Relationships With A Soul

Welcome to The Relationships With A Soul Podcast

Every Monday, I do a deep dive on a common relationship problem that more than likely, we’ve all experienced at one point or another. And some of us, are actively in these situations right now, which makes these episodes great support systems for you as you push through this problem and arrive on the other side. From observing human behavior over the last 15 years, I’ve seen a lot of the same relationship problems come up again and again. Those will be the ma in ones that we focus on here.

It is my goal that these episodes help you understand yourself better, as well as your relationships. Armed with this new info, you’ll be able to create stronger relationship dynamics with ALL your connections. Trust me, strong connections are worth more than anything money can buy . Once you understand the magic of just one of these connections, you’ll become obsessed. Now let’s get into today’s episode!

Ep 14: "I'm Always SO Hard On Myself"

"It’s just because I’m a perfectionist."

Mary said to John over dinner one night, casually brushing her hair behind her ear as if that explained everything.

John looked up from his plate. “You say that like it’s just a personality trait. Like being left-handed.”

She let out a light laugh, trying to play it off. “Well... it kind of is. I’ve always been that way. I like things done well. It’s just how I operate.”

But John didn’t move on like most people. He paused, tilting his head just slightly. “Okay, but why? Like… where do you think that comes from?”

Her smile faltered.

She reached for her water, buying herself time. The question was simple, but it landed heavy.

“I don’t know,” she said, staring at her glass. “I guess I just hate making mistakes.”

John didn’t flinch. “Do you hate mistakes? Or do you hate what happens after you make one?”

She blinked, caught off guard. The difference struck something in her.

“I guess I hate the feeling that I’ve disappointed someone,” she said slowly. “Or that I’ll be seen differently. Less capable. Less... good.”

She paused, surprised by her own words. It was like a tiny crack in a wall she didn’t realize she’d built.

“When I was little,” she continued, “my dad would get really quiet when I messed up. Not angry—just disappointed. It was worse than yelling. It felt like I had shrunk in his eyes.”

She stared down at her plate, the memories surfacing now, vivid and uninvited. “I used to rehearse every piano piece ten times before I let him hear it. I didn’t want to give him a reason to be disappointed.”

John didn’t interrupt. Instead he placed his hand on her shoulder in support.

“I think somewhere along the way,” she said, “I decided that being perfect was how I earned love. Or at least, how I avoided losing it.”

Her voice softened. “It’s exhausting, you know? This constant measuring, fixing, striving. It’s like I don’t even know what enough feels like.”

John slid his hand down her arm and took her hand. “Maybe enough starts with giving yourself permission to not be perfect. To be human.”

She looked at him, eyes a little glassy now. And for a moment, she just breathed.

Here’s the truth: most of us don’t call ourselves perfectionists because we love excellence. We call ourselves that because we’re afraid. Afraid of letting people down. Afraid of not being good enough. Afraid that if we stop pushing, everything will fall apart—including the approval we’ve worked so hard to earn.

We don’t become hard on ourselves out of nowhere. We learn it. Usually young. Usually in silence.

But we can unlearn it too.

And maybe, like Mary, that starts by asking a new question. Not “How do I stop being a perfectionist?”But “What am I trying to protect?”“Who am I trying to keep loving me?”And…“What would it feel like to just be enough?”

So what can we take from Mary’s story?

Being hard on yourself isn’t a personality flaw. It’s a pattern. One that was probably born in moments when you felt like love, acceptance, or safety was conditional—tied to your performance, your behavior, or your ability to avoid mistakes.

We tell ourselves we’re just “perfectionists,” but that’s often a cover for something deeper. But if we peel it back, being hard on yourself usually isn’t about wanting to be great—It’s about wanting to be okay.To belong.To not be rejected.

And that inner pressure? It’s trying to protect you.

But the truth is: being hard on yourself won’t keep you safe forever. It just keeps you stuck.

If you’ve been carrying that weight for a long time, it might be time to ask yourself what’s really underneath it.

Here are just a few deeper reasons why you may always be hard on yourself:

* You equate mistakes with losing love. Somewhere along the way, love started to feel conditional.

* You fear being seen as a burden. So you over-function, over-deliver, and rarely ask for help.

* You were praised for your achievements, not your being. So you learned to attach your worth to what you do, not who you are.

* You grew up around criticism or emotional withdrawal. Now, you criticize yourself first—trying to stay “in control” of the pain. (this is my main one by the way, I struggled a lot with this)

* You believe putting pressure on yourself is the only way to succeed. Because without it, you fear you’ll become lazy—or worse, unlovable.

But here's the truth:Your worth isn’t something that you have to prove.You don’t have to suffer your way into being worthy.

Self-compassion doesn’t make you weak—it makes you free.

So the next time you catch yourself being hard on yourself, pause and ask:What am I trying to protect?What do I need right now that I didn’t get back then?

And maybe, just maybe, start giving that to yourself instead.

Forgiveness is a great milestone to reach here, especially when you are giving yourself that as a gift.

You’re Not Alone. So Many People Struggle With This Silently

I work with clients on these types of struggles all the time to help them illuminate blind spots they aren’t noticing.

Whether it’s perfectionism, people-pleasing, or constantly second-guessing yourself in relationships—it’s rarely just about the present moment. Most of the time, these patterns are echoes from the past.

Through my relationship coaching, we get underneath the surface—beyond the habits and reactions—to find the real story driving your behavior. I use tools like Human Design to help you understand how you’re wired, and together, we untangle the beliefs and emotional patterns that are keeping you stuck.

So if you’re tired of being hard on yourself...If you’re ready to feel more secure in your relationships, more confident in your decisions, and more at peace within yourself—this is the work.

And you don’t have to do it alone.

If this episode resonated with you, I’d love to support you. You can learn more about coaching with me by sending me a quick message! If it matters to you, it matters to me. I’m here for you.

Thanks for tuning into this episode, I hope this information was helpful for you! If you’d like to share a unique situation you’re in, I welcome that in the comments! We learn by sharing our stories.

Be sure to tune in every Monday where I’ll be talking about a different problem that is common in relationships and how to go about solving it.

Have a problem you want me to write about? Let me know in the comments or DM me and I may do an episode on it!

Thanks again for reading and have a wonderful week everyone!

THANK YOU for tuning in, supporting my work, and taking this journey with me to becoming a better you. Self-Growth is one of the best things we can gift ourselves with in this lifetime and I am honored that you recognize this podcast can and will help you do just that. Please feel free to leave a comment on what you thought of this episode. You’re welcome to share any struggles that you’re going through of clarification needed to better understand the episode. I respond to all comments and care about your opinions and experiences.

I’ll see you all next Monday where we will explore another common relationship problem and how to best approach it!

A happy week to you all!

Not subscribed? Subscribe now to get this podcast and many more self-growth info delivered right to your inbox!

If you enjoy these episodes, please consider supporting my work by buying me a coffee below! I do this pretty much full time and your support means the world!

Welcome to The Relationships With A Soul Podcast

Every Monday, I do a deep dive on a common relationship problem that more than likely, we’ve all experienced at one point or another. And some of us, are actively in these situations right now, which makes these episodes great support systems for you as you push through this problem and arrive on the other side. From observing human behavior over the last 15 years, I’ve seen a lot of the same relationship problems come up again and again. Those will be the ma in ones that we focus on here.

It is my goal that these episodes help you understand yourself better, as well as your relationships. Armed with this new info, you’ll be able to create stronger relationship dynamics with ALL your connections. Trust me, strong connections are worth more than anything money can buy . Once you understand the magic of just one of these connections, you’ll become obsessed. Now let’s get into today’s episode!

EP 13: "Why do I keep attracting emotionally unavailable people?"

It’s a painful cycle—feeling drawn to people who seem perfect on the surface but, over time, reveal a pattern of emotional distance. Whether it’s a partner who’s hard to reach, a friend who never truly shows up, a family member who dismisses feelings, or a coworker who keeps things strictly surface-level, the ache of disconnection is real. There’s a quiet frustration that builds, a question that lingers: Why does this keep happening?

