Rethink Your Rules

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This week, Jenny shares one of the best questions you can ask to coach yourself:

Why is that a problem for me?

As usual, it sounds simple but is surprisingly powerful.

Next time someone is driving you crazy and you feel like you are stuck, try asking this. It will help you figure out what is really going on, and how you can make things better.

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Need help applying this to your life? Ready for more strategies like this, but personalized to YOU? Set up your free consult and let’s talk about your unique situation and how coaching can help:
https://getcoached.jennyhobbsmd.com/consult
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Everything on this podcast and website is for informational purposes only and should not be used as medical advice. Views are our own, and do not necessarily represent those of our past or present employers or colleagues.

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This is going to sound too simple, but I promise it works.
It doesn’t solve everything but it gets easier from there.
Usually my child begins visibly calming in under a minute.

It's not...
👉🏻Trying to solve their problem
👉🏻A pep talk
👉🏻Using logic to convince them their emotion doesn't make sense
👉🏻Explaining why their behavior is problematic
👉🏻Rewards or consequences

It's easier than all of that: Just validate their emotion!

It might sound like:
“You’re right. This sucks.”
“It makes sense you feel angry.” 
“I hate it when my food isn’t the way I expected, too.” 
etc.
(Add a hug if possible.)

And the best part? It helps with everyone, not just kids. 
Because putting emotions first improves ALL relationships.

Try it and let me know how it works for you!

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Need help applying this to your life? Ready for more strategies like this, but personalized to YOU? Set up your free consult and let’s talk about your unique situation and how coaching can help:
https://getcoached.jennyhobbsmd.com/consult
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Everything on this podcast and website is for informational purposes only and should not be used as medical advice. Views are our own, and do not necessarily represent those of our past or present employers or colleagues.

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This week, we're going into detail about the signs and symptoms of ADHD in physicians. Understanding how ADHD presents can help us recognize it in ourselves and others, and can help us do a better job of supporting our colleagues.

Mentioned in this Episode:
Journal Article:
Understanding attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder in physicians: workplace implications and management strategies

Episodes About ADHD:
Why ADHD is Under Diagnosed in Women
ADHD: It's Not What you Think
My ADHD and Me

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Need help applying this to your life? Ready for more strategies like this, but personalized to YOU? Set up your free consult and let’s talk about your unique situation and how coaching can help:
https://getcoached.jennyhobbsmd.com/consult
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Everything on this podcast and website is for informational purposes only and should not be used as medical advice. Views are our own, and do not necessarily represent those of our past or present employers or colleagues.

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After my later-in-life ADHD diagnosis, I was able to view my past in an entirely new light. Here is that story.

It isn't easy to share all of these painful failures. But I am choosing to be vulnerable and share it anyway because I hope it will help you consider whether you or someone you love may have undiagnosed ADHD. Or perhaps to recognize similar tendencies caused by PTSD, perimenopause, or burnout.

Beyond that, I hope that you will be inspired to view these traits with less shame and blame, and more compassion and unconditional love.

Mentioned in this episode:
Episodes About ADHD:
Why ADHD is Under Diagnosed in Women
ADHD: It's Not What you Think

Episodes with Strategies I used for Overwhelm(pre-ADHD diagnosis):
Dealing with Holiday Stress And Anxiety
5 Steps to Overcome Overwhelm

Music App for Focus (Not an affiliate link. I get no financial gain from this):
Focus@will

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Need help applying this to your life? Ready for more strategies like this, but personalized to YOU? Set up your free consult and let’s talk about your unique situation and how coaching can help:
https://getcoached.jennyhobbsmd.com/consult
_________

Everything on this podcast and website is for informational purposes only and should not be used as medical advice. Views are our own, and do not necessarily represent those of our past or present employers or colleagues.

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Most of us have heard fitness instructors say "Choose Your Hard" to remind us that we are always choosing which discomfort we want. We can choose the discomfort of exercising and eating right, or the discomfort of being less healthy and active.

But did you know this applies to the rest of your life, too? In this episode, I'll share how this can help you with time management, relationships, people-pleasing, and more.

It's one of those simple yet powerful concepts that will make a difference in your life right away. Try it for yourself this week, and let me know how it goes!

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Need help applying this to your life? Ready for more strategies like this, but personalized to YOU? Set up your free consult and let’s talk about your unique situation and how coaching can help:
https://getcoached.jennyhobbsmd.com/consult
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Everything on this podcast and website is for informational purposes only and should not be used as medical advice. Views are our own, and do not necessarily represent those of our past or present employers or colleagues.

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ADHD is widely misunderstood, leading to misdiagnosis and unnecessary stigma and shame. The formal diagnostic criteria is outdated and incomplete. It doesn’t reflect the latest data or the widespread experience of ADHD experts.

In this episode, Jenny breaks down our current understanding of ADHD, some key features you have never heard of, and how it all ties together. By the end of this crash course, you’ll know more about ADHD than 90% of people, and even more than most physicians!

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Need help applying this to your life? Ready for more strategies like this, but personalized to YOU? Set up your free consult and let’s talk about your unique situation and how coaching can help:
https://getcoached.jennyhobbsmd.com/consult
_________

Everything on this podcast and website is for informational purposes only and should not be used as medical advice. Views are our own, and do not necessarily represent those of our past or present employers or colleagues.

