Relationships With A Soul

Welcome to The Relationships With A Soul Podcast

Every Tuesday, I do a deep dive on a common relationship problem that more than likely, we’ve all experienced at one point or another. And some of us, are actively in these situations right now, which makes these episodes great support systems for you as you push through this problem and arrive on the other side. From observing human behavior over the last 15 years, I’ve seen a lot of the same relationship problems come up again and again. Those will be the ma in ones that we focus on here.

It is my goal that these episodes help you understand yourself better, as well as your relationships. Armed with this new info, you’ll be able to create stronger relationship dynamics with ALL your connections. Trust me, strong connections are worth more than anything money can buy. Once you understand the magic of just one of these connections, you’ll become obsessed. Now let’s get into today’s episode!

EP 34: You Have No Idea How Much Your Choices Affect The World

Welcome to today’s episode. This episode is for the people who really want to do the inner work on themselves—the people who recognize that there is no long-term satisfaction in accumulating materialistic possessions or numbing themselves with endless dopamine. No matter how much dopamine we take in, we get used to it, and raise the bar, which means we crave even more to be “temporarily satisfied”

This episode is not going to be easy to digest. It will probably trigger a lot of people, but there is a truth here that many people will recognize but feel resistance accepting.

Why This Matters for Your Relationships

This episode is about forming an ironclad relationship with yourself, realizing that you are the seed to be planted. When that seed is planted, it grows and spreads to everyone in your life. Everyone you meet and eventually include in your world will be impacted in a positive, inspirational way because of the choices you make now to love yourself and work on the deepest parts of you that matter.

Some call this inner work. Some call it purification or healing. Whatever you call it, the essence is the same:

Healing the parts of you that allow you to move in harmony with the universe and love yourself genuinely is the ultimate goal.

Most people really have no idea how much their daily actions affect the people in their environment. Every choice you make matters, every act of kindness or hate leaves an impact on more people than you realize.

When you do work on yourself, the energy that you emit becomes contagious. It inspires and impacts every single person you meet, and furthermore, it impacts every person they meet. It really does act as a butterfly effect and we’re going to get into how that works in just a minute.

On the flip side, if you choose not to work on yourself, your imbalances will show through your actions. They will cause you to act out and make choices that will harm those around you, and those people will pass on that harm to others more quickly than you realize.

For example:If you’re on the road and someone cuts you off, and you slam the horn and flip them off, that person’s day is impacted. They might then treat a barista rudely, who could go home and get into a fight with their partner—and the cycle continues.

This is why kindness and love are some of the greatest gifts you can give.As humans, we underestimate the level of impact we have on others. Our imbalances harm far more people than we could ever imagine.

Every person wants to feel validated, accepted, and understood. If your daily choices are made from a center of kindness, compassion, empathy, and patience, you have much better odds at changing their day, which will slowly change their lives, and even more jaw dropping—change the world around you.

This is why doing the inner work and cultivating a healthy relationship with yourself matters—not just for you, but for humanity as a whole. It’s literally the best thing that you can do on this earth, and you can start from wherever you are, for free.

This episode won’t focus on how to do the inner work—that’s a much bigger discussion.

Instead, my goal is to inspire you to begin this journey or stay committed to it if you’re already on it. I’ll share why I believe this is the only work that truly matters right now, aside from making money to meet basic survival needs.

The Distraction of Modern Life

The reason I’m making this episode is because the majority of people today are obsessed with money and entertainment—essentially with numbing themselves through dopamine hits to subconsciously avoid working on themselves. There’s a true terror in encountering your demons and learning about why you have those bad habits that subconsciously self-sabotage your life.

Most of us are distracting ourselves daily, some in secret and some openly. We’ll do almost anything to avoid feeling the full spectrum of life’s emotions—both positive and negative.

We rely on substances like:

* Caffeine

* Alcohol

* Prescription medication

* Marijuana

* Nicotine

* And countless other mind-altering substances

All of this is to distract ourselves from feeling heavy emotions.When we think of “heavy emotions,” we tend to think of only the negative ones—anger, grief, sadness.But what about positive emotions? Are we truly able to hold space for love, abundance, and joy?

The other night, my wife and I were watching an interview with Elizabeth Gilbert on the Oprah show.

She shared how, after her book Eat Pray Love exploded, she suddenly had a huge surplus of money in her mid 30s. She found herself going out into the street, literally giving money away. Why? Because she couldn’t hold the frequency of that abundance. She didn’t believe she deserved it. She didn’t know how to handle it.

We often see this pattern when people come into money quickly.From the outside, it might look like generosity, but often the truth is that they can’t accept the abundance—they feel unworthy of it. So they want to get rid of it as quickly as possible because it makes them feel uncomfortable. They simply can’t handle the newfound responsibility.

This happens in many areas of life though not just money:

People find it difficult to accept other positive things in life such as:

* Receiving compliments

* Receiving gifts

* Getting promotions

* Receiving inheritances

When we can’t accept positive emotions, we unconsciously self-sabotage and find ways to “give it all back.” Doing the inner work here will help us realize that we really are worth it, and the universe is trying it’s best to remind us of that by giving us these wonderful experience. We just need to learn how to accept them and feel genuine gratitude from the inside.

So why are we so scattered and distracted from the work that truly matters?

Because we’re constantly managing our emotional state with outside sources, we’re not thinking clearly.

We lose touch with the present moment, and life becomes a blur because we’re jumping from one anxious moment to the other in a constant state of fight or flight

We’re avoiding any feeling that is not manageable and immediately seeking comfort and safety

Instead, if we allow ourselves to slow down for a moment, we can realize something magical.

Every feeling—anger, sadness, fear, joy—exists to communicate a message.

It’s all necessary and it’s the universe’s way of communicating with us. If we close that door or constantly alter our state because we feel it is “wrong”, we will never receive the message.

We never truly experience what our soul craves: which is to feel every emotion fully. We want to feel so that we can learn from that feeling and add to the depth of our soul experience.

I believe that when we leave this planet, the only thing we take with us are the memories and experiences of the soul.

Material possessions stay behind. Even if they’re passed down, they don’t last forever.Everything here is borrowed.

And here’s the paradox:

You can only truly enjoy what you have when you’re calm and whole on the inside.

If you’re constantly stressed, numbing, and distracting yourself, you’ll never truly enjoy your success, your relationships, or your experiences.

Why Time Flies By

In my almost 40 years, I’ve never heard anyone say life is long—or that time passes slowly.Why? Because most people are constantly rushing—avoiding pain, avoiding change, and clinging to comfort.

This creates decades of the same experiences:

* The same job

* The same habits

* The same distractions

Then one day, you wake up and say, “I can’t believe I’m 40. I can’t believe I’m 50.”

It’s because when you have almost the exact same routine for decades, the mind just blends all of these together. It seems like time has gone by so fast because you expected to do more, but all you really did was more of the same.

Meanwhile, massive progress can sometimes happen in just six months to a year—if you step outside that comfort zone.

Im Here to tell you that if you decide to do this work, The Ego Will Resist

Some people will hear this and get triggered.They’ll be thinking:

“So what, are you saying I can’t enjoy life? That I have to give up everything?”

That’s actually not what I’m saying at all.

I’m saying we need balance.We must enjoy what we have while also learning to feel every emotion fully—without taking it personally.Every emotion is a message.Every experience is meant to enrich your soul and make you a better human being.

Dr. Joe Dispenza was in a near fatal car accident in the 80s and was told he would never walk again. He chose to believe differently and that absolutely horrible experience resulted in him creating a health movement and helping millions of people today. Had that awful event never occurred, he wouldn’t have left this impact on our world.

I want to touch on the truth about happiness for a moment because so many people are after it.

The world tells us that what we really want is happiness.But here’s the truth:

We don’t crave happiness. We crave peace.

Happiness cannot exist without its opposite—pain, discomfort, sadness, and anger.Without contrast, happiness has no meaning.

What we are truly seeking is peace and fulfillment:A state of being where, no matter what happens, we know we will be okay.

Look at life like a video game for a moment

Think about a role-playing video game where you collect items—armor, gold, property.

At the end of the game, none of it matters.

When you stop playing, it all stays behind.

Life is the same.The only thing you take with you is the experience of playing the game—the memories and lessons you’ve gained.

The Work That Truly Matters Is:

Learning to sit with your emotions, to feel them fully—that is the only true wealth.It enriches your soul and can never be taken away.

When you do this work:

* You impact everyone around you in the most positive way possible.

* You become the best version of yourself.

* You inspire and uplift others through your very presence.

When you don’t do this work, you leave an ocean of potential spiritual wealth untapped. You settle for chasing materialism while missing out on the unlimited source of peace your soul really craves. It’s the only path to filling that common void most of us feel for good.

Closing Thoughts

Hopefully, this episode has inspired you to at least look inward and explore what doing the inner work really means. It’s not easy work but that’s why the reward at the end is so fulfilling. Imagine a life with a relaxed nervous system, no matter how busy you are. You understand yourself, have set adequate boundaries, and know how to “taste” life but not overindulge in it. Essentially you’ve not only mastered a balanced lifestyle, but you know how to give yourself the love and attention that you need to truly work through life’s lessons on your own terms. This is the true gift that you get from doing this kind of work. And it will be reflected in how you feel about yourself, the rich connections you build around you, and the depth at which you’re able to take in lifes experiences and truly relish in the joy of living. This is secretly what we all want and this is the path to getting it.

It’s not about fads or appearing enlightened.It’s about actually doing the work—and living the experience.

The relationship you build with yourself is the foundation for every other relationship in your life.Heal yourself, and you indirectly begin to heal the world around you

If you’re inspired by this post and want to start working on yourself or go deeper with work you’re already doing, send me a message and let’s talk. I’d love to hear what your goals are.

As always, if you need clarification on anything or have additional questions, my door and DMS are always open. You can also visit my website by clicking the photo below. Substack subscribers get 20% off all my services for a limited time. DM me to get that discount.

THANK YOU for tuning in, supporting my work, and taking this journey with me to becoming a better you. Self-Growth is one of the best things we can gift ourselves with in this lifetime and I am honored that you recognize this podcast can and will help you do just that. Please feel free to leave a comment on what you thought of this episode. You’re welcome to share any struggles that you’re going through of clarification needed to better understand the episode. I respond to all comments and care about your opinions and experiences.

I’ll see you all next Tuesday where we will explore another common relationship problem and how to best approach it!

A happy week to you all!

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Episode 33: Why You Keep Attracting The Same Partner And How To Shift It For Good

You obviously don’t want to keep attracting the same partner over and over again.

In fact, when it happens, you even get frustrated and angry, as if it shouldn’t have happened—as if something else should have happened instead.

I see you. I’ve been there many times. And this isn’t something you should beat yourself up over.

I’m saying this because In my past, I had countless situations where I was abandoned by family I trusted as well as rejected, abused, and used by countless partners all because I believed the world worked in a way that it didn’t.

10 years of being single and doing everything wrong finally caused me to hit rock bottom and surrender what I thought I knew.

Once I got to the root of my beliefs and why I was emitting this frequency, I was able to change things and create a romantic life that I only dreamed about during boring classes at elementary school.

This is not your fault because your belief patterns happened when you were so young and had no control or awareness over them. You were taught a believable version of how the world really worked, and the people you trusted the most reinforced that by living that example.

Actually, most of us were taught the same frameworks.

And we believed them.

It’s what makes up the society that we live in that tells us what is acceptable and what isn’t. How to do things, and even what to believe in certain aspects.

The question is: Why wouldn’t you believe this was the only way if most people were taught this from a young age and run their lives by the same philosophy?

Furthermore, we’re hardwired as human beings to believe that if the majority is doing something a certain way, then not only must it work, it must be the most efficient way to do it, or someone would have found and taught us all a better way by now.

However in the case of love and partnerships, I want to ask you to use your human gift of “conscious observation”.

Look at this particular scenario carefully and ask: “Do the majority of people have the partner they want? Are they happy in their romantic relationships? Or somewhere down the line did they just settle for something that they came to believe was the best they could get.”

The truth is that it’s quite common to keep attracting the same partner over and over because most of us never analyze why and instead believe that life is just a game of chance until it magically works out.

Oftentimes, we view life more like a slot machine where “If I just keep pulling the lever, eventually it will spit out what I want”.

See that’s the old philosophy working it’s magic.

The new philosophy that you were never told, or have a hard time believing is that our energy is actually what creates our world around us.

It’s what brings certain types of people to us, and pushes others away. The very frequency that makes up our thoughts, actions, and feelings is the heart of what shows up in our lives.

You may be a bit more curious now why you keep generating the same results and attract the same partner and people into your life regardless of how much time goes by.

It’s because without knowing it, you’re acting the same way over and over and expecting a different result.

