Relationships Let's Talk About It!

The willingness to take risks, to be authentic, and to be open to vulnerability is critical to a new relationship. To author and speaker Gregg Levoy and musician and former Silicon Valley tech executive Cindy Nelson, being able to work with each other's darkness and light - not to mention their "crazies" - allows them to go deeper in their connection with each other. Gregg & Cindy both began their relationship in May 2020. At the height of the pandemic, Gregg & Cindy navigated their budding relationship slowly, bearing the openness to balance out infatuation and romance with gentle doses of reality, indeed demonstrating that "love" is not only a feeling, but also a verb.

In this episode, Greg, Cindy, and I share the story of how they met and illustrate their unique way of connecting with each other. We discuss the value of catching and addressing issues while they're still small and describe how couples can use non-violent communication to resolve conflict. We also highlight how couples can cultivate safety in each other and explain why it can be beneficial to see a couples' therapist early on in the relationship.

"As we share our vulnerabilities, we become more capable of handling them, sharing them with somebody else, and putting our hearts in their hands." - Gregg Levoy

This week on Relationships! Let's Talk About It:

• How meeting during the pandemic helped Greg & Cindy take their time in their relationship
• Greg & Cindy's first meeting in person after months of written correspondence
• The dynamics of new relationships and how Cindy & Greg knew they wanted to pursue their connection further
• Purposefully balancing out infatuation and romance with gentle doses of reality
• The first question Cindy asked in person and how Greg established that he wanted somebody with depth
• Greg & Cindy's "crazies" and the importance of being open to vulnerability
• The power of intentional touch and its impact on a new relationship
• Establishing the need for some time alone and how Greg & Cindy satisfy each other's love languages
• The right time to bring the "love is blind" adage into a relationship
• How taking risks and exploring vulnerability brings more love, intimacy, and safety
• How Cindy's mindfulness practice helps her navigate her relationship with Greg
• Working through challenges while they're still small
• Using non-violent communication to work through conflicts and avoid kitchen-sinking
• Expecting potential challenges and milestones in new relationships
• Navigating the extrovert-introvert scale between Greg & Cindy
• Making peace with and respecting your partner's history and previous relationships
• Why it could be beneficial to see a relationship therapist earlier in a relationship

Related Content:

• The Loss of Touch
• Non-Violent Communication
• Building Trust in Relationships
• Heartbreak: Getting Whacked by Love
• Releasing Tension: The Courage to Feel
• The Importance of Self-Inquiry in Building Healthy Relationships
• Following Personal Passions and Taking Risks Can Nurture Your Relationships

Connect with Gregg Levoy:

• Gregg Levoy Website
• Gregg Levoy on Facebook
• Book: Callings: Finding and Following an Authentic Life by Gregg Levoy
• Book: Vital Signs: Discovering and Sustaining Your Passion for Life by Gregg Levoy

Connect with Cindy Nelson:

• Cindy Nelson on LinkedIn

Sponsored by Still Point Wellness

Still Point Wellness is Asheville's premier spa experience. Enjoy effortless relaxation and rejuvenate your body through Still Point's world-class services including Esalen Massage®, Salt Water Floatation also known as sensory deprivation, Cranial Sacral Therapy, and Somatic Psychology. Experience the healing powers of deep relaxation like never before!

Schedule your first appointment by visiting www.StillPointWell.com or call (828) 348-5372.

Mention the code: Pripo to receive 10% off your first Salt Water Floatation or Esalen Massage®!

Let's Talk About It!

Thanks for tuning into this week's episode of Relationships! Let's Talk About It - the show to help you forge deeper, more meaningful connections and relationships with those around you. If you enjoyed this week's episode, please head over to Apple Podcasts, subscribe to the show, and leave us a rating and review.

You can check out the original songs I have sung in my podcast at Pripo's Podcast Songs.

If you have a relationship question you'd love to have answered, contact us. Your question may be featured on a future episode!

Don't forget to visit our website, like us on Facebook at HeartShare Counseling, join our Relationships! Let's Talk About It Facebook group, and follow us on Twitter and Instagram. Share your favorite episodes on social media to help others build better, more meaningful relationships.

