When porn blows up a marriage, the spouse’s world doesn’t just wobble—it shatters. In this conversation, Michael sits down with Lindsey Blair, a betrayal-trauma coach, to spell out what spouses actually experience after discovery or disclosure, what “safety” looks like in real life, and how couples can rebuild trust without gaslighting, rushing, or bypassing pain. If you’re a wife feeling “crazy” or a husband who doesn’t get why this hurts so much, this one’s for you.

About our guest — Lindsey Blair

Betrayal-trauma coach who works with wives navigating the aftermath of a partner’s sexual acting out and pornography use. Empathetic, practical, and anchored in Christian soul care.

We talk about

• What betrayal trauma is (and isn’t): the violation of trust inside an attachment relationship
• Discovery vs. disclosure and why both are disorienting
• Why wives often feel shock, fear, anger, grief, and like they’re “going crazy”—and why that response makes sense
• How processing pain over and over is normal (not nagging)
• What “safety” actually means in early recovery and how to rebuild it
• Why husbands must drop defensiveness and show up with humility + curiosity
• The difference between supporting healing vs. trying to fix your spouse
• “Betrayal blindness” (Michelle Mays) and giving yourself permission to name harm
• A Christian frame: James 1 and building endurance/resilience without minimizing pain

Resources mentioned

• The Relational Soul (Plass & Cofield)
• Concept of “betrayal blindness” (Michelle Mays)
• CrossPoint Ministry Soul Care Network

Connect with Lindsey

Email: [email protected]

Scheduler: Book time with Lindsey

Work with Michael / Restoration Soul Care

• Download the Reclaim Quick-Start Guide to quit porn and rebuild trust: rscky.com
• Coaching, groups, and resources: rscky.com
• DM Michael or Nick on Instagram @mikekamber @nickwbuda

If this episode helped, share it with someone who needs it and leave a review. Don’t do it alone. Get help, get honest, and take the next step today.

You do take up space in people’s lives. You do “bother” your spouse. Good. Do it on purpose and do it with love!

This episode dives into what it actually means to care for others in community—especially in recovery. Michael and Nick unpack how love isn’t just a feeling, but a choice to seek another’s good at your own expense. They talk about why presence matters more than fixing, how to receive love before trying to give it, and why isolation always kills growth. It’s an honest look at how real connection—spiritual, emotional, and physical—is built one intentional act of care at a time.

In this episode we cover

• Four kinds of love (fast + useful): phileo (friendship), storge (family allegiance), eros (passion; notably not used in the NT as a verb), agape (God’s self-giving love)
• Agape made concrete: John 13–17; “no greater love” = your good at my expense
• Presence > fixing: why texting isn’t enough, why a phone call is better, and why in-person is best (“borrow the calm”)
• Bearing burdens without controlling outcomes: Gal. 6:2 as the gut-check for real care
• Receiving before giving: if you can’t receive love, you’ll have nothing real to offer (Luke 7:36–50)
• Emotional presence for men: what it looks like to sit with anger, sadness, fear—without fixing or fleeing
• Compassion as an anchoring emotion: Jesus with the Samaritan woman (John 4); attunement before advice
• Stop the “pornified” quick fix: community is cultivated, not hacked—take the first small step and stay

Links & resources

• Free Quick Start Guide: rscky.com/quickstart
• Coaching / Next Step: rscky.com
• Instagram: @mikekamber • @nickwbuda DM “FREEDOM” on IG to get connected.

If you’re new here

Stuck in isolation? Start small. Show up somewhere this week. Ask one person for coffee. Say, “I don’t need you to fix anything—just be with me.”

How to break free from pornography and sexual brokenness through the renewal of the mind.

In this episode of the Restoration Soul Care Podcast, Michael Kamber and Nick Buda sit down with Kyle Idleman, teaching pastor at Southeast Christian Church and author of Every Thought Captive and Not a Fan.

Together they dig into one of the most critical topics facing the Church today: how to break free from pornography and sexual brokenness through the renewal of the mind. Kyle brings decades of pastoral experience and deep biblical insight to a conversation that bridges faith, neuroscience, and emotional healing.

They explore:

• Why shame never leads to true change—and how vulnerability does.
• The connection between neuroscience and spiritual transformation.
• Why both men and women are impacted by today’s pornified culture.
• How cognitive and biblical truth align in the process of healing.
• Practical steps to take every thought captive and retrain your brain.

If you’ve struggled with pornography, shame, or unwanted sexual behavior, this conversation will give you hope and a clear path toward freedom.

🎧 Listen now and remember: Don’t do this alone.

🔗 Resources & Links:

• Restoration Soul Care – Coaching, groups, and resources for recovery
• Every Thought Captive – Kyle Idleman
• The Quit Porn Quick Start Guide - Michael Kamber
• Follow Michael on Instagram: @mikekamber
• Follow Nick: @nickwbuda

Rejection stings for a day. Regret owns you for years.

