RelationShit Happens

Check us out on @relationshithappenspodcast for our vlogs!
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KC and I talk about my upset/breakdown and why I got so upset. It was difficult to identify but I realized that it was due to a deeper rooted body insecurity issue!

**CRITICAL NOTE*** ALL people can have "daddy issues", not just women. It unfairly has become a gendered term when men DO have the same exact issues. ALSO side note, my father is the most amazing human being and FATHER to have walked the face of this earth (I'm biased, I know) so even women with "perfect" fathers can have "daddy issues". You are not broken, you are not unfixable. You are NORMAL and therapy helps :)
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Check out this article on Daddy Issues from Healthline.com
The term “daddy issues” gets tossed around a lot, but most of the people doing the tossing are getting it all wrong. It’s become a catchall term to describe almost anything a woman does when it comes to sex and relationships. If she puts out “too soon,” doesn’t want to put out, or is looking for reassurance, she’s got daddy issues. If she prefers older men, likes to get spanked and called a bad girl, or calls her partner “daddy” in bed, must be daddy issues. To set things straight and get you in the know about this almost always misused, misunderstood, and overly gendered concept, we reached out to Amy Rollo, triple licensed psychotherapist and owner of Heights Family Counseling in Houston, Texas.

What does it even mean?
It’s hard to say, seeing as how “daddy issues” isn’t an official medical term or recognized disorder in the recent edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). This could explain why many experts have an issue with the term, including Rollo. “For the record, I don’t believe in the term ‘daddy issues,’” Rollo says. “Many see this phrase as a way to minimize females’ attachment needs.” Children need a dependable adult in their lives to form secure attachments, Rollo explains. “If this isn’t formed, many people can form avoidant or anxious attachment styles. If a child doesn’t have a father figure in their life consistently, this could lead to an insecure attachment style later in adulthood.” She adds that, for many people, these attachment styles ultimately present as what some refer to as “daddy issues.” Where did this concept originate? We can’t say for sure, but the consensus seems to be that it dates back to Freud and his father complex. This is a term he coined to describe a person who has unconscious impulses and associations as a result of a poor relationship with their father. From that theory came the Oedipus complex, the theory that children have a subconscious attraction to their opposite sex parent.

Oedipus complex refers specifically to boys. Electra complex is used to describe the same theory as applied to girls and their fathers.

Are there different kinds?
Yep! No two people’s experience with their parents is exactly the same. The attachment patterns formed during childhood can affect your attachment styles in your adult relationships.

Attachment styles are categorized as being either secure or insecure, with several subtypes of insecure attachment styles, including:

Anxious-preoccupied. People with this attachment type may be anxious, crave closeness, but feel insecure about their partner leaving them.
Dismissive-avoidant. People with this type may have trouble trusting others for fear that they’ll be hurt. Secure attachment styles result from having a caregiver who was responsive to your needs and emotionally available.
Then there are the insecure attachment styles.

She explains that they often appear as:
being anxious when you aren’t with your partner
needing lots of reassurance that the relationship is OK
seeing any negativity as a sign that the relationship is doomed
It isn’t just about romantic relationships, either. Your relationship with your caregivers and your attachment style also affect other close relationships, including your friendships.
Who’s got ’em?
Everyone. Daddy issues aren’t ju

Are daddy issues and boyfriend issues related? Sure seems that way. Here KC and I talk about some criticisms I've had against him recently and then how it has related to my recent relationship to my dad. This is part 1. Part 2 is coming next week :)
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Here's more info from TalkSpace.com  
Sure, mommy or daddy issues can absolutely get in the way of having a healthy relationship, but nobody should be ridiculed for something that’s out of their control, since these issues are based off of things that happened during somebody’s childhood.

But what are mommy or daddy issues really?

The Psychological Explanation of Mommy or Daddy Issues

As you may know, these issues are a result of the relationships you had with your mother or father when you were growing up, and maybe even how the relationship remains today. So let’s just get this out of the way — Daddy issues are about more than wanting to call someone “daddy” during sex (and spoiler alert, it’s a misconception that the phenomenon is always related to daddy issues).

“‘Mommy issues’ is a term originating from the psychoanalytic Oedipal complex, coined by Sigmund Freud. Carl Yung followed up with the Electra complex, modernly spoken of as ‘Daddy Issues,’” explains Talkspace Provider Amy Cirbus Ph.D, LMHC, LPC. “These terms were developed and understood through a psychoanalytic lens, where it was believed that young boys were thought to be in sexual competition with their fathers and young girls to be in competition with their mothers.”

However, today, we know it’s about much more than this. Basically, mommy or daddy issues (which, by the way, are terms that are thrown around way too loosely) are the psychological effects lasting into adulthood that are caused by childhood relationships with a mother or father. Some possible causes of mommy or daddy issues in an adult could be:

• A parent who left the family or was mostly absent
• A parent who was emotionally or physically abusive
• A parent who wasn’t loving or nurturing
• A parent who is extremely overbearing
• A parent who treated the other parent badly

How Mommy Issues or Daddy Issues Usually Manifest

When we think about mommy and daddy issues, it’s often the case that a man in a heterosexual relationship is experiencing the mommy issues and taking it out on the female partner, or that a woman in a heterosexual relationship is taking the daddy issues out on the male partner. Of course, though, there are always exceptions and obviously situations can play out differently in same-sex relationships.

