By Tom Pate
The podcast currently has 110 episodes available.
Welcome to the Relationship Fitness Podcast! A big part of making a relationship great is learning how not to f*** it up. We all have to learn from our mistakes! I’m taking military leadership principles and applying them to relationship fitness. Join me to learn more!
Be a leader in your relationship
Being a leader doesn’t mean being the boss who is always in charge and makes all the rules. That kind of leadership won’t work in relationships. The best relationships have co-leaders, where each partner is a leader. In the military, leadership is all about getting people to do what needs to be done; in a relationship, each partner has to exert leadership in their role for things to go smoothly.
Great leaders build up and encourage others to be leaders
The most effective leadership is about creating a team of future leaders. If you want your team or partnership to work effectively, communication is the key. Each person has the way they like to communicate, and not every person responds well to authority and commands. In a relationship, you have to learn how to communicate in ways that your partner responds to and understands. You want your partner to be their own kind of leader in their role in the relationship.
There is no black and white when it comes to communication
I know what it’s like to have very different communication styles in marriage. My military background contributed to my communication style, and my partner didn’t respond to it or completely understand it. If you’re in this situation, you have to continue to learn and grow in order to relate to your partner and coexist in harmony. Understand that sometimes you are the leader, and sometimes you are the follower. A good relationship requires give and take in many of those gray areas. Always remember that a leader can be the coach AND the cheerleader. Never stop being the biggest cheerleader for your spouse!
***Leave me your feedback. I’d love to know how you are applying good leadership and communication in your relationship. Share the podcast with someone else who can use some Relationship Fitness. Your relationship fitness matters! You are not just raising children, but someone’s future spouse and someone’s future parent. Go out there and be loving, kind, patient, and generous! Let’s help save the world--one relationship at a time!
Connect with me:
Facebook: Relationship Fitness Facebook Page
Instagram: Relationship.Fitness
Locals.com: https://relationshipfitness.locals.com/ (Locals.com membership required)
Podcast website: RelationshipFitnessPodcast.com
Welcome to the Relationship Fitness Podcast! Today’s episode is about relationship tips that every couple can use. These tips may sound like common sense, but as I’ve heard many times, “Common sense is not always common practice.” Join me to learn more!
Don’t take things for granted
You can’t rely on how things appear on the surface, but you have to dig deeper. This certainly applies to relationships. When it comes to making connections and maintaining closeness with your partner, you have to pay attention to the deep things. Just dealing with surface problems will only lead to divorce, alimony, child support, and a host of other undesirable situations that won’t fulfill the dreams you have for your life.
Relationship tips every couple can use
Reintroduce meaningful communication into your relationship. The keyword there is meaningful. Be diligent about talking with each other, no matter how busy your lives are. Don’t leave your communication on the surface level.
Don’t become demanding in the way you speak to your spouse. It’s important to still be NICE to each other. If you can’t be nice, you are already on the slippery slope to divorce.
Be sincere about your love. Don’t relax and take your love for granted. Be “on purpose” with your love for your partner.
Share hobbies together. You don’t have to do EVERYTHING together, but there needs to be some activities, tasks, or fun things that you can both enjoy together.
Acknowledge freely. Continue to find reasons to acknowledge your spouse and say “thank you” every single day. The little things matter and they add up over time to build your true love connectedness.
Go to bed together. Different schedules may make this difficult, but it’s important to unwind and disconnect from everything (and everyone) else together.
***Leave me your feedback. Let me know how you are improving your connection with your spouse. Share the podcast with someone else who can use some Relationship Fitness. We can help others in their relationships. Your relationship fitness matters! You are not just raising children, but someone’s future spouse and someone’s future parent. Go out there and be loving, kind, patient, and generous! Let’s help save the world--one relationship at a time!
Connect with me:
Facebook: Relationship Fitness Facebook Page
Instagram: Relationship.Fitness
Locals.com: https://relationshipfitness.locals.com/ (Locals.com membership required)
Podcast website: RelationshipFitnessPodcast.com
Not sure where to start your Relationship Fitness journey?