Maybe it f eels easier to excuse inconsistent behavior, convincing yourself that patience or understanding will eventually bridge the gap. Or perhaps there's an unspoken belief that love, respect, and acceptance are things that need to be earned. It’s easy to internalize the blame—wondering if something is wrong or if genuine, fulfilling connections are simply out of reach.

But these patterns often trace back to deep, unexamined beliefs about worth, love, and what relationships are supposed to look like. When these old stories go unchecked, they shape how connection is sought and received, creating invisible barriers that keep true intimacy and understanding at arm’s length. The good news is, these patterns can be identified, understood, and released—clearing the path for relationships that feel supportive, authentic, and deeply meaningful.

In this episode, we’re going to break this down completely from start to finish by unpacking the following:

* Why emotionally unavailable relationships keep showing up in your life—understanding the subconscious beliefs and patterns driving these connections.

* How early experiences, unspoken beliefs, and self-worth issues influence who you attract and why it feels familiar, even if it’s unfulfilling.

* Practical steps to recognize red flags, set boundaries, and attract emotionally available connections in all areas of life.

* How understanding your Human Design can help you align with healthy, supportive relationships by making decisions that feel right for you.

The Root Cause: How Did This All Happen Anyway?

It’s easy to think the problem is just bad luck or that you keep picking the wrong people. But the truth is, patterns don’t repeat themselves by accident—there’s always something deeper going on beneath the surface. When emotionally unavailable relationships keep showing up in your life, it often stems from subconscious beliefs and unspoken narratives that have been running the show for years.

Maybe there’s a part of you that equates love with struggle—where proving your worth feels like a requirement for connection. Or perhaps you’ve learned to tolerate inconsistency, believing it’s better to settle than be alone. These beliefs are usually shaped long before we’re even aware of them—often rooted in childhood dynamics, past heartbreaks, or even generational patterns we never questioned.

It’s not about blaming yourself or others—it’s about recognizing these patterns so you can finally break free from them. Because the truth is, until you uncover what’s driving the cycle, you’ll keep attracting the same unfulfilling connections, wondering why real intimacy feels so out of reach.

My Story Summary And Experience With This

I can safely say that I spent way too long trapped in this perpetual cycle—in fact, it was decades.

What kept me trapped exactly?

Taking the blame and responsibility off myself and placing it on other people and situations. There was a time when I thought that everything I was doing was “right”. That I was worthy of strong connections and capable of adding immense value in strong relationships. Throughout the years, I even received countless compliments from my network that I was “such a good guy” or “really fun to hang out with”. I was told that if I could just “be myself” that the right people would find me.

The problem?

I never took a crash course to understand just what being yourself meant.

I thought I was behaving that way…

But things weren’t panning out.

A closer look revealed something completely different.

What was happening was I found myself repeatedly getting caught up in addressing and fixing the needs of emotionally unavailable people who were only interested in getting their needs met. They didn’t really care about my well-being or attempt to reciprocate adding value to the relationship.

I was trying to prove my worth to these people by fixing their issues and catering to their needs but there was a deeper issue I didn’t realize…

I was not being myself.. I was becoming the person that was needed to “satisfy” these people. I wanted more compliments and less criticisms.

The problem was, I didn’t really want to solve their problems all day, I just wanted the self-esteem boost.

Looking back on why this happened, I remembered I wasn’t popular in school and often bullied. I constantly felt like I had to prove my worth around my peers because I never felt they desired to be in my company.

I also remembered that my parents both worked full-time while growing up and I only saw them in the early morning and evenings. This left a small window to earn their affection, tell them about all the progress I was making daily, and show them the young man I was evolving into. But we never could have emotional conversations because my parents weren’t emotionally available. I can’t say it’s really their fault because their parents weren’t either.

We can’t teach something we don’t know.

Because of our short time window together, I never felt truly seen by my parents and even to this day, I’ve heard them say here and there that they know “exactly who I am” but the truth is, they really only know the surface at best.

Why is that?

They never asked me questions to try to get to know me. I also never got to know them beyond the “parent role” They would talk about their work day briefly, and hid the rest even into my adulthood. I know I would have felt compelled to reflect on my identity more as a child had they asked me questions like:

* What does being “you” mean to you?

* If you could describe yourself in three words, what would they be?

* What’s something you wish more people understood about you?

It was especially hard for me to come to the conclusion that my parents were emotionally unavailable while I was growing up because they acted as if they were. I do believe that they wanted to be there for me in that way, they just didn’t know how.

Our Early Lives Tell Us What Part Of The Puzzle Needs Filling In

We don’t often realize that our childhood is the most important part of our lives. It’s where we experience all our first impressions with people, society, and our environment.

There’s also a very strong urge to express ourselves, but there’s an even stronger desire to be accepted. Oftentimes, our desire to be accepted overtakes our desire for original creative expression, which is when we begin to drift away from ourselves.

Before you know it.. You’re not even yourself anymore. You have become who everyone else wants and expects you to be. This can happen very early on in childhood and this is exactly what happened in my life.

Once you craft a false identity such as this, you will not be able to attract the right people for you because you’ll be focused on attracting people to fill a deeper need within you. We often see that this deeper need is something that we didn’t receive during our childhood.

The good news?

Once you do some digging into your past and realize why you have been covering up the real you, not only will you begin to remember who you truly are, when you start to express yourself authentically you will begin to attract others who not only desire the same things, but they’ll reciprocate in the ways you need while also respecting your boundaries.

Remember, everyone is going to have a different story here so it’s important for you to analyze your own. You can use my story above as a starting point for brainstorming.

How Early Life Habits Keep Us Stuck

Once the cycle starts, it can feel impossible to break. Emotionally unavailable relationships can become a comfortable discomfort—a familiar pattern that feels safer than the unknown. Maybe it looks like always being the one to chase or convincing yourself that their warm and cold behavior is just a sign you need to try harder. It’s exhausting, but part of you believes it’s normal.

These patterns can be sneaky. They disguise themselves as "having high standards" or "not settling," but in reality, they’re often tied to deeper fears—fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, or even fear of true intimacy. And because these beliefs operate quietly in the background, they influence the type of relationships you attract and tolerate.

You might find yourself excusing red flags or settling for crumbs of affection because deep down, a part of you believes this is all you can get—or all you deserve. The longer the cycle goes on, the more it reinforces the belief that love is supposed to be complicated or out of reach. But the truth is, real connection doesn’t feel like a constant uphill battle.

How To Shift Patterns And Attract Emotionally Available People

Understanding the root cause of emotional unavailability is powerful, but change happens when you start making intentional shifts. This begins with setting clear boundaries, redefining what healthy relationships look like, and doing the inner work to align your beliefs with your desires. It means identifying patterns that no longer serve you, challenging limiting beliefs about love and connection, and embracing a new standard for how you want to be treated. I’ll share practical tools and mindset shifts that help you stop settling for less and start attracting relationships where you feel valued, seen, and emotionally fulfilled. It’s time to stop chasing what isn’t working and start choosing.

Living Aligned = Attracting Aligned Relationships

Once you’ve recognized your patterns and started making intentional changes, it’s time to step into a new way of relating—one rooted in confidence, authenticity, and self-worth. We’ll talk about how to embody the energy of healthy, fulfilling relationships, including actionable ways to show up differently in all areas of your life. This isn’t just about attracting the right people but becoming the person who naturally draws in genuine, emotionally available connections. It’s about feeling deeply seen and appreciated—first by yourself, and then by others. A wonderful tool I’ve come across that I use daily for myself as well as when working with clients is Human Design. Human Design is a wonderful system that takes the guessing work out of what you need and actually shows you how to live and what to work on. It’s an ongoing experimental way of living that has completely revolutionized my life and left my clients with jaw dropping progress. You can learn more about it by clicking the link above.