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music "These Streets" provided by Adi the Monk

Whether we're in the dating stage or have been married for many years, there are many ways that we conduct self-defeating behaviors that can undermine our relationships. Some of these behaviors are so deeply rooted in our history that it can become challenging to uncover. Yet, it is human to have self-sabotaging tendencies, stresses Cathy Courtenay, a Conscious Relating Coach who guides people through connecting with themselves. With all our complexities and nuances, it may look impossible to form intimate relationships; but, through self-awareness and healing work, Cathy stresses it is possible to overcome our inclinations to sabotage and create healthy, fulfilling relationships.

In this episode, Cathy and I discuss the many ways we sabotage ourselves in our relationships, uncover their underlying causes, and share advice on how they can be managed. We dissect our personal challenges with self-sabotage in our relationships and discuss the steps we take to manage them. We also highlight the role of self-esteem and self-awareness in cultivating intimacy in relationships and healing self-sabotaging patterns.

"If you are self-sabotaging in your relationship to a point where it creates harm and damage, there may be a trigger from your past that needs to be looked at." - Cathy Courtenay

This week on Relationships! Let's Talk About It:

• How insecurities and the need for constant reassurance lead to self-sabotage
• Owning our vulnerabilities as the first step to mending insecurities
• The role of self-awareness in managing self-sabotaging emotions and behavior
• The dangers of knee-jerk responses from the lower brain and suppressing emotional experiences
• My subtle tendencies to sabotage in my marriage and Cathy's inclination to hyperfocus on what's wrong
• How Cathy uses appreciation practices to magnify the things for which she is grateful
• Why we need to shift how we view masculinity and femininity
• Anchoring on corrective experiences to heal the wounds of the past
• Codependency and sabotaging a relationship through doing your partner's work
• The importance of taking responsibility for your part of a problem
• The pursuer versus the distancer and how their difference can sabotage a relationship
• Strategies and skills to handle anxious-avoidant relationship patterns
• The relationship grid and the connection between intimacy and self-esteem
• Engaging in unhealthy and excessive behaviors as a mode of self-sabotage
• How holding grudges can lead to poor communication and passive-aggressive behavior
• The fear of entrapment and managing differences in relationships
• Recognizing and managing the desire to control

Related Content:

• Understand and Manage Differences in Your Relationships
• What Makes A Relationship Worth Doing the Hard Work
• Couples' Communication: Circling Techniques
• Helping Men Learn to Connect with Women
• Let's Talk About Sex, Baby
• Difficult Conversations
• Falling in Love

Connect with Cathy Courtenay:

• Cathy Courtenay Website
• Cathy Courtenay on Facebook

Sponsored by Still Point Wellness

Still Point Wellness is Asheville's premier spa experience. Enjoy effortless relaxation and rejuvenate your body through Still Point's world-class services including Esalen Massage®, Salt Water Floatation also known as sensory deprivation, Cranial Sacral Therapy, and Somatic Psychology. Experience the healing powers of deep relaxation like never before!

Schedule your first appointment by visiting www.StillPointWell.com or call (828) 348-5372.

Mention the code: Pripo to receive 10% off your first Salt Water Floatation or Esalen Massage®!

Let's Talk About It!

Thanks for tuning into this week's episode of Relationships! Let's Talk About It - the show to help you forge deeper, more meaningful connections and relationships with those around you. If you enjoyed this week's episode, please head over to Apple Podcasts, subscribe to the show, and leave us a rating and review.

You can check out the original songs I have sung in my podcast at Pripo's Podcast Songs.

If you have a relationship question you'd love to have answered, contact us. Your question may be featured on a future episode!

Don't forget to visit our website, like us on Facebook at HeartShare Counseling, join our Relationships! Let's Talk About It Facebook group, and follow us on Twitter and Instagram. Share your favorite episodes on social media to help others build better, more meaningful relationships.

