenting
• Some conditions mistaken for autism, like anxiety or trauma, are highly treatable on their own
• Medication decisions should never be made from an online quiz alone

🔗 Learn More:
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMoms

Refrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments for mental health conditions including depression, PTSD, OCD, anxiety, ADHD and autism. Our treatments utilize TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) protocols including rTMS, aTMS, and MeRT. All of our treatments are drug-free and noninvasive. Call for insurance options or learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com\

00:00 Should You Self-Diagnose Autism?
00:09 Nearly A Third Of Adults Self-Diagnose
00:53 Why This Trend Is Rising Now
01:30 Curiosity, Isolation And Community
02:37 How This Differs From Parent Diagnosis
03:36 Adolescents And Identity Formation
04:13 Is It Users Or Licensed Professionals?
05:39 Parents Diagnosing Their Kids Online
05:56 Diagnostic Creep Explained
07:09 Pathologizing The Normal
07:42 When Labels Excuse Bad Behavior
09:08 The Loneliness Epidemic Connection
10:21 The Work Begins, It Doesn't End
10:43 Real Barriers To Formal Diagnosis
12:19 The Permission Structure Of A Label
15:24 Should Only Autistic People Diagnose?
17:14 What Do You Want For Yourself?
17:57 The Case Against Self-Diagnosis
20:13 Real Harm Of Diluting Autism
21:18 Building An Identity Hard To Leave
22:05 Who Are These People Really?
23:15 What We'd Actually Recommend
26:11 Medication Is Not A DIY Decision

Dr. Scott Eilers, known online as the Depression Doctor, joins Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen to unpack the tools he built after living through a decade of severe depression himself. The conversation covers why shame loses power the moment it's spoken aloud, why platitudes like "you don't get more than you can handle" fall flat, and why contentment, not happiness, may be the more sustainable goal for parents navigating chronic stress. Dr. Eilers also shares how becoming a special needs parent forced him to refocus his time and energy, and offers a framework for deciding how much access anyone gets into your life.

Key takeaways:

• Shame shrinks when shared; keeping it hidden means only your harshest critic (you) gets a vote
• Platitudes fail because they overshoot; acknowledging reality works better than forcing positivity
• Consider the source, both on social media and inside your own head, before absorbing criticism
• Special needs parenting often forces a "KonMari-style" refocusing of time, energy and relationships
• No two people's parenting can be scientifically compared; there is no experimental control
• Contentment, not happiness, is the more sustainable emotional target on hard days
• Impulsivity often comes down to sleep, food, movement and caffeine, not willpower
• Not all anxiety is pathological; some of it is a rational response to real circumstances
• Going no contact with family can be warranted, but boundaries should track a person's actual behavior, not their title
• Shifting from consumption to creation, even small acts like cooking or a walk, changes how a hard day feels

Resources Mentioned in This Episode:

When Everything Is Burning by Dr. Scott Eilers, his book written for people dealing with chronic, deep seated depression, discussed throughout the episode as the source of several frameworks covered.

https://www.drscotteilers.com/resources/for-when-everything-is-burning-book

The Psychology of Depression and Anxiety, Dr. Eilers' podcast, mentioned as part of his body of work.

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOD3pCPK--mHDqVuW75ATxBDsTlK5xVxp

The KonMari Method, referenced by Julianna as a comparison point for decluttering relationships and obligations during hard seasons of parenting.

https://konmari.com/about-the-konmari-method/?srsltid=AU7gw4X2Mk3MJKt_sdMaQYWC2BnM7yV91AqTnMDf4hGWYcBc85hkdNIU

The Minimalists, the podcasting and writing trio whose work on intentional living and letting go of excess reflects the episode's discussion of decluttering as an emotional, not just physical, practice.

https://www.theminimalists.com/

🔗 Learn More:
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMoms

Refrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments for mental health conditions including depression, PTSD, OCD, anxiety, ADHD and autism. Our treatments utilize TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) protocols including rTMS, aTMS, and MeRT. All of our treatments are drug-free and noninvasive. Call for insurance options or learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com