P.S. Check out my new channel on Locals.com at Relationshipfitness.Locals.com where I'm posting exclusive #RelationshipFitness content you won't see or hear anywhere else. (Locals.com membership required)
Welcome to another episode of the Relationship Fitness Podcast! We all know that love and passion should be parts of every great relationship, right? My message today is that love and passion are not enough to make your relationship extraordinary. Love and passion are just emotions that we feel inside, and they can only affect your relationship if you take action on them. Join me for more!
It really is “all in your head”
I remember a time in high school when there was a certain young lady who caught my eye. I thought she was the ideal dream girl for me, and I had so much passion and puppy love for her. The problem was that I could never tell her how I felt about her because I felt unworthy and feared taking that risk. In my mind, though, I was in love with her. The lesson applies to our adult relationships in that so much of our relationship happens only in our thoughts. All our perceptions, self-doubt, emotions, and limitations we feel are part of an internal dialogue that is constantly running in our minds.
Get out of your head
It is not enough to have passion in your head and love in your heart for your spouse. Even the empathy, compassion, patience, and kindness we feel toward other people is not enough if it just stays in our heads. We have to show these feelings in our actions. We can tell someone that we love them every single day, but those are empty words if they aren’t backed up by actions. We need to do the little things every day to show our partner that our love goes far beyond our words.
Make connections
Whether it’s with your parents, siblings, children, or your partner, you have to do the things it takes to make human connections. It could be as simple as reminiscing about good times in the past and reflecting on memories, and that’s a great way to connect as long as we don’t get hung up on the past at the expense of the present. Don’t be content to let your relationship live in your head. Be proactive in your communication and connection. Show your partner every day that you love them and are living up to your vows and promises.
***Leave me your feedback. I want to hear how you are taking action to show your love and passion and how you wish your spouse would take action in showing love to you. Be a Relationship Warrior who fights hard for your marriage. Your relationship fitness matters! You are not just raising children, but someone’s future spouse and someone’s future parent. Go out there and be loving, kind, patient, and generous! Let’s help save the world--one relationship at a time!
Connect with me:
Facebook: Relationship Fitness Facebook Page
Instagram: Relationship.Fitness
Locals.com: https://relationshipfitness.locals.com/ (Locals.com membership required)
Podcast website: RelationshipFitnessPodcast.com
Not sure where to start your Relationship Fitness journey?
P.S. Check out my new channel on Locals.com at Relationshipfitness.Locals.com where I'm posting exclusive #RelationshipFitness content you won't see or hear anywhere else. (Locals.com membership required)
Welcome to the Relationship Fitness Podcast! Boating and relationship advice—is there any correlation? I say there IS a correlation, and I’ll explain what I mean. Join me for a closer look.
Check your attitude
How are you working ON and IN your relationship? Are you spending too much time focusing on the past, either the good stuff or the bad? The “good old days” are happening right now, so look ahead. If you only look at the past, you can’t see where you’re going. It’s like being in a boat. The boat leaves a wake in its path, and it can be beautiful and dangerous at the same time. Be careful of the wake you are making with the boat that is your marriage. If you focus on the wake the boat leaves behind, you’ll miss the beauty and scenery in front of you. In your marriage, focus on each other as a team that’s working to move forward together without wrecking “your boat.”
Live up to your commitment
Think back to your wedding vows. Those were commitments you made to your spouse. Did you mean those words? We need to approach that commitment as a covenant promise that we would rather die than break. Too many marriages fail because one or both partners don’t keep their promises; they cheat on each other and don’t do their part to make the relationship work. You have to be committed to the extreme degree and “burn the boats” like the explorer Cortes did in 1519 to ensure that his men were “all in” on their mission. Are you “all in” on your relationship?
Take a close look
Think about the behaviors and habits that you need to drop. Do you need to change the way you speak to your spouse? We all have to grow and learn throughout life in a constant process of refinement. Whatever drives a wedge between you and your spouse needs to be dropped. It could be too many nights of “hanging with the guys” or too many “girls’ nights out” that contribute to your unhealthy relationship. Think of these things as your “boats” that need to be burned to show your commitment.