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music "These Streets" provided by Adi the Monk

Emotional attunement is a crucial skill to develop: it enables us to truly understand the people with whom we share moments in our lives, their experience, and their perspective. It allows us to deepen our relationship in a meaningful way. Emotional attunement has allowed the founder of Artsy Goddess Studio, Yvonne Rainbow Teplitsky, to connect with people and easily empathize throughout her life. But while it comes naturally for people like my wife Rainbow, it can be challenging for some to connect with other people on a more profound level. Like all skills, emotional attunement could be honed with intent and practice.

In this episode, Rainbow and I discuss how emotional attunement has benefited our relationship. We illustrate parenting's role in the development of emotional attunement in a child and describe how emotional attunement has impacted our parenting skills. We discuss how we can foster emotional attunement within ourselves and explore the need to cultivate self-compassion first before we can be open to witnessing our partners' difficult experiences. We also explain how becoming emotionally attuned allows a couple to give each other feedback with ease and equip them with tools to repair conflict.

"Emotional attunement is a big balancing act in our relationships and families. It's important to be present with those who you are together with." - Yvonne Rainbow Teplitsky

This week on Relationships! Let's Talk About It:

• What emotional attunement means and how it's similar to empathy
• How emotional attunement develops in early childhood years
• Secure attachment and the gift of understanding a child's needs
• How the lack of emotional attunement from parents impacts a person's adulthood
• The value of attuning to ourselves and our emotional needs
• Understanding our partners' emotions through emotional attunement
• Why emotional attunement is natural to some people but challenging for others
• Non-defensive listening and asking open-ended questions to deepen our connection with loved ones
• What happens when we fail to emotionally attune with our partners
• The importance of cultivating self-compassion and self-kindness
• Emotional attunement in leadership and at work
• The advantages of being a 'highly sensitive person' and how Yvonne learned to set up boundaries over time
• Tuning in to somebody's emotions without taking care of them
• How emotional attunement allows partners to be open to feedback from each other
• The role of emotional attunement in expressing, understanding, and acknowledging needs and boundaries
• Daily maintenance connection and the value of intentionally making the time to connect deeply

Related Content:

• The Art of Listening
• Expressing Needs

Connect with Yvonne Rainbow Teplitsky:

• Artsy Goddess Studio
• Yvonne on LinkedIn
• Yvonne on Facebook
• Email: [email protected]

Let's Talk About It!

Thanks for tuning into this week's episode of Relationships! Let's Talk About It - the show to help you forge deeper, more meaningful connections and relationships with those around you. If you enjoyed this week's episode, please head over to Apple Podcasts, subscribe to the show, and leave us a rating and review.

You can check out the original songs I have sung in my podcast at Pripo's Podcast Songs.

If you have a relationship question you'd love to have answered, contact us. Your question may be featured on a future episode!

Don't forget to visit our website, like us on Facebook at HeartShare Counseling, join our Relationships! Let's Talk About It Facebook group, and follow us on Twitter and Instagram. Share your favorite episodes on social media to help others build better, more meaningful relationships.

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music "These Streets" provided by Adi the Monk

If appreciation is the number one relationship booster, what is the biggest thing that can undermine a relationship? The answer: contempt - that pattern of feelings and behaviors that expresses disgust and scorn towards a person or a group of people, ultimately dehumanizing them. The severity of contempt's impact on people can make it seem like it's easy to recognize; yet, contempt enters relationships as subtle as poison administered in careful, incremental drops.

In this episode, I discuss how contempt can usher a relationship to its failure. I share John Gottman's definition of contempt and describe what causes it to sneak into intimate relationships. I highlight some behaviors that cultivate the seeds of contempt and explain why it's so difficult to resolve. I also reveal how we can heal and reverse contempt in relationships and discuss how kindness and compassion can be antithetical to contempt.