If you’re tired of hiding, this episode hands you the lens—and the guts—to choose freedom.

Episode Summary

Short, punchy solo from Michael on the trade-off we all face: the short-term pain of rejection vs. the long-term weight of regret—especially in porn recovery and relational healing. We hit shame (healthy vs. toxic), integrity vs. approval, and why connection—not white-knuckling—is the exit ramp.

What You’ll Learn

• How fear of exposure (toxic shame) keeps you stuck and isolated
• Why “avoid rejection” is secretly building lifetime regret
• Integrity vs. approval: the real cost of playing it safe
• A simple way to reframe rejection as feedback (not a verdict)
• Practical prompts to move toward honest, connected relationships today

Reflection Prompts

• Where are you currently avoiding rejection?
• Which relationships are honest and safe vs. image-managed?
• What single conversation would move you toward integrity today?
• If nothing changes, what regret are you building a year from now?

Free Resource (Start Here)

Quit Porn Quick Start Guide — frameworks and practices Michael uses with clients: rscky.com/quickstart

Work With Us

Coaching & inquiries: rscky.com

IG: @mikekamber • @nickwbuda

A quick update from Michael about what's coming up!

Tired of check-ins that change nothing? Rethink accountability as a posture of growth, not a shame report.

Most guys treat accountability like a shame-based check-in: “Did you look at porn this week?” The problem? Shame can’t fuel long-term recovery—it only drives you back into isolation. In this episode, Michael and Nick reframe accountability as a posture of ownership and growth, not just a software report or weekly interrogation.

We unpack why shame-based motivation fails, what real accountability looks like, and how to start inviting others into your journey in a way that builds honesty, safety, and lasting change.

Resources

• Learn more and join the email list: rscky.com
• Instagram: @mikekamber | @nickwbuda
• Interested in free online groups? Fill out the contact form at rscky.com and mention “online groups.”

Loneliness isn’t weakness—it’s a signal that you were made for connection. It shows up as heaviness in the body, withdrawal in the mind, and the ache of not being known. Scripture makes it clear: loneliness isn’t sin; it was present even in Eden before the fall. The danger is when we ignore it—turning to isolation, porn, or surface-level distractions that only deepen the ache. But when we name it, loneliness can lead us toward intimacy with God and others. The invitation is simple: reach out, be honest, and remember—you don’t have to do this alone.

👉 Grab the free 5 Triggers Guide at rscky.com

Honesty + Vulnerability + Risk = TRUST

Most guys stuck in porn live in self-deception: “I can quit anytime,” “No one has to know.” That lie keeps you isolated. In Part 1 of our Community Series, Michael and Nick break down why trust is the foundation of real recovery and how to build it with three ingredients: Honesty, Vulnerability, and Risk.

You’ll also get a simple tool—the 4D Check-In (Head • Heart • Body • Spirit)—that you can use this week with a trusted friend. Community won’t just happen on its own; you need to schedule it, guard it, and show up.

Don’t do this alone. For resources and coaching, visit rscky.com. Connect with us on Instagram: @mikekamber | @nickwbuda.

👉 Download the free 5 Triggers Guide here

Shame doesn’t just say you messed up—it says you are the mess. It fuels secrecy, isolation, and addiction. But it’s not the voice of God.

In This Episode

• The difference between guilt and shame.
• How shame shows up in your body and relationships.
• The core need underneath shame: belonging.
• What Scripture shows us about God’s response to shame.
• Why shame never leads to transformation.

👉 Download the free 5 Triggers Guide here

Ready for the Triggers Guide? Download it at rscky.com.

Fear isn’t weakness. It’s not the enemy. It’s a signal—and most of the time, it’s pointing to what you care most about. But if you don’t face it, it will run your life in the background, driving you right back to porn. In this episode, we expose the real fear beneath the urge and give you a better way to respond.

🔥 What You’ll Hear:

• Why fear is actually trying to protect you—not paralyze you
• How porn becomes a way to avoid emotional risk
• The difference between real danger and perceived threat
• The childhood root of “if I feel afraid, I’m not safe”
• The cost of spiritual bypassing and false peace
• How fear drives control, performance, and numbing
• A better way to respond to fear with curiosity and courage

🛠️ Practical Takeaways:

• Recognize fear as a signal, not an enemy
• Trace what your body does when fear shows up
• Journal the “What if…” stories running your anxiety
• Practice naming your fear instead of shaming it
• Use your breath to calm your nervous system before responding
• Remember: Bravery is not the absence of fear—it’s showing up anyway

Share this episode with someone who’s tired of letting fear call the shots.

Ready for the Triggers Guide? Download it at rscky.com or connect with Michael on Instagram: @mikekamber