The boys go viral with intense, bug-eyed stage presence, star in their own problematic redemption story, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Pentagram’s unlikely TikTok hit, “The Ghoul.” News items and digressions include a Dream Theater concert review and waffles vs pancakes.

The boys abandon a pretentious past for bubble gum panache, blindly jump the shark at the PopMart, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of U2’s 1997 dance club rocker, “Discothèque.” News items and digressions include new Ghost and flatulent dogs.

The boys build a blast furnace then betray the American dream, make ham-fisted metaphors about hellish factory labor, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Bruce Springsteen’s 1995 working-class lament, “Youngstown.” News items and digressions include Andrew Watt, The Rolling Stones, and elderly Grammy recognition.

The boys became icons of 1980’s overindulgence, turn tired relationship tropes into transgressive comedy, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Sam Kinison’s 1988 Grammy nominated romp, “Wild Thing.” News items and digressions include Sharon Osbourne and televangelism.

The boys turn heads in tight Levi’s, objectify dudes listening to Metallica tunes, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Halestorm’s 2012 breakthrough album deep cut, “American Boys.” News items and digressions include a Rico review of Parasomnia by Dream Theater.

The boys enjoy cold parking lot meatloaf, make a virtue out of lonely day drinking, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Sheryl Crow’s 1993 breakthrough hit, “All I Wanna Do.” News items and digressions include a metaphorical breakdown of the evolution of jazz and a lame attempt to redefine fun.

The boys establish pack dominance with fiery flatulence, write an out of the gate Grammy getter, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Greta Van Fleet’s 2017 blues rock hit, “Highway Tune.” News items and digressions include mislabeled hair bands and backside pyrotechnics.

The boys eat Arby’s while making babies, find one-hit success in the wake of Nirvana’s absence, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Marcy Playground’s 1997 post-grunge hit, “Sex and Candy.” News items and digressions include Nita Strauss, heavy metal gatekeeping, and 9 1/2 Weeks.

The boys experience Beatle-mania in the MTV era, exhibit animalistic tendencies while embracing new technologies, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Duran Duran’s 1982 disco-rock hit, “Hungry Like the Wolf.” News items and digressions include Randy Rhoads vs Zakk Wylde and mixed drink recipes.

The boys watch Boogie Nights with Mister Right, suffer sibling surveillance from puritanical percussionists, and use the scientific method to conduct an autopsy on the corpse of Night Ranger’s 1984 proto-power ballad, “Sister Christian.” News items and digressions include Jay Z and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.