Like all humans, you’re hardwired to avoid change and seek comfort.

The truth is, you don’t want to change. It’s uncomfortable and unknown.

If you go back to your life as a child, during your upbringing was when you first learned about relationships and “what love was”

The thing is that what you saw as an example of love, may not have been love at all. It may have been something unhealthy disguised as love.

Here’s an example

I grew up in a household of doers who never stopped doing things for other people and trying to help them. You could call it extreme generosity. You could also call it love.

But what I realized later on is that subconsciously, these people were doing these things for love, which meant they believed that love was something that you had to earn. They grew up to believe that you had to prove yourself to be loved. The generosity they were giving out had an expectation attached to it. The other person needed to make them feel loved and valued in return because in their eyes that “proved to them that you loved them”.

This may not sound unhealthy on the surface, but what it does is it teaches us that you have to constantly prove yourself to other people and add value so they will care about you.

The second that you don’t prove yourself in the way that is expected, that love could end, you could be replaced. In short, it was all transactional and a means to an end.

If you missed episode 31, I talk about how I was in this loop for years and how my brother was the one who snapped me out of it

We adopt this personality trait of wanting to help everyone and add value so that we will seem desirable. So that the right person will choose us. And It’s exhausting.. There’s also no guarantee that if you do it all right that you’ll end up being loved by the person you’re trying to impress.

You may be wondering how to tell if your generosity is true or not?

In my experience, if your generosity leaves you with more energy afterwards regardless of whether or not it’s acknowledged, it’s authentic. If it leaves you drained, frustrated, or bitter, that’s feedback letting you know that you were doing it for a desired outcome, and you didn’t receive that.

It’s not easy to break down and understand these subconscious patterns that we’re taught growing up. On the surface they seem completely normal. But what most don’t realize is that these patterns are the real damage that’s preventing you from seeing outside the box, and allowing a different pattern to come in to change the cycle that keeps repeating for you.

When we choose to “people please” and always put others first hoping they will love us and see us as truly valuable, we’re subconsciously neglecting ourselves, which further wounds the inner child in us.

The reason why my family chose to behave that way out of survival was that: “Love was emotionally unavailable for them growing up”. They learned this because they saw their parents doing it—this is an example of how generational trauma gets passed down.

They developed this quality to always do things for others to seek attention and affection, because it wasn’t given to them growing up.

They figured that if they constantly added value and helped others, they would receive the love they craved, and that would be satisfying enough.

This isn’t the only pattern by the way, it’s just one example. Other patterns could include:

Love could have been inconsistent for you growing up and only presented during certain circumstances. Examples could be, when a parent was intoxicated, on happy pills, or had a good day, that was the only time they showed you affection.

This leads the child to believe in the future that you need a few drinks, or some form of medication to express how you truly feel and it’s impossible to be vulnerable without that crutch.

Another pattern is Love could have been given in the form of “control”, where if you obey and do what the parent wants and expects of you, you’re rewarded with love.’ They praise you and tell you they want as long as you’re living the life they expect you to live.

Now that we’ve outlined a few common patterns, once you identify yours, how do you begin to change it?

First, you need to be willing to unlearn this prior belief that you have about love and fully accept that it has not served you in your past experiences. How do you do this? By recognizing that it hasn’t worked for you thus far, and it’s not going to change.

If you won’t allow yourself to break out of this cycle, the same patterns are going to continue showing up, and you’ll continue to find yourself in the same situations.

This is because you’re unconsciously inviting these circumstances in by refusing to get to the root of why this is happening.

What might help in accepting this change is to realize that you’re not expected to get things right the first time. Life is an experience of trial and error and the word “failure” doesn’t mean that you’re an idiot or that you’re unworthy.

It’s actually necessary to get good at something. Life is a game of learning, getting things wrong is part of that. Don’t beat yourself up over it.

This is how the formula of life works. “You don’t get what you want in relationships, You get what you believe you deserve”

A quick summary of how to change these patterns in yourself.

First, reflect and recognize that your current beliefs on how things should be were created during your upbringing. You can work on de-conditioning yourself from whatever hasn’t been working for you. Accepting that you don’t need to prove yourself to be worthy of love is the main goal. You are worthy of love exactly as you are, and if you believe it, someone else will find you and believe that to. It sounds like a fairy tale but that’s actually how it works.

Look at it this way. A newborn baby is loved simply because it exists, not because it does something to earn that love. Focus on being yourself and communicate what you want in a relationship openly to people you meet. Put it out directly into the universe.

The right person who understands how to love you will stick around. Others may fall way, but this is for the best because they would have only caused you harm in the long run.

The main idea is to explore your life in this way and work on your mindset so that you can shift your perspective, which will shift your energy, which will shift your life. This is the work that matters; this is the work that will change your life.

I work privately with a small number of people who are ready to see and change the patterns shaping their relationships.

If this resonates, you can message me here and we’ll start a conversation.

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Welcome to The Relationships With A Soul Podcast

Every Tuesday, I do a deep dive on a common relationship problem that more than likely, we’ve all experienced at one point or another. And some of us, are actively in these situations right now, which makes these episodes great support systems for you as you push through this problem and arrive on the other side. From observing human behavior over the last 15 years, I’ve seen a lot of the same relationship problems come up again and again. Those will be the ma in ones that we focus on here.

It is my goal that these episodes help you understand yourself better, as well as your relationships. Armed with this new info, you’ll be able to create stronger relationship dynamics with ALL your connections. Trust me, strong connections are worth more than anything money can buy. Once you understand the magic of just one of these connections, you’ll become obsessed. Now let’s get into today’s episode!

Episode 32: Why Degrees Don’t Equal True Credibility

I felt compelled this afternoon to do an impromptu piece on why credibility and credentials—specifically degrees, masters, and PhDs—most likely do not reflect the credibility that most people think they do in the world of therapy, coaching, and self-development. I realize that this can be triggering for some people because it takes quite a bit of time and investment to get these certifications so you can earn the trust of people and prove to them that you're worthy of helping them

But if you're daring and you're willing to stick with me in this episode, I'm going to break down why I don't believe that this type of credibility is exactly what you think it is. I don't really agree that it should be weighted as highly as it is in today's mainstream society. So I'm going to break that down for you, and hopefully, by the end of this episode, you'll have a new perspective on what credibility actually means, what credentials are actually valuable, and the right questions to ask someone that your considering to hire for help in the mental health / coaching space.

I want to start by saying that people get degrees, and they get this credibility from years of schooling at universities. Some of the universities are prestigious, some of them are just normal universities. Going to a prestigious university doesn't guarantee that you'll actually learn something, and it sure doesn't guarantee that you're going to apply that knowledge in the future. That's up to you. That's up to whether you’ve correctly processed what you’ve learned and applied the knowledge to your life. There’s a lot of things in life that can get in the way of processing information properly anddoing the real work. This gets people stuck from taking the required action in their lives to “walk the talk” and live what they have learned. Avoiding emotions and feelings can stop you, losing someone close to you can stop you, trauma and abuse can stop you, basically any heavy situations that life throws at you can stop you. It doesn't really matter what you know, or have learned. What matters is what you have processed and applied. Can you handle the punches that life throws at you and work through them properly so that you can fully understand, live, and teach all that you have learned.

When it comes to school, I find the schooling system that dishes out degrees to be incredibly interesting. Let’s take a closer look at what you’re really doing while at these schools. You're going to school, you're sitting in a classroom, and you're listening to professors who have read books by famous psychologists—They’ve watched documentaries, and basically sifted through a history of psychological works that have been proven to be credible. These professors then come up with the conclusion that they understand how the human psyche works once they’ve read or watched a bunch of material, and maybe even conducted a few experiments. The more advanced education programs offer even more experiments and trials done to test data effectively. And the really advanced ones will actually require you to put yourself in the fire for a limited time and practice going through deep emotional experiences to better understand how the human psyche works.

Fast forward to most professors teaching in front of a class — what they're doing at the front of that classroom is more often than not, just regurgitating what they’ve read, but they’re not actually living what’s coming out of their mouths by applying it to their lives.

There’s a whole new level of intelligence and experience that’s required to take advanced knowledge and put it into action, and there’s also a whole different teaching process that unlocks that ability and makes it possible. We’ll go into that in a moment.

The real question is: — what is stopping you from acquiring that same knowledge that these professors are regurgitating in school? You can buy those books, you can watch those documentaries, and you can read those manuscripts. You can do all of that work now with the internet on your own. And for the incredibly rare stuff, you can subscribe to online libraries for a fraction of the cost of attending the university. Instead, most people pay the high education fees because they just don’t know any better, or don’t trust themselves.

You don't need to go to a classroom. Some people need that structure to learn in that environment, but it's not necessary. You can actually devote years of your life to studying that information on your own. Some people may prefer the human connection to build relationships on campus, but there’s also a high possibility that these relationships will turn long distance after the school year has concluded and their strength will weaken over time. It’s worth thinking about.

I think we all know that no matter how many books you read, that doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to be applying that knowledge and improving your life from it. You can learn as much as you want, but if you don't apply it to your life, it doesn't matter what's in your head. What matters are the actions that you take given what you know.

Going back to what I touched on earlier, the real deep inner work that is required to process all of it, begins with your own personal history from childhood to adulthood.

Being able to heal your own wounds, come to terms with them, and let them go is one of the most difficult practices, and there is no school that guarantees that work will be don at the end of the curriculum

And this is the step that's difficult for most people to accept. It's easy to read a book, it's easy to take quotes and information from famous reputable people. It's difficult to take action and use it in a way that changes things up for you and invites a whirwind of discomfort. If you’re able to stay in this storm, eventually this work purifies you so that you can then guide others in the best way possible. Going through your own struggles and truly coming out on the other side, is the difference between a real teacher and someone acting the role on stage.

What does doing the deep inner work look like? It requires you to sit with yourself, to sit with your emotions, to sit with your thoughts, to sit with your feelings, and allow them to happen so that you can learn more about the inner workings of your mind and psyche. Instead of saying to yourself, “This feeling shouldn’t be happening right now”, you should lean into it so it becomes “This is exactly what I’m supposed to be feeling right now.” Once you get there, you ask yourself, “Why is this feeling coming up for me and when did it first come up for me in my life”. This is how you uncover the buried experiences that created blockages in your human experience. Working through these experiences slowly and carefully is what will allow you to understand the real human version of yourself. You can then fully understand and apply what the book, documentaries, and data experiments have taught you. It requires you to do the hard stuff — to feel the feelings, using some form of meditation or reflecting to gain clarity—It requires you to live a full life experience completely open and vulnerable, and then you begin to analyze how your life actually is, and what is unfolding in it.

My acting teacher used to say: “You must be fully open and available to be done to”. What he meant was that you needed to be as open and vulnerable as possible so that the words and actions of the other actor could pass through you and affect you in the most authentic way possible. Life is no different. We’re all actors on a stage, and we’re all experts at acting, especially when we’re not thinking about it.

That is the only way that you can completely learn about yourself—By being willing to feel everything. When you learn about yourself in this way, you will begin to understand how others work as well—You can fully learn about humans and the human experience in general — by first exploring it authentically through yourself.

There's a lot of people out there that believe that we're all one, and we’re all connected. I believe that there's a massive amount of truth to that. Which means that if something is happening for you, it's probably happening for someone else or has happened for them in their lifetime. By allowing yourself to fully have your experience and feel it all, you’ll be able to have real empathy and compassion for others who are going through similar situations.

And so the majority of professors and credited psychologists, PhDs, Masters — you name it — they haven't actually done this work and gone through the trenches themselves. Instead, they studied from people like Carl Jung and other well-known psychologists. And now that they have a piece of paper on the wall of their office, they're quote "accredited," and people just believe that, because they believe and trust in the schooling system. They believe that school wouldn't steer you wrong.

But there are a lot of flaws in the schooling system when looked at closely. School is not the best way to learn how to do something effectively — just like the news isn't the best way to get information. Just believing something at face value is not the best way to discover the truth in life. And when we start to explore deeper messages, we start to learn that, we start to see that. School limits you to what you can be taught, because it chooses what to teach you. The same with the news. You’re only told what they want you to hear. What about all the other knowledge out there that isn’t getting to you? What about all the other stories that you’re missing out on?

And so yes, I do believe the schooling system is broken. A lot of people do — and it’s starting to become more widely recognized.

But here’s why people still cling to the idea of a degree: it feels like proof that someone has studied great thinkers like Carl Jung.

But pause for a second and ask: Who did Carl Jung study with? Jung was deeply influenced by names like Freud, Goethe, and Nietzsche. And if you keep tracing that line of influence backward, you eventually discover that at the very root, real learning doesn’t come from institutions or credentials.