00:00 Cold open: the opposite of depression
00:22 Meet Dr. Scott Eilers, the Depression Doctor
01:14 Why we wanted to talk about situational depression
01:57 Shame grows when sheltered, withers when expressed
06:21 Why platitudes fall flat for struggling parents
09:23 A realistic statement beats a positive one
11:09 Where did "you never get more than you can handle" come from
13:01 The KonMari method for your mental clutter
15:17 The day early intervention arrived at the door
18:14 Considering the source in your own head
19:44 Considering the source on social media
21:29 The autism industrial complex
22:31 When therapy offices aren't built for autistic clients
25:07 How to vet a parent coach's credentials
26:19 Why so many therapists are becoming coaches
29:43 The six lies the world tells you
33:35 Redefining what a father provides
34:03 Going no contact with family
35:36 A framework for safety and openness in relationships
38:05 Adaptive versus maladaptive perfectionism
40:13 Rewrite the research on your negative beliefs
43:07 Why happiness might be the wrong goal
46:35 The case for contentment over happiness
48:39 Sleep, food, movement and impulsivity
50:40 Sorting pathological anxiety from rational anxiety
53:26 Creation versus consumption
54:36 Where to find Dr. Eilers

Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen launch the Not About Autism Book Club, with their first pick, Carol Clare Burke's viral bestseller Yesteryear. The novel follows a trad wife influencer who wakes up living in 1855, and the hosts dig into what the book gets right and wrong about performative Christianity, the manosphere, trad wife culture, and social media escapism. They debate the unlikable main character, the polarizing ending, and whether the story's twist actually lands. Spoilers included throughout. 

Key Takeaways

• Yesteryear follows a trad wife influencer who wakes up living in 19th century conditions on her ranch
• The hosts discuss the book's central criticism, that Christianity is portrayed as a theatrical villain
• Clementine and the preacher are named as the story's more redeeming, genuinely Christian characters
• The author's writing process, including her rushed first draft and two editors, gets discussed in detail
• The rumor that Anne Hathaway ghostwrote the book is addressed and debunked
• Caleb's arc into the manosphere sparks a conversation about male identity and validation
• The hosts unpack why trad wife content is aspirational fantasy rather than reality
• They discuss the book's divisive twist ending and the lack of redemption for the main character
• Both hosts rate the book differently, weighing societal relevance against the quality of the writing
• The next book club pick, Ann Patchett's Whistler, is announced at the end

Resources Mentioned in This Episode

• Yesteryear by Carol Clare Burke, the book club's first pick, following a trad wife social media influencer who wakes up living in 1855.
• Diabolical Lies, the podcast hosted by author Carol Clare Burke. 
• Whistler by Ann Patchett, our next book club pick.

🔗 Learn More

Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMoms

Refrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments for mental health conditions including depression, PTSD, OCD, anxiety, ADHD and autism. Our treatments utilize TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) protocols including rTMS, aTMS, and MeRT. All of our treatments are drug-free and noninvasive. Call for insurance options or learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com

Timestamps

00:00 Launching the Not About Autism book club
01:03 Introducing Yesteryear and its viral buzz
01:36 What Yesteryear is about
02:06 First impressions of the book
03:07 Spoiler warning before the ending talk
03:25 Is Christianity the book's villain
04:46 A social justice warrior as the real villain
05:16 The author's rushed first draft process
06:06 Editors and publishers shaping the book
07:06 Why Kelley reads acknowledgments
07:42 The Anne Hathaway ghostwriter rumor
09:36 Fleshing out Caleb's character for film
10:20 Sympathy for Caleb's stupidity
11:18 Caleb's pull into the manosphere
11:55 Social media silos and trad wife fantasy
12:21 Was Caleb aware of his own role
14:08 The unlikability of Shannon's arc
15:22 The reading is sexy shirt moment
15:53 Real homesteaders versus influencers
16:20 Trad wife ideology meets modern woman
17:23 Ballerina Farms and hidden help
18:29 Why trad wife content is appealing
19:29 Escapism and fantasy in trad wife culture
20:10 Trad wife versus stay at home mom
21:27 Social media as a sewing circle
21:50 No redemption for Natalie
22:08 The author's defense of Natalie
23:24 Why Natalie is hard to like
26:09 Hypocrisy and the manosphere's relevance
27:33 Wishing for a time travel twist
28:17 The new batch of kids reveal
28:37 Questions about Clementine and the warrant
29:46 Debating who is worse, Natalie or Caleb
30:03 Marital rape and the fantasy of control
32:20 Was Natalie drugged the whole time
33:11 The unreliable narrator problem
34:34 Rating the book on Goodreads
35:37 The concept of winning in the story
36:59 Announcing the next book club pick

Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen revisit three of the show's most-discussed refrigerator papers in one sitting: screen time, pathological demand avoidance (PDA), and college readiness. They break down why not all screen time is equal, what to actually do when a child is dysregulated by devices, and why the show remains skeptical of PDA as a standalone diagnostic framework. The conversation closes with a deep dive into college essay coaching for neurodivergent students, covering when and how to disclose a diagnosis, how AI has changed the essay-writing process, and what admissions readers are actually looking for.

Key Takeaways

• Screen time isn't one category: passive consumption differs from educational or interactive use
• Oxford's 2024 word of the year, "brain rot," describes real cognitive effects of low-quality screen content
• Weaning a child off screen addiction often takes about two weeks before mood visibly improves
• PDA is not a standalone diagnosis in the US and remains an add-on profile to autism in the UK
• Many PDA-focused "coaches" operate without a therapy license valid in the client's state
• Avoiding demands long-term (like indefinite co-sleeping) tends to delay, not resolve, underlying challenges
• College "capable" (grades, test scores) is different from college "ready" (executive functioning, self-advocacy)
• The Common App personal statement is 650 words; UC personal insight questions are 350 words each
• Admissions readers spend about seven minutes per application on average
• Disclosing a diagnosis in a college essay should be brief; the essay should focus on what a student did with the challenge, not the diagnosis itself

Thrive College Counseling — the college counseling practice founded by Dr. Marci Schwartz, providing full-service college counseling for neurodivergent students, referenced alongside a companion paper the hosts wrote with her on college readiness.
https://www.thrivecollegecounseling.com/

Standout Application Essays — the college essay coaching practice founded by Julianna Scott, offering brainstorming through final polish on college, scholarship, and graduate application essays, with particular experience supporting neurodivergent students and their families through the process.
https://www.standoutapplicationessays.com/

🔗 Learn More:
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMoms

Refrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments for mental health conditions including depression, PTSD, OCD, anxiety, ADHD and autism. Our treatments utilize TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) protocols including rTMS, aTMS, and MeRT. All of our treatments are drug-free and noninvasive. Call for insurance options or learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com

00:00 Revisiting three of our biggest papers
00:36 Screen time, PDA, and college readiness ahead
02:02 Screen time paper: the four categories
03:16 The phone-during-diaper-change moment
05:21 Screen time and "brain rot"
05:48 Good screens: learning apps and cooking shows
06:57 The worst screens: algorithm-driven platforms
07:06 What kids did before screens existed
08:07 Try a no-screen day experiment
08:48 Parents are addicted to screens too
10:04 Sponsor: Brain Performance Technologies
10:15 What to do about screen addiction
12:05 PDA paper: stirring up a hornet's nest
12:50 What PDA actually means
14:01 The PDA coaching cottage industry
15:30 Is what you're doing helpful or hurtful
16:26 Sleep and PDA: kicking the can down the road
18:11 Study behaviorism before rejecting ABA
20:00 College readiness with a college essay coach
21:32 The up-all-nighter essay clients
21:51 Dr. Marci Schwartz and Thrive College Counseling
22:05 College capable versus college ready
23:25 Sponsor: Brain Performance Technologies
23:49 Common App versus UC personal insight questions
26:39 How AI changed college essay coaching
29:20 Coaching neurodivergent students on essays
30:42 Should students disclose their diagnosis?
33:09 Where disclosure belongs in an application
36:08 Closing thoughts on college readiness

Tony Mantor is a Nashville music producer and songwriter, not a clinician, not an autism parent, yet he built one of the most listened-to autism and mental health podcasts around, "Why Not Me." What started as a pandemic passion project turned into a platform with 19 million downloads, guests spanning Temple Grandin to late-diagnosed adults to parents navigating serious mental illness overlapping with autism. Julianna and Kelley talk with Tony about masking, late diagnosis, anosognosia, and what he's learned after three years of hearing the community's stories firsthand.