Summary and Key Takeaways

Breaking the cycle of attracting emotionally unavailable people isn’t just about avoiding the wrong relationships—it’s about transforming the relationship you have with yourself. When you:

* Recognize your patterns

* Heal your wounds

* Embrace authentic connection

you step into a space where true intimacy becomes possible. This journey isn’t easy, but it’s deeply rewarding. The more you align with who you really are, the more you’ll naturally attract people who see, value, and love you for exactly that. Real connection begins when you decide you deserve it—starting with yourself.

Thanks for tuning into this episode, I hope this information was helpful for you! If you’d like to share a unique situation you’re in, I welcome that in the comments! We learn by sharing our stories.

Be sure to tune in every Monday where I’ll be talking about a different problem that is common in relationships and how to go about solving it.

Have a problem you want me to write about? Let me know in the comments or DM me and I may do an episode on it!

Thanks again for reading and have a wonderful week everyone!

THANK YOU for tuning in, supporting my work, and taking this journey with me to becoming a better you. Self-Growth is one of the best things we can gift ourselves with in this lifetime and I am honored that you recognize this podcast can and will help you do just that. Please feel free to leave a comment on what you thought of this episode. You’re welcome to share any struggles that you’re going through of clarification needed to better understand the episode. I respond to all comments and care about your opinions and experiences.

I’ll see you all next Monday where we will explore another common relationship problem and how to best approach it!

A happy week to you all!

Not subscribed? Subscribe now to get this podcast and many more self-growth info delivered right to your inbox!

If you enjoy these episodes, please consider supporting my work by buying me a coffee below! I do this pretty much full time and your support means the world!

Welcome to The Relationships With A Soul Podcast

Every Monday, I do a deep dive on a common relationship problem that more than likely, we’ve all experienced at one point or another. And some of us, are actively in these situations right now, which makes these episodes great support systems for you as you push through this problem and arrive on the other side. From observing human behavior over the last 15 years, I’ve seen a lot of the same relationship problems come up again and again. Those will be the main ones that we focus on here.

It is my goal that these episodes help you understand yourself better, as well as your relationships. Armed with this new info, you’ll be able to create stronger relationship dynamics with ALL your connections. Trust me, strong connections are worth more than anything money can buy . Once you understand the magic of just one of these connections, you’ll become obsessed. Now let’s get into today’s episode!

EP 12: "I try to set boundaries, but people either push back or make me feel guilty for it."

Recently, I’ve been doing a lot of work on boundary setting when it comes to my personal schedule, my work life, and my relationships. Boundary setting hasn’t been around forever, at least people haven’t been talking about it for the majority of humanity’s time here so far. So why now?

I believe that as newer generations are coming into the mix, we’re beginning to understand more and more just how important our own mental health is. Previous generations didn’t believe in things like therapy, setting aside time for yourself, or setting boundaries because they either viewed it as a weakness, completely unnecessary, or thought it was being overly dramatic.

However, what I’ve noticed about most people who don’t believe in boundaries is that unfortunately, their own mental health is a mess. They’re seen either constantly burning themselves out, self medicating with drugs such as: pills, smoking, or alcohol, and more often than not have a short fuse and lack of patience.

But we don’t need to set boundaries and focus on our mental health right? It’s not necessary and most of us are just “fine” the way things are.

Taking a closer look at the absurdity of these claims, I’ve realized that setting boundaries is a LIFE SAVER!

However, there’s one main problem that I see come up again and again when it comes to changing your routine with new and improved boundaries.

The one’s setting the boundaries: “us”, have a fear of either disappointing people, angering them, or engaging in an argument if they happen to push back on those boundaries.

In this episode, I’d like to focus on this concept, and my hope is that by the end, you will have a better understanding on why push back isn’t as scary as it might seem

We’re going to talk about:

* The main problems when it comes to setting boundaries

* Why you should tune your life to a network that accepts your boundaries

* What to do if someone doesn’t accept your boundaries

* Some Important boundaries to consider

First off, when you decide to set a boundary, never forget that the primary purpose of doing this is for your own mental health and well-being. Always realize what YOU are going to get out of this and how much your life is going to improve from “performing maintenance on your life”

Just like going to the gym, organizing your life with certain boundaries is going to protect your energy and enhance your personality in everything you do because get this: You are showing yourself a huge amount of respect. You are showing yourself that you care about your life and experience here.

Oftentimes the trap we can fall into when wanting to set a boundary is the fear of how the other person will react. We obsess over that and forget the GOOD that is going to come to ourselves for making this decision. Never forget that there is always a huge positive change waiting for you on the other side.

If you set a boundary with someone and they try to bypass it in any way either with anger, manipulation, or simply ignoring it, what that means is that the person DOES NOT respect you. Let that sink in for a moment. Do you want to include someone in your life who does not respect you? These types of people are using your energy and time for themselves so that they can feel better in their own situations. More often than not, they don’t give a damn about you or what you’re going through. Which brings me to my next point

No one really knows what you’re going through. Coming to terms with this, you can either share that with them if you believe this will help them feel more comfortable about your boundary, or you can share it with them as a test, to see if they’ll respect you and offer help if desired. If after you share your struggles with them, you still find that they’re more interested in themselves and their own needs, you should think long and hard about how that makes you feel.

Your goal should be to have relationships with people around you who accept your boundaries. These people are usually comfortable in their own lives, are not needy for your attention or help all the time, and most likely have important goals and a busy life schedule that they’ve set for themselves.

In my personal experience, the ones who have always pushed back on my boundaries have been needy people who don’t have a lot of important things going on in their lives, a lot of time, and the same problems that keep showing up again and again because they resist change and self-growth.

If you’re someone who is paving the way forward for yourself and cares about evolving as you experience life, you’ll need to be careful around these types of people and I would recommend either setting strong limits, or questioning whether or not you’re still compatible with them.

Remember: A connection, whether it is a work relationship, friendship, or family relationship, does not need to last forever as some may try to force you to believe. If that connection is creating a lot of resistance in your life, you can absolutely limit it, or in some cases, move on altogether.

Life changes some of us more than others. Things and circumstances also change. Our connections are only as good as the level in which they support us. Moving on from a connection that is no longer serving us is not a form of rejection. It is simply recognizing that 2 people have grown apart and are choosing to focus on different things in their lives now. If the relationship is not reciprocal, it’s time to think more about boundaries for that one.

Let’s talk about some important boundaries that you could consider for yourself

Emotional Boundaries

* I am not responsible for managing other people’s emotions.

* I will not allow guilt or pressure to make me say yes when I mean no.

Time & Energy Boundaries

* My time is valuable, and I don’t have to overextend myself to please others.

* If something drains me more than it fulfills me, I have the right to say no.

Communication Boundaries

* I will not engage in conversations that feel toxic, disrespectful, or manipulative.

* I have the right to end a conversation if it becomes hostile or unproductive.

Relationship Boundaries

* I will not chase or beg for love, attention, or respect.

* If someone repeatedly crosses my boundaries, I have the right to walk away.

Work & Professional Boundaries

* My job does not own me—I am allowed to set limits on my availability.

* I deserve respect in the workplace, and I will not tolerate mistreatment.

Social & Digital Boundaries

* I don’t have to be available 24/7 to be a good friend, partner, or family member.

* I am allowed to mute, block, or unfollow anyone who affects my peace.

Personal Boundaries (Self-Respect & Self-Care)

* I will not abandon myself to keep others comfortable.

* I do not have to justify my self-care, rest, or personal choices to anyone.

To wrap things up, you may encounter push back when setting boundaries and you may even lose people from your network who are unwilling to accept your boundaries. But ask yourself this. Are these really the people that you want to surround yourself with as you grow and prosper? What served you once doesn’t necessarily serve you now and it’s important to reflect on that.

Remember: No one can force you to do anything. The decisions you are willing to make for yourself show you how much you respect yourself. I encourage you to learn how to be your own best ally because at the end of the day, being able to rely on yourself is a superpower, and a wonderful place to arrive at.

When you set boundaries for your own life experience, progress, and fulfillment, you are showing yourself time and time again that you respect yourself, trust yourself, and know that the universe will work it’s magic to align you with experiences that truly serve your self-growth.