It comes from the raw act of sitting with yourself — feeling your emotions, wrestling with your thoughts, writing, speaking out loud, and deeply exploring life through your own experience.

In the end, the quote “teacher” who taught everyone was just another human being, bravely exploring the inner workings of the world. That’s it.

That's what ultimate credibility looks like — someone who's willing to go there, who's willing to do it differently, to experiment, sit with, and work through the difficult stuff.

How can you tell if someone has and is currently applying that kind of work to their lives? Observe how they’re actually living. Do they seem grounded? Balanced? Are they overweight or taking good care of themselves? Are they using substances or crutches? Hows their attitude? Are they easily offended? Relaxed? Accepting of your decisions and opinions regardless if you agree with them or not? This type of analysis will tell you if they have a lot of imbalances currently in their lives. If they do, it means they still have a lot of work to do. Of course, no one is perfect, and we’re not going for perfection here. These are just tools you can use to find out if the person helping you is the right person for you or not. Most people want authenticity. This is a great way to sniff that out. It’s easy to hide behind a degree. It’s harder to fake actually living that in the world, especially for the longterm. A person’s raw character really is their greatest achievement.

What happens if you hire and agree to work with someone who is heavily imbalanced and not walking the path they’ve been accredited for? You’ll notice they listen to your problems and they regurgitate psychological information from a textbook to help you. Information that they themselves are not living due to blockages in their life.

During a session, they make you feel better for a day, maybe a week, and then as time goes on, you realize that nothing has really changed. You have the same therapist for five to ten years, and you pay them tens or even hundreds of thousands of dollars, and in the end, you look at all of that and you realize that the needle really hasn’t moved for you.

And why is that? It's because the person teaching you hasn't completely done the work themselves. They’ve just convinced you that they did with a piece of paper and credibility.

And so if they haven't done the work themselves, they can't actually teach you how to do the work, and you won’t get the result you want because if they can’t achieve it themselves, its almost impossible for them to guide you through something they haven’t truly experienced.

So what they're doing is essentially leading you astray. And it's not really your fault. You trusted them, you trusted the system, you followed the path that everyone stands behind. But if you’re not getting the results you want, It’s time to look at things differently, and we’ve already tapped in on a few ways on how to do that.

I want to mention that there are some people who have the degree, who have also done the work and applied it to their lives. These people are incredibly rare in my experience, but they do exist.

If you find these kinds of people, they can really help you. They take time to dig into the patterns of their own lives, the patterns of their emotions, they’re willing to go there to understand the human psyche, to run experiments through trial and error, and to record their findings. This is the deep work that is truly required to understand human behavior, so you can help guide other people effectively. Carl Jung is the perfect example of this type of learning process. It’s why people admire his work so much.

Also, I feel the need to mention there are people with absolutely no credentials whatsoever who have also done this type of work I describe above and applied it to their lives. This is pretty rare as well.

In my opinion, those people are just as valuable as the people with the plaque.

Because in the end, what really matters is how much time you put in to do the experiments, to learn about yourself, to work through your emotional problems and baggage and trauma, so that you develop a system on your own to help people do the same thing. If you can heal it for yourself and live that new example, you can guide others to do it as well. Also, the energy that you emit from your newfound healed self, will transfer to anyone you’re helping and further inspire them to keep going. Your energy will solidify that proof for them that this type of change is possible.

Nobody's perfect, and we don't expect anyone to be. But if you're living with a lot of imbalances after all of these certifications and credibility, have you really worked through your stuff, or have you just convinced yourself that you have?

And so a person's greatest asset in this world is the way that they live their life — the balance behind who they are, the energy that they emit out into the world, the ability to have empathy and compassion for their fellow humans, and to be willing to explain things to them in a patient manner, as well as listen to them in a way that reflects their level of patience.

Someone that has developed a process to work through their own personal emotional struggles so that they can genuinely help other people do the same.

This is what I consider to be the most valuable credential in the healing and coaching space.

So the next time you come across somebody who doesn't have a degree or who doesn't have the credentials that you think you're looking for, instead of focusing on the fact that they don't have those, ask them instead:

* What kinds of difficult emotional experiences have you been through in your life and overcome?

* How did you come transcend those difficult emotional events?

* What's the difference between the person you used to be and the person you are now after doing this kind of work?

* Do you have a daily practice now that helps you work through challenges when they come up? (this last question is here because it’s important to know if the teacher is still actively practicing and learning)

The journey never really stops and a teacher who recognizes this and is still actively practicing the work and willing to learn new things, ranks in the exceptional category in my book

If you start asking someone those questions, you're absolutely going to begin to realize if they're for real or not, if they can help you, and if they actually have done the work.

I hope this information has helped illuminate a few new pathways in your brain to explore. If you learned something or found this insightful, please give it a like so Substack will show it to more people.

As always, if you need clarification on anything or have additional questions, my door and DMS are always open. You can also visit my website by clicking the photo below. Substack subscribers get 20% off all my services for a limited time. DM me to get that discount.

THANK YOU for tuning in, supporting my work, and taking this journey with me to becoming a better you. Self-Growth is one of the best things we can gift ourselves with in this lifetime and I am honored that you recognize this podcast can and will help you do just that. Please feel free to leave a comment on what you thought of this episode. You’re welcome to share any struggles that you’re going through of clarification needed to better understand the episode. I respond to all comments and care about your opinions and experiences.

I’ll see you all next Tuesday where we will explore another common relationship problem and how to best approach it!

A happy week to you all!

Not subscribed? Subscribe now to get this podcast and many more self-growth info delivered right to your inbox!

Welcome to The Relationships With A Soul Podcast

Every Tuesday, I do a deep dive on a common relationship problem that more than likely, we’ve all experienced at one point or another. And some of us, are actively in these situations right now, which makes these episodes great support systems for you as you push through this problem and arrive on the other side. From observing human behavior over the last 15 years, I’ve seen a lot of the same relationship problems come up again and again. Those will be the ma in ones that we focus on here.

It is my goal that these episodes help you understand yourself better, as well as your relationships. Armed with this new info, you’ll be able to create stronger relationship dynamics with ALL your connections. Trust me, strong connections are worth more than anything money can buy. Once you understand the magic of just one of these connections, you’ll become obsessed. Now let’s get into today’s episode!

EP 30: The REAL Secret to Weight Loss that Literally No One Is Talking About

For those of you who are curious, I’m going to cut right to the chase and tell you that:

* This doesn’t have to do with a diet

* This doesn’t have to do with exercise

* This doesn’t have to do with supplements or drugs

* And this definitely doesn’t have to do with surgery

99% of weight loss advice falls into one of these four categories, but what no one is talking about is, how we get there in the first place.

We’re not born overweight, we become overweight.

In this episode I’m going to break down how this happens and the one guaranteed thing you can do to change it which works on ALL people.

Very quickly, what does this have to do with relationships? This episode is about self-care, taking care of yourself. Feeling good in your body is a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself. The better you take care of yourself, which includes your body, the better you’ll feel about yourself when it comes to self-love.

We live in a society where we hide flaws, and things we don’t like about ourselves. One of the hardest things to hide is our weight. Sure black clothes and baggier clothes help, but people can always tell—and we also always know the truth about our weight at some level. And there’s something about that which just sucks, but the good news is, we can change it as long as we have the right tools

My weight has fluctuated most of my life. The gift of that, is that it’s allowed me to reflect and learn how I got there, and how I felt when I was thin vs when I was heavy. I’m 5’7 and as an adult my weight has fluctuated from 140-193 lbs and I blame no outside source for that cause. It was all me. I went through various up and down cycles of this, until one day I realized what the hell was actually going on. My weight level at anytime was a reflection of how I felt about myself. If I was heavier, I was going through a difficult time and felt way more stressed, overwhelmed, and hopeless. If I was thin, I was going through an easier time— sometimes on vacation or going through a phase when I was making a lot of money and life was easier. But nonetheless, the thing to realize here is that you can’t always control where your life is going to take you. If you’re going through an easier time right now, difficulty and challenge will come again one day. And the question is, will you be able to weather the storm? Or will you put the weight back on and sink back down. I’m going to help you prepare to weather that storm today.

Now I’m going to hit you with the golden ticket right here at the beginning, here’s the secret right now on how to control your weight for good.

Control of your mind = Control of your weight.

I’m going to spend the rest of this episode breaking this down because this is the thing that changed my relationship with my body.

Essentially this DOES involve doing the deep inner work that most run from, and sometimes I still catch myself running from it today. But there’s a reason why celebrities like Jim Carrey who have it all came to realize that it’s not smart to run from this work your whole life because it really is the only thing that makes you feel whole and satiated in this realm of existence. If you’re excited to hear more about that point, I’ve got a piece planned where I’ll dive into that more in the coming weeks. Keep an eye out for that one.

Back to the show.

The key is to be able to regulate your mind with some sort of a mindfulness practice, that you know works. It’s not about doing it perfectly, or even daily, it’s about you finally allowing yourself to stop bringing stress upon yourself.

Think about it for a second.

No one is stressing you out

No situation is stressing you out

You are choosing to stress yourself out in ALL situations where you feel stressed.

How do I know this?

Because I’ve noticed that when situations or people bring me to a stressful state, there are others around me going through the same thing who choose not to stress out, and remain calm and cool, even though the challenge is present.

Let’s go right for the jugular with this example.

Let’s look at COVID.

I know people who were petrified and stressed to the max during COVID.

I also know people who didn’t worry at all and had no fear.

The one’s who chose not to worry and stress over it even got sick at one point.

But they got better faster. They weathered the storm faster. they essentially did better during that time overall. A lot better.

And COVID won’t be the last challenge to happen to humanity. So we can learn a lot from it if we really want to.

Even if you were one of those people who freaked out and drove yourself nuts over it, definitely don’t beat yourself up over it. The choice is yours to learn from this experience and when the next great challenge on humanity comes around (and it will), you’ll be ready for it.

I hope these last few examples helped you see more on the power you actually have to control how you perceive the world around you, regardless of what’s happening. My hope is that you’re now curious on how you can strengthen this muscle within you.

Let’s get back to why we get heavy and become overweight.

Putting weight on acts as a protective mechanism for ourselves when things happen to us in life that we just cannot deal with or don’t want to deal with. Traumatic events are one example of this. Deep down we know that we need to heal in some way, but we avoid it and the avoidance of it is what causes the feeling to worsen. We then use food to numb that pain. Some of us use stronger numbing agents than food but this episode is about the people who have chosen food as their numbing agent.

So why don’t diet’s work?

They’re a temporary bandaid that you can force yourself to do for a limited time. You can sustain it with willpower and motivation. But if a life situation overpowers your willpower, such as the death of a loved one, bankruptcy, or getting fired from a job, you go right back into the pit of despair. And the weight comes right back. I know because I’ve done it so many times over.

It’s the same reason why surgery doesn’t work because that’s also a temporary bandaid. So are supplements, drugs, medications. None of it is getting to the actual root of what is causing us to eat.

“But I like the taste of comfort food, you might say.” “I just enjoy eating burgers and fries, it’s what I like to eat”. And to that I would say that I also do too, but I don’t need to have it all the time and can choose a healthier option at anytime while feeling totally fine about it. And you can gain control of that as well without fear of overdoing it.

What if I told you that the stress hormones within you were what was making you crave those fatty, sugar rich foods? Your mind knows those are the most dense foods which can numb emotions the fastest. Ice cream is the king of them all. Your subconscious mind is so smart at protecting you that it’s hard to always see what’s going on under the hood.

So how do we fix this cycle for good?

First, realizing that our stress levels, overstimulation levels, and current way of living is what is driving us to consume these types of foods.

When you can settle your mind and are willing to take better care of yourself you will notice a few things:

You’ll feel better mentally. This will cause you to want to eat less actually and choose different foods that fuel this newfound comfort within your mind.

Grabbing a fried chicken sandwich will make you feel sluggish and dull your mind and you’ll begin to notice that more. Trust me, I love a good friend chicken sandwich, but it’s no longer worth feeling sluggish mentally or physically for me. On days where I now want that dense comfort food experience, I limit myself to half a sandwich max, and usually pair it with a healthier side like some greens or another vegetable.

You may think something similar to what my mind thew at me once which was:

“If I stop eating comfort food, it will completely take away the joy of living”

I smile as a write this one because my mind told me this so many times. What actually will happen is that you will enjoy life in a different way. Healthier food will take on a whole new meaning for you and you’ll enjoy it even more actually. But the real kicker is that you’ll never have to give up the comfort food and can always have it, you’ll just consume it differently.

By this point you’re either going to be raging at me or inspired by this message. If you’re raging, I’d close this at this point because nothing further in this episode will be useful for you.

You can leave a hateful comment but I’ll only respond with kindness which will probably piss you off even more. Alas the choice is yours.