Key Takeaways:

• Tony's podcast grew from a song written for first responders into a weekly show built entirely around lived experience
• He deliberately avoids clinical, sterile language, choosing storytelling so newly diagnosed families don't walk away more afraid
• A guest diagnosed by Chat GPT after three years of conversation history illustrates how masking can hide even from the person doing it
• Anosognosia, believing your delusion over another person's reality, came up as a subtopic most listeners have never heard of
• Late-diagnosed adults, some as old as 60, describe losing a decade of self-understanding before diagnosis
• Females are underdiagnosed in part because masking, mimicking social cues like laughing at a joke they didn't understand, hides the signs
• Temple Grandin called in personally to be a guest, and her mother was an original "refrigerator mother"
• Autistic guests worldwide describe the same core experience, with the real differences coming from how local communities and systems respond
• Politicians remain some of the hardest guests to book, and Tony describes watching a unanimously passed autism bill die once it reached the House

Resources Mentioned in This Episode

Why Not Me: Autism and Mental Health — Tony's podcast discussed throughout the episode as the platform where he interviews autistic guests, parents, advocates, and public figures.
(https://tonymantor.com/why-not-me)

Almost Live Nashville — Tony's other podcast, focused on the Nashville music industry.
(https://tonymantor.com/almost-live-nashville)

🔗 Learn More:
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMoms

Refrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments for mental health conditions including depression, PTSD, OCD, anxiety, ADHD and autism. Our treatments utilize TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) protocols including rTMS, aTMS, and MeRT. All of our treatments are drug-free and noninvasive. Call for insurance options or learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com

00:00 Intro to Tony Mantor's unusual path to autism advocacy
00:26 Welcome and setting up today's conversation
01:13 Tony's music career and Plateau Music background
01:48 How the "Why Not Me" song and podcast started
03:16 A speech therapist's call changes everything
04:42 Turning the last five minutes of a show into a movement
05:33 What guests want most when they reach out
06:19 Why clinical, sterile podcasts scared him
07:04 Three years in, what he's learned about autism
08:12 Sponsor message: Brain Performance Technologies
08:25 How his perspective on autism has changed
09:45 The first episode that changed everything
10:22 The literal thinking story that resonated worldwide
11:46 Musicians and undiagnosed autism
12:07 A singer songwriter who never told him she was autistic
12:48 Masking, gender, and camouflaging
13:32 Diagnosed autistic by Chat GPT
14:52 19 million downloads and branching into mental health
15:19 Why he expanded beyond autism
17:08 Rebranding to Autism and Mental Health
18:41 Anosognosia explained
19:55 How his view of serious mental illness changed
20:44 The system failing people before they end up in jail
21:05 Temple Grandin's surprise podcast request
22:26 Temple Grandin's mother and the refrigerator mother connection
23:22 Who Tony still wants to interview
24:20 Why he doesn't research outside guest stories
25:22 The masking, bullying, and suicide risk connection
27:41 Consensus and differences across years of conversations
28:37 What parents worry about most
29:31 Losing a decade before late diagnosis
30:43 The cost of disclosing an autism diagnosis
31:05 Learning each other's culture in a mixed neurotype marriage
32:20 Tony's other podcast, Almost Live Nashville
34:22 What's working well in the autism community
36:08 Special interests and hyper-focus
37:30 A Bulgaria to Belgium relocation story
38:13 Comparing autistic experiences across countries
39:47 The politicians who won't come on the show
40:11 A bill that passed unanimously, then died
41:06 Closing thanks and where to find more

A board-certified pediatrician and mother of a daughter with autism joins Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen to talk about what actually happens inside the pediatrician's office. Dr. Alisa Minkin explains why standard screening tools miss subtler presentations of autism, how she navigates vaccine hesitancy without losing a family's trust, and why the search for a "magic cure" so often derails real progress. The conversation also covers over- and under-diagnosis, the case for a separate profound autism diagnosis, medication decisions, and why screen time is so uniquely addictive for autistic kids.

