Restoring Connections

Matthew + Cora Dawson

The Difficult One

We all wrestle with fears about what people think of us. We’re built for connection, and it’s natural to want to be embraced, celebrated, and viewed positively, especially by the people we care about most. So what do we do when that’s not the case? What do we do when others see us through a lens of negativity, even when we believe what we’re doing is motivated by genuine love? Or worse, what about when we’re judging someone else for judging us! 

In this 4-part series, we dive into four different fears around how others perceive us, how crippling these fears can be and how to overcome them. You’ll likely connect in some way to all four of them, but one will probably stand out as the hardest for you to overcome.

In this episode, Part 4, we wrestle with the question, “What if I look like the difficult one?”

Matthew + Cora Dawson

The Idiot

We all wrestle with fears about what people think of us. We’re built for connection, and it’s natural to want to be embraced, celebrated, and viewed positively, especially by the people we care about most. So what do we do when that’s not the case? What do we do when others see us through a lens of negativity, even when we believe what we’re doing is motivated by genuine love? Or worse, what about when we’re judging someone else for judging us! 

In this 4-part series, we dive into four different fears around how others perceive us, how crippling these fears can be and how to overcome them. You’ll likely connect in some way to all four of them, but one will probably stand out as the hardest for you to overcome.

In this episode, Part 3, we wrestle with the question, “What if I look like the idiot?”

Matthew + Cora Dawson

The Weak One

We all wrestle with fears about what people think of us. We’re built for connection, and it’s natural to want to be embraced, celebrated, and viewed positively, especially by the people we care about most. So what do we do when that’s not the case? What do we do when others see us through a lens of negativity, even when we believe what we’re doing is motivated by genuine love? Or worse, what about when we’re judging someone else for judging us! 

In this 4-part series, we dive into four different fears around how others perceive us, how crippling these fears can be and how to overcome them. You’ll likely connect in some way to all four of them, but one will probably stand out as the hardest for you to overcome.

In this episode, Part 2, we wrestle with the question, “What if I look like the weak one?”

Matthew + Cora Dawson

The Bad Guy

We all wrestle with fears about what people think of us. We’re built for connection, and it’s natural to want to be embraced, celebrated, and viewed positively, especially by the people we care about most. So what do we do when that’s not the case? What do we do when others see us through a lens of negativity, even when we believe what we’re doing is motivated by genuine love? Or worse, what about when we’re judging someone else for judging us! 

In this 4-part series, we dive into four different fears around how others perceive us, how crippling these fears can be and how to overcome them. You’ll likely connect in some way to all four of them, but one will probably stand out as the hardest for you to overcome.

In this episode, Part 1, we wrestle with the question, “What if I look like the bad guy?”

Matthew + Cora Dawson

How Do I Dismantle an Atomic Bomb-versation? Part 4

It’s extraordinary how awful a conversation can be, even, or perhaps especially, with someone you care for deeply. They say it takes 2 to tango, and if that’s true, then it should only take one to not tango, right? Are there language tools a person can use to steer a conversation away from the cliff edge and back towards productive, healthy dialogue? Are any of the language tools I tend to use injecting disrespect and fear into my conversations without me even realising it?

In this series, Cora and I look at the phrases people tend to use that typically make conversations worse. We share our own stories of failure and success and offer suggestions for responding to these kinds of phrases in ways that typically ease anxiety, creating peace instead of fueling the fire. We also offer alternative, healthier phrases to use when we’re experiencing pain, frustration, or anger. 

In this episode, the 4th of 4, we go through a list of phrases that we’ve identified as being “Fear and judgment in self-defence”.

Matthew + Cora Dawson

How Do I Dismantle an Atomic Bomb-versation? Part 3

It’s extraordinary how awful a conversation can be, even or perhaps especially, with someone you care for deeply. They say it takes 2 to tango, and if that’s true, then it should only take one to not tango, right? Are there language tools a person can use to steer a conversation away from the cliff edge and back towards productive, healthy dialogue? Are any of the language tools I tend to use injecting disrespect and fear into my conversations without me even realising it?