Mommy issues

When it comes to mommy issues, Cirbus explains, “Generally, this is a man who seems to be seeking a substitute mom as opposed to an equal partner, or behaving as if in reaction to unresolved issues with his mother, rather than the partner.” This can lead to relationships having an unequal balance of power between a couple — whether the man goes to the extreme of being very controlling or in the other direction and becomes very submissive.

Mommy issues can also cause a man to have different expectations of a partner or spouse. If a man’s mother did absolutely everything for him and babied him up until…well…last year, it’s likely that he will expect a female partner to provide the same, waiting on him hand and foot like his mom has done.

Daddy issues

Daddy issues can manifest as trust issues or fear of abandonment for some women. “Women who have an absent father, inconsistent presence, or malfunctioning relationship are at risk for seeking to resolve this through an partnership with a man,” says Cirbus. This can cause women to constantly seek validation or approval from men, or seek out people who are emotionally unavailable. They might also have a fear of abandonment if their father left their family when they were young, afraid that a partner will leave in the same way that their dad did.

Olivia and Kc work through a breakdown when they both wake up on the wrong side of the bed... Just because your day starts off crappy and unhappy, doesn't mean it has to stay that way.  Check out this video to see how these two work through their anger and resentment at one another.

Do you hate your ex? And why? Do you want to get over it? KC and I talk about our ex's, our relationship wit them and how to get past that anger and resentment! Below is an article from PsychologyToday for more info!
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https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-dance-connection/201403/the-real-reason-you-cant-stop-hating-your-ex
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The Real Reason You Can't Stop Hating Your Ex
How to get past the anger, even years after a breakup.
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When we’re first betrayed by someone we relied on to love and protect us, we may be frightened by our own rage. Years or even decades later, we may be frightened of letting go of that anger. We may resist moving forward because we are not yet ready to detach from our suffering.

It’s not that we take some twisted masochistic pleasure in feeling like the “done-in” partner, though we may come to wrap pain and suffering around ourselves like an old, familiar blanket. More important, staying angry and “done in” can be our way of taking revenge—of showing the other person how deeply they have harmed us through their outrageous behavior. Moving forward in our lives may feel akin to forgiving the transgressor, and saying: “Well, I’m doing well now, so I guess your behavior didn’t hurt me that much.”

Then there’s the fantasy that if we hang onto our justified rage and suffering long enough, the other person will finally see the light, realize how much they have harmed us, and feel as bad—perhaps even worse!—than they have made us feel. It is a powerful and comforting fantasy. But it is just that—a fantasy. If that person who harmed you hasn’t “gotten it” yet, they never will.

Some of us may be afraid to let go of our anger because, in a strange way, it keeps us connected to the person who has hurt us. Anger is a form of intense (albeit negative) attachment, just like love. Both forms of emotional intensity keep us close to the other person, which is why so many couples are legally divorced, but not emotionally divorced. If you can’t talk on the phone or be in the same room with your ex-spouse without feeling your stomach clutch, then you’re still attached.

Detaching can provoke great anxiety—and require enormous courage.

When we let go of our anger and suffering (which does not necessarily include forgiveness) and begin to allow joy into our lives, an odd thing may happen: We may temporarily experience anxiety and a sense of “homesickness” with every move forward, because with each step taken on our own behalf, we are taking emotional leave from a relationship that was officially terminated long ago.

When we leave anger behind, we give up the dream that the person who harmed us will ever feel remorse, see things the way we do, or come back to us on their knees, pleading for another chance.

I don’t mean to imply that we hold onto our anger because we consciously want to show the other person how totally they’ve screwed up our lives. Nor are these feelings completely in our control. We don't just decide one day, “Gee, I think this would be a good time to let go of my anger and suffering."

As I say in The Dance of Anger, we rely on this emotion to preserve the very dignity and integrity of the self. Anger is not a “bad” or "negative" emotion. It can take great courage to acknowledge and express anger. But it requires just as much courage to free oneself from the corrosive effects of living too long with anger and bitterness—a challenge that may include forgiveness but does not require it.

What’s clear is that nothing is served by ruminating about the terrible things your ex did to you, and making yourself miserable in the process, while the person who harmed you may be having a fabulous day at the beach.

Olivia and KC get vulnerable over their most recent breakdown.  Olivia is attached to her story "I don't understand you", and KC tries to take the moral highroad.  See how Olivia and KC work through their relationshit.

Olivia and KC work through their most recent breakdown.  KC makes a comment that he would "be ok as a stay at home dad".  Olivia interprets this as KC doesn't have enough ambition.  Check out the video to see how the two of them work through this weeks breakdown.

Why don't we have the same sex we used to?  Oliva and KC give their insightful response because they know this is an issue many couples have encountered including THEMSELVES past and present.  Tune in to see what the experts have to say.

After running this podcast for over 6 months, Olivia and KC decided it was time to put together a formal introduction video outlining who they are, what they do, and most importantly WHY they do it.