Rich and Ally's Craven Newsround

12th February 2026 - Tomato Sauce Science. Rich and Ally are back with some of your comments about the new titles. Well suck it. They discuss new evidence that suggests the Turin Shroud may not be really the shroud of Christ, for all those of you who thought this was wrapped up (no pun intended) already. Do we need evidence to believe in Jesus and isn't it more important to follow his philosophy? Is St John a liar? Has Ally confused Jesus with Pinocchio? And is Jesus back now, saying wise things? Maybe on a short YouTube video, rather than a mount.

Wednesday 11th February 2026 - 20-Year-Old Ejaculate. Newsround is back after yesterday's hiatus when no news happened, but the grown-up news has missed today's big story, an interview with tech entrepreneur Bryan Johnson the man who intends to live forever by going to bed at 8.30pm every night. Just like John Craven in the original Newsround, Rich displays his jealousy of a younger man's ability to produce gametes, whilst Ally warns of the dangers of eternal life. Exactly like John Craven's Newsround. Which this is nothing like. Look out for the new titles too. Thanks Andy Bobbin.

Monday 9th February - Penisgate. Rich and Ally are back after their deserved weekend break with all the news that's fit to talk about. Today it's the big controversy at the Winter Olympics, wherever that is, and the lengths and widths that male ski jumpers are prepared to go to to win. But is the real story perverted cock-obsessed journalists, which Rich and Ally definitely aren't? With a live report from the slopes of the Olympics.

Friday 6th February 2026 - Chinese Hotel Sex Cameras. Newsround is back, despite Rich spending most of the day waiting for his car to be fixed. Ally and he discuss "Eric", the most hypocritical man in the news at the moment, who was shocked to see he'd been caught on a Chinese Sex Camera, but only because he loved watching videos of people caught on Chinese sex cameras. Who will be caught on the Newsround Sex Camera? Tune in to find out.

Thursday February 5th 2026 - Peanut Pile. After the success of getting Randrew Andrew kicked out of his house, the Newsround team turn their attention to the Prime Minister, whether he can survive and how good a job he is doing. Once again we beat the Lamestream media to a huge exclusive, which you can only get by watching our Craven Newsround.

RAACN Tuesday February 3rd 2026 - Eggheads Are People Too. After the explosive interview over the weekend, a regular newsround returns examining the recent statements by FIFA President Gianni Infantino and why he should be judged by his deeds and words and not by his appearance. We have a special interview with a fellow egg-headed celebrity to show just how far egghead prejudice can reach and hopefully help open people's eyes to this derided condition.

Newsround Special - Epstein File interview. Always ahead of the grown up news, Richard has procured an interview with the man at the heart of the Epstein Files story, Randy Andy Mountbatten-Windsor-Balmoral. Randrew Andrew explains what's going on in the pictures with the woman on the ground, why he never met Epstein, why he has too much honour, why he can't wear shoes and what he was actually doing on the date the new accuser says he was with her. It's an explosive interview that will surely be shown on all major news channels tonight, thus reigniting Richard's failed career. Hooray!

January 30th 2026 - Sneaky V sign. Rich and Ally are back to discuss how long they think President Trump will live, whether grey hair stops you getting cancer and a surprising way to increase your output at the gym.

29th January 2026 - BWB. Rich and Ally are back for an impressive 2nd day in a row to discuss the worst thing that has happened in America this year, someone putting a bra on the Hollywood sign. Is it appropriate for men to comment on women's bodies and if not is it appropriate for them to comment on people commenting on them?

In an attempt to bring the people the REAL news, not the lies of the Mainstream Media, faded 90s almost-celebrity Richard Herring teams up with an 134 year-old ventriloquist dummy, Ally Sloper, to report daily (yeah right) on the stories that really matter. With reportage and interjection from other characters from Twitch of Fun, a show sadly cancelled before it could reach its 100th episode.

Wednesday January 29th - Turkeys Not Voting For Christmas. Rich and Ally take a look at the defection of Suella Braverman to Reform and look at some of the excellent policies that she is backing. With a special report from the conference by our top journalist.

Titles by Andy Bobbin

Music by Mike Cosgrave

Directed by Chris Evans.

Any similarity to John Craven's Newsround is entirely coincidental.