Restoring Connections

Matthew Dawson

What The Heck Just Happened? Part 2

Healthy exchanges of truth are the foundation of a healthy connection between two people. So what about when a lack of truth has been building, increasing tension, and suddenly someone dramatically changes the way they relate to you. What about when you get ghosted by someone without explanation, or when someone bites your head off out of nowhere for something that never seemed to bother them before?

In this episode, Cora and I pick up from Part 1 and look at the other side of the same argument, which is around Cora navigating my surprising reaction to her question. How do we navigate these moments of being hurt and confused by someone’s behaviour, without causing further harm to the relationship? Cora shares a few things she’s found really helpful.   

Matthew Dawson

What The Heck Just Happened? Part 1

In the course of life, things can happen in close relationships that leave us feeling utterly bewildered. Questions emerge like, “How did things get so bad between us?” and “How is it that I care so much about you and hate you so much at the same time?”.

In these confusing moments, the key is to stay focused more on learning and growing than on being right.

In this episode, Cora and I discuss an argument we had recently that left us both confused and then how we slowly made our way through to a point of connection and resolve. We highlight 3 questions that we find extremely helpful in bringing truth and clarity to the surface when emotions are running high and we’re feeling lost at sea.

Matthew Dawson

Is This Between Us and Them, or Between Me and You?

Relational issues can get very messy when there are three or more people involved. It’s hard enough for two people to understand each other in the midst of pain and frustration. When you get three or four people involved  the level of complexity can go through the roof. This often happens when two people are sharing a domain, like co-leading a team, co-parenting a family, or couples relating to other couples. 

In this episode, Cora and I discuss a challenging situation we faced in which we were experiencing very different things in a shared relationship and therefore had very different thoughts about how to handle the situation. We break down a 4-step process we find helpful for ‘calming the farm’ and navigating these kinds of challenges before they spin out of control.

Matthew Dawson

Is your boundary my breakthrough?

When it comes to unhealthy relational patterns and vicious cycles, it always takes 2 to tango. Likewise, it only takes one member of the relationship to make a change for the pattern or cycle to be broken. As painful and uncomfortable as it can be, sometimes one person establishing a healthy boundary for themselves can be the catalyst for the other person's personal growth.

In this episode, Cora and I discuss examples of how we’ve experienced this in our own relationship with each other and with others. We explore moments when initially one of us had a healthy boundary in place, which then caused the other person to throw a tantrum, but ultimately it led to character growth and deeper maturity.

Matthew Dawson

How Do We Resolve This?

Having a confrontational conversation with someone doesn’t always produce resolution and positive change. If you don’t have the right ingredients in the conversation, even an open and honest confrontation can just make things more awkward and difficult than before.

In this episode Cora and I have an open dialogue about an argument we had recently and breakdown three things that have helped us to have confronting conversations that actually produce resolution, positive change, and deeper trust between us.

Matthew Dawson

You Can Be So Harsh Sometimes

In this episode my daughter Keana [15] joins me in a discussion about brave communication between family members and why being honest with each other is often worth the risk.

I share a recent story about my son Levi confronting me like a boss and how it has helped us deepen our connection with each other.

Matthew Dawson

What if I Just Want Peace? | a guide to choosing between making peace and pursuing depth

A guide to choosing between making peace and pursuing depth when a relationship is under threat.

In this episode we explore the difference between pursuing peace and pursuing deeper connection with someone when they are pushing your buttons. You get to choose, and if you don't choose you might end up bringing confusion into the mix.

In this episode I read out a speech that I gave on Waitangi Day here in Tauranga a few years ago. These are my reflections on non-indigenous cultural identity and what I'm learning about thriving as an adopted son.

Matthew Dawson

Are We Fighting the Right Battle? | a guide to pursuing connection instead of correction

A guide to pursuing connection instead of correction.

In this episode I explore how our desire to be 'right' when we feel threatened can often destroy a close relationship. To form strong relationships we need to be more interested in maintaining connection than being seen to be right.

Matthew Dawson

Is This Where I Belong? | 4 uncomfortable things to consider before joining a team

In this episode we take a closer look at the tough questions you can ask before joining a new group or taking on a new position.

Making sure that expectations and values are aligned can save you major heartache down the track.