That about wraps things up for this episode! I like to keep things short and sweet with these, but if you’d like to hear more on boundary setting, hear about some of my past experiences with boundaries that both worked out and didn’t, or want more examples of scenarios and role play that include boundary setting let me know in the comments and if there’s enough interest, I’ll consider doing a longer episode, or writing an article on it.

Thanks for tuning into this episode, I hope this information was helpful for you! If you’d like to share a unique situation you’re in, I welcome that in the comments! We learn by sharing our stories.

Be sure to tune in every Monday where I’ll be talking about a different problem that is common in relationships and how to go about solving it.

Have a problem you want me to write about? Let me know in the comments or DM me and I may do an episode on it!

Thanks again for reading and have a wonderful week everyone!

THANK YOU for tuning in, supporting my work, and taking this journey with me to becoming a better you. Self-Growth is one of the best things we can gift ourselves with in this lifetime and I am honored that you recognize this podcast can and will help you do just that. Please feel free to leave a comment on what you thought of this episode. You’re welcome to share any struggles that you’re going through of clarification needed to better understand the episode. I respond to all comments and care about your opinions and experiences.

I’ll see you all next Monday where we will explore another common relationship problem and how to best approach it!

A happy week to you all!

Not subscribed? Subscribe now to get the this podcast and many more self-growth info delivered right to your inbox!

If you enjoy these episodes, please consider supporting my work by buying me a coffee below! I do this pretty much full time and your support means the world!

Welcome to The Relationships With A Soul Podcast

If you’ve tuned in before, you’ll notice that we changed the name of the podcast from Motivation Monday to TBB Podcast. I’ve decided to take this podcast in a different direction, where each week, we’ll focus on a common relationship problem that more than likely, I’ve experienced at one point or another in my life. But also, from observing human behavior over the last 15 years, I’ve seen the same problems come up again and again. Those will be the main ones that we focus on here.

Each week, you can expect a new problem that is likely to turn up in our relationships at some point, and some advice from personal experience on how to deal with it. It is my goal that these episodes help you understand yourself better, as well as your relationships. Armed with this new info, you’ll be able to create stronger relationship dynamics with all your connections. Trust me, strong connections are worth more than anything money can buy . Once you understand the magic of just one of these connections, you’ll become obsessed. Now let’s get into today’s episode!

Episode 11: "Why do I always have to do everything?"

This is such a common feeling to come across, and is usually only felt by one side of the relationship at a time.

If you’re feeling this way often, it means that you’re probably burnt out from overexerting yourself, or you’ve elected to take on the majority of the responsibilities because you either feel that you do them the best, or you “have to” do them because no one else will.

Feeling this way is difficult because the other person oftentimes won’t even know that you feel that way. You may get snappy with them at times because of your inner frustration, and they will usually just assume you’re having a bad day or mood swings that will pass. But we all know that’s not the truth.

At this time, a discussion needs to be had, but in the proper way. You need to be able and willing to communicate your feelings to the other person in the relationship, whether it is a friend, partner, family member, or coworker.

The best way to enter communication with this person is from an angle that does not “blame them” for the reason why you feel this way. Simply put the blame on the fact that your body has been sharing some feelings with you recently that tell you that something needs to be changed.

First Step

Before the conversation is had, you want to try to isolate the thing(s) that are causing you to feel this way. What kinds of things are you doing that feel like they’re too much?

Here’s an example of how something like this could look.

You’re in a relationship with a partner and you’re the primary person making dinner every night. You have become aware that this action is stirring up some irritability and resentment. It makes you feel underappreciated and unloved because your partner hasn’t offered to help you with this task in some way. Perhaps they’ve taken it for granted or they’re lazy. The question is: Are they just going to realize this on their own and change like you hope they would? Almost certainty not. People are not mind readers and that’s why communication is so important.

Second Step

So now that you’ve isolated what thing(s) are making you feel this type of friction, you can now sit down with your partner and attempt a healthy conversation. It could go something like this but the main reason is not to pinpoint any blame on the other person. In fact, you must learn to own how you feel at all times because you’re the one creating those experiences for yourself at the root level. Let’s dive into this conversation between Jenny and Phil, where Jenny is the one always doing everything.

Jenny: Hey Phil, do you mind if we set aside some time to talk? I’d like to share something with you. When would be a good time for you?

What you’re doing with this question is you’re allowing the other person to pick a time where they aren’t overwhelmed. You’re also giving them a heads up that there’s something on your mind but no blame has been put on the other person.

Phil: Oh no. Was it something I did?

Jenny: No, this is not your fault, I just want to share something with you when you have a moment. When would be a good time?

Phil: Well, I’ve got some work to finish up but we could sit down at 4pm?

Once you have picked a time that works for everyone here’s what could come next

Jenny: I appreciate you being willing to talk with me about this. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed for the past (insert time period) and I’ve noticed that it tends to happen when I’m making dinner every night. I think I’ve been taking on too much recently

more often than not, if the other person is in a fairly good place, they’ll offer some sort of solution at this point, but if they don’t, don’t be afraid to ask for it

Jenny: You know, what I think might help is if perhaps some nights you could help me cook with some help prepping, or some help with cleanup afterwards. I think that would take some of the weight off for me and would be a huge help. I also think it would be fun to cook with you sometimes.

Notice what has happened here. Still , no one has been blamed, Jenny has successfully communicated her feelings, asked for help, and shown gratitude in advance for the help which will make the other person more likely to help because they will feel appreciated.

What happens if the person on the other end of the relationship is incredibly difficult to deal with?

In more difficult situations where the person seems disagreeable no matter what, you want to focus on the following when trying to communicate with them:

* Always speak softly and never raise your voice

* Continue asking them questions, mostly geared at why they are responding in that particular way. Try to learn what is causing them to behave this way.

* Always include them in on a potential resolution. Ask them how they would recommend fixing the problem.

* Always be willing to work with the other person so that you both understand each other. Good communication is essential

* If things get heated, calmly offer to take a break from the discussion and agree to revisit it at another time once things have cooled off a bit

* Do your absolute best to not play the victim card or act like a victim. This is often the mistake that most people make when they let their ego take over.

Remember: The whole point of all of this is to resolve the problem in a healthy way that doesn’t put your connection with the other person in jeopardy

Also take into account that you cannot force anyone to do anything. I recommend reading that one more time. If you try to resolve things in a healthy manner and the other person isn’t willing to play ball, you can try different avenues to get them to change and even ask them how they would resolve the issue. If they keep putting the blame and responsibility back on you, that’s a clear sign that this connection is heading in the direction of a one-sided relationship. At this point, I would recommend professional counseling, coaching, or therapy either with the person or solo.

(If you’d like to work with me on a particular issue in your life, feel free to message me to see how I can help you)

If these measures don’t work, you may want to consider moving on from the relationship to preserve your mental health and open up some space to find the connection that you truly desire. Again, you can’t change people, you can only try your best to communicate with them in the healthiest way possible to foster change. If that doesn’t work, letting go to create space for a healthier connection should be a choice that’s now on the table.

Communication is Paramount

The power of words is absolutely incredible. How you shape your words to communicate your feelings is a skill that I would recommend focusing on because not only will you become an incredible communicator, but you’ll be able to make yourself feel better, make others feel better, and you will be much more likely to get the things you want in life if you know how to use this skill to your advantage. It’s one of the best skills I’ve added to my tool belt in this lifetime and although it took many years, I know how to teach this concept much faster than that now. If you’d be interested in joining a group that focuses on effective communication strategies and how to best use words appropriately with people, let me know in the comments. If there’s enough interest, I’ll create it.

One Final Thought For You

I used to think that just because I had the energy to do something that this meant that anyone could engage in the same thing, at the same pace. Unfortunately, this is just not the case and after meeting people all over the world, I’ve discovered all our energy levels are just different.

What does this mean?

It means that some people just won’t have as much energy as you to do the things you do or keep up.