But if you’re inspired, let’s talk about some things you can do to begin to change your mindset and lower your stress levels.

Thinking differently about situations is the key. I’ve had the privilege and joy of being able to listen to mantras about “acceptance” for years now and it’s helped change the way I look at the world. I’m happy to let you know that I’m writing and recording this piece from a high place of mental clarity, which is exactly the state that I believe is required for this topic.

What does acceptance mean?

It means that you realize that you cannot control exactly how life unfolds and it most certainly won’t unfold in the exact way you choose. this used to piss me off so much. A bus that was 10 min late caused me to be late for work, which resulted in my manager getting mad at me and then ruined my day, but only because I allowed it do. “If only that damn bus had arrived when it was supposed to”. So in this example, I chose to stress myself out and destroy my day over something that was completely out of my control. It doesn’t matter if I thought it should have worked out perfectly, it didn’t. Instead, If you choose to live your life from a place of intending certain things, but accepting what happens no matter what, your stress levels and suffering will decrease dramatically. This is what people mean when they say surrender. Just be ok with life flowing in the way it wants to flow. Agree with it instead of disagreeing.

Is this something that is mastered overnight? Hell no it is not. But this is what I mean by a mindfulness practice. Be mindful of what happens in your mind and do your best to correct it when you get to a state that you don’t like. That’s all mindfulness is. It’s not complicated. You are in the driver’s seat. You can work on how you feel about things. You don’t need a meditation practice or some gigantic routine to practice mindfulness. You just need to be willing to be aware of your thoughts and humble enough to be willing to change them.

If someone in your network always pisses you off, what makes you think they won’t try to piss you off again tomorrow? Of course they will. Are you going to choose to get irritated by that every single day until one of you collapses? Or will you make a choice to change something inside yourself so that you can end that cycle of pain?

When life becomes less of a “it should be this way” type of lifestyle and more like “I will flow with what comes my way and am willing to learn from the challenges”—that’s when transformation truly happens.

Can you still enjoy your comfort food? Absolutely, but when you’re in a good mental state, you’ll almost never overdo it. You’ll only eat half the burger, or choose to fast in-between, or choose a healthier side option. And it won’t seem like you’re giving something up, instead it will seem like you’re doing something wonderful for yourself.

Relaxing your mind with the practice of acceptance and asking yourself “what can I learn from this situation” instead of resisting it and saying “this shouldn’t have happened to me”, is your real ticket out of hell. Resistance leads to more suffering, and avoidance always makes us pay the price in a different way, so if you think about it, we’re never truly avoiding, we’re just trading one bad feeling off for another.

I know this may not have been the easiest episode to get through for some people but you have no reason to feel bad. If you want to change, you can and I’m very confident that this works because like I said, I have struggled with my weight for most of my life and tried almost all the diets, workouts, you name it.

A note for the 1% of people who are in the category where they take certain medications that promote weight gain. I feel for you here as some of my best friends are in this boat right now and it is REALLY hard, nearly impossible to lose weight. I’m not going to tell you what to do here for legal reasons but what I will say is this. There’s a reason that you are on that medication and if you dig deep enough, you will probably find healthier alternatives to manage your situation, that will make it easier for you to drop the weight. It’s all about being willing and non-resistant. Research and openness goes a long way here.

This is not an easy road, but it does work and it doesn’t just fix your weight, it will essentially fix your life. This type of inner work is what changes your life experience. It’s not something you can buy or take a shortcut to. It’s reserved for the people who understand that this work rewards you with one of the greatest gifts. Peace through your life. It does work, and it will for you if you make time for it. If you want more in depth ways to change your thinking around including:

Examples of things to do in life that support this change

&

New habits that you may enjoy exploring to help change your thinking, I’d be happy to write about some that have worked for me. Let me know in the comments or send me a message.

If you’d rather have a coach work with you to help you make these changes, feel free to send me a message and we’ll talk about the best path for you. I have a variety of different ways I work with people to foster change and I won’t recommend anything to you until I feel I understand your situation so we’ll need to talk a little bit first.

Thanks for tuning in today and have a beautiful rest of your day.

As always, if you need clarification on anything or have additional questions, my door and DMS are always open. You can also visit my website by clicking the photo below. Substack subscribers get 20% off all my services for a limited time. DM me to get that discount.

THANK YOU for tuning in, supporting my work, and taking this journey with me to becoming a better you. Self-Growth is one of the best things we can gift ourselves with in this lifetime and I am honored that you recognize this podcast can and will help you do just that. Please feel free to leave a comment on what you thought of this episode. You’re welcome to share any struggles that you’re going through of clarification needed to better understand the episode. I respond to all comments and care about your opinions and experiences.

I’ll see you all next Tuesday where we will explore another common relationship problem and how to best approach it!

A happy week to you all!

Not subscribed? Subscribe now to get this podcast and many more self-growth info delivered right to your inbox!

Welcome to The Relationships With A Soul Podcast

Every Tuesday, I do a deep dive on a common relationship problem that more than likely, we’ve all experienced at one point or another. And some of us, are actively in these situations right now, which makes these episodes great support systems for you as you push through this problem and arrive on the other side. From observing human behavior over the last 15 years, I’ve seen a lot of the same relationship problems come up again and again. Those will be the ma in ones that we focus on here.

It is my goal that these episodes help you understand yourself better, as well as your relationships. Armed with this new info, you’ll be able to create stronger relationship dynamics with ALL your connections. Trust me, strong connections are worth more than anything money can buy. Once you understand the magic of just one of these connections, you’ll become obsessed. Now let’s get into today’s episode!

Ep: 29 Why Most People Don’t Value Themselves

Welcome to today’s episode. I decided to create this because there has been a lot of talk about people pleasing in the world recently, and I’ve noticed that most people have a good grasp on the surface level of what that means. But there’s also a problem that is being ignored.

If you only understand something at the surface level, you usually can’t change it. And thus begins the perpetual cycle of being trapped in a people pleasing mentality, despite being aware of it.

First, we must understand that just because you are aware of something doesn’t mean you are free from it. It’s actually only half the battle at best.

So in this episode we’re going to fix that so that by the end you have:

An understanding of HOW people become people pleasers (hint, you’re not born this way)

The thinking cycles that keep us trapped in this place, even if we desire change

How to do things differently so that you can not only break free from these chains, but actually FEEL good doing it.

Let me elaborate a little on that last one before we get started.

A lot of people secretly don’t want to stop people pleasing because they don’t want to feel guilty and judged for all of a sudden “doing less for others”. They are also afraid that this level of guilt will make them feel terrible about themselves at a core level, and they fear they won’t be able to get out of that pain.

So in this case, the pain you know is better than the pain you don’t— in believing this, they decide to stick with the pain they feel when they choose others over themselves. In most situations, if you’re pleasing others in a way where you are sacrificing your time doing something you really don’t want to do for someone else, you may be making them happy temporarily, but at the same time you are neglecting yourself, and that kind of neglect stacks up overtime.

It begins to tell you at a core level:

* I’m not important

* I don’t trust myself

* I don’t value myself

My self-worth is determined by the temporary compliments that come from others when I do something nice for them.

So with all that being said, let’s begin with understanding the deeper layers of the onion—What creates people pleasing behavior in the first place.

Starting out with the family dynamic, when we are kids, our observation skills are through the roof—especially during the time before we learn how to speak. The people we see the most during this time are our parents, and if our parents are already exemplifying this behavior by:

* Trying to please each other or keep the peace in their relationship at home

* Tiptoeing on eggshells around difficult family members and trying to keep them happy so they don’t rock the boat

* Seeking extra love and affection through their children from the underlying place that they didn’t receive that growing up.

For clarification on the last one, I don’t think it’s a bad idea to seek love and affection from your kids, I’m talking about the extreme cases where a parent will seek this from a place of desperation, and focus extra time on pleasing the kids for mainly their own benefit, because they are missing that piece within themselves. There are healthier more efficient ways to heal from this type of void, and it’s more common than you would think.

Going back to us being highly observant as children, the next place we learn how to please others is in the schooling system, which can be started as early as 3 years old to the best of my knowledge.

Have you ever heard of the term “teacher’s pet”?

Essentially it refers to a child who goes above and beyond to earn praise from the teacher, and this is seen a lot in elementary school, but also carries through the entire schooling process, and even into the working world with bosses later on.

If you think about how the schooling system runs, you are rewarded for good behavior in terms of praise, grades, and awards.

And you are punished for bad behavior in terms of: detention, bad grades, missing recess, and phone calls home to your parents.

Children quickly learn to dodge the options that lead to punishment and most “step in line” and would much rather obey the system to avoid the pain.

It’s designed to make you follow orders and to be rewarded when you follow them, and most get caught up in this system and don’t ask themselves how this will impact the way they think and act moving forward in life.

It’s one of the reasons why most people don’t really think for themselves (even if they think they do). School does not promote critical thinking. They tell you what to think and they reward you for it when you agree and don’t challenge what they say.

If you do something that is against the “norm” within the schooling system you are shamed by teachers, the principal, and even schoolyard bullies. This teaches us from a very young age to manipulate our way through life by pleasing others so that we’re not outcasted and shamed for being different.

School sets the tone for how you look, what you wear, and how you act. After the schooling years are complete, we look to celebrities, rich people in our network to further learn how to behave. We are hardwired to believe that if you’re rich, you’re doing it right, and we observe what the greater majority aligns with to find out:

* what the newest clothing trend is

* where to align politically

* a reputable career that will be accepted among society

* and how to act so that people will like us and include us.

By now you are probably starting to piece together how petrified people are of other’s not liking and approving of them.

THIS IS WHY.

The conditioning is stronger than you think.

To become free of this from a young age, you would have had to be raised in a completely different way, outside the system. And although there are some that have done it, the greater majority have not.

You may be asking yourself at this point: “Well what’s so bad about the system if everyone has to experience it?”

The main problem is that most of us are not acting the way that we want to. We’re not living the lives that we really want to live, and instead, tread on eggshells when it comes to our beliefs, opinions, what interests us, etc.

We would rather be liked by the greater majority of the people around us instead of truly being ourselves, enduring the pushback that comes with it, and eventually finding the group of people that best suit us.

There are so many hoops to jump through to just quote “Be yourself”, and that’s because the system we’ve been integrated in for the majority of our lives never lets up on the “reward / punishment marry go round” that keeps you in line, but at the high cost of being your true self.

The interesting thing about all this is that most people KNOW exactly who they want to be and what they like vs what they don’t like in life

But we are DEEPLY afraid that if we step into our true power and start to act the way we want, do the things we want to do, etc, that we will experience massive pushback, and ultimately end up alone and undesirable by all.

This is a fear that almost never comes true, but it’s really hard to surpass because of the deep level of conditioning we’ve experienced all these years within a system of limitations and absolute control.

I’ll give a short example to show this. Growing up, I loved musical artists like Limp Bizkit, Eminem, and TuPac. But I also secretly liked pop singers like Britney Spears, Destiny’s Child, and Christina Aguilera. It’s just that no one knew about the last 3, because it was unacceptable for a straight male growing up to listen to these artists. And I would have been absolutely wrecked in school if people got word that I enjoyed that type of pop music. So I kept it a secret. And that’s just one example of how we’re trained to “stay in line”. So many people hide so many desires and over time it absolutely erodes us from the inside.

So now that we’ve outlined how we all got to this place and how heavy the conditioning really is, you’re probably wondering how to get out of this hole.

I can promise you that if you’re willing to do this type of work that you will succeed, but this isn’t going to be an overnight success. I will however point you in the right direction on how to get started and promise you that if you stay on this journey, it will be more than worth your while.

Coming from someone who used to be the ultimate people pleaser and started this work solidly 10 years ago, I have arrived at the point and please excuse my french where I do not give a “f**k” about what people think and humbly live in the way that I please.

If my choices don’t align with yours, you’re free to go your separate way and live the way you want. I no longer feel family guilt when im ridiculed by them for being different because I’ve truly grown to love being me. The friends in my network know me well. They can tell you exactly who I am because I can be myself around them freely.

The things that I now manifest in my life come much faster and in ways I would have never expected because I have trust in the universe to deliver on it’s own terms and not in the narrow pathways I once thought were the only roads to take. I’m sharing this short excerpt with you not to gloat, but to show you what is possible and hopefully earn your trust in the method I’m going to begin outlining for you below. If you decide down the roadm, that you want to dive deeper into this work, I’d be honored work with you to help get you to the point where you can express your true self out in the open.

Let me share with you exactly how I climbed out of this hole. ( It didn’t take 10 years by the way, I spent many years researching and going through a trial and error process to find out what worked and what didn’t. Once I got it down it was much faster, so I expect it will be a much quicker process for you)

* You need to become ok with people disagreeing with you, and disliking you, even to the point where they may make fun of you in public. First off, if they continuously poke fun at you in public, it shows they they themselves are incredibly insecure. You can make 1 of 2 choices at this point if you’re dealing with this in your network.