***Leave me your feedback. Give me your feedback about putting these principles into practice. Be a Relationship Warrior who fights hard for your marriage. Your relationship fitness matters! You are not just raising children, but someone’s future spouse and someone’s future parent. Go out there and be loving, kind, patient, and generous! Let’s help save the world--one relationship at a time!
Connect with me:
Facebook: Relationship Fitness Facebook Page
Instagram: Relationship.Fitness
Locals.com: https://relationshipfitness.locals.com/ (Locals.com membership required)
Podcast website: RelationshipFitnessPodcast.com
Not sure where to start your Relationship Fitness journey?
P.S. Check out my new channel on Locals.com at Relationshipfitness.Locals.com where I'm posting exclusive #RelationshipFitness content you won't see or hear anywhere else. (Locals.com membership required)
Welcome to this episode! We all want to bring out the best in our partners, but how do we know if that is truly happening? We have to ASK! The key is to ask the right questions that prompt the right conversations. Let’s take a closer look!
What to ask
Ask your partner, “In what ways do I help you be your best or do your best work?” They may need time to think before they answer, so don’t be offended if they don’t have a ready answer. Another twist on those questions is to ask how you help them be their best IN and ON your relationship together. Whether they have an answer or not, you at least have the stage set for open conversations about how you listen, support, and validate each other.
Put away your ego
When you ask these probing questions, you have to be prepared for what your partner might bring up. There may be some negative things about you if your partner is honest. Put your ego to the side and be willing to take an objective look at what you can do to listen more, support further, and genuinely validate your partner’s feelings. Ask clarifying questions to find out how you can do better. Study your partner to notice the things he/she adds to your life. Compliment them on what you see them doing well and how they work to preserve and strengthen your relationship. It will be a work in progress to figure out together how you can bring out the best in each other.
Know what NOT to do
Sometimes the key to improving your relationship fitness is something you STOP doing. Casey and Meygan Caston are the founders of Marriage365; you can find them on Instagram. Their book, 365 Connecting Questions for Couples, has one question for couples to answer together each day throughout the year. Find a link to their book under Tools & Resources at Relationship Fitness Podcast. One of their questions is, “Have I ever done anything to make you feel that you can’t share your thoughts, struggles, and ideas with me?” Ask this question and show your vulnerability to find out what you have done to make your spouse feel this way. To put it bluntly, one way to bring out the best in your spouse is to STOP DOING STUPID STUFF! Don’t do the things that make them feel that they can’t share and be open with you. The way to bridge that gap is communication, communication, communication. Relationship fitness is always a learning process, so keep on learning about each other.
***Leave me your feedback. Let me know how you are asking the important questions and communicating to bring out the best in your partner. Your relationship fitness matters! You are not just raising children, but someone’s future spouse and someone’s future parent. Go out there and be loving, kind, patient, and generous! Let’s help save the world--one relationship at a time!
Mentioned in this episode: 365 Connecting Questions for Couples by Casey and Meygan Caston.
Find Marriage365 on Instagram.
Connect with me:
Facebook: Relationship Fitness Facebook Page
Instagram: Relationship.Fitness
Locals.com: https://relationshipfitness.locals.com/ (Locals.com membership required)
Podcast website: RelationshipFitnessPodcast.com
Not sure where to start your Relationship Fitness journey?
P.S. Check out my new channel on Locals.com at Relationshipfitness.Locals.com where I'm posting exclusive #RelationshipFitness content you won't see or hear anywhere else. (Locals.com membership required)
Welcome to the Relationship Fitness Podcast! Think about the triggers you have, the baggage you have carried into your relationship, and the buttons you are daring someone to push. Living in a constant state of pre-explosion is not fun, and walking on eggshells around you is not fun for your loved ones. I am going out on a limb today to say that there are no buttons. Join me for more!