This should make you feel good in a way because you recognize that your energy levels are a superpower and you may have actually been built to “do more”

Armed with this newfound knowledge, instead of seeing yourself as a victim for “having to do it all”, you have the choice to view this as a gift that you can offer the world. I guarantee that there are some people out there who envy the energizer bunny energy that accompanies you and they wish they had that for themselves. If you’re in a relationship where you do more than the person on the other side, but you still recognize that they add value and substance to the relationship, there may not be as big of a problem as you think.

In this scenario, you and the other person are delegating certain roles within the relationship.

Going back to Jenny and Phil, if Jenny has more energy than Phil, she could be the primary doer, but Phil could do a great job at guiding and supporting the relationship on his end so that things stay organized and grounded. Every action can benefit from a plan that focuses on doing things efficiently.

To put it simply:

There is more than one way to “make things happen” and it doesn’t always have to be done by the person who has the most energy. Working together is key. Especially when each person focuses on their strengths and what they’re good at in the relationship.

Thanks for tuning into this episode, I hope this information was helpful for you! If you’d like to share a unique situation you’re in, I welcome that in the comments! We learn by sharing our stories.

Be sure to tune in every Monday where I’ll be talking about a different problem that is common in relationships and how to go about solving it.

Have a problem you want me to write about? Let me know in the comments or DM me and I may do an episode on it!

Thanks again for reading and have a wonderful week everyone!

THANK YOU for tuning in, supporting my work, and taking this journey with me to becoming a better you. Self-Growth is one of the best things we can gift ourselves with in this lifetime and I am honored that you recognize this podcast can and will help you do just that. Please feel free to leave a comment on what you thought of this episode. You’re welcome to share any struggles that you’re going through of clarification needed to better understand the episode. I respond to all comments and care about your opinions and experiences.

I’ll see you all next Monday where we will explore another common relationship problem and how to best approach it!

A happy week to you all!

Not subscribed? Subscribe now to get the this podcast and many more self-growth info delivered right to your inbox!

If you enjoy these episodes, please consider supporting my work by buying me a coffee below! I do this pretty much full time and your support means the world!

EPISODE 10: The Hidden Secret To A Productive Day

Welcome to the start of a week of new possibilities. Isn’t that exciting? To know that your week doesn’t necessarily have to be the same routine that has been happening for the past week, past month, or even past year. If you’re currently in a routine and feel excited each week to tackle your goals with creativity and inspiration than this is a sign from your body that your routine is working very well, and should be kept or built upon.

However if you find it difficult to get out of bed, feel drained of energy, and find your mood swinging in all directions, that is a clear sign from your body that a change is needed to re-incorporate balance into your life.

I’d like to encourage you to tune into how your body feels more often because like our minds, our body is a communicator of it’s own, and often we forget about that. Simply taking a few minutes to breath and check in with our body will let us know where we are at. Why can’t we just rely on the mind? Sometimes the mind does not communicate to the body effectively because it gets wrapped up in it’s own levels of anxiety and so we’re left obsessing over our thoughts and paying less attention to the body that is carrying us through life. From my experience, if you nurture both like children that you love, you will develop a wonderful source of communication within yourself and will be able to connect more to what you need in the moment to feel healthy and balanced.

Today, I’d like to share with you a piece of knowledge that has greatly increased my daily productivity. I honestly never saw this angle before and I have to thank Dan Koe, who turned me on to it. If you don’t know who Dan is, he’s a leader in the entrepreneur space and through analysis, along with trial and error, Dan has been able to learn a lot about human behavior, habits, and why we do what we do.

Dan discovered that the key to a productive day, doesn’t lie in the morning routine, but in your preparations the night before.

Let me explain

How you treat yourself the night before matters the most when you have big productivity goals the next day.

Being conscious of:

* Going to sleep at the proper time

* Winding down before bed properly without stimulation

* Going over your goals and plan of attack for the next morning so it’s the last thing on your mind before sleep

Have you ever engaged in overstimulating activities too late in the evening or had that extra glass of wine before bed? Notice how you feel groggy in the morning and it takes you longer to get going, or requires so much more energy?

Imagine if you could wake up feeling refreshed, immediately starting the day on a good note. That is super important when you have a long list of things to show up for and take care of. Navy Seals have proven that making your bed first thing when you wake up in the morning sets a good tone for the day.

But what about how you feel when you wake up before you even have the chance to make your bed? In my opinion this is even more powerful and can be your very first experience of feel good motivation before your feet even hit the floor.

I’ve personally been experimenting with this and it has been a game changer. Now I’m waking up an hour and a half earlier than I used to and feeling even more energized than I did before.

To me, that’s proof that this works and I’d love to see you try this as well.

So give this a shot this week and about an hour before your normally go to bed, start winding down by doing a relaxing activity that doesn’t involve looking at a device.

Focus on your goals for the following day, starting with the MOST important thing you need to get done. Plan to do that task as early as possible when you have the most energy and feel fresh.

As always, I’d love to hear from you. Are you already doing something like this? Let me know!

Is this the first time you’re hearing about this? How do you feel about it?

Life is all about sharing stories and I’d love to hear yours.

Leave a comment below, and have a fantastic week everyone.

See you next week, same day, with more tips and tricks to live a balanced and fulfilled life.

THANK YOU for tuning in, supporting my work, and taking this journey with me to becoming a better you. Self-Growth is one of the best things we can gift ourselves with in this lifetime and I am honored that you recognize this podcast can and will help you do just that. Please feel free to leave a comment on what you thought of this episode. You’re welcome to share any struggles that you’re going through of clarification needed to better understand the episode. I respond to all comments and care about your opinions and experiences.

I’ll see you all next Monday where we will explore another mystery topic designed to challenge your thinking, and keep you on the path to living the life experience that your soul really craves.

A happy week to you all!

If you enjoy these episodes, please consider supporting my work by buying me a coffee below! I do this pretty much full time and your support means the world!

Welcome back to another week! What does that mean for you? Each week is a new opportunity to become 1% better than we were the previous week. How do we do that? By tuning into our goals, drowning out all the unnecessary noise (distractions), and just focusing on the most important thing at hand.

Last week we talked about 3 stellar questions that Dr. Rangan Chatterjee asks himself every morning that leads to a more balanced, productive day. One of those questions is: “What is the most important thing I have to do today?”

This is a great question to ask to make sure that you don’t lose focus and actually get the most important thing done during your day. If it’s in your focus, It can’t be forgotten about!

Today, I’d like to talk to you about an incredible trick I learned from Alex Hormozi. If you don’t know who Alex is, he’s fierce in the entrepreneur world and has built multiple companies up to values over 100 million. He’s also become a master of productivity and organizes his day for maximum efficiency. I’ll be sharing some of those secrets with you today.

Hormozi talks about habit stacking as the most successful way to start a new habit.

Here’s how it works.

Basically, you take something you already do without fail everyday, such as brushing your teeth, or making coffee. Then, while you’re engaged in that habit, you attach a new habit right to it!

For example.

If I want to start taking a multivitamin every day, I might put the vitamin bottle next to my coffee maker. When I go to make coffee in the morning, (which I do every morning), I’ll see the vitamin bottle and be reminded to take one of those as well. The question is: Why wouldn’t I do that if it’s already right next to my coffee maker and I’m there making coffee anyway?

Essentially the first habit that you already do every day acts as a springboard for the new habit. It’s also incredibly convenient because you’re already investing the time, if you think about it.

A more creative example could be:

While you’re waiting for your coffee to be made (usually takes 2-5 mins) you could incorporate a new quick stretch routine, workout, or read a few pages of a motivational book to get your day going.

Think about it this way. You have to wait anyway for your coffee to be ready. What do you find yourself doing now during that period? I can tell you that I’d usually be checking my phone, the stock market, or would just find myself in a daze letting my thoughts run wild. None of those things seem very productive, so now what I do is I stack my coffee wait time with a few pages of “Meditations by Marcus Aurelius”. Reading just a few pages of this book every morning while I’m waiting for my coffee puts my mind in the right place and gets me jazzed up and prepared to hit my goals, versus the old habit which was essentially wasting time by checking unnecessary things on my phone just to fill that time gap.