Confront them and have a conversation with them about how this type of behavior will no longer be acceptable when they are in your presence. They’ll have the opportunity to realize that you’re no longer willing to tolerate their s**t and they’ll either change or stop hanging out with you. Either choice there is a blessing.

Your second option here is to recognize that you don’t want someone like this in your life and if they refuse to change or you don’t think they can change, you have full authority to eject them from your life. In the state they’re acting in, they would be considered toxic and you have full right to get rid of them in any way that preserves your peace and stops causing you pain. There is no right way to do it regardless if you think doing it in person is better, over text message, sending an email, or completely ghosting them altogether. Odds are they will probably hate you either way no matter how much energy you put into trying to “do it right” because these types of people don’t want to take responsibility for their behavior and they will happily blame whoever is in the line of fire to protect what they know best. I’ve tried all these methods in the past by the way and have been met with hate regardless of how it’s done. Free yourself. Get out of it. Move on. Notes for the future that you can cosider would be that when you let new people into your network, develop some sort of a screening process where you don’t let anyone in who acts this way or doesn’t want to hang out with you for who you truly are.

* You need to understand that everyone else is in the system with you, and they will defend it to the death, which means they will disagree with you and try to keep you there with them. Your ability to have absolute trust in what you know and what you have learned is crucial here. Most people are in fact, not happy and not satisfied with their lives regardless of what they tell you in public, so being willing to do something different from the majority needs to become your greatest asset. As difficult as it is to carve your own path, know that you are on a path to becoming happy with yourself from the inside and if you follow your heart, you WILL find it. You need to understand that your greatest fear of ending up alone and being exiled from all groups and communities is not true and never will be true. You will find people who feel the same way as you and who will generously support your growth journey as you learn to express yourself truthfully, as long as you keep putting yourself out there and act on opportunities which make it possible for you to meet people that resonate with your life journey. Let me say this one more time because this is a crucial part of this process. You need to keep putting yourself out there and act on opportunities which make it possible for you to meet people that resonate with your life journey.If you want me to do a piece on how to find people that resonate with you, let me know in the comments or send me a message— I would love to create that for you if you think it will be helpful.

* The longer you’ve been in the people pleasing world, the harder it is to get out. You can either decide to do it slowly by first setting light boundaries with people and moving to heavier boundaries later on (there’s absolutely nothing wrong with this by the way). Or you can decide to rip the bandaid off in a manner which you explain. “This is who I am now, this is how I’m doing things, you can either accept that or not, but just know that I am not going back and will not tolerate any form of shaming or manipulation whatsoever moving forward.

* You will not be able to explain your changes to most people. This is difficult work. Many take credit for already having done this and believe they have arrived at this place but most are lying to themselves. This takes extreme courage and whether that courage comes from being at your wits end in frustration, or from years of work to realize the chains that have bound us all into a system of nodding and obeying from birth, you have arrived at this point where you’re willing to make a change and for that I congratulate you.

This constitutes the basic framework of how you can change your life if you really want to.

So what’s the reward in doing this type of work?

You will feel SO much lighter being yourself and living in your own skin. You will have heightened compassion, empathy, and patience for others because you understand how hard it is to get to this point. You will have less anxiety and not feel as much pressure from imbalances that have been trying to tell you to get yourself in alignment with truth for so long.

A bonus recommendation would be to use the Human Design system which uses your birth data to tell you things about yourself that you may or may not already know. In fact, I can almost guarantee that you don’t know everything about yourself and having a human design reading is a great way to explore parts of yourself that you never knew existed. I used to think Astrology and Human Design were all fluff, but over the past 3 years, I’ve gone deep into the knowledge of the system and learned a ton about myself and how to better position myself for opportunity. How do you become more open to something like this? Deny your mind’s skepticism, get out of your own head, and follow your gut. The price of a reading is well worth it compared to what you will learn about yourself and I’ve never had a client once say anything along the lines of “that’s b******t” or “that’s way off”. In fact, almost every client has been wowed by what they’ve found out about themselves.

Remember, no one teaches you about you, and this is a great way to explore yourself more.

I hope this episode gave you a beginners path to explore with this kind of work and maybe even inspired you to let go of some of the unnecessary things you’ve been holding onto in your life in order to please others.

As always, if you need clarification on anything or have additional questions, my door and DMS are always open. You can also visit my website by clicking the photo below. Substack subscribers get 20% off all my services for a limited time. DM me to get that discount.

THANK YOU for tuning in, supporting my work, and taking this journey with me to becoming a better you. Self-Growth is one of the best things we can gift ourselves with in this lifetime and I am honored that you recognize this podcast can and will help you do just that. Please feel free to leave a comment on what you thought of this episode. You’re welcome to share any struggles that you’re going through of clarification needed to better understand the episode. I respond to all comments and care about your opinions and experiences.

I’ll see you all next Tuesday where we will explore another common relationship problem and how to best approach it!

A happy week to you all!

Not subscribed? Subscribe now to get this podcast and many more self-growth info delivered right to your inbox!

Welcome to The Relationships With A Soul Podcast

Every Tuesday, I do a deep dive on a common relationship problem that more than likely, we’ve all experienced at one point or another. And some of us, are actively in these situations right now, which makes these episodes great support systems for you as you push through this problem and arrive on the other side. From observing human behavior over the last 15 years, I’ve seen a lot of the same relationship problems come up again and again. Those will be the ma in ones that we focus on here.

It is my goal that these episodes help you understand yourself better, as well as your relationships. Armed with this new info, you’ll be able to create stronger relationship dynamics with ALL your connections. Trust me, strong connections are worth more than anything money can buy. Once you understand the magic of just one of these connections, you’ll become obsessed. Now let’s get into today’s episode!

EP 28: The Grief Etiquette Most People Are Missing

Welcome to today’s episode.

Recently, someone close to me passed away and having recently been thrown into grief again, it’s really jogged my memory on all the past people I’ve been close to who have passed away. When I think about the ways that people have behaved during times like these, 2 types of people come to mind.

The types I’m referring to are:

* People who don’t know how to act in these situations, which essentially means they don’t know what to say to the family or how to help

and 2

* People who try to take control of the situation and manipulate things in the ways that they want, instead of honoring what the deceased person wanted.

We’re going to be discussing some examples of these types of people, and how to better approach a grieving situation so that the wishes of the deceased are respected—and friends and family of the deceased are supported in the right way.

You may be wondering what gives me the credentials to quote “know” what the right things to do and say are in these situations, and that’s a valid question.

Throughout my time studying human behavior, I’ve had the opportunity of talking to hundreds of different people who have grieved the loss of loved ones.

They’ve shared common things that they’ve really appreciated from other people during a time like this.

They’ve also shared other things that made them feel incredibly disrespected and annoyed.

In some of these cases, the actions were so bad that it resulted in the complete destruction of the relationship they had with someone.

And some of these relationships that were destroyed nearly overnight, had 50+ year histories.

Throughout the years, I’ve noted their list and have learned from it so that I can best support my own family as well as other families close to me in the best way possible. I have received feedback from these families who have let me know that I was a huge help to them moving through this process.

With that confirmation in mind, I’d like to share this list with you.

My hope is that in this episode, I will be able to share enough information with you so that by the end you will know:

* A caring approach on how to support others who are grieving

* What to do and also what absolutely not to do during these times of grief

* Things you can do to honor the person who is deceased and support their loved ones in a respectful way.

I’d like to begin with a story from my family that highlights a common mistake I see in a lot of grieving situations. Fighting over property and not honoring the final wishes of the person who is deceased. In this story, I will not mention names because I feel that is the right thing to do here.

The story begins when my grandmother passed away 22 years ago— I remember seeing a few things throughout the process that made me raise an eyebrow.

My grandmother was catholic, and had made it very clear to her family that during the “wake” portion of her family remembrance, that she wanted a completely closed casket. She cared about her appearance, and didn’t want people to see her and remember her looking that way, even if they were able to dress her up and make her look pretty.

Going into that ceremony the closed casket was honored… At least at the beginning.

Then, one family member decided to push to have it opened up, because “they” wanted to see her.

A few family members were ok with it, most were not.

After some back and fourth arguments, the casket was basically forced open to appease what that particular family member wanted.

This went against my grandmother’s final wishes, and under no circumstances should this have been done. It still annoys me to this day that this happened.

The reason why I’m telling this story is because so often, we see that a family member’s wishes just can’t be honored, even after they’ve passed away.

Examples include:

Family members trying to challenge the will, even though it is—That person’s life, that person’s wishes, that person’s stuff

Family members changing the funeral ceremony so it better suits them.

Family members not honoring the person’s placement of ashes (if cremated) or where their body is buried as per their wishes

And then of course there is the scenario of family members changing the deceased person’s final wishes if it wasn’t included in writing.

In this case, we often find that the deceased person will tell certain family members what they want after their death, but will not put it in writing. If there is a large consensus among family of what that deceased person said while they were alive, but there is nothing in writing. That should be honored.

The main question to ask here is:

Why do people feel the need to control absolutely everything that happens in someone’s life, even after death?

Do they even realize they’re doing it?

Even further, do they realize how awful that makes them look in the public eye, in terms of society and what the majority would agree upon?

Watching this happen again and again, I couldn’t believe that people would dare change someone’s final wishes just so it suit them better. If you can’t honor a person’s final wishes in death, what does that really say about you?

I have no choice but to believe that most people who choose to act this way are either operating out of complete disconnection, anxiety, or complete overload of emotions where they just can’t handle what is going on.

Let’s get back to my grandmother’s story for a moment. I’d like to highlight another example.

That same family member who opened my grandmother’s casket, proceeded to then start an argument over possessions. The main problem here was that my grandmother’s wishes on certain possessions were not put in writing.

In this case, there was a specific ring was supposed to be left to a certain member of our family. The person challenging this, wanted the ring to go to their daughter instead.

However, over 10 family members recalled her saying who she wanted to give this ring to.. It was just never put in writing.

The argument between these 2 people went on for weeks until in the end, the majority prevailed, but that wasn’t the end of this conflict.

Those 2 people who had been caught in the feud had a 50 year relationship history and after this conflict, did not speak to each other for 15 years.

15 years of bitterness and silence, over a ring…

It truly makes me wonder how attached most of us are to our material possessions and in some cases, we value them over the connections we work so hard to build with people.

In my opinion, this is worth reflecting on.

I know that at the beginning of this episode, I shared that I have received wonderful feedback on how I’ve learned to support those who have been in tough grieving situations and I’d like to share some information on that with you so that you really can support them in the best way possible through incredibly difficult times.

Here is my list of Do’s and Don’ts that I’ve crafted from personal experience.

Let’s start with the DO’S

* Please reach out to them and express your condolences in whatever way is comfortable for you. Most people in a state of grieving will appreciate hearing from you

* Please let them know they don’t need to reply to your message or call you back. They’re probably receiving tons of messages and calls and are overwhelmed.

* If you want to send something, send 1 thing. More than one gift can get overwhelming

* Tell them a beautiful moment you remember about their loved one

* Offer to help in any way that you can, but only offer it once.

* If You’re someone who is around them in person: Listen often, say little (unless asked to talk about things), be present with them. Just you being there to hold them, stand by them, accompany them will mean more to them than you know

* ALLOW them to feel their emotions, don’t try to stop them. Most of us are taught to silence our strong emotions when we’re children because it’s not acceptable to be loud, passionate, and expressive. This only creates buildup later on in life and it’s best to allow the energy, in this case the emotion to flow freely. Support someone who is willing to let out their emotions, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Just make sure they’re in a safe space while doing so.

Ok, now here are the following things that I would recommend NOT doing.

* Do Not Force help on someone

* Do Not Expect someone who is grieving to reply to your message or call you back

* Do Not Expect to get together with that person; instead, let them decide when they are ready to see you and if they even want to see you. Do not pester them to see you after you have offered once

* Do Not in any way make the situation about you. It isn’t. Period.

* Do Not repeatedly send them gifts, messages, etc as a manipulative effort on your part to get their attention

* Do Not Tell them everything will be ok. Why? Because that’s not for you to say. Let them decide on their own when they feel ok again.

* Do not invite yourself over or show up without being invited.

If you would like any clarification on any of these recommendations from either one of these lists, please leave a comment or send me a message. I’d love to hear your inputs or add more details to any of these recommendations from this list.

I hope today’s post helped you learn a little bit more about how to support people going through grief.

If you’re struggling with a specific situation and would like my input, I welcome that in the comments. If the situation is too private, you can send me a DM. I’m confident I’ll be able to give you an appropriate direction to move in. Thanks for listening and I wish you a wonderful rest of your day.

