Restore Yourself. Restore Your Marriage.

Have you ever felt like your spouse's sex slave?  Believe it or not, this is actually quite common in marriage and is often a theme that comes up when a couple is struggling with intimacy.

When we think of ourselves as a sex slave to our spouse, not only will we have some negative feelings about ourselves, but we will also have negative feelings about our spouse and about intimacy in and of itself.

Listen in today's episode to break the bonds of this type of mental slavery, where our own thoughts have become the master, and how asking ourselves a few specific powerful questions can give us the sovereignty we are seeking. 

For a FREE guide to help you talk about sex and intimacy with your spouse, click this link: https://www.theshellieanderson.com/talking-about-sex

Did you ever see the movie "The Karate Kid" when you were younger?  The new spin off cam out a few years ago called "Cobra Kai" and most of the character s have come back years later and we get to see what their lives are like now.

Some interesting themes come up, as well, like the 'win at all costs' theme when the naughty Sense Creese tells his start student to "sweep the leg" of his opponent.  This simple meant, fight dirty, break the rules, and pay not mind to any damage you may do along the way.

But how many of us have been taught how to fight fair in marriage?  Listen in on today's episode to learn about some of the most common ways we fight dirty (often, without even knowing it) and how to fight fair... with honor.  Knowing this will lessen the damage we may unintentionally (and sometimes even intentionally) cause to our spouse, ourself, and our marriage.

What do you think about "quickies"? You and your spouse probably think about them differently.

In this Keep It Fresh Friday podcast, Nick talks about the reality of quick sex and how he has changed his thinking about sex over time.

Listen to this episode where Nick talks about his reaction to my podcast this week, episode 151, "A Quickie in the Office". He addresses sexual intimacy and how men can change their thinking about their own, and their wife's desires.

What you'll discover:
•Why quality is WAY better than quantity, for women AND men.
•How you can help your spouse become more aligned with your sexual desires.
•Why sex on its own is not as satisfying as a deep emotional connection 

In general, we have been lied to about sex. We think so many things about the opposite sex, their emotional needs, and marriage that just are NOT true. It's no wonder that marriage is harder and less joyful than it can actually be. No matter how good or bad you think your marriage is, it can be better and it CAN become the BEST!

Rediscover who YOU are for YOU and who YOU are for the love of your life.

For Make It Meaningful bonus content, become a member here: https://shellie.andersoncoaching.com/make_it_meaningful

Has it ever seemed like the "quickie" was mainly for the men?

Of course it seems that way.  But what does this mean for the women... that nothing is in it for them?  That seems rather miserable, unmotivating, and kind of depressing.  Who wants to do  something when they think they will get nothing out of it?

Listen in as we take a closer look at the anatomy of a quickie.  We will point out the specific things that took place which led to an unexpected quickie in the office, where the wife was both eager and happy to engage, and left feeling fully empowered. 

Do you ever wonder what happens when your, or your spouse's, arousal becomes dormant?

In this Keep It Fresh Friday podcast, Nick talks about the reality of deliverance from arousal traps and learning together with your spouse about each other's Intimacy Trek and how a good marriage can become an incredible marriage.

Listen to this episode where Nick talks about his reaction to my podcast this week, episode 150, "A Couple's Fight at a Restaurant". He addresses arousal traps and how men can change their thinking about their own, and their wife's, arousal.

What you'll discover:

• How important it is to make time to connect, even if you end up in a conflict, or a fight.
• How you can turn conflict into an opportunity to understand one another even deeper.
• Why conflict and disagreements are necessary for clarifying our feelings and desires.  

As Nick likes to say, we have all been raised up and trained by a society that has not given us the truth about how things "really are". We are trapped in an Intimacy Matrix. It's time to escape it and live for each other in reality - so we can conquer the difficult things and feel joy while doing it.

