Relatively Normal

The first season of Relatively Normal has been a blast.  Thank you for riding with me through this journey.  As I look back on the first 25 episodes, I want to take the time to thank all those in my life that have been apart of this and say that we still have a long way to go.  I will be back with new episodes in the Spring of 2020.  Have a great holiday!

www.derricklawoffice.com

clemsonsportstalk.com

www.youtube.com/user/WTMNandCO

https://www.complex.com/sports/2018/02/demar-derozan-talks-depression

Too often, when people come to us at their most vulnerable times, we tell them just to be grateful for what they have.  You didn't get that promotion? Well, just be happy you have a job.  Boyfriend broke up with you? Well, be happy for the time you had with him.  These responses possibly aren't just mean, they can really do a lot of harm to someone with a mental health issue.  Statements like this invalidate thoughts, make people think their feelings are meaningless and most of the time force people to keep their feeling bottled up.  To help alleviate all of this, we all need to become better listeners.  This week, we will discuss listening and gratitude evil twin: INVALIDATION.

The last few days have been tough.  I always think that I am totally cured of my anxiety and depression but that it never the case.  I have to keep reminding myself that this is something I have to live with.  And that means, I have to deal with it everyday.  Sometimes, I feel so guilty for feeling this way because I am blessed more than a lot of people in this world. That is what make mental illness so tough to live with.  I hope you can understand my frustrations and if you feel the same way, I hope this can help.

We need to talk about race.  Especially black men and mental health.  As a black male that has struggled most of my life, I have seen firsthand how black men tend not to talk about mental health, go to therapy or seek any medical attention due to the stigma the community has about black men expressing their feelings.  For generations, black men have been told that showing emotion in anyway is a sign of weakness and we have to be strong all the time for the people around us.  As we start to lift the stigma associated with mental illness, we need to learn that black men do not need to be strong all the time and their mental health matters.

https://youtu.be/w_iCaM84HUg

At many points in our lives, we will have go through some type of grief.  It could be the death of a loved one, an unfortunate event or just a decision that doesn't go our way.  Whichever it is, there is no rule book that tells you the right and wrong way to grieve.  For most of my life, I have kept constant pressure on myself to grieve in a way that I would not inconvenience those around me.  If someone close to me was grieving with me, I made sure not to grieve at the same time so I could be the rock they needed, even if it meant I suffered.  No one told me I had to do this, I just did.  Only recently did I finally realize that I did not have to be the rock that everyone leans on.  Sometimes, I can just take care of myself.

Do we control our thoughts or do our thoughts control us? That is a THE question.  After a conversation I had with a close friend, we both admitted that those thoughts inside our head have a funny way of feeding us incorrect information.  This week, I discuss how I have taken control of my thoughts and started to understand how to filter the messages that I get from them.  I know it is difficult, but with time and work, we can all learn to weed out the negative thoughts from the productive ones.

http://travisrobertson.com/personal-development/control-your-thoughts/

In this 2nd installment of my conversation with Andy Heck, we talk about our upbringing in the Catholic faith and how some of my anxiety stemmed from it.  We talk about our perception of Christianity today and how it can affect the mental state of a young person growing up through all the rituals.  Andy speaks honestly about his beliefs and how they have changed over time and I speak about my constant struggle with religion and how specific points in my past lead me to distrust my own feelings and almost lead me away from the my faith.

Shownotes:

Andy's church:  Northpoint.org

Matthew Vines: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezQjNJUSraY

Some music provided by Skipp Whitman: https://www.youtube.com/user/WTMNandCO

Shout out to Lawton Swann of Clemson Sports Talk: Clemsonsportstalk.com

On this week's episode, I sit down for the first of two episodes with my former college teammate and roommate, Andy Heck.  Andy and I have been really close friends since we met as freshman at Clemson and we are just now having our first discussion on mental health.  This is the first time I have had a guest on the show and the first time I have had an honest an open discussion about my mental health with anyone other than my wife or therapist.  I hope this provides an example of the discussions we could be having with our friends and opens the door for further discussions in the future.

Some of the music in the show is provided by a very talented L.A. based hip-hop artist Skipp Whitman: https://www.youtube.com/skippwhitman

Simple question: Why don't we teach young people about mental health and wellness?  Whether you are a teacher, a coach, a mentor or a parent, we teach our kids so many life lessons but don't do the same for their mental health.  Some programs and states have started to do more to help with youth mental health but we are not even close to where we need to be.  With increasing rates of anxiety, depression and suicide in kids under 18 years of age, we need to make sure we are doing everything we can to assist the youth.

Show Notes:

https://www.healthyplace.com/suicide/why-do-teens-commit-suicide-causes-of-teen-suicide

When I got in shape and lost some weight, I figured by curing my physical health issues, my mental health issues would just follow suit.  That was not the case.  I had to stop masking my mental fight and take it on separately of other issues.  Once I was able to get the help I needed for my mental health, I was able to notice that I had been masking my true journey.

Also, I mentioned a few articles and good friend in this episode.  Please click the links to learn more

https://www.menshealth.com/health/a29180577/weight-loss-depression-calorie-counting-200-pound-transformation/

https://everydayfeminism.com/2015/10/depressed-person-lose-weight/

https://www.youtube.com/user/WTMNandCO

https://clemsonsportstalk.com/