THANK YOU for tuning in, supporting my work, and taking this journey with me to becoming a better you. Self-Growth is one of the best things we can gift ourselves with in this lifetime and I am honored that you recognize this podcast can and will help you do just that. Please feel free to leave a comment on what you thought of this episode. You’re welcome to share any struggles that you’re going through of clarification needed to better understand the episode. I respond to all comments and care about your opinions and experiences.

I’ll see you all next Tuesday where we will explore another common relationship problem and how to best approach it!

A happy week to you all!

Not subscribed? Subscribe now to get this podcast and many more self-growth info delivered right to your inbox!

Welcome to The Relationships With A Soul Podcast

Every Tuesday, I do a deep dive on a common relationship problem that more than likely, we’ve all experienced at one point or another. And some of us, are actively in these situations right now, which makes these episodes great support systems for you as you push through this problem and arrive on the other side. From observing human behavior over the last 15 years, I’ve seen a lot of the same relationship problems come up again and again. Those will be the ma in ones that we focus on here.

It is my goal that these episodes help you understand yourself better, as well as your relationships. Armed with this new info, you’ll be able to create stronger relationship dynamics with ALL your connections. Trust me, strong connections are worth more than anything money can buy. Once you understand the magic of just one of these connections, you’ll become obsessed. Now let’s get into today’s episode!

EP 27: Why Most Relationships Don’t Improve—And What’s Missing

Welcome to today’s episode

Let’s dive right in

There’s a huge misconceptions with relationships out there where, if you find yourself in a relationships struggle with someone else, you believe the solution is:

“Well if they just fix this or that on their part, then everything will be fine”

And oh how I wish it was that easy and that this worked most of the time.

The truth is that this philosophy has a slim chance of working overall.

I feel confident saying this because I’ve experienced over 2 decades of dealing with difficult relationships in all facets

From different friendship networks over the years, to difficult family members, as well as a good variety of romantic partnerships— I’ve been through it all and it always seemed “correct” for me to think:

“Well if they’re the one causing the problem, shouldn’t they be the ones to fix it?”

And to this day, I’m still attached to that philosophy in a way— I wish it was the one that worked most often

Unfortunately it isn’t, and I suffered for many years in different relationship situations hoping the other person would get it, and make it right.

After studying relationships over the last 20 years I have discovered a better way to approach things so that they have a much higher chance of getting a resolution that works.

And that’s what we’re going to be talking about in this episode.

No matter what relationships you’re having trouble with, there’s one thing that needs to happen for things to improve.

And let me be clear what i mean by “improve”. I mean that either:

* 1. The relationship gets better over time

* 2. Boundaries are put in place so things can improve slightly but don’t get worse

* 3. The relationship ends and then YOUR life improves

These are the big three, and I’d like to say that these are the most common scenarios that you want to work towards.

In my opinion, the most important thing is for you to protect yourself when you’re in these situations.

All 3 of these final scenarios result in YOUR life getting better— and if you take a deep look at your relationship problem, that’s the real gold you’re looking for.

So what’s that one thing that absolutely has to happen for the relationship to begin improving?

CHANGE

Such a simple word, yet so often misunderstood

One of the things that makes change the most difficult is our egos

We want it done a certain way, we know exactly what we want to see happen and if that exact outcome doesn’t happen, then we’re not budging on our end.

Trust me, I’ve been there, and I’ve been incredibly stubborn with this before.

For example: If I am friends with someone who can be verbally abusive at times, and I feel incredibly hurt when those moments happen, the exact way that I would want this relationship to improve would be:

I would want a vulnerable apology from that person and a promise to try not to let that happen again. If they were able to do this, in my eyes, the relationship could be saved, and I would allow that change to repair the relationship for me.

Well the problem with this could be that the friend on the other end just isn’t comfortable being vulnerable, or perhaps they don’t even know how to manage their emotions at all.

Therefore, I would be asking for something nearly impossible from them—I would also be expecting them to recognize, accept, and change their behavior in a way that they can’t.

So in this situation for example, Because my requirements cannot be met, I would be choosing to continue suffering on my end, which is only causing harm to myself. Instead, it would be helpful for me to recognize that I deserve some sort of peace of mind with this, given the circumstances, which can help in allowing me to let go of any grudges I have about the situation.

If there’s anything I’ve learned over my time studying relationships it’s that— We can’t force anyone to change, even with ultimatums, blackmail, threats, etc.

If any of these work, they’re usually short-term and only work because they’re fear based. Usually, the person’s behavior returns shortly after because they haven’t done the deep work on the trauma that has caused them to behave this way in the first place.

You see, “change” is the one thing that has to happen in any relationships problem for things to get better for you. And since we can’t control the actions of others, if the other person is not willing to change, or not emotionally responsible enough to, we have no choice but to enact the change on our end.

To be clear, the reason why we are making the change happen on our end is to give ourselves the peace that we deserve, which allows us to either greatly reduce or stop suffering altogether.

When you’re in the process of making this change from your end, this doesn’t mean laying down ultimatums or threats that come from a feeling of resentment.

Trust me, I’ve dealt with feelings of resentment A LOT

I’ve wanted people to pay the price for the way they hurt me, and others around me. It’s completely understandable.

In fact, I wanted them to pay the price so badly, that I was willing to stay in a loop of suffering for years, in hopes that it would happen.

On very rare occasions this worked out in my favor, 90% of the time, It didn’t

So down the road, I decided to let go of my expectations for how I wanted things to work out and began to look at a different angle which was:

I wanted to feel better.

That was the most important. And I believe that’s the most important thing for you too.

You may think there’s no possible way you can feel better unless the other person pays the price for their actions

But I promise you that you will be able to let go of that expectation when you’re able to come to the terms that remaining in this state, is causing you the most pain..

Let’s take a look at what could actually happen by letting go.

Your life can be absolutely outstanding and you can have the trusting, reliable, loyal relationships that you deserve. We all do.

Let’s talk about how to get there.

In my experience, letting go of expectations comes when you completely understand that the other person just doesn’t have the strength to change things. This comes from looking at how long this problem has been going on. The longer the problem—the less likely for change.

This is the point where you have to actively save yourself from future suffering

You have to understand that your life experience matters, and it should not be controlled by this person’s discomfort or stubbornness around change.

One of the best books I’ve read on this topic is:

Link is in the transcript below this post or please feel free to search for the title on Amazon.

I’m recommending this book because even though it is centered around relationships with parents, the framework that it teaches is the same for all relationships—it’s not just about parents or other family members, you can apply this to any connection you have.

On top of this book recommendation I want to recommend some shortcuts you can explore right now.

* If the person is emotionally available enough to have a conversation about the issue you’re experiencing and has enough genuine empathy to admit there is a problem, this is where change becomes possible.

* If you’ve tried talking countless times to no avail, you can see if the other person would be wiling to try seeing a coach with you to work on the relationships, or joining you in speaking with a therapist. Working with a third party is often one of the most effective ways to disarm the ego and allow change to come in.

* If you’ve tried all of these and nothing has worked, and you can’t let the relationship go or don’t want to yet, It’s time to set boundaries for your own sanity. More on the framework on how to do this in Episode 26. If you’d like help on how to set certain boundaries and would like to go into way more detail on which ones to set and how to communicate them to that person, please book a free consultation call and we will speak on how I can best help you.

If you’re struggling with a specific situation and would like my input, I welcome that in the comments. If the situation is too private, you can send me a DM. I’m confident I’ll be able to give you an appropriate direction to move in.

THANK YOU for tuning in, supporting my work, and taking this journey with me to becoming a better you. Self-Growth is one of the best things we can gift ourselves with in this lifetime and I am honored that you recognize this podcast can and will help you do just that. Please feel free to leave a comment on what you thought of this episode. You’re welcome to share any struggles that you’re going through of clarification needed to better understand the episode. I respond to all comments and care about your opinions and experiences.

I’ll see you all next Monday where we will explore another common relationship problem and how to best approach it!

A happy week to you all!

Not subscribed? Subscribe now to get this podcast and many more self-growth info delivered right to your inbox!n.

Welcome to The Relationships With A Soul Podcast

Every Tuesday, I do a deep dive on a common relationship problem that more than likely, we’ve all experienced at one point or another. And some of us, are actively in these situations right now, which makes these episodes great support systems for you as you push through this problem and arrive on the other side. From observing human behavior over the last 15 years, I’ve seen a lot of the same relationship problems come up again and again. Those will be the ma in ones that we focus on here.

It is my goal that these episodes help you understand yourself better, as well as your relationships. Armed with this new info, you’ll be able to create stronger relationship dynamics with ALL your connections. Trust me, strong connections are worth more than anything money can buy. Once you understand the magic of just one of these connections, you’ll become obsessed. Now let’s get into today’s episode!

EP 26: How To Set Boundaries With A Friend Or Family Member That Gets Under Your Skin

Welcome. This one’s going to be dicey, but if you’re serious about setting boundaries, this is how you do it.

Let’s dive right in.

Most people dislike change; I'm one of them. Because the majority of us avoid change, we've grown to expect relationships to stay the same—as if no change should ever be required.

But if you take a look out into our world for a second, you'll realize that nothing stays the same, and everything changes. The point is: everything is in motion, including our planet. When we can look at it from this angle, we can see that things naturally change, and for me it makes things a little easier to accept.

Your relationships are on this train as well—they're either evolving, or devolving. Nothing stays the same.

When you look at problems that happen in relationships, you'll find that most irritation and conflict happens because one person is trying to change, and the other person is doing everything they can to keep things as they are.

This can show up in the form of a parent who doesn't want to let their child grow up differently from the way they did. They do everything in their power to keep the child’s religion the same, their job choices within the categories they're used to, and try to control who they hang out with and date so everything seems normal and acceptable to what the parent is used to.

On the other side, it could be that the parent is trying to force their child to go on a trip with them somewhere that used to be interesting to the child, but now actually doesn't fit, since the child has grown up and interests have changed.

It’s important to realize here that there is no wrong or right side—it's recognizing that whichever side is trying to "force" something is the one out of alignment.

Instead of forcing, we should accept that we are not here to control other people, but to find peace with the way they choose to live their lives. Whether we choose to learn about the changes happening within our relationships or not, there is one thing to note: You can accept someone else's changes without necessarily understanding them—it's all about letting go of control.

So this brings me to today's topic.

What happens when someone just won't accept the changes you're making and you find them repeatedly getting under your skin, challenging you, and trying to force you to live in a way that's comfortable for them?

You can always try communicating where you stand, depending on the severity of the situation. But let's be honest—most of the time that doesn't work because the other person's comfort level has been threatened by the way you're choosing to live your life. It’s also difficult to have vulnerable conversations with most people.

If you’re wondering why that is: It’s because most people just aren’t in tune with their emotions and never learned how. They dismiss the expression of feeling because it’s too much for them to hold.

This is where adequate boundary setting comes in.

Let's cut right to it with no fluff.

Setting boundaries is scary because deep down, we really don't want to rock the boat. We especially don't want to create more conflict in our lives since most of us are already carrying too much already.

And then there's the part of us that says:

"Why do I always have to be the one to do everything?"

Here’s my take:

"The reality is that not everyone CAN see the bigger picture of what is going on around them. If you can, that's powerful because you have the capacity to free yourself and create the space you need to grow."

This is an act of self-love for yourself because you’re choosing to care for yourself in the way you need, even if it makes no sense to the other person. Even if it angers them or causes them to lash out.

No one can take care of you better than you. That’s a powerful statement and once you start to own it, everything begins to change for you.

Here's what I've learned about boundaries through trial and error. The moment you try to set them to change someone else, they stop working. They only work when you set them to protect and provide for yourself in the way that YOU need.

They’ll call you selfish, heartless, all of it. But you’re not any of those things. You’re simply taking responsibility for what you need in life most—And they need to do the same. You are not responsible for dragging someone else’s life behind yours. Your own weight is enough.

The reason why this is such an important shift is because we really can’t control the actions of others, but we can control the ability to give ourselves what we need. If someone else isn’t stepping up to the plate, we can step up ourselves.

When someone keeps pushing against your changes, your boundary isn't "You need to accept who I'm becoming." That's still trying to control them. Your boundary is "I'm going to continue being who I'm becoming, regardless of your comfort level with it."

The difference is huge.

Things can get uncomfortable when you're the one who has to follow through. And this is where most people stop. The pain you know is better than the pain you don’t. But who said there has to be any pain at all?

Why should you feel guilty, shameful, or like a horrible person for choosing yourself? Especially when you’re being met with some form of abuse from the other side disguised as love and care.

“I’m doing this because I love you”. How many times have we heard that manipulative statement?

The real work begins here:

You have to be willing to have difficult conversations, to disappoint people, and sometimes to create distance when someone refuses to respect the person you're becoming.