"Contempt is a deep, slow poison in relationships. It goes for the kill by attacking a person's sense of self." - Pripo Teplitsky

This week on Relationships! Let's Talk About It:

• The contagious nature of contempt and how it sneaks into intimate relationships
• Contempt in inter-personal relationships and how it bred the Holocaust
• How contempt makes partners seem more like opponents than a couple
• Examples of contemptuous remarks and body languages
• Contemptuous communication in social media and how it hinders productive dialog
• John Gottman's "bid for connection" and how ignoring your partner's efforts can undermine a relationship
• Withdrawing as a response to contempt and how neediness can lead to stonewalling
• The power dynamics of contempt in a relationship
• What makes patterns of contempt challenging to detect and reverse
• The importance of building an environment of admiration, kindness, respect, and empathy
• Recognizing the mask of contempt and what it conceals
• Why apathy, not hate, is the opposite of love
• The relationship between contempt and substance abuse
• Contempt as a means to avoid vulnerability
• The contagious nature of compassion and how it can heal our relationships

Resources Mentioned:

• How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It by Patricia Love and Steven Stosny
• Love and Contempt: It's so easy to go from one to the other - Psychology Today

Related Content:

• The #1 Relationship Booster
• Stonewalling: The Silent Treatment that Blocks Communication

Let's Talk About It!

Thanks for tuning into this week's episode of Relationships! Let's Talk About It - the show to help you forge deeper, more meaningful connections and relationships with those around you. If you enjoyed this week's episode, please head over to Apple Podcasts, subscribe to the show, and leave us a rating and review.

You can check out the original songs I have sung in my podcast at Pripo's Podcast Songs.

If you have a relationship question you'd love to have answered, contact us. Your question may be featured on a future episode!

Don't forget to visit our website, like us on Facebook at HeartShare Counseling, join our Relationships! Let's Talk About It Facebook group, and follow us on Twitter and Instagram. Share your favorite episodes on social media to help others build better, more meaningful relationships.

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music "These Streets" provided by Adi the Monk

We always talk about romantic breakups; it is the subject of songs, poems, and movies. But despite the importance of friendships in our lives, the breaking up of platonic relationships is rarely discussed - much less does it ever become the reason for someone to see a relationship therapist. Yet, the lack of closure in a separation between friends can lead one to harbor resentment, which can - according to licensed clinician Juan Santos - restrict us from letting ourselves live life to its fullest.

Juan Santos is the owner of Santos Counseling in Greensboro, North Carolina, who helps people reclaim their lives and build healthy relationships. He enjoys guiding people through journeys of self-discovery and uncovering ways of becoming their best versions and specializes in helping distant couples and struggling parents. In addition to his practice, Juan is also the author of the books Life Without Stress, Rebuilding Us: A 30 Day Guide for Healing Your Relationship After an Affair, and Couple's Workbook: Making Your Relationship Work.

In this episode, Juan and I explore the challenges of ending friendships. We discuss the reasons friends call it quits and the factors which indicate that it may be time to end a platonic relationship. We differentiate romantic and platonic relationships in terms of how people handle their finality. We describe friendship as a gift and highlight the value of allowing a friend to have multiple sources of support. We also underscore the importance of forgiveness in letting go of a friend and the value of acknowledging the truth that our journey through life as individuals may go in directions different from others'.

"It's a choice to be in someone's life; spending even five minutes with us is a beautiful gift. It's important that when we end a platonic relationship, we acknowledge how it has helped us." - Juan Santos

This week on Relationships! Let's Talk About It:

• Grief and resentment in friendship breakups
• The importance of closure in platonic relationships
• How evolving goals and values can end platonic relationships
• The difference in how men and women relate with their friends
• The difficulty men encounter in forming friendships with their peers
• Modeling friendship cultivation and healthy breakups for children
• Spring-cleaning friendships and the tell-tale signs of a declining friendship
• The importance of doing a State of the Union Address between friends
• Jealousy and competitions in friendships and the factors to consider to know if it's time to let go of a friendship
• What to do when people don't meet expectations in friendships
• The value of having different friends to meet different interests, areas, and needs in life
• Supporting a friend in the decisions they make and trusting them when they choose other sources of support
• Forgiveness, letting go of resentment, and remembering the gifts of a person who left a friendship
• Accepting the lifetime and finality of friendships
• Why it's difficult for us to have closure in platonic relationships and the need to formalize friendship breakups
• Embracing change and giving ourselves permission to grow

Connect with Juan Santos:

• Santos Counseling
• Santos Counseling on Instagram
• Santos Counseling on Facebook
• Santos Counseling on YouTube
• EMAIL: [email protected]
• BOOK: Life Without Stress
• BOOK: Rebuilding Us: A 30 Day Guide for Healing Your Relationship After an Affair
• BOOK: Couple's Workbook: Making Your Relationship Work

Let's Talk About It!