There are no buttons (if you decide there are no buttons)
It’s completely up to you! There are always those things that make us mad when people do them, but there is no reason for us to have those triggers. In this day and age, most of us don’t live in a constant state of fear for our lives. Our lives are not endangered, and we don’t know what it is like to be hunted down and eaten. Just like those kinds of life-or-death fears that are nonexistent, your buttons are only there because you have decided they are there. You can just as easily choose for them not to exist. If you allow someone else to completely control your emotions and responses, then you are admitting your total lack of control, which is not good.
Take extreme ownership of your buttons
I have become much less triggered over my lifetime, and I have realized that most of the things that trigger emotional responses come out of my childhood. For me, those feelings show up when I am tired, having a bad day, or not practicing self-care like I should. You can’t assume that your partner knows what your buttons are and thinks about how to avoid pushing them. News flash! Your partner is NOT constantly thinking about your buttons, and if they are, it isn’t a healthy relationship anyway. Despite our buttons and triggers, why can’t we just assume the best of the other person? Like maybe they forgot about or don’t even realize our sensitivities?
Watch your communication style
You can train your brain to respond differently in certain situations, and you can create new routines in your communication patterns with your partner. Because you and your partner were raised in two different families with two different backgrounds, sarcasm and harsh jokes may seem normal to you, but they might poke at your partner’s insecurities and sensitivities. Hot buttons for you may be totally acceptable for your partner. It takes doing the work of discovery to get to know and understand your partner. Realize that the story going on in your head about “why they did what they did” may not be 100% true. For the sake of your relationship fitness, you may have to tone down your communication habits to keep a peaceful, loving relationship.
***Leave me your feedback. I would love to hear how you are letting go of those buttons and improving your communication style for the health of your relationship. Your relationship fitness matters! You are not just raising children, but someone’s future spouse and someone’s future parent. Go out there and be loving, kind, patient, and generous! Let’s help save the world--one relationship at a time!
Connect with me:
Facebook: Relationship Fitness Facebook Page
Instagram: Relationship.Fitness
Locals.com: https://relationshipfitness.locals.com/ (Locals.com membership required)
Podcast website: RelationshipFitnessPodcast.com
Not sure where to start your Relationship Fitness journey?
P.S. Check out my new channel on Locals.com at Relationshipfitness.Locals.com where I'm posting exclusive #RelationshipFitness content you won't see or hear anywhere else. (Locals.com membership required)
I have been perusing through one of my all-time favorite books, Jack Canfield’s The Success Principles: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be. As I read the book, I am always looking to apply success principles to relationships, which brings us to today’s topic. How are you taking ownership in your relationship? Do you need to take more ownership? Let’s talk about it.
Take personal responsibility
Jim Rohn talks a lot about our circumstances and the excuses we make. The bottom line is that we can’t control the circumstances and seasons of life, but we can change ourselves. We have to take personal responsibility for the quality of life that we live. No one else is to blame. This applies immensely to our relationship. I’ll say this, “If your relationship sucks, the problem is YOU.” You can’t change the other person, but you can be the person you want to be. Everything in your life comes down to the person you are and the choices you make. There is no one else to blame.
We can create, re-create, and uncreate
We can change ourselves to achieve the success we want to have. Just as situations have been created by our choices, they can be re-created or uncreated to give different results. It just takes one person to make the changes to save a relationship, and it usually happens that the other partner will gladly join the effort. Commitment to change takes consistency, and when both partners are on board, profound changes can take place. Think about this: “What would your relationship look like if you gave it your ALL?”
Give up your excuses and “stories”
What happened in the past is in the past. We make our own conclusions about what happened and why. Those are our “stories,” and we spin them the way we do, mostly because of how we were raised. We convince ourselves about why someone did what they did, or what their underlying motive was, or why they can’t be trusted. We have the power to change the situation to produce the result we want by letting go of all the excuses and changing the stories we tell ourselves. Would you rather be right or happy? How could you have communicated more clearly and been more deliberate? YOU have the power to change your relationship!
***Leave me your feedback. Let me know how you are taking personal responsibility, letting go of excuses, and changing the story of your relationship. Your relationship fitness matters! You are not just raising children, but someone’s future spouse and someone’s future parent. Go out there and be loving, kind, patient, and generous! Let’s help save the world--one relationship at a time!
