Rethink Your Rules

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Does it feel like you can never get everything done, no matter how much you do? Do you wake up thinking about all you need to do, and go to bed thinking about how you didn't get it all done? Brene Brown calls this "hustling for worthiness." This is one of the most common struggles for high achieving moms and we are getting to the root of it in today's episode!

Hustling for worthiness is tied to the rule we discussed last week: "I need to fix it." We tend to assume "fixing" means DOING something. We have a bias toward action. So when we don't feel like we are good enough, our instinct is to take more action. We think that doing more, crossing things off the list and being busy will make us feel good about ourselves.

But that's not how it works. Our ACTIONS don't determine whether we feel good or bad. Our THOUGHTS do that. We are working backwards. The result is an endless cycle where we set ourselves up to fail, no matter what we do.

How can we stop the cycle? We notice when we are trying to hustle in order to feel better. We practice interrupting that habit so we can focus on our thoughts instead. We cultivate a habit of resting, even if it's just for 2min a day. We practice believing we are always enough, and that it has nothing to do with our actions.

Other highlights:

• How capitalism, patriarchy, and ADHD contribute to our action bias
• Why we get addicted to action, and how rest can feel like being in "detox"
• I am a human being, not a human doing
• Don't just do something, stand there
• I am 100% worthy & lovable, no matter what
• I have time for what matters most to me
• I can do anything but not everything

Mentioned:
Brene Brown: https://brenebrown.com/ (Quote from Daring Greatly)
Simone Seol:  https://www.instagram.com/simone.grace.seol/
Insight timer app: https://insighttimer.com/

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Need help applying this to your life? Ready for more strategies like this, but personalized to YOU? Set up your free consult and let’s talk about your unique situation and how coaching can help:
https://getcoached.jennyhobbsmd.com/consult
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Everything on this podcast and website is for informational purposes only and should not be used as medical advice. Views are our own, and do not necessarily represent those of our past or present employers or colleagues.

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“I need to fix it” is one of the most common unwritten rules that adds stress to our lives.

When we or our loved ones are in a difficult situation, often the default response (particularly as high achieving, smart women) is to try to “fix” the situation. We think we need to solve it. And sometimes we ARE able to fix it. But other times we’re not. That’s when we find ourselves feeling stuck, stressed, overwhelmed. All because we are following this unwritten rule.

Here’s the great news: we don’t always have to fix the situation. We do have other options. We are not stuck.

Episode highlights:

• Why the belief “I have to fix this” can be problematic
• How the 3 D’s - Detect, Dig Deeper, Decide - can help you coach yourself
• The 3 options that are always available in a difficult situation: fix circumstances, address thoughts, accept feelings.
• Focus on power instead of control
• How to be a skeptic with your own brain: “don’t believe everything you think”
• You are a human being, not a human doing 

And so much more!

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Need help applying this to your life? Ready for more strategies like this, but personalized to YOU? Set up your free consult and let’s talk about your unique situation and how coaching can help:
https://getcoached.jennyhobbsmd.com/consult
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Everything on this podcast and website is for informational purposes only and should not be used as medical advice. Views are our own, and do not necessarily represent those of our past or present employers or colleagues.

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Last week we discussed WHY it is helpful to consider the idea: “Perhaps everyone is doing the best they know how.”

This week, let’s talk about the HOW:  

• How to remind yourself to consider this in the moment, when you may be overcome with emotion and it can be hardest to remember
• How to identify situations where this idea is most useful
• How to coach yourself through the process

Once you hear these practical real-life examples, you’ll think of so many ways you can apply this in your relationships. 

Mentioned in this episode:
MrChazz
https://www.instagram.com/mrchazz/

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Need help applying this to your life? Ready for more strategies like this, but personalized to YOU? Set up your free consult and let’s talk about your unique situation and how coaching can help:
https://getcoached.jennyhobbsmd.com/consult
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Everything on this podcast and website is for informational purposes only and should not be used as medical advice. Views are our own, and do not necessarily represent those of our past or present employers or colleagues.

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Ready for a quick tip that will transform your relationships? Choose to believe this statement: “It’s possible that everyone is doing the best they know how.”

This week on Rethink Your Rules, Jenny explains how this belief is true more often than you might think, and how helpful it can be. You’ll also learn why, even when you can’t be sure THEY are doing their best, choosing to believe they are can make YOUR life better.

Mentioned In this Episode: 
Tory Burch Kira Crossbody Bag
https://www.nordstrom.com/s/tory-burch-kira-pebbled-leather-wallet-crossbody-bag/5356195

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Need help applying this to your life? Ready for more strategies like this, but personalized to YOU? Set up your free consult and let’s talk about your unique situation and how coaching can help:
https://getcoached.jennyhobbsmd.com/consult
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Everything on this podcast and website is for informational purposes only and should not be used as medical advice. Views are our own, and do not necessarily represent those of our past or present employers or colleagues.

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The Key to Great Communication: Feelings First, Logic Later.

Do you find yourself struggling to get your kids to listen? Arguing with your partner? Having all the “right” answers and logical ideas, but then getting frustrated because people can’t just admit it and agree with you?

If so, you’re not alone. And there is a surprisingly simple mindset shift that you can make immediately (I’m talking right now, after this one podcast episode!) to improve your communication with anyone. This can benefit you and everyone in your life: your family, colleagues, boss, clients, and more. If you work in healthcare, you can even use this skill with your patients.

In this week’s episode, you’ll learn:

• what it means to be responsive to someone’s feelings, instead of responsible for them. 
• why validating feelings is more effective than focusing on right vs wrong
• why this can difficult to do in our hyper-rational culture, particularly for high achievers in certain careers
• tried-and-true mantras to help you implement this in your next challenging conversation 
• how you can do this without abandoning objective facts
• what parenting and helping patients stop smoking have in common

and more!