Thanks for tuning into this week's episode of Relationships! Let's Talk About It - the show to help you forge deeper, more meaningful connections and relationships with those around you. If you enjoyed this week's episode, please head over to Apple Podcasts, subscribe to the show, and leave us a rating and review.

You can check out the original songs I have sung in my podcast at Pripo's Podcast Songs.

If you have a relationship question you'd love to have answered, contact us. Your question may be featured on a future episode!

Don't forget to visit our website, like us on Facebook at HeartShare Counseling, join our Relationships! Let's Talk About It Facebook group, and follow us on Twitter and Instagram. Share your favorite episodes on social media to help others build better, more meaningful relationships.

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music "These Streets" provided by Adi the Monk

Once a person recognizes codependent patterns in their relationships, the next important step is to learn how to overcome them. Our friendships can be a source of good modeling and influence our journey through healing codependency in our lives. My friend, Corey Costanzo, is one such friend who encourages my positivity in the world. He is a licensed addictions counselor, bodywork therapist, and somatic experiencing practitioner who owns Still Point Wellness, the premier Esalen Massage and Salt Water Floatation spa in Asheville, North Carolina. Through the years, Corey and I have worn many hats together: as colleagues who consult with one another and as fathers who celebrate each other's parenting. Ours is a friendship that has seen joy and appreciation - truly, a fine piece in overcoming codependent tendencies.

In this episode, Corey and I discuss the hallmarks of codependent patterns and behaviors in relationships and the tools a person needs to break them. We discuss how childhood upbringing and family dynamics can inform codependent behavior later in life and illustrate how friendships can support the healing of codependent relationships. We highlight the role of education in raising awareness of codependent patterns as well as overcoming them. We also underscore the power of the breath in realizing, managing, and healing codependent behavior and explain how meditative practices can help us self-soothe difficult emotions.

"The antidote is loving oneself, self-respect, and self-awareness." - Corey Costanzo

This week on Relationships! Let's Talk About It:

• The signs of codependency and how people develop them
• Codependency as a learned behavior and how it shows up in families struggling with addiction and long-term illnesses
• How codependency lives in the subconscious patterns of a family system
• The role of awareness in overcoming codependency
• The characteristics of people with codependency issues
• The difficulty of codependent people going through relational conflict
• Why education is an essential piece in overcoming codependent patterns
• Cultivating a sense of self and its power in overcoming codependency
• The fear of being independent in relationships and what we lose from becoming codependent
• The importance of aligning with your personal values and building self-worth
• Putting up boundaries to break codependent patterns
• What ruminating is and how negative emotions can impact physical health
• Meditating with difficult emotions and other methods to manage negative feelings
• The power of the breath in regulating emotions and gaining awareness of codependent patterns
• How utilizing the breath gives you the agency to speak your truth
• Attraction to the "bad boy" type and picking people as projects to fix
• Why people stay in codependent and emotionally abusive relationships
• How codependency can be a spiritual issue
• Bringing awareness to the potential of love and compassion to heal

Resources Mentioned:

• Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie
• Al-Anon Family Groups
• Headspace

Related Content:

• Codependency
• People-Pleasing
• Expressing Needs
• Do the Right Thing
• Emotional Regulation
• Is Stress Affecting Your Relationship?
• The Importance of a Personal Practice
• Addictions and Their Effects on Relationships
• Sound and Attunement Healing in Relationships

Connect with Corey Costanzo:

• Still Point Wellness
• Still Point Wellness on Facebook
• Still Point Wellness on Pinterest
• Still Point Wellness on Instagram
• Corey Costanzo on LinkedIn

Let's Talk About It!