Another habit stacking example I’ve been using is while cooking, if I need to wait for water to boil, something to finish in the oven, or something to preheat, I’ll go do 30 or so squats and maybe a few pushups while waiting. If I cook every day (which I do), that’s 210 extra squats per week, which is just amazing if you think about it. You’ll really see this kind of stuff start to compound just after a few days. Just doing this alone, my pushup capacity went from 10 at a time to 30 at a time in just 2 weeks. The crazy part? It took NO Extra time whatsoever because I just stacked it into something else I was already doing! (cooking)

Once you get good at this you can really supercharge your life by creating new habits, right out of things you already do each day.

One last example I’ll give you is a way to get more motivational content in your life each day. This could look like: podcast episodes, audiobooks, or peaceful high frequency music. You could choose to add these things in the next time you:

* Go for a walk

* Take a shower

* Drive somewhere

* Stretch

* Cook

* Take a bathroom break (Omg, yes, I said it!)

I hope this tactic will inspire you to fit that new thing into your life that you’ve always wanted to try.

I’ve been trying to work out consistently for 5 years now, and habit stacking is the only thing that’s worked for me in making that happen! I couldn’t be more grateful.

Now I want to hear from you.

Are you already doing this in some regard? Share and let me know below!

If not, are you excited to give this a try?

What habit are you already doing and what new habit will you stack on top of that?

Have a great week everyone!

See you next Monday morning, same place!

PS: IF you’re looking to be a part of a growing, vibrant community where we work on healing, motivation, breaking limiting beliefs, and fostering growth together by learning new, healthy habits, I invite you to try The Healing Hearts Hub! We just launched last week and already have 13 members! Get in now to take advantage of this growing community. We’re offering a free month so you can try things out risk free!

Inside you’ll experience

* Weekly check-in’s to look forward to with motivational content

* Vulnerable shares from other members that inspire you to share your own stories and heal

* New Growth Habits that are proven to work

* Guided Meditations

* Book recommendations

* Monthly coaching calls to keep everything s on track

Join us on a highspeed journey towards healing your past and igniting your goals forward! There’s nothing like living your purpose!

THANK YOU for tuning in, supporting my work, and taking this journey with me to becoming a better you. Self-Growth is one of the best things we can gift ourselves with in this lifetime and I am honored that you recognize this podcast can and will help you do just that. Please feel free to leave a comment on what you thought of this episode. You’re welcome to share any struggles that you’re going through of clarification needed to better understand the episode. I respond to all comments and care about your opinions and experiences.

I’ll see you all next Monday where we will explore another mystery topic designed to challenge your thinking, and keep you on the path to living the life experience that your soul really craves.

A happy week to you all!

Not subscribed? Subscribe now to get the MM podcast and many more self-growth info delivered right to your inbox!

If you enjoy these episodes, please consider supporting my work by buying me a coffee below! I do this pretty much full time and your support means the world!

Hello Everyone and welcome to the 7th episode of the Motivation Monday Podcast!

Imagine tuning in to a short pep talk at the start of every week to get you in the right frame of mind to tackle your goals and ease your way through the week without anxiety and procrastination.

That’s exactly what this is!

For those of you who don’t know me super well, I have been studying human behavior for over 15 years and have learned quite a bit about why we do what we do. It’s allowed me to peek into the operating system of our minds and fine tune what’s going on in there so that we can live with less chatter and distractions, and feel more confident and enthusiastic about what we’re doing in life.

If you want secrets to “hack” your mind and enhance your self-development, this is absolutely the place for you!

Each week, I’ll be releasing an episode on Monday mornings with tips and tricks to hit your week with your best foot forward

Happy Monday and welcome to another week. Remember, there are two ways to view the start to a new week. You can either choose to resist this week’s duties and dread what’s to come. Or you can choose to see the week as another opportunity to improve your life experience, tackle your goals, and keep an open mind to a world of opportunities that constantly show up for all of us.

These two choices not only apply to the start of every week, but they also apply to the start of every day, and perhaps every changing moment. The key is to recognize that you always have this choice, and if you need to change your mindset, you can do so at anytime.

This past week, I found myself to be incredibly overstimulated. My eyes were in front of screens for most of the week. My ears were plugged with headphones that had music and podcasts playing, and even though I don’t watch the news, somehow news was still finding me, which meant that gossip was very much alive.

The biggest thing that I’ve noticed about being overstimulated is that my mind was incredibly disorganized, always looking for that next “high” to latch onto and bring me some sort of fulfillment

The funny thing about overstimulation is that we crave it, but the more of it that we receive, the more disorganized, disconnected, and unfulfilled we end up becoming.

You see, the mind believes that stimulation leads to fulfillment. It wants as much of it as possible because it makes us feel “alive”. But is that actually what alive is supposed to feel like?

In my opinion, the moment where I’ve felt the most fulfilled and alive are when I can completely detach from myself and just enjoy a moment. This could look like:

* Truly taking in a sunset

* Admiring how green the grass is

* Eating a meal completely in the present moment

* Enjoying a conversation with someone with your full attention

It seems that what we’ve coming to realize is that overstimulation doesn’t live up to it’s hype and promises.

After coming to this interesting conclusion, I found a quick and easy way to bring balance and fulfillment back after feeling drained from being overstimulated.

If you happen to agree with me at this point, I’d like to share that method with you in hopes that it will help you come back to homeostasis as well.

The method involves asking yourself 2 questions:

When it comes to food and beverage consumption (energy) ask yourself:

* Is consuming this going to give me energy? Or is it going to take away my energy, leaving me drained and depleted.

For example:

Comfort food may taste and feel amazing in the moment, but afterwards it depletes your energy leaving you sluggish and weaker than you were before. If you can choose more nourishing, energy rich foods, you may not feel as stimulated initially… But shortly after you will notice how much better and more balanced you feel by choosing the better option.

The second question involves what you decide to do with your time.

Ask yourself:

* Is this choice going to create a long-lasting good feeling? Or is it going to give me a quick hit of dopamine now, but leave me feeling imbalanced, irritable, and drained later on.

For example:

Choosing to journal in the morning to declutter your mind will make you feel so much more balanced, energized, and prepared for opportunities rather than watching the news in the morning and taking in a bunch of stimulation, leaving you feeling more anxious and less available for new opportunities.

If you can get in the habit of checking in with yourself quickly before making choices throughout your day, you’ll be amazed that you really can control how you feel in life, which in turn will generate a fulfilling life experience for you.

It all starts with the willingness to ask yourself:

Is this choice going to help me or hurt me?

When I started doing this, I realized how many decisions I was actually making on autopilot without even a second thought for what it was going to do to my future self. It was just crazy!

This week, I challenge you to keep your awareness high and ask yourself these questions before you make core choices throughout your day.

I’m always curious to hear how these suggestions work for you. Feel free to leave a comment or send me a direct message and let me know! You’re invited to share your experiences here, even if you happen to be struggling.

All discussions are welcome, It’s how we come to change ourselves

Change your behavior —> Change Your Life

Have a wonderful week everyone!

See you next Monday morning, same place!

THANK YOU for tuning in, supporting my work, and taking this journey with me to becoming a better you. Self-Growth is one of the best things we can gift ourselves with in this lifetime and I am honored that you recognize this podcast can and will help you do just that. Please feel free to leave a comment on what you thought of this episode. You’re welcome to share any struggles that you’re going through of clarification needed to better understand the episode. I respond to all comments and care about your opinions and experiences.

I’ll see you all next Monday where we will explore another mystery topic designed to challenge your thinking, and keep you on the path to living the life experience that your soul really craves.

A happy week to you all!

Not subscribed? Subscribe now to get the MM podcast and many more self-growth info delivered right to your inbox!

If you enjoy these episodes, please consider supporting my work by buying me a coffee below! I do this pretty much full time and your support means the world!

Hello Everyone and welcome to the 5th episode of the Motivation Monday Podcast!