We have been lied to about sex. We think so many things about the opposite sex, their emotional needs, and marriage that just are NOT true. It's no wonder that marriage is harder and less joyful than it can actually be. No matter how good or bad you think your marriage is, it can be better and it CAN become the BEST!

Rediscover who YOU are for YOU and who YOU are for the love of your life.

For Make It Meaningful bonus content, become a member here: https://shellie.andersoncoaching.com/make_it_meaningful

Have you ever been in a restaurant and overheard a couple fighting?  This happened just last week when my husband and I were on a date.  Now, I give a lot of credit to this couple for going on a date when things were obviously heated between the two of them and at least they were trying to discuss things.

So, there were a few moments in their discussion when they were speaking a little louder than normal and most of the people around them could hear what they were saying.  The two main things I heard were two of the most common traps that married couples fall into.  

Listen in to find out about these common marriage traps so that you can learn to recognize them and hopefully avoid them.  But if you find that you have accidentally fall into one, we will discuss three simple ways to help you get out of them.  Learning these simple straggles can make a huge difference in how you feel about yourself, your spouse and your marriage.

Do you ever wonder how your spouse REALLY thinks about you when you blame them for how you feel?

We (Nick and Shellie) still blame each other all the time for how we feel; however, we know this is low level thinking and almost always untrue. Knowing this changes everything and helps us turn frustrations into learning opportunities. It's not easy, but it makes marriage WAY more Meaningful.

People usually blame others to justify their feelings of anger, sadness, grief, boredom, or any other emotion. Do we even care anymore about the fake reality we are creating around us? If we have stopped caring, our marriage won't last, happily anyway.

Listen to this episode where Nick talks about his reaction to my podcast this week, episode 149, "My Husband Made Me Have a Panic Attack." He addresses how he responded to my obvious frustrations in Episode 149 Part 2. Click below to listen to the podcast and find those opportunities to always Restore Yourself and Restore Your Marriage.

Have you ever found yourself in a negative situation that you didn't necessarily choose yourself and then thought that your spouse was the one that put you there?

This happens in marriage quite a bit and it can be easy to fall into a cycle of thinking this way.  Last week, my husband and I were having a conversation and I found myself thinking that he "made me" have a panic attack with something he said.  Luckily, I knew some of the signs and was able to work through it.

Listen in on today's episode where we dive into what happens when we think that our spouse "made us" respond or behave in a particular way, the signs of a panic attack, and some simple things we can do about it.

Do you ever feel like your spouse doesn't give you the credit you deserve?

Welcome to the club! I bet all of us can relate to some degree.  Often, when we feel like we are not getting the credit or the affirmation we feel we deserve, we can resort to some tactics out of desperation, like playing the victim, blaming them, trying to control their behaviors, or acting self-righteous. We may not even realize we are doing this.

Sadly, these attempts are what actually lead a spouse to do the opposite and treat us like the child we are being. Well, it doesn't have to be that way. We choose how we think and feel. It's an amazing feeling when we take responsibility for our own feelings. And you will be much happier with the response from our spouse.

Focusing on ourselves, and what we are not getting, is one of the biggest obstacles to earning respect, from anyone.  But actively listening to them, considering their feelings and their perspective, and having empathy are big contributors to earning it.  

If you are focused more on yourself than being curious about your spouse, that could be a sign that you may need to flip things around. Listen in on today's podcast episode where Nick responds to Shellie's latest podcast called, "Some Chick Flirted with My Husband"

Has you ever found yourself in this situation?  Recently, my husband and I were at an event where we were socializing with other people, but not always in the same conversation.  None of the women that Nick talked to bothered me at all, except one.   She seemed to be flirting with him and I didn't like it one bit.

So, did I fly off the handle?  I wanted to initially, but then I realized that I didn't want to be reactive and do something that I would regret later.   Listen in to hear the amazing ways life coaching skills helped this situation.  Not only did it increase my desire to be intimate with my husband, but it also created an experience that led to exponential pleasure.