Thanks for tuning into this week's episode of Relationships! Let's Talk About It - the show to help you forge deeper, more meaningful connections and relationships with those around you. If you enjoyed this week's episode, please head over to Apple Podcasts, subscribe to the show, and leave us a rating and review.

You can check out the original songs I have sung in my podcast at Pripo's Podcast Songs.

If you have a relationship question you'd love to have answered, contact us. Your question may be featured on a future episode!

Don't forget to visit our website, like us on Facebook at HeartShare Counseling, join our Relationships! Let's Talk About It Facebook group, and follow us on Twitter and Instagram. Share your favorite episodes on social media to help others build better, more meaningful relationships.

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music "These Streets" provided by Adi the Monk

Our country is rife with political conversations that tend to divide people. These exchanges can become more challenging when political differences occur in families and close relationships, where a divergence of ideals can strain connection. When the writer, teacher, and food activist Lee Warren recently witnessed one of her peers using aggressive language towards people of the other political spectrum, the experience spurred her to write Can We Love Our Political Enemies?, a piece where she curates an online conversation about having empathy for people who think differently.

Lee is the co-founder and managing partner of SOIL - the School of Integrated Living - an organization that teaches organic food production, regenerative systems, and community living. She is a sustainability professional whose experience spans over 25 years and whose interests include rural wisdom, sustainable economics, community, and conscious dying.

In this episode, Lee and I explore how we can connect with and love people who have political ideals different from ours. We discuss holding friends to a higher standard of empathy and illustrate how social media tends to exacerbate division among people. We describe what it's like to experience political differences within families and close relationships and explain how fear and trauma can influence our politics. We also highlight the need to bring curiosity into our ideological differences and discuss how we can use non-violent communication to hold political dialog.

"If we want community, the thing to do is to build real, human coalitions between people who have different perspectives and values." - Lee Warren

This week on Relationships! Let's Talk About It:

• The experience that led Lee to write Can We Love Our Political Enemies?
• Holding up our friends to a higher standard of empathy
• How social media promotes division among people
• How Lee realized that she was stuck in an echo chamber and had to break off of it
• The difficulty of experiencing political differences within families
• Using non-violent communication and curiosity to explore contradictory political values
• How biology can influence our discourse
• The importance, and privilege, of choosing curiosity over hatred
• Our negativity bias and why human beings don't look for commonality first
• Getting exaggerated, extreme stories about our "political enemies" and how the media exacerbates our fear of the Other
• Building coalitions in small towns and rural America
• Land-based wisdom and the value of listening to other peoples' personal stories
• Building the muscle of curiosity and using self-soothing techniques in holding political conversations

Resources Mentioned:

• Can We Love Our Political Enemies?

Related Content:

• Why Communicating Consent Matters in Healthy Relationships
• Alternative Relationships

Connect with Lee Warren:

• Reclaiming Wisdom
• Lee Warren on LinkedIn
• Lee Warren on Instagram
• Lee Warren on Facebook

Let's Talk About It!

Thanks for tuning into this week's episode of Relationships! Let's Talk About It - the show to help you forge deeper, more meaningful connections and relationships with those around you. If you enjoyed this week's episode, please head over to Apple Podcasts, subscribe to the show, and leave us a rating and review.

If you have a relationship question you'd love to have answered, contact us. Your question may be featured on a future episode!

Don't forget to visit our website, like us on Facebook at HeartShare Counseling, join our Relationships! Let's Talk About It Facebook group, and follow us on Twitter and Instagram. Share your favorite episodes on social media to help others build better, more meaningful relationships.

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music "These Streets" provided by Adi the Monk

Kelley Johnson, Ph.D., is a professional sexologist. She is a passionate sex educator who provides comprehensive sex education to private and charter schools, as well as small groups. In her work as a sexologist, Kelley guides couples and individuals in resolving sexual issues through non-medical modalities that work within their value system. As a young person, Kelley was profoundly fascinated by human sexuality, so much so that her high school peers sought her for information and education on sex, sexuality, and sexual health. Today, Kelley is a champion of body and sex-positivity, and her doctoral degree in Human Sexuality and master's in Public Health Education reflects her advocacy for a sexually-just society.