Connect with me:
Facebook: Relationship Fitness Facebook Page
Instagram: Relationship.Fitness
Locals.com: https://relationshipfitness.locals.com/ (Locals.com membership required)
Podcast website: RelationshipFitnessPodcast.com
Not sure where to start your Relationship Fitness journey?
P.S. Check out my new channel on Locals.com at Relationshipfitness.Locals.com where I'm posting exclusive #RelationshipFitness content you won't see or hear anywhere else. (Locals.com membership required)
Welcome! Have you ever fought with your spouse when you were hangry? Let’s face it- some people can get pretty grouchy when they need something to eat. So if you have something important to discuss and you feel irritable, it is best to wait until you get some food in your system before you dive into the conversation.
After a hard day at work
When you get home after a hard day at work, and your spouse immediately starts unloading their day on you it can be hard to avoid overreacting. It would be better to spend the first ten to twenty minutes after you walk in chilling out, connecting, and only talking about the good stuff. That will give you the chance to breathe and unwind before discussing anything important. I sometimes do the Tarzan yodel while driving home. It makes me feel much better and helps relieve the stress, pressure, and frustration I am feeling. You can do a couple of Tarzan yodels while driving home or park down the street and do it to decompress before you get home. You could even consider going to the gym on the way home. Whatever you do, make sure that you don’t fight or discuss difficult and important topics when you are hangry, frustrated, or in an agitated state.
It is all about the outcome you want
Try to reach a point in your relationship where you can be vulnerable and still feel connected. Be cool if your partner or spouse needs some time out after a terrible day. If you also had a tough day, giggle and understand that you are both on edge. You can talk later after you have collected yourselves. Give yourself time to think about OWA before you talk: What is the outcome you are seeking? What is the why you want to talk about it? What action will you take to get the outcome you want? It is all about the outcome you want. Don’t approach things with an attacking mode your desired outcome is to vent. Just talk about it and express how you feel.
Go in with the long term in mind
Go into a relationship with a long-term mindset. If you do, it will foster compassion, patience, and understanding. We all mess up at times. So those qualities will allow for some failure in your relationship and give you room to breathe. A long-term mindset and the desire to do what it takes to make your relationship last longer will release you from making excuses to bail out or thinking that you will leave if your partner hurts you or screws up.
***Leave me your feedback. Let me know how you are learning to put aside how you feel, use the 5-second rule, and take action on the things that improve your relationship fitness. You are not just raising children, but someone’s future spouse and someone’s future parent. Go out there and be loving, kind, patient, and generous! Let’s help save the world--one relationship at a time!
Connect with me:
Facebook: Relationship Fitness Facebook Page
Instagram: Relationship.Fitness
Locals.com: https://relationshipfitness.locals.com/ (Locals.com membership required)
Podcast website: RelationshipFitnessPodcast.com
Not sure where to start your Relationship Fitness journey?
P.S. Check out my new channel on Locals.com at Relationshipfitness.Locals.com where I'm posting exclusive #RelationshipFitness content you won't see or hear anywhere else. (Locals.com membership required)
Welcome! Let’s be honest. We all have those days when we don’t feel like going the extra mile, aiming for a deeper connection, and putting forth the effort to improve our relationship. It’s in those times when we have to make a choice and commitment to force ourselves to do what we don’t FEEL like doing. I’m taking a few concepts from Mel Robbins’ book, The 5 Second Rule, to make applications to relationships. Join me!
Think back to your childhood
If you are like me, you can think of many incidents during your growing-up years when your parents had to make you do things that you didn’t want to do—and they were for your benefit. Coming in for dinner, brushing your teeth, taking baths/showers, and other tasks were not what kids normally choose to do, but we had to do those things for our own good. Likewise, in relationships, we can’t operate solely on what we feel like doing; we are not always going to feel like doing the right thing! Sometimes you have to FORCE your way into doing what you need to do!