Mentioned:
Bluey
https://www.disneyplus.com/series/bluey/1xy9TAOQ0M3r

How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen
https://how-to-talk.com/how-to-talk-so-little-kids-will-listen-book/

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Need help applying this to your life? Ready for more strategies like this, but personalized to YOU? Set up your free consult and let’s talk about your unique situation and how coaching can help:
https://getcoached.jennyhobbsmd.com/consult
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Everything on this podcast and website is for informational purposes only and should not be used as medical advice. Views are our own, and do not necessarily represent those of our past or present employers or colleagues.

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Knowing what you want isn’t always as simple as it sounds, particularly for high achieving women! Many of us have spent our entire lives focusing on what other people want and what we think we “have to” do. In the midst of all that, often we lose the ability to recognize what WE truly want…not to mention actually choosing to DO it. This is one of the reasons we end up feeling burned out, overwhelmed, and unfulfilled.

This week on Rethink Your Rules, Jenny explores the different reasons we may think we “want” something, or think we should want something. And how to separate that from what YOU truly desire.

Listen to Jenny’s telegram channel here:
https://t.me/jennyhobbscoaching

Mentioned in this episode:
The Libby library app
https://www.overdrive.com/apps/libby

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Need help applying this to your life? Ready for more strategies like this, but personalized to YOU? Set up your free consult and let’s talk about your unique situation and how coaching can help:
https://getcoached.jennyhobbsmd.com/consult
_________

Everything on this podcast and website is for informational purposes only and should not be used as medical advice. Views are our own, and do not necessarily represent those of our past or present employers or colleagues.

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This week, learn why your negative feelings are like a smoke detector. And what you can do when that alarm goes off.

We've already explored the unwritten relationship rule “I am responsible for how they think and feel. But how can you tell when this thought is causing problems for you? And what can you do about it?

In this episode, Jenny shares the 3 steps you can take to sort this out: Detect, Dig Deeper, and Decide. You’ll learn the key questions you need to ask yourself, and how to decide if you want to make a change.

If you follow along and honestly answer these questions, it will help you in so many ways! You’ll have a better understanding of why you do what you do. You’ll be more intentional in your choices and take more ownership of your life. And even if you decide not to change a thing, being more truthful with yourself is always a good thing.

And the best part? These 3 steps can be used to address ANY problem you have. So grab your pen and paper and let’s dig in.

Mentioned in this episode:
The Libby library app
https://www.overdrive.com/apps/libby

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Need help applying this to your life? Ready for more strategies like this, but personalized to YOU? Set up your free consult and let’s talk about your unique situation and how coaching can help:
https://getcoached.jennyhobbsmd.com/consult
_________

Everything on this podcast and website is for informational purposes only and should not be used as medical advice. Views are our own, and do not necessarily represent those of our past or present employers or colleagues.

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This week, we’re rethinking another unwritten relationship rule:

“I am responsible for how they think and feel about me.”

This is the underlying thought that leads to people-pleasing. But it also underlies many of our distinctly UNpleasant behaviors, including anger, defensiveness and resentment.

Jenny shares where this belief comes from, why it’s so common (especially among women!) and how it can be problematic. You’ll also come away with tips to notice where it may be showing up in your life.

Where to find Dr Becky at Good Inside:
https://www.goodinside.com/
https://www.instagram.com/drbeckyatgoodinside/
https://www.goodinside.com/podcast/

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Need help applying this to your life? Ready for more strategies like this, but personalized to YOU? Set up your free consult and let’s talk about your unique situation and how coaching can help:
https://getcoached.jennyhobbsmd.com/consult
_________

Everything on this podcast and website is for informational purposes only and should not be used as medical advice. Views are our own, and do not necessarily represent those of our past or present employers or colleagues.

Send us Fan Mail

“I need them to change so I can feel better” is one of the most prevalent beliefs we have about relationships. It’s a rule that has been deeply ingrained in most of us since childhood, where we are taught “you hurt their feelings; you need to apologize and not do it again.” It sounds nice on the surface, so most of us never question it. But it underlies many of our most frustrating relationship issues. This belief results in blaming our bad feelings on someone else. We give them the power to determine whether we feel good or bad. And that’s a shaky foundation!

In this week’s podcast, Jenny talks about how this unwritten rule shows up in relationships, and the power of taking responsibility for your own emotions. 

You’ll also hear more about our new podcast name and why it’s important to Rethink Your Rules. 

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Need help applying this to your life? Ready for more strategies like this, but personalized to YOU? Set up your free consult and let’s talk about your unique situation and how coaching can help:
https://getcoached.jennyhobbsmd.com/consult
_________

Everything on this podcast and website is for informational purposes only and should not be used as medical advice. Views are our own, and do not necessarily represent those of our past or present employers or colleagues.

Send us Fan Mail

If you’re feeling sad and angry right now, you’re not alone. School shootings, Supreme Court decisions, the war in Ukraine, the broken health care system, the economy…all of these are issues that tend to bring out big emotions in us. And in many of these cases, we can’t (or don’t want to) talk ourselves out of feeling bad. We feel sad and angry because our deeply held beliefs and values are being violated. So, what can we do? How do we avoid falling into despair? In this episode, Jenny shares how you can process these difficult emotions and take care of yourself. Even when everything feels broken.

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Need help applying this to your life? Ready for more strategies like this, but personalized to YOU? Set up your free consult and let’s talk about your unique situation and how coaching can help:
https://getcoached.jennyhobbsmd.com/consult
_________

Everything on this podcast and website is for informational purposes only and should not be used as medical advice. Views are our own, and do not necessarily represent those of our past or present employers or colleagues.