In this episode, Kelley and I address sexual issues couples face in their relationships. We explore challenges around sexual incompatibility and having polarized differences in sexual desires. We emphasize people's responsibilities as sexual beings and underscore the importance of educating children on sex and body positivity. We discuss how couples can create a healthy environment that encourages their intimacy as well as how they can support each other in transforming a history of sexual abuse, trauma, and taboo into a healthy sex life.

"You are responsible for your sexual self. While sexuality as a couple is something that's shared and that you work on together, there is also separateness." - Kelley Johnson

This week on Relationships! Let's Talk About It:

• How Kelley became passionate about human sexuality and child development
• The relationship between childhood development and a sexually healthy adult
• Sex as a critical part of a couple's connection and intimacy
• How couples can work around having differences in sexual interests
• Breaking the cycle of body shaming and sexual negativity among children
• The importance of calling genitalia by their real names
• The difference between a couple's physical and sexual relationship and how they influence each other
• Working with issues around pornography use and fears about masturbation
• Bringing joy and playfulness into sex
• Feeling pressured into having sex and the value of experiencing intimacy and connection in other areas of life
• The power of appreciation as a potent aphrodisiac
• Planned spontaneity and how making sex dates can increase sexual intimacy between a couple
• The best conditions for having sex and respecting your partner when they say "no."
• Turning a history of sexual abuse and trauma into a healthy adult sex life
• The importance of knowing and communicating what we want and need
• The breath as a potent tool in managing one's sexual life

Related Content:

• Porn and Sexual Health
• The #1 Relationship Booster

Connect with Kelley Johnson:

• Kelley Johnson Website

Let's Talk About It!

Thanks for tuning into this week's episode of Relationships! Let's Talk About It - the show to help you forge deeper, more meaningful connections and relationships with those around you. If you enjoyed this week's episode, please head over to Apple Podcasts, subscribe to the show, and leave us a rating and review.

If you have a relationship question you'd love to have answered, contact us. Your question may be featured on a future episode!

Don't forget to visit our website, like us on Facebook at HeartShare Counseling, join our Relationships! Let's Talk About It Facebook group, and follow us on Twitter and Instagram. Share your favorite episodes on social media to help others build better, more meaningful relationships.

And if our content has helped you forge deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, be sure to help support the show by visiting our Support the Podcast page!

Theme music "These Streets" provided by Adi the Monk

Dr. Chris Mulchay is an ADHD expert and licensed psychologist in North Carolina and Hawaii. Chris is a kind, down-to-earth colleague and officemate with whom I enjoy having great conversations. His practice focuses on assessing ADHD, learning disorders, and custodial evaluations and is dedicated to making evaluations engaging, thoughtful, and efficient. In addition to his practice, Chris also serves as president for the Western North Carolina Psychological Association and is a board member of the International Council of Psychologists. A lifelong student, Chris is a staunch advocate of community change through fostering stability, creativity, and empowerment.

In this episode, Chris and I explore how ADHD can impact relationships. We contemplate on ADHD as a self-regulation and neurodevelopmental disorder. We describe how subtle brain injuries and parents in conflict can interfere with a child's brain development and influence the emergence of ADHD. We also discuss how transforming a relationship includes identifying how ADHD operates in them and explain how couples can practice appreciation to support lasting behavior change.