Key takeaways:

• Standard screening tools often miss subtler, later-diagnosed presentations of autism
• Pediatricians and parents alike can develop strong "autism radar" over time
• Building trust with hesitant parents can take many visits, not one conversation
• A vaccinating practice will sometimes ask non-vaccinating families to leave, citing risk to other patients
• Alternative therapies fall into a spectrum: won't help and will hurt, won't help and won't hurt, or may help and won't hurt
• Autism is both overdiagnosed (social media self-diagnosis) and underdiagnosed (missed females, missed older kids, missed atypical presentations)
• A separate diagnosis for profound autism could redirect resources and expand who is qualified to provide care
• Medication for autism is largely off-label, with only Abilify and risperidone FDA-cleared
• Screens are not a cause of autism but can be uniquely reinforcing and addictive for autistic kids

Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
A Tough Pill to Swallow — a Refrigerator Moms paper on medication for autism, referenced by Dr. Minkin as a resource for parents weighing medication decisions with their child (https://refrigeratormoms.com/a-tough-pill-to-swallow-medicating-autism/)
Kids Matter! — Dr. Minkin's own podcast about raising healthy, happy children, mentioned as a companion listen to this episode
(https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/kids-matter/id1867343121)

🔗 Learn More:
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMoms

Refrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments for mental health conditions including depression, PTSD, OCD, anxiety, ADHD and autism. Our treatments utilize TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) protocols including rTMS, aTMS, and MeRT. All of our treatments are drug-free and noninvasive. Call for insurance options or learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com

00:00 Introducing Dr. Alisa Minkin
01:12 What pediatricians look for at milestones
02:22 How autism screening actually works
03:05 What screening tools miss most
03:19 Developing strong "autism radar"
04:36 Reading whether a parent is ready
06:00 Why parents are more receptive today
06:37 Vaccine hesitancy in autism families
08:20 An uptick in measles cases
09:39 When parents ask about unproven treatments
10:44 Sorting therapies by help versus harm
12:11 Why patience matters more than a cure
14:46 The problem with trying everything at once
17:06 Who can actually diagnose autism
18:19 Over-diagnosis versus under-diagnosis
20:24 Why "everyone's a little autistic" is demeaning
20:41 The case for a profound autism diagnosis
23:18 Access to services and school classifications
24:48 When behavioral needs get kids denied care
26:25 Medication and the ADHD-autism overlap
28:24 The off-label medication problem
29:19 Thoughts on the deprescribing movement
31:37 A hot take on screen time
34:18 Why eye contact still matters
35:41 Using screen time as leverage
37:10 Letting kids sit with discomfort
38:07 Where to find Dr. Minkin

Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen return for another social media questions episode, tackling the topics parents are actually asking about online. They dig into swearing as an expression of frustration, whether a nonverbal five-year-old will ever talk, what Glass Child Syndrome means for siblings, physical meltdowns directed at one parent, the fight over whether a teenager has to shower, and what happens when a parent asks about combining ABA with a PDA-focused support group. Julianna and Kelley weigh in with clinical experience and personal stories, showing why online advice rarely fits any one family.

Key Takeaways:

• Swearing is often a form of communication or release, not just defiance
• A swear jar or family word diet can turn cursing into a teaching moment
• ABA should include alternative communication tools like PECS or sign language, not just spoken words
• Five years old, or even three years of therapy, isn't long enough to declare something isn't working
• Glass Child Syndrome describes siblings feeling overlooked, and it's worth taking seriously
• Physical aggression toward one parent usually signals an unmet communication or sensory need
• Hitting a child to stop a behavior teaches hitting, it does not build regulation skills
• Hygiene is not an arbitrary rule, and sensory-based shower struggles deserve real accommodations, not shame
• Some online support groups shut down honest questions rather than answer them
• Many PDA-focused strategies quietly borrow from ABA principles like antecedents and behavior triggers

🔗 Learn More:
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Refrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments for mental health conditions including depression, PTSD, OCD, anxiety, ADHD and autism. Our treatments utilize TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) protocols including rTMS, aTMS, and MeRT. All of our treatments are drug-free and noninvasive. Call for insurance options or learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com