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How learning to manage my kids’ meltdowns taught me to manage my own anger.

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Need help applying this to your life? Ready for more strategies like this, but personalized to YOU? Set up your free consult and let’s talk about your unique situation and how coaching can help:
https://getcoached.jennyhobbsmd.com/consult
_________

Everything on this podcast and website is for informational purposes only and should not be used as medical advice. Views are our own, and do not necessarily represent those of our past or present employers or colleagues.

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This week, we're wrapping up our conversation about gaslighting.

In Part 1 of Rethinking Gaslighting, we talked about where the term "gaslighting" originated, how it's defined, and how it is now used to describe many different types of behaviors...not all of which are the same!

In this episode, we're picking up where we left off last time. Learn how the gaslight effect is actually a dynamic between two people. The gaslighter and the gaslightee both have a a role in creating gaslight effect.

The Gaslighter: "I can only feel good if the gaslightee does what pleases me"
The Gaslightee: "I can only feel good if the gaslighter is pleased with me"

The gaslighter controls & manipulates. 
The gaslightee accommodates and people-pleases. 
But they share the same root belief: 

I can only feel good if the other person responds in the way I want. 

AKA emotional Immaturity.

That's why, when we feel we are being gaslighted, even though being a gaslightee is described as being a victim, we want to start by reflecting on our half of the interaction. We can learn to become more emotionally mature.

As we learn to manage our own emotions - instead of outsourcing them to the approval of the other person - that person begins to lose their power over us.

In this episode, I shared the most important questions to ask yourself as you go through this process. You'll see how this strategy is more effective than wasting energy on judging and shaming the other person.  You'll have more energy and clarity to decide what you want to do about the gaslighting relationship.  You'll stop feeling like a victim. Then, we'll walk through your options to respond to gaslighting.

And whatever you decide, you'll be doing it from a place of confidence and emotional maturity. You'll be ready to have your own back, no matter what.

Take a listen, and when you are ready to apply this work to your own relationships,
I can help.

Links in this episode:
Rethinking narcissism episode
Waking up to narcissism podcast
Robin Stern Podcast Interview

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Need help applying this to your life? Ready for more strategies like this, but personalized to YOU? Set up your free consult and let’s talk about your unique situation and how coaching can help:
https://getcoached.jennyhobbsmd.com/consult
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Everything on this podcast and website is for informational purposes only and should not be used as medical advice. Views are our own, and do not necessarily represent those of our past or present employers or colleagues.

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In honor of Mother's Day, I'm sharing this bonus episode about how becoming a mom made me a better doctor.

I share about an interaction with my son that helped me understand what it means to offer someone grace, empathy, and truly 100% unconditional love.

It soon occurred to me that I could choose to approach my patients in a similar way. I was able to show up as a more compassionate and connected doctor. Not only did this help my patients, but it also helped me. I began to feel less burned out and emotionally exhausted. 

This lesson has been a true gift in my life. Perhaps it comes more easily to some than to others. But I can honestly say that if I hadn't become a mother, I doubt I would ever have learned it.

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Need help applying this to your life? Ready for more strategies like this, but personalized to YOU? Set up your free consult and let’s talk about your unique situation and how coaching can help:
https://getcoached.jennyhobbsmd.com/consult
_________

Everything on this podcast and website is for informational purposes only and should not be used as medical advice. Views are our own, and do not necessarily represent those of our past or present employers or colleagues.

Send us Fan Mail

Fair warning: this one may be a bit controversial! And could even be triggering if you've been traumatized by gaslighting or emotional abuse.

Today we are rethinking Gaslighting. 

This concept has spread like wildfire in the past few years, even being named the Word of the Year for 2022. You may have noticed it cropping up in conversations with friends and family, or in the media. 

In today's episode, I'll start with the basics: what gaslighting is, where the term originated, and how it can be a hallmark of emotional abuse and narcissism. 

Then we'll explore how the term also gets applied to many situations which are not so clearly abusive, and why that can lead to blame, shame, and relationship problems.

Finally, I'll discuss how taking a more thoughtful approach can help:

Step 1 - Get clear about what we really mean. When we think "You're gaslighting me," what we often really mean is: "I feel like I'm being gaslighted." (ie "I feel I'm being invalidated." or "I feel my reality is being questioned.").

Step 2 - Dig a little deeper. Get skeptical.  Ask whether we are certain that:

• The situation is objective & verifiable
• The person is aware of what they are doing, and
• The person has malicious intent to control, manipulate, take advantage

Next week, we'll explore more about how to put this into practice.
Links in this episode:
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/gaslighting
https://www.simplypsychology.org/origin-of-the-term-gaslighting.html
https://robinstern.com/the-gaslight-effect/
https://momastery.com/blog/we-can-do-hard-things-ep-202/ (Robin Stern Podcast Interview)
How to Spot ‘Medical Gaslighting’ and What to Do About It. - The New York Times (paywall)

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Need help applying this to your life? Ready for more strategies like this, but personalized to YOU? Set up your free consult and let’s talk about your unique situation and how coaching can help:
https://getcoached.jennyhobbsmd.com/consult
_________

Everything on this podcast and website is for informational purposes only and should not be used as medical advice. Views are our own, and do not necessarily represent those of our past or present employers or colleagues.