Imagine tuning in to a short pep talk at the start of every week to get you in the right frame of mind to tackle your goals and ease your way through the week without anxiety and procrastination.

That’s exactly what this is!

For those of you who don’t know me super well, I have been studying human behavior for over 15 years and have learned quite a bit about why we do what we do. It’s allowed me to peek into the operating system of our minds and fine tune what’s going on in there so that we can live with less chatter and distractions, and feel more confident and enthusiastic about what we’re doing in life.

If you want secrets to “hack” your mind and enhance your self-development, this is absolutely the place for you!

Each week, I’ll be releasing an episode on Monday mornings with tips and tricks to hit your week with your best foot forward

*UPDATE: This podcast including all episodes are now FREE for all subscribers :)

MM Podcast Ep 5: The Magical Secret Behind The Mind Of A Child

Welcome to the start of another week!

Let’s get ourselves in the habit of reframing our minds to be EXCITED about each week.

Why should we be excited?

OPPORTUNITY

Each week, we all have the chance to learn something exciting, work on an exciting project or goal, and have exciting conversations with the people we resonate with the most.

No, this is not a fairytale, this is an actual choice that we can make in our own minds.

Let's take a moment and remember when we were kids and got excited often.

Why was that possible?

Because we didn’t worry as much. You see, you can’t be excited and worry at the same time. You can only feel one of those emotions at once.

Nowadays we hear all sorts of opinions and judgements from all over the place in society so it’s hard to stay excited and confident with what we choose to do.

But imagine if you lived life as more of a free spirit, trusting that everything is aligned for a specific reason or purpose, even if we don’t understand the reason initially.

What’s interesting is..

That’s actually the magical mind of a child. They trust the process without even thinking about it, and life flows magically

Perhaps you even realize some of the most challenging things that have happened to you, turned out to make you the stronger version of yourself that you see in the mirror today.

The question is..

Would you have become that stronger version of yourself had that challenge not happened?

I believe it is our choice on how we shape our future based off past events

A challenge can either make or break you, it’s all up to US.

Having faith in a larger picture and being open to learn, like a child frees us from so many fears and worries that our adult societally conditioned mind creates

My dad once told me a story about a conversation he had with a female lawyer who had done hundreds of court cases over 40 years.

She told him the most incredible thing that she realized after all that time was that:

“90% of what you worry about, never comes true, and the small amount that does is never as bad as we originally think.”

Being in his 30s at the time, my dad had just entered the building stage for his family

He said that this woman’s advice completely changed his outlook and he was able to take more risks, “live a little more”, and just overall enjoy life.

What my Dad didn’t put together at the time was..

This is exactly how a child’s mind works, and although they are a lot younger than us, we can learn a lot from them.

So this week, I challenge you to re-adopt the mind of a child.

See the wonder in the world

Enjoy the presence of beautiful moments as they pass by you

Relish in your freedom to shape your future regardless of what has happened in the past

THAT is your power

THAT is who you truly are

And don’t let a damn person ever tell you otherwise

Just because they’ve lost that spark, doesn’t mean you have to do the same

Keep shining on!

Have a wonderful week everyone!

THANK YOU for tuning in, supporting my work, and tasking this journey with me to becoming a better you. Self-Growth is one of the best things we can gift ourselves in this lifetime and I am honored that you recognize this podcast can and will help you do just that. Please feel free to leave a comment on what you thought of this episode. You’re welcome to share any struggles that you’re going through of clarification needed to better understand the episode. I respond to all comments and care about your opinions and experiences.

I’ll see you all next Monday where we will explore another mystery topic designed to challenge your thinking, and keep you on the path to living the life experience that your soul really craves.

A happy week to you all!

If you enjoy these episodes, please consider supporting my work by buying me a coffee below! I do this pretty much full time and your support means the world!

Hello Everyone and welcome to the fourth episode of the Motivation Monday Podcast!

Imagine tuning in to a short pep talk at the start of every week to get you in the right frame of mind to tackle your goals and ease your way through the week without anxiety and procrastination.

That’s exactly what this is!

For those of you who don’t know me super well, I have been studying human behavior for over 15 years and have learned quite a bit about why we do what we do. It’s allowed me to peek into the operating system of our minds and fine tune what’s going on in there so that we can live with less chatter and distractions, and feel more confident and enthusiastic about what we’re doing in life.

If you want secrets to “hack” your mind and enhance your self-development, this is absolutely the place for you!

Each week, I’ll be releasing an episode on Monday mornings with tips and tricks to hit your week with your best foot forward

I hope you enjoy episode 4!

Transcript below if you’d like to read instead or follow along.

Good morning and welcome to another Monday. Normally many dread Mondays because it’s the start to a new week. Lots of things need to get done and there’s all this stress and uncertainty that comes along with it. The reason why we carry fear and worry with us is because deep down, we're not confident enough that the situation is going to go as we plan. We also fear that we won't be able to handle the outcome if that happens. Realizing that we have quote handled everything that has been thrown at us so far in life, even the things we never thought we'd get through, is hard evidence that we actually ARE strong enough to handle future events. I wanted to make sure I shared that perspective with you this morning so you can take it with you for the rest of the week, and hopefully hang onto it long-term as well.

You see, life is all about perception. What we believe is true... Is. That's what makes it so powerful. What most people become unaware of is that you can change your perception on how you view certain things, which in turn changes your life.

Normally, we need something catastrophic to happen in our lives, which takes us back to what is REALLY important in life.

But the truth is.. That doesn't have to happen for us to change our perception. We can decide to do it simply by knowing that it will make our lives better.

Many people believe that life is short, and when this sentence is shared with most people, what is hung onto is the negative connotation that this sentence brings. That would be: most people would focus on how short life is and then feel bad about that because they believe that nothing can be done. Others may try to get ahead of the sentence and say, well life is in fact short, so we need to appreciate this moment and what we have. But honestly I have to ask, does that thought normally spark long-term gratitude and appreciation in us? In other words, does our perception change permanently just from "realizing" this important message? I would come out and challenge that this is not the end result for most people. This causes us to fall back into the trap of life is short, you get older, things get harder, more problems happen, "that's just the way life is"

Well, I've seen enough evidence that has shown me that there is another way around that dismal belief and I'd like to share that with you today.

What if life wasn't in fact short? What if it was instead long? Not just long, but really long?

You see, our life experience is all about perception, if we are excited to live life and are really relishing in the present moments with the people around us, this will create stronger memories and we will be more likely to remember all the different experiences and wonderful moments that we shared with people over the years. We will be happy and glad about the time we spent here on Earth, and not living in stress, worry, fear, with that feeling that we never have enough, or never get enough done.

You see, when we slow our minds down, our experience slows down. Time actually seems to be more forgiving, and it seems like we have more time in the day

So why do so many people agree on the concept of life being short then?

Science has shown us that when we repeatedly do the same things each day, our brain recognizes the pattern and flags it as disinteresting... Because essentially we're doing it every day, the brain doesn't need to pay as much attention to what is going on. We can pretty much perform on autopilot, and extensive memories do not need to be captured because essentially, we're almost living the same experience daily.

So what happens then?

Our life experiences get jumbled into one. In which case, 5 years may pass, but since it was 5 years of basically the same routine, our brain doesn't recognize that as 5 years, but instead, a much shorter time. So it seems like life is going by fast because we're not engaging our minds in new stimuli, knowledge, and excitement.

Imagine for a moment if instead during those 5 years, you traveled to different places, picked up new hobbies, or set higher goals for older hobbies that you love. Imagine making new friends, trying new experiences such as new restaurants, cooking new recipes, joining a new gym. These are simple things that can be done by almost everyone that add layers of change and interest to ones life.

When you decide to make changes, your brain is forced to focus again because it needs to pay attention for survival. It's not as sure of a new experience as it is with the ones already on autopilot. If you realize that new experiences carry a little mystery with them and view them as exciting rather than fearful, your mind will begin to create new exciting memories of your life experience, and that will in turn re-balance the time frame of how you're spending your life.