And that's terrifying because it means you might lose people along the way.

The thing to realize here is that the people who truly matter will find a way to grow with you, even if it takes time.

The hardest part isn't setting the boundary like most think.

It's coming to the realization that things are not going to change and you deserve to stop suffering.

When you choose yourself, that’s when things start to really improve.

So you’re probably wondering “How do I do this then?”

I know you were looking for some magic formula to follow, but I’d like you to look at this differently for a second.

The boundary setting happens gracefully when you truly understand WHY you’re doing this. All the examples I’ve described above? That’s the framework for coming to the understanding of two things.

First: Try to communicate your feelings authentically to the person. If they throw it back at you, don’t respond, or get edgy, you can decide whether or not you want to try again based on what you know about that person’s past

Second: If communication doesn’t work and keeps leading you off a cliff, I’m here to tell you that setting a boundary, or multiple boundaries is the only way you’re going to find some peace in this relationship.

If you need to set a boundary, here’s how you do it.

Set it neutrally:

Do not express emotion over it’

Do not express feelings of resentment towards the other person

Put it in place, expect push back, and when that pushback comes, respond with a simple reminder. “This is how I’m doing things now”

They’ll either get used to it, or they won’t

Either way, you’ll be able to track the relationship better this way and if things continue to get worse, you can keep extending the distance between you and them, or set more boundaries.

The goal here is NOT to punish them.

It’s to give yourself what you need.

This should NOT be done from a place of resentment. This is a very important part of the work

If things continue to escalate you can cut the cord altogether.

Sounds pretty heartless doesn’t it?

That’s your old mind playing tricks on you.

Let me offer a different perspective

You’ve opened up a new life for yourself where you can have the connections you deserve. You now have space for more of the things that suit you. You have gained a new level of self-respect for yourself. And almost ALL the time, you will come to realize that you’re now suffering less than you did when you were chained down by that person and the rules they set for your life to validate their own comforts.

Manipulation? Abuse? Shaming? It all ends here

No one deserves that, especially when you’re attacking yourself over thinking you’ve made the wrong choice not to validate their weakness.

Yes, that’s what it is, weakness. The inability to take responsibility for their s**t. Instead they prefer to use you and everyone else as a dumping ground.

This my friends is entitlement at it’s finest, and you don’t have to play any part in it.

When I started setting boundaries and behaving in a way that was loving to myself, I ended up losing almost 100% of my friendship network. At first I couldn’t stop thinking how much those people hated me and were disappointed in me.

But a new thought emerged as well.

I realized how much better I was taking care of myself, how I showed up for myself, and started catering to my own desires and needs. That was a beautiful moment to witness. It gave me power, strength, internal respect for myself.

This is the gift you can give yourself for doing this kind of work.

I eventually changed who I was at the core and this led me to start attracting different types of people that were:

* Less needy

* More self-reliant

* People who Actually cared about me because they had their s**t together

* And Didn’t just ask for favors, they reciprocated as well

You may feel bad for someone who doesn’t have their life together but the truth is, it’s on them to step up to the plate and begin to get what they need. If they refuse to budge and want to drag you down with them, that’s not healthy. It just destroys both of you.

If you’re struggling with a specific situation and would like my input, I welcome that in the comments. If the situation is too private, you can send me a DM. I’m confident I’ll be able to give you an appropriate direction to move in.

THANK YOU for tuning in, supporting my work, and taking this journey with me to becoming a better you. Self-Growth is one of the best things we can gift ourselves with in this lifetime and I am honored that you recognize this podcast can and will help you do just that. Please feel free to leave a comment on what you thought of this episode. You’re welcome to share any struggles that you’re going through of clarification needed to better understand the episode. I respond to all comments and care about your opinions and experiences.

I’ll see you all next Monday where we will explore another common relationship problem and how to best approach it!

A happy week to you all!

Not subscribed? Subscribe now to get this podcast and many more self-growth info delivered right to your inbox!

Welcome to The Relationships With A Soul Podcast

Every Tuesday, I do a deep dive on a common relationship problem that more than likely, we’ve all experienced at one point or another. And some of us, are actively in these situations right now, which makes these episodes great support systems for you as you push through this problem and arrive on the other side. From observing human behavior over the last 15 years, I’ve seen a lot of the same relationship problems come up again and again. Those will be the ma in ones that we focus on here.

It is my goal that these episodes help you understand yourself better, as well as your relationships. Armed with this new info, you’ll be able to create stronger relationship dynamics with ALL your connections. Trust me, strong connections are worth more than anything money can buy. Once you understand the magic of just one of these connections, you’ll become obsessed. Now let’s get into today’s episode!

What To Expect In This Episode

EP 25: The Real Reason You're Still Stuck In That Relationship That Won't Change

Welcome and thank you for your interest in this episode. This is one of those episodes that is geared towards a specific person. The person who has been stuck in one or multiple relationships like this and is truly sick of the merry-go-round where things just never change.

If you’re in this spot, It’s actually very common. In fact, I can think of a few relationships in my life where I’m still applying the knowledge from this work. The reason why I’m talking about this today is because I used to have WAY more relationships that fit into this category, and I’ve actually managed to turn some of those around, while letting go of others. In this episode I’m going to share my findings with you and show you how you can “feel these relationships out” to see if change is possible. By the end, you’ll know some steps you can take to find this out and you’ll also know how to deal with these relationships moving forward if they can’t be changed. So if you’re in this situation allow me to speak to you directly.

The odds are high that you’re experiencing this frustration, or even anger because you’re stuck expecting the other person to change things.

When I talk about being "stuck," I'm not just talking about romantic relationships. This happens with family members, friends, business partners - any relationship where you feel like you're doing all the work and getting nowhere.

Here's what I see all the time: You're the one trying to fix things when they go wrong. You're investing in yourself - learning better communication skills, taking responsibility for your mistakes, being more honest about what you need.

Meanwhile, the other person? Same old patterns. Same old responses.

They avoid the hard conversations. They get defensive when you bring up real issues. They act like your needs are a burden. Or here's a big one - they keep treating you like you're still the person you were five years ago, even though you've clearly changed.

What happens is you end up carrying the entire relationship. You're doing your work AND trying to compensate for the fact that they're not doing theirs. It's exhausting.

There’s a lot of false hope here., You keep thinking that if you just get better at this, if you're patient enough, if you find the right words - eventually they'll step up and meet you halfway.

I've watched people spend years in this cycle. And I’ve been there myself. But here's what I've learned from personal experience and working with so many people in this situation: relationships don't change because one person is working overtime. Both people have to be willing to show up and do the work.

If you feel like you're having the same conversations over and over, making the same requests, hitting the same walls - that's your answer right there. You're not failing. You're just trying to change a dynamic that requires both of your efforts. You can’t do this alone. No one can. It’s just not sustainable.

So how do you actually know if this is what's happening? Here are the patterns I see over and over again:

You're always the one bringing up the hard stuff.

Every conversation about boundaries, accountability, or fixing things after a conflict - that's all you. They never initiate these discussions.

When you do bring something up, they make YOU the problem.

You’re trying to address an issue and suddenly you're "too sensitive" or "never happy" or "always bringing up drama." They take the focus off themselves by making you self-conscious about how you’re acting.

Another one I hear about a lot is:

They're still responding to the old version of you.

You've done real work on yourself - you communicate differently, you've changed your patterns, you've clearly evolved in some way. But they keep treating you like you're exactly the same person you were years ago. They don’t acknowledge how far you’ve come or the positive changes you’ve made. A lot of times this is because it reminds them that they haven’t made as much progress, or maybe even any for that matter.

You're doing all the self-reflection while they're stuck in the same old habits.

You're reading, learning, taking responsibility for your part. They're still doing the exact same things they've always done.

You're managing the entire relationship.

You're the one remembering to check in, trying to keep things connected, doing the emotional heavy lifting. You catch yourself wondering where your energy went at the end of each day.

A reminder that this isn't just romantic relationships where this happens. I see this with:

* Parents who won't respect their adult kids' boundaries.

* Friends who still treat you like you're in college.

* Siblings who refuse to acknowledge they've ever done anything wrong.

If you're putting in the work and nothing's changing, it's not because you need to try harder. It's because any relationship is a two way street.

Why does this even happen? Why are you growing and they're still stuck in the same place?

Here's what I've noticed after years of talking with people in this situation:

Some people are terrified of change, even if it’s for the better.

Your growth threatens the familiar dynamic they're comfortable with. Even if that dynamic is unhealthy, it's predictable. They know how to navigate it. They also know what to expect, which takes away uncertainty. Your changes make them feel off-balance and uncertain, so they push back.

A lot of people just don't want to look at themselves honestly.

Real growth requires admitting you've made mistakes, that you could handle things better. That takes courage, and frankly, not everyone's ready for that level of self-reflection. It's easier to avoid it entirely.

If the current setup works for them, why would they change it?

Think about it - if you've been the one managing everything, keeping the peace, giving more than you get - they're getting a pretty good deal. They might not even realize how unfair it is because they've never had to carry that load.

They're invested in keeping you as the old version of yourself.

This one's hard to hear, but it's often true. If they acknowledge that you've grown and changed, they have to face the fact that they haven't. So they'll minimize your progress or act like you're being "dramatic" to keep things familiar. This type of behavior is all about keeping them in their comfort zone, which they never want to leave.

Look, I'm not saying these people are evil. But I am saying you can't wait around for someone to choose growth they're not ready for. You can't force someone to evolve just because you have. And honestly? It's not your job to drag them along.

The reality here is that some people will choose comfort over growth every single time, even if that comfort makes them more irritable over time.

So now that we’ve identified some red flags, if you are stuck in a relationship that won't change - what can you actually do about it?

What I’m about to share with you next took me decades to accept. You can't force someone to grow. You can't make them meet you where you are if they're not ready. But you absolutely can get crystal clear about your own boundaries and what you will and won't accept.

Ask yourself if the waiting game has worked so far. In order to preserve your time, energy, and sanity, I recommend the following after personally wasting years of time hoping that they would get it.

Stop waiting for them to validate your experience.

If you feel like the relationship is one-sided, if you're constantly drained after interactions, if you feel unseen - that's the real experience you’re having. Trust it. You don't need their permission to acknowledge what's actually happening. You also don’t need to convince them.

You get to decide how much access someone has to you.

This doesn't mean you have to cut people off completely. But you can adjust how much energy you give, how often you engage, what topics you're willing to discuss. You're not obligated to be available for every conversation or every crisis.

What you want to start doing is:

Focus your energy on yourself instead of trying to fix them.

Stop investing all that time and emotional energy trying to get them to "do the work." Put that energy into your own growth - not because you're hoping they'll eventually catch up, but because you deserve to live the life experience you want.

Here's what I tell almost everyone I talk to about this:

Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do isn't to fix the relationship - it's to change your role in it. You can love someone and still protect your own well-being. You can care about someone and still refuse to carry their emotional weight. It’s not all black or white.

If this is hitting home for you - if you're realizing you've been doing way more than your fair share in a relationship - whatever you're feeling right now is completely valid. Frustrated, sad, angry, exhausted - all of it makes sense.

Start to imagine how much progress you can make when you stop wasting energy on situations that won’t move. Some great questions to ask and reflect on:

What would it look like to stop shrinking yourself to keep the peace?

What would change if you actually honored your own growth, even if the other person can't meet you there?

You don't have to make any dramatic moves today. But I want you to notice something: How long have you been waiting for things to change?

Here's the question that changed everything for me and for so many of my clients: What becomes possible for you when you stop waiting? How much space will you free up for things to move again?

You have to understand that your gut instinct already knows what’s going on.

You already know the answer. You've probably known it for a while. The question is: Are you ready to trust what you know?

One of the questions I get asked a lot is:

How do I know when I’ve put in enough time trying to shift this relationship?

The most important thing here is communication. If you can communicate with someone and they’re willing to hear you, things have the possibility to change.

If you try to communicate with someone and they’re receptive to it, this is a green flag letting you know that there is potential here. And I would continue down that road with as much communication as possible.

Share your feelings. Avoid blaming the other person outright. Just share how certain situations make you feel. An example is:

“When you don’t ask me how my day was, it makes me feel unimportant”

Notice here you’re not blaming them directly, you’re just sharing how a certain outcome makes you feel.

If they start to get defensive, you can say: “I’m not attacking you here or blaming you outright, I’m just trying to get you to see how a certain moment makes me feel.”

If you can keep a calm, clear delivery here, this will prevent escalation caused by them taking things the wrong way.

Keep highlighting how important communication is for you and keep the chance for a positive outcome on the table.