"The ADHD brain has a limited working memory, but if that's supported with appreciation and joy, your partner will be able to practice behavioral change that could lead to self-regulation." - Dr. Chris Mulchay

This week on Relationships! Let's Talk About It:

• What ADHD is and how it's different from ADD
• The difference between the inattentive and hyperactive type of ADHD
• Making people comfortable with conversations around ADHD
• ADHD as a neurodevelopmental issue and whether we can develop it as adults
• Genetic markers and subtle brain injuries that could impact ADHD
• How parents in extreme stress and conflict can affect a child's brain development
• The over diagnosis and overmedication of ADHD
• How ADHD medication can assist in creating behavioral change
• ADHD and challenges in peer relationships that could later lead to substance abuse
• Thinking about ADHD as a spectrum and self-regulation disorder
• The lack of inhibition in the ADHD brain and how it can impact communication
• Why it can be challenging for people with ADHD to hold conversations
• Squirrel syndrome and the relationship between ADHD and the brain's working memory
• How ADHD can interfere with emotional intimacy in relationships
• Improving working memory through sleep hygiene
• The power of mindfulness and meditation in strengthening self-regulation
• What couples can do to work around having ADHD in their relationship
• Bringing the power of appreciation and joy into creating lasting behavioral changes

Resources Mentioned:

• Thriving with Adult ADHD: Skills to Strengthen Executive Functioning by Phil Boissiere MFT

Related Content:

• Guided Audio Meditations
• The #1 Relationship Booster
• Emotional Regulation

Connect with Chris Mulchay:

• Asheville Testing
• Chris Mulchay on LinkedIn
• Chris Mulchay on Twitter

Let's Talk About It!

Thanks for tuning into this week's episode of Relationships! Let's Talk About It - the show to help you forge deeper, more meaningful connections and relationships with those around you. If you enjoyed this week's episode, please head over to Apple Podcasts, subscribe to the show, and leave us a rating and review.

If you have a relationship question you'd love to have answered, contact us. Your question may be featured on a future episode!

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Theme music "These Streets" provided by Adi the Monk

It's natural for us to want to care for the people we love and make them happy. Many of us are also naturally compassionate and find fulfillment in altruistic endeavors. But there is a fine line between being selfless and being a people-pleaser. It's essential that we discern whether our proclivities towards catering to others' needs come from an authentic desire to help or from a place of fear and insecurity.

In this episode, I discuss the vital role of compassion in realizing our tendency to be people-pleasers and in transforming ourselves and our relationships. I illustrate how insecurity, fears, and low self-worth can foster the people-pleasing pattern and underscore the dangers of being a people-pleaser. I explain why honesty is one of the greatest gifts we can give to other people and how we can weave kindness into it. I also reveal how we can overcome our people-pleasing tendencies through setting boundaries and being true to our needs.

"When we constantly strive to please, it's unlikely that we'll thrive in relationships because we start to feel invisible, even though we're the ones creating the experience." - Pripo Teplitsky

This week on Relationships! Let's Talk About It:

• The relationship between codependency and people-pleasing
• The role of compassion in the process of self-transformation
• How a compassionate person differs from a people-pleaser
• The fear of rejection and other factors that influence the people-pleasing pattern
• Why people-pleasers find it difficult to set healthy boundaries
• Conflict avoidance and how authenticity took me out of a people-pleasing episode
• The connection between people-pleasing and manipulation
• Bringing kindness into honesty and how it can benefit our relationships
• The value of focusing on curiosity when interacting with people
• Why I think history may have caused women and mothers to people-please more
• How people-pleasers may attract controlling people
• Losing autonomy and a sense of self to people-pleasing
• Why people-pleasing can also be selfish
• How parents can model authenticity for their children
• What it takes to overcome our people-pleasing patterns

Related Content:

• Guided Audio Meditations
• Setting Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty
• Codependency
• Authentic Relating
• A journey with A Dying Parent

Let's Talk About It!

Thanks for tuning into this week's episode of Relationships! Let's Talk About It - the show to help you forge deeper, more meaningful connections and relationships with those around you. If you enjoyed this week's episode, please head over to Apple Podcasts, subscribe to the show, and leave us a rating and review.

If you have a relationship question you'd love to have answered, contact us. Your question may be featured on a future episode!

Don't forget to visit our website, like us on Facebook at HeartShare Counseling, join our Relationships! Let's Talk About It Facebook group, and follow us on Twitter and Instagram. Share your favorite episodes on social media to help others build better, more meaningful relationships.