In this series, Cora and I look at the phrases people tend to use that typically make conversations worse. We share our own stories of failure and success and offer suggestions for responding to these kinds of phrases in ways that typically ease anxiety, creating peace instead of fueling the fire. We also offer alternative, healthier phrases to use when we’re experiencing pain, frustration, or anger. 

In this episode, the 3rd of 4, we go through a list of phrases that we’ve identified as being “Fear and judgment pretending to be noble or strong”.

Matthew + Cora Dawson

How Do I Dismantle an Atomic Bomb-versation? Part 2

It’s extraordinary how awful a conversation can be, even, or perhaps especially, with someone you care for deeply. They say it takes 2 to tango, and if that’s true, then it should only take one to not tango, right? Are there language tools a person can use to steer a conversation away from the cliff edge and back towards productive, healthy dialogue? Are any of the language tools I tend to use injecting disrespect and fear into my conversations without me even realising it?

In this series, Cora and I look at the phrases people tend to use that typically make conversations worse. We share our own stories of failure and success and offer suggestions for responding to these kinds of phrases in ways that typically ease anxiety, creating peace instead of fueling the fire. We also offer alternative, healthier phrases to use when we’re experiencing pain, frustration, or anger.

In this episode, the 2nd of 4, we go through a list of phrases that we’ve identified as being “Fear and judgment pretending to be vulnerable”.

Matthew + Cora Dawson

How Do I Dismantle an Atomic Bomb-versation? Part 1

It’s extraordinary how awful a conversation can be, even, or perhaps especially, with someone you care for deeply. They say it takes 2 to tango, and if that’s true, then it should only take one to not tango, right? 

Are there language tools a person can use to steer a conversation away from the cliff edge and back towards productive, healthy dialogue? Are any of the language tools I tend to use injecting disrespect and fear into my conversations without me even realising it?

In this series, Cora and I look at the phrases people tend to use that typically make conversations worse. We share our own stories of failure and success and offer suggestions for responding to these kinds of phrases in ways that typically ease anxiety, creating peace instead of fueling the fire. We also offer alternative, healthier phrases to use when we’re experiencing pain, frustration, or anger.

In this episode, the 1st of 4, we go through a list of phrases that we’ve identified as being “Fear and judgement pretending to be intelligent”.

Matthew Dawson

Do I Need You Too Much, or Not Enough?

Tension. Some of us run towards it, while others of us avoid it like the plague. Love it, or hate it - a close relationship between two people always necessarily involves a degree of tension. The challenge is to keep the level of tension at a healthy, sustainable level. Too little tension and we barely have a connection at all. Too much tension and I’m having an identity crisis every time you don’t treat me the way I want to be treated. Unsustainable. In this episode, I dive into how Cora and I have wrestled with this in our relationship and with others. At the time of recording, we were in the midst of over 2 months of being apart from each other. It seemed a fitting time to talk about how to navigate the challenges of unmet needs in close relationships. I unpack a 9-point grid to help you recognise codependency [too much tension] as well disconnection [too little tension] and give some tips on what to do about it.

Matthew Dawson

Can My Fear Be Your Problem?

Everyone battles with fear. The particular fears you struggle with and the fears I struggle with may be completely different, but the battle is common to us all. When we don’t face them and overcome our chronic, long-term fears, it’s often those closest to us that pay the price. If we’re not willing to do the hard work of dealing with them, sometimes we [perhaps subconsciously] push our loved ones to adjust their lives so that we can keep our fears. This can be quite subtle and even look a bit like love in the short term, but it often has big-time negative, long-term effects on relationships. In this episode, my son Levi [10] and I talk about an experience he had recently in which he had to choose whether or not to face down a fear that was messing with him… or to remain stuck and ask his family members to pay the price. How it all worked out was very cool. He asked me a few weeks ago if he could share it on the podcast and I thought it was an awesome idea. What a legend. Pretty sure he’ll be back for future episodes.