How to use The 5 Second Rule
When those times occur that you don’t feel like doing what you know you should do, you have to break those thought patterns in your brain and take action. Mel teaches people to count backward, 5-4-3-2-1, take action, break the thought pattern, and fight the tendency to procrastinate. Listen to my example of using the 5 second rule when my brain goes against the impulse to get flowers for my love. The right thing to do is to stop and buy the flowers, even when I don’t feel like it! When the thought comes of what you can do to improve your connection or make your spouse feel loved and appreciated, either act on it with the five-second rule or write it down so you can come back to it later—and take action.
Learn to focus and take action
Whenever and wherever you have your best ideas, make it a habit to write them down. My best ideas come often when I’m in the shower, so I’ve learned to write them down quickly as soon as I get out. If I don’t focus on those ideas, they are gone forever, and I’ll never take action on them. There are so many gestures that we can do to connect with our partner and show our love; we don’t always FEEL like doing those things. It’s OK to force ourselves to do those things. We can use the 5 second rule or any other tool that helps us take action and override those feelings. Great relationships don’t just happen; they happen because we learn to take action.
***Leave me your feedback. Let me know how you are learning to put aside how you feel, use the 5 second rule, and take action on the things that improve your relationship fitness. You are not just raising children, but someone’s future spouse and someone’s future parent. Go out there and be loving, kind, patient, and generous! Let’s help save the world--one relationship at a time!
Connect with me:
Facebook: Relationship Fitness Facebook Page
Instagram: Relationship.Fitness
Locals.com: https://relationshipfitness.locals.com/ (Locals.com membership required)
Podcast website: RelationshipFitnessPodcast.com
Not sure where to start your Relationship Fitness journey?
P.S. Check out my new channel on Locals.com at Relationshipfitness.Locals.com where I'm posting exclusive #RelationshipFitness content you won't see or hear anywhere else. (Locals.com membership required)
Welcome to the podcast! A special guest is joining me for today’s show, and I’m excited about our conversation. From her experience and wisdom, she is sharing relationship secrets to take your relationship to the next level today. Join us to learn more!
Laura Doyle is a relationship expert, podcaster, and the NY Times bestselling author of The Empowered Wife. She was the perfect wife until she actually got married. When she told her husband how to be tidier, more romantic, and more ambitious, he avoided her. She dragged him to marriage counseling and nearly divorced him. In desperation, she asked happily married women their secrets, and that’s when she got her miracle. The man who wooed her returned. Now, Laura’s books have been translated into 19 languages in 30 countries and have accidentally started a worldwide movement around her mission to end divorce around the world. She is the founder of the international relationship coach training school, Laura Doyle Connect, the star of Empowered Wives on Amazon Prime, the creator of The Ridiculously Happy Wife Program, the host of The Empowered Wife podcast, and she has appeared on the Today Show, Good Morning America, and The View. Laura has helped over 15,000 women fix their relationships, even the hopeless ones, without their husband’s effort. The thing that Laura is most proud of is her gratifying 31-year marriage with her hilarious husband, John, who has been dressing himself since before she was born.
Show Highlights:
***Leave me your feedback. Let me know what you think about Laura’s relationship insights. Improving your relationship fitness and solidifying your relationship legacy WILL make a difference. You are not just raising children, but someone’s future spouse and someone’s future parent. Go out there and be loving, kind, patient, and generous! Let’s help save the world--one relationship at a time!
Resources:
Connect with Laura:
www.lauradoyle.org
Get Laura’s FREE Adored Wife Roadmap!
Find her podcast, The Empowered Wife!
Laura’s book: The Empowered Wife
Connect with me:
Facebook: Relationship Fitness Facebook Page
Instagram: Relationship.Fitness
Locals.com: https://relationshipfitness.locals.com/ (Locals.com membership required)
Podcast website: RelationshipFitnessPodcast.com
Not sure where to start your Relationship Fitness journey?
P.S. Check out my new channel on Locals.com at Relationshipfitness.Locals.com where I'm posting exclusive #RelationshipFitness content you won't see or hear anywhere else. (Locals.com membership required)
The podcast currently has 110 episodes available.