“I want this relationship to work out. I really value you. I’m just hoping you can see where I’m coming from emotionally. We can work together to change things”

On the other hand, if the other person isn’t willing to communicate or can’t communicate this is definitely a red flag and there are really only 2 major options here.

You can suggest to have someone else sit in with you while you talk about your relationship. It could be a therapist, a close friend, or a family member who can remain strong, grounded, and supportive. This usually helps lessen defensive behavior and can lead to positive changes.

If after trying these options, you find that the person still isn’t willing to budge or change anything, then it’s safe to assume that they’re not ready to meet you where you are at this time. As hard as it may be, It’s usually the best decision for your mental health to create distance at this time, whether temporary or permanent depending on the situation.

You need to create space for you to heal, reflect, and really get in line with how you want the next chapter in your life to unfold.

If the relationship is a friend or family member, you can set certain boundaries so that you preserve your peace, but still keep a connection with them. Always do what’s best for your mental health

If you’re having a problem with a and need some extra support, my door is always open. Feel free to message me below and we can work together to get you to a place that feels good. Sometimes having that extra support makes all the difference.

THANK YOU for tuning in, supporting my work, and taking this journey with me to becoming a better you. Self-Growth is one of the best things we can gift ourselves with in this lifetime and I am honored that you recognize this podcast can and will help you do just that. Please feel free to leave a comment on what you thought of this episode. You’re welcome to share any struggles that you’re going through of clarification needed to better understand the episode. I respond to all comments and care about your opinions and experiences.

I’ll see you all next Monday where we will explore another common relationship problem and how to best approach it!

A happy week to you all!

Not subscribed? Subscribe now to get this podcast and many more self-growth info delivered right to your inbox!

Welcome to The Relationships With A Soul Podcast

Every Monday, I do a deep dive on a common relationship problem that more than likely, we’ve all experienced at one point or another. And some of us, are actively in these situations right now, which makes these episodes great support systems for you as you push through this problem and arrive on the other side. From observing human behavior over the last 15 years, I’ve seen a lot of the same relationship problems come up again and again. Those will be the ma in ones that we focus on here.

It is my goal that these episodes help you understand yourself better, as well as your relationships. Armed with this new info, you’ll be able to create stronger relationship dynamics with ALL your connections. Trust me, strong connections are worth more than anything money can buy. Once you understand the magic of just one of these connections, you’ll become obsessed. Now let’s get into today’s episode!

What To Expect In This Episode

What happens when the relationship you thought was solid suddenly implodes? My parents' divorce revealed I'd been sleepwalking through life, completely unprepared for real relationships. This episode breaks down how I went from sheltered and clueless to understanding what actually makes relationships work—and why most of us are never taught these crucial skills.

EP 24: From Pleasantville to Chaos: The Day That Changed Everything

Flashback: Evening—June 2003

Safe to say, the day had already been a rocky one. I was late for my shift at CVS and earlier that day had been pulled over by a cop for speeding to try to get to work on time. I was 16 1/2 and this was the first time I had ever been pulled over. It was nerve-racking, especially because I was worried about how my overprotective parents would react when they found out.

Nevertheless, I made it through my work shift and at 10pm, got in my car to head home.

When I arrived home, most of the lights were already off in our house, but my brother’s bedroom light was still on. I opened the front door, and there he was, waiting for me.

He had a strange look on his face—I’d never seen him look that way before. He was only 13.

Within seconds of me entering the house, he unloaded the news that our mother had taken him aside earlier that evening and told him that she was going to be splitting up with our father.

My jaw dropped—stunned, I was unable to reply initially.

When words finally started to flow again, I asked him how Dad had reacted to this.

“He doesn’t know”, was the reply

I couldn’t believe that..

When was she going to tell him?

Why tell your kids first?

The questions just wouldn’t stop racing..

After calling a close friend to vent and calm down, I managed to go to bed. I am still surprised that I was able to get some sleep that night.

The next morning, I awoke immediately with an unsettled feeling. For a moment, it seemed like it had all been a dream

But I knew very well what had happened last night.

The future was unavoidable.

I got out of bed, washed my face, and made my way downstairs to the living room.

I have a strong memory descending those stairs, not knowing what I would find at the bottom. A part of me was terrified, but I knew I couldn’t just trap myself upstairs forever.

As I hit the last stair and turned the corner, The living room became visible and I saw my father sitting in his recliner, alone, looking down at the morning paper.

He looked up at me..

S**t… I thought.

Suddenly a huge smile came across his face.

“Good morning son! How did you sleep?”

My mouth opened a crack, shocked…

He still doesn’t know…

“Fine” I managed to get out.

This all just seemed so wrong…

To this day, I still can’t get my Dad’s smile out of my head.

Who would have thought that a smile could be one of those haunting memories that lingers…

It’s just that I knew the hammer was going to drop some point soon

My memory is a bit foggy here but within the next day or two, I remember us all sitting down as a family and my mom broke the news to my dad.

She did it in front of my brother and I to try to lessen the reaction from my dad.

It seemed to work to some degree, but I remember my father being totally shocked, as if he had no idea this was coming.

My dad was completely blindsided; it was terrifying to see him in this state.

What followed consisted of many arguments between my parents

We tried to sit down as a family and talk it out, but they were always too emotional and it ended up in a fight.

My mom wanted the divorce and wanted my father to leave the house and get an apartment.

She said she would continue to take care of us

My dad disagreed saying “You’re a workaholic, and you will put no time into these kids. You will not be able to prepare them for the real world.”

Given the circumstances… He wasn’t wrong…

“I’m not leaving”, he said. “If you want the divorce, you should leave”

The arguments continued and neither one of them would back down. The trauma was rising in our household like the ocean tide.

Then one day, something happened that surprised all of us.

We were sitting in the living room having our usual “family talk” and my parents had started going at each other’s throats again.

“Here we go again”, I thought.

All of a sudden, my brother broke the silence with an outburst.

“Stop”, he said.

Silence fell in the living room. He looked at my mother

“If you want the divorce, you leave.” He was only 14 here.

My mom looked at him stunned, 10 seconds of silence followed.

“You want me to leave?” She said.

“Yes, I want you to leave this house”

That did it… She was completely broken and had no choice but to agree.

Shortly after, my mom rented an apartment somewhat nearby and we would visit once / week, have dinner, and catch up.

A few weeks after she moved in, she called and said she had a new boyfriend and wanted us to meet him.

“Already?” I thought. It all just seemed so fast… How could you have already gone out in the dating world in just a few weeks and found someone?

Well… We met him.

Neither of us liked him. He was 10 years younger, cocky, and had a smirk on his face all the time.

My dad was still broken and didn’t come out of his newfound depression for 4 years.

I was lucky because I went off to college the following year.

But my brother, was not so lucky.

He was trapped in a house with my depressed father for 3 more years, and I think that really damaged him. We never talked about it.

My dad would say things to me like “I noticed your mom had new lingerie that she purchased in her closet, but I never saw any of it.

As he processed further, he began to put the pieces together.

There were high odds that my mom had an affair, although it was never admitted.

I have to give my dad credit, he did the best he could not to “bad mouth” our mother after the event. He told us he didn’t want this to impact the relationship we had with our mother. I could see how hurt he was and how difficult it was for him but he was almost able to completely stick to his word here. He only slipped up a couple of times.

One time he told us that he noticed that she was unusually on the phone with her sister, who was my absolute favorite aunt.

This aunt was also my Godmother and had given both my brother and I everything we ever wanted since the day we were born. She spoiled us rotten, was always in a good mood around us, and we loved being around her because of it.

Little did we know, she was an absolute terror with he r own children and bumped heads with a lot of family members. Talk about a light and dark side.

My dad believed that this aunt was the one feeding my mom info and ultimately was the one who gave her the courage to go ahead with the divorce.

Knowing my mom, this was not a major decisions that she would have been able to make on her own. My aunt on the other hand? Had 2 failed marriages under her belt. Both her her 2 kids were from different fathers. Where are the father’s now? Completely disappeared, no story, no info, just gone.

The truth had shattered the bubble and the happy go lucky relationship with this aunt began to come to a close.

But I still wanted to know if my mom had the affair.

I remember one day in college, I was 19 now, and on the phone with my mom long distance.

I decided to ask her

“I need to know whether or not you had an affair leading up to this divorce. If you tell me the truth, I will be able to forgive you, but if you lie to me, I will know, and I will never speak to you again”, I said to her.

This memory is imprinted in my mind like a brand stamp.

I remember 10 seconds of silence on the other end, and then she answered…

“I didn’t”.

It felt like a lie. Why wait so long to answer? If you didn’t do it, why not just say so.

She was weighing her options.

She chose to try to outsmart her son, and save herself.

I didn’t react or have an outburst on the phone that night… But I knew…

Fast forward, I didn’t have the heart to cut her off and never speak to her again.

But boy did I carry a lot of trauma and that heavy weight in the years that followed.

I got into acting and learned how to express myself and open up my mind.

That helped a lot, but the pain still lingered.

10 years later I remember sitting down with my mom for a lunch, just she and I.

I decided to share something with her.

“I just want you to know, that back when that divorce happened, it was incredibly traumatic for my brother and I. We really went through a lot then and I don’t think we’re completely healed from it, even today.”

She looked shocked from the other side of the table.

“Why was it traumatic for you? You weren’t the one who got divorced”, she said.

It was at that moment that I began to realize my parents had no idea how to express empathy or put themselves in the shoes of another.

Even further down the road last year, I remember having a conversation with her and asking about empathy.

“If someone is going through something that I’ve been through, I can be empathetic”, she said.

That was an interesting response because it shows that if she hasn’t experienced it herself, she can’t express genuine empathy

If I’m being honest, I still haven’t been able to forgive her completely. In the last year, I’ve made a lot of progress with books, support groups, and recently signed up for therapy.

But the pain still lingers—and I know it’s inside my brother too.

My brother has always been incredibly perceptive and one day he said:

“Our mother is incredibly selfish and wants us to fail”

I couldn’t believe that. But the more I thought about it, the more it seemed to make sense.

When others aren’t able to make their dreams a reality and live the life they want, they become envious when others in their close circle make progress.

My mom struggled with this a lot and it makes complete sense how she wouldn’t want us to achieve anything that she hadn’t yet.

Why?

Because it reminds her that she wasn’t able to do it and it hurts more to see others succeeding in places you couldn’t.

Today, I have a limited relationship with my mom.

There’s so much more I could share and our connection could be so much deeper, but I’ve recently realized that everyone has limitations and there are just certain things you can’t talk to people about.

If you try to force them, it ends up in circles and leads to loads of suffering

If you try to be honest and they can’t handle it, they will put up a brick wall in defense, and the conversation will go nowhere

If they don’t want to learn and explore, you can’t force them to.

So in order to preserve my mental health, I have accepted the limitations of this relationship which include:

* Very little or no negative updates

* No emotionally heavy topics

* Mostly surface level talk: weather, food, trips

* Neutral or positive updates only

I still notice her trying to project her fear onto my positive moments, because that’s how she lives in her own mind. But instead of getting offended that “she doesn’t support me”, I now understand her capabilities and limitations.

Since this whole event happened nearly 25 years ago, I couldn’t help but accept the difficult truth that I had no idea what a healthy relationship was, how to create one, and how to keep it once created.

This became my life interest— To understand myself, my own needs, and the needs of others. I wanted to know how to create a strong, reliable connection with my future partner so that my relationship would not meet the same fate.

The difficult truth is:

There’s no 100% guarantee that divorce can be prevented.

But what you can do is learn how to communicate effectively, and often with your partner to ensure that both of your needs are met, and you’re both on the same page with the path that the life you’re building together is on.

I’m proud to say that the work paid off and I have a strong relationship with my wife that even impresses my parents at this point. They don’t truly understand all the mechanics of how I did it, but I do and that’s all that matters.

Now, I help others improve the relationship they have with themselves, cultivate self-love, and show them the most important things to work on to create healthy, thriving relationships with the friends around them, and their romantic partners. I also understand how difficult some relationships can be with family, and help with setting appropriate boundaries so you can have the best connections possible with them.

If you have a story to share, but don’t know who to tell, I’d love to offer a listening ear and hold space for you. You can message me below and we’ll just talk. No nudging, no commitment, just a place to sit and let it all out.

THANK YOU for tuning in, supporting my work, and taking this journey with me to becoming a better you. Self-Growth is one of the best things we can gift ourselves with in this lifetime and I am honored that you recognize this podcast can and will help you do just that. Please feel free to leave a comment on what you thought of this episode. You’re welcome to share any struggles that you’re going through of clarification needed to better understand the episode. I respond to all comments and care about your opinions and experiences.

I’ll see you all next Monday where we will explore another common relationship problem and how to best approach it!

A happy week to you all!

Not subscribed? Subscribe now to get this podcast and many more self-growth info delivered right to your inbox!