You may still fall into the trap of saying something like "I'm 50 now and it seems like it went by in the blink of an eye" But you can also choose to think for a moment on how many new experiences you've had over the years. How many places have you visited? How many interesting conversations have you had over dinner with new friends? How many new goals have you set and achieved? When you are able to think from this place, you will begin to realize that we all have the same 24 hours in a day and when you choose to grab the steering wheel and guide your life in this direction, it will prove to be a much better use of your time than if you choose to live on autopilot where things "feel" comfortable, but never really satisfy long term.

This is the exact method I've used over the years to train my mind to believe that life does not go by fast, but in fact, slowly. We have the full capacity to choose how we spend our time here; it seems simple and automatic, almost like everyone already knows it. But I don't think they really do. I think it's something that has to be contemplated, understood, and then acted on. This is when the change happens.

So this week, I urge you to keep this perspective in your minds as you carry out your week. Whether you're listening to this episode in real time when it was published, or 6 months down the road, this information is valuable to receive at anytime and can change your life whenever you choose.

Life is guided by perspective, let's keep helpful perspectives at the forefront of our minds as we continue to set new goals for ourselves.

I'll leave you with this quote: "One who manages their thoughts well, manages their life well"

THANK YOU for tuning in, and taking this journey with me to become the best version of you. Self-Growth is one of the best things we can gift ourselves in this lifetime and I am honored that you recognize this podcast can and will help you do just that. Please feel free to leave a comment on what you thought of this episode. You’re welcome to share any struggles that you’re going through of clarification needed to better understand the episode. I respond to all comments and care about your opinions and experiences.

I’ll see you all next Monday where we will explore another mystery topic designed to challenge your thinking, and keep you on the path to living the life experience that your soul really craves.

A happy week to you all!

If you enjoy these episodes, please consider supporting my work by buying me a coffee below! I do this pretty much full time and your support means the world!

Hello Everyone and welcome to the third episode of the Motivation Monday Podcast!

Imagine tuning in to a short pep talk at the start of every week to get you in the right frame of mind to tackle your goals and ease your way through the week without anxiety and procrastination.

That’s exactly what this is!

For those of you who don’t know me super well, I have been studying human behavior for over 15 years and have learned quite a bit about why we do what we do. It’s allowed me to peek into the operating system of our minds and fine tune what’s going on in there so that we can live with less chatter and distractions, and feel more confident and enthusiastic about what we’re doing in life.

If you want secrets to “hack” your mind and enhance your self-development, this is absolutely the place for you!

Each week, I’ll be releasing an episode on Monday mornings with tips and tricks to hit your week with your best foot forward

I hope you enjoy this Episode!

Transcript below if you’d like to read instead or follow along.

MM Podcast EP 3: Why Procrastinating On Your Ideas Is Pointless

Welcome to another Monday, which for me means another week of opportunity! Each week carries a little uncertainty with it, which can be viewed as something exciting, or something that you dread. I’d like to encourage you to view each week from a lens of excitement and opportunity.

Let’s reconnect to our inner child, who loves to play, explore, and live in a world where expectations are not as important as us adults make them out to be.

I'd like to share something with you today that really made an impact on my mind as I was reflecting about the end of this year

One of the things I was scared to do all of last year was film videos for YouTube. The fear mainly narrowed down to me not thinking I was knowledgeable enough to share information. I was also scared of my friends and family finding the videos and then laughing at what I was doing. These two things combined were enough to put me in a bind where I could not bring myself to start up a YouTube channel.

Then I had a realization come into my mind while I was reflecting about my progress this past year.

The thought went something like this:

Had I just started filming videos a year ago with no expectations attached, and set aside all thoughts of making money, getting subscribers, etc where would I be today?

Well I can tell you a few things:

I'd be a lot better at filming videos now, assuming I had a year of experience under my belt

I'd have more than 0 subscribers on YouTube, which is what I have right now

There is great probability that I would have at least 1 client, who saw my videos and then decided to invest in my help

There is also great probability that I would have had other ideas stem from those videos in the form of: digital products, courses, and chat groups where people joined to share and grow together

Lots of positives...

So the other question remains now...

Any negatives?

Sure I could have spent a year filming videos and it could have all been a waste of time and amounted to nothing (this was my greatest fear)

But thinking a little more, there's no way I would have let that happen. I'm someone who learns from my mistakes and is constantly looking for ways to make things better. I've even proven that to myself with past businesses that I've started and managed.

Also, if the main fear causing me not to film videos in the first place was that it would be a waste of time, how did I spend my quote "valuable time" this year then?

In all honesty, a lot of my time was wasted in general and sucked away by: distractions, ruts and hard events that came into my life, and fears I felt to start anything new.

So I was afraid of starting my YT channel due to the fear of it being a waste of time, and instead decided not to do it, but wasted a lot of time anyway.

Most people would be quick to call me stupid here after hearing about this, but I've learned to be kinder to myself recently when my own thoughts are involved.

Instead, when I noticed this, I saw something that sparked motivation.

"If I choose to the the thing I'm most afraid of, I will almost certainly end up in a better place than if I don't do the thing at all"

This ignited some power in me. And from my 15 years of studying human behavior, I know for a fact that this same fear path exists in a lot of people's lives, even if they don't realize it.

So what I want to talk to you about today is why you should start that thing you've been dreading.

So what if it doesn't work out?

What are you going to do instead? Just keep living the same life you've been living? This realization is a blessing in disguise. It almost automatically gives you permission to start.

The truth is:

Fear is not real, it's something our mind creates when the unknown is involved in order to keep us safe.

And when you start anything new, there is always the unknown.

So how can you minimize your fear and get yourself ready to start that new thing.

By realizing and getting behind a few points:

• Starting is the hardest part, and once you do, half the battle is already won

• You will never end up worse off from trying something, you can only improve

• The sooner you start something , the sooner you get good at it

• Any fears we have are almost always exaggerated in our own minds, we often see the worst case scenario

Ask yourself:

Am I better off by not doing this thing, or could I have become better just by trying it?

After a little reflecting, you will probably come to realize that it is always worth it to start the idea that you have. You never know what is going to come of it and how you're going to get to your final destination

Does that sound scary?

What if you decided to see it as "exciting" instead?

When you're a kid, isn't exploring the unknown exciting?

It's exciting because as a kid, we don't have attachment to the final outcome, we just want to relish in creativity

When we put expectations on our ideas such as:

* making money

* getting a specific outcome for our time spent

* receiving a certain reaction from our peers

this messes with our process and provides a lot of friction, usually resulting in us not starting the idea that originally inspired us.

So what's the takeaway here?

Expectations kill motivation

So what drives motivation then?

Freedom to be creative and explore, with no strings attached.

Ironically, once we give up the idea of controlling whether or not something works out for us or not... That is essentially when the door opens even wider and shows us the path

It's all about trusting the unknown path that lies in front of us.

No matter how safe we may try to play things

Our future path is unknown, and embracing this can offer massive value.

Imagine if you were able to set aside your doubts and expectations and simply make an agreement with yourself to do a small amount of work towards your idea or goal each day?

I can guarantee you that oftentimes, those small work day efforts will turn into longer ones because you'll realize how much you enjoy what you're doing

It's also a great way to build self confidence and self respect for your ideas and aspirations.

And you also have a 1000% higher chance of something happening from your ideas than if you take no action at all. In fact, I can almost guarantee that if you take no action, nothing will happen.

So armed with this knowledge, it's only a few days into the new year and I'm well on my way to filming my first few sets of videos. As soon as my channel gets up and running, I'll be sure to share it with you as well.

But now I have a challenge for you?

What is the thing you've been fearing to start that you're NOW going to start after listening to this episode? Comment below and let's hold each other accountable to making progress, and taking action on our ideas.

After all, the fact that you had the idea in the first place is no accident. It's a gift. Now it's up to you to get around your mind and start creating that idea.

Your idea came to you because the world needs what you have to offer.

Let's make it happen.

If you’ enjoy these episodes, please consider supporting my work by buying me a coffee below! I do this pretty much full time and your support means the world!