00:00 Swearing and how kids express frustration
00:57 Reading Kelley's notes and today's topics
01:39 A speech therapy swearing breakthrough story
02:57 Teaching kids when and where to swear
03:44 The swear jar as a family tool
04:47 Will my nonverbal five-year-old ever talk
05:44 Questions to ask before giving up on ABA
06:24 Alternative communication tools beyond speech
07:22 A speech therapist's look-here breakthrough story
09:08 Focus on connection, not just words
10:19 Glass Child Syndrome, is it real
11:26 PDA parenting and sibling separation
12:35 Why siblings may need therapy later
13:34 Physical meltdowns directed at one parent
14:34 Finding the antecedent behind aggression
16:07 Immediate versus long-term behavior strategies
16:52 Why hitting a child is never the answer
17:41 Brain Performance Technologies sponsor message
18:07 Should a teenager be forced to shower
19:36 Why hygiene is not arbitrary
20:24 When shower resistance is trauma related
21:33 A trigger warning for mentioning ABA
23:03 A PDA group shuts down an ABA question
25:02 Why the wrong therapy can be worse than none
27:35 PDA strategies that quietly borrow from ABA
28:36 Where to find Refrigerator Moms

High school changes the rules for autistic teens in ways that can catch parents off guard. The coping strategies that worked in elementary and middle school stop working as peer dynamics get more complex, masking becomes more demanding, and academic pressure ramps up. Julianna Scott and Kelley Jensen break down what's really going on during this shift and walk through the full range of schooling options available when a traditional high school environment isn't working, from homeschooling and deschooling to therapeutic day schools and trade programs. They also answer real listener-style questions on dangerous behavior, friendlessness, and letting go while still supporting a teen through this transition.

Key Takeaways:

• Elementary-era coping skills often stop working once peer dynamics, masking, and academics all intensify at once in high school
• Masking becomes more effortful in adolescence as teens develop a deeper awareness of feeling different
• Watch for signs a teen isn't thriving: can't self-advocate, has no bandwidth left after school, or masking is triggering meltdowns
• Schooling alternatives include homeschooling, deschooling, unschooling, online public school, hybrid schools, therapeutic day schools, and trade/vocational programs
• Changing a placement or therapy is rarely irreversible, it's okay to try something and go back
• Dangerous behavior toward self or others is a stop-drop-and-roll moment that takes priority over academics
• If a teen is lonely, don't force friendships, look for natural, low-pressure social opportunities instead
• Adolescence is a key window to watch for emerging comorbidities like anxiety, depression, ADHD, or OCD
• Involve teens directly in IEP and 504 meetings to build self-advocacy for after high school
• Alternatives to college should be normalized as equally valid paths, not lesser ones

This episode is part of a three-part series on adolescence from The Refrigerator Moms, with companion episodes on puberty and the transition into adulthood still to come.

🔗 Learn More:
Website: refrigeratormoms.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/refrigeratormoms/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/refrigeratormoms
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/refrigeratormoms/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@RefrigeratorMoms

Refrigerator Moms is sponsored by Brain Performance Technologies, a specialty mental health clinic that offers neuromodulation treatments for mental health conditions including depression, PTSD, OCD, anxiety, ADHD and autism. Our treatments utilize TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) protocols including rTMS, aTMS, and MeRT. All of our treatments are drug-free and noninvasive. Call for insurance options or learn more at https://brainperformancetechnologies.com

00:00 The high school whiplash parents don't expect
00:40 Why this paper focuses on mainstreamed teens
01:10 A three-part series on adolescence
03:00 Why adolescence hits autistic kids so hard
04:09 Masking, bullying, and burnout compound
05:24 College readiness versus college capable
07:04 Signs your teen isn't thriving right now
08:50 A real story: bullying inside the special day class
10:03 Changing placement isn't irreversible
10:41 Homeschooling as an option
12:38 Deschooling versus homeschooling
13:19 Unschooling and its risks
15:22 Online public school and hybrid schools
16:41 Therapeutic day schools explained
18:00 Trade and vocational programs
19:31 Shopping around for the right high school
20:34 Balancing independence with support
21:33 When success looks different than you hoped
23:46 Sponsor: Brain Performance Technologies
24:13 Revisiting support systems when struggles persist
25:08 What to do about dangerous behavior
26:39 What to do if your teen has no friends
30:09 Immediate to-dos for parents
31:10 Watching for new comorbidities in adolescence
32:02 Why TMS can become a lifelong tool
32:51 Letting your teen own their mask
33:32 Long-term to-dos and letting go of the mask of your dreams