Rock Your Retirement Show

This is the last episode of our series on living overseas. In the first episode, we talked about the possibility of living overseas. The second episode talks about the things to do before moving abroad. In last week’s episode, we discuss where to retire. Many of us want a place not only where we can afford to live but also where we have like-minded people that we can be friends with. Also, we discussed why my guests chose to move to their particular country, Ecuador.

Today, we’re going to talk about Ecuador in addition to talking about bank safety. Many articles recently, in October 2019, discussed Americans losing money in Mexican banks. It seems to have been a scam, but we’ll talk about it and what you can do to protect yourself.

Deciding Factor on that Move

When you talk about living somewhere, Cynthia Staton suggests that you have to consider many factors. On top of their list was the cost of living. They also wanted a warm temperate climate, healthcare, and a sizable city.

Why Did They move to Cuenca, Ecuador?

Edd and Cynthia never really heard of Cuenca, Ecuador. They said that they didn’t find it but rather it found them. Because of the wishlist that they made, they were focused on Latin America. Edd was keen on Buenos Aires but it has seasons, and they didn’t want that. Also, as we’ve discussed in the last episode, political volatility. Buenos Aires is not as politically volatile as it is financially volatile.

If you’re a retiree, you may be living on a fixed income. You need to know how much you have available to spend every month and how much it’s going to cost you to buy groceries. That’s an important factor to point out when you’re looking for a place to retire abroad. You want a stable economy.

Friendship Aspect of Living Overseas

You certainly want to create your community of friends wherever you go. However, the truth is that proximity doesn’t necessarily have to describe a friendship. You can be friends with people even if you don't live in the same place.

Although they are already living overseas, Edd and Cynthia still get in touch with their friends in the US, thanks to technology. It provides them with easy access to communicate with their friends. The reality of life is that if you have close friends that are more than you can count off on one hand, you are truly blessed. A lot of friendships, they’re just friendships but they are not like that deep friendship sort of thing.

Edd and Cynthia recommend that you seek out friendships with locals. They can help you so much particularly in terms of recommending medical people in your life, attorneys, and even understanding the culture. Also, if you’re not fluent in the language of the country that you moved to, there are plenty of bilingual locals that you can befriend.

Bank Fraud

In a foreign situation, Edd and Cynthia noticed that when you’re packing your luggage and getting to move to a foreign country, some people seem to leave their common sense at home. They just do things with their money when they move abroad that they would never do in their previous life. It seems that when you move abroad, you really want to work so much and want to be part of the community.

To qualify for a residency visa, Edd and Cynthia have friends that invested in a condominium coming out of the ground. When their residency application is up,

A move abroad may be the answer if you're hoping to further stretch your retirement dollars. Last week's episode of The Rock Your Retirement Show talks about the things you need to know before moving overseas. Today, we will discuss a very important subject on How to Decide Where to Retire, a great topic for your future retirement destination. Life in a foreign land offers a chance to see more of what the world brings to us and can offer a lower cost of living.

Things to Do Before Deciding Where to Retire

When Edd and Cynthia Staton realized that retiring abroad was their best option, they created a wishlist of everything that they’d be looking for in their retirement destination.

The cost of living was a top priority for them, they got wiped out in 2008 with the economic recession. Beyond that, they wanted to be close to their children who live in the US. That immediately made them focus on Latin America as opposed to the far east, which is too far.

They also like what they called “Goldilocks Weather,” which is a temperate climate. Not too hot, not too cold, and that was a driving force for their retirement destination. Another was healthcare. Edd and Cynthia were in great health but moving forward you would need good access to healthcare in whatever retirement destination you would choose. Also, access to cultural activities and a place with other ex-pats.

Deal Breakers on Your Retirement Destination

Deal breakers if the opposite of your wishlist. Edd and Cynthia didn’t have any but some people do have specific deal breakers. As an example, you need specific medication, everything is great about the country, but then you find out they don’t have that medication. It doesn’t matter how great it is, you can’t lose that medication you need. Another one would be mobility issues. If you have those, then you’re not going to pick a place of high altitude or places with handicapped issues.

How to Figure Out Your Destination

A lot of people are nervous to go to a country that doesn’t speak English but I have to tell you when I was in England, they speak English but I was having a hard time understanding the people in Wigan.

The English language isn’t really the determining factor for your retirement destination, but it is important. A good factor to look for is if there’s an established ex-pat community in that country of destination. Because if there is an ex-pat community then at least you’ll know that there are English speakers there. North American English speakers in particular, if you are North American.

Social Security Check

A lot of ex-pats including Edd and Cynthia don’t collect Social Security checks in the country they’re living in. They maintain a US banking presence, have a check there, and just pull money out of the ATMs locally.

Where to Retire?

It starts with deciding what you want not what you’ve read about or think what other people want you to do. Once you’ve decided what’s really important for you.without any restrictions and judgment, then that’s the time where you can choose the right retirement destination for you.

Go with the worst time of the year weather-wise not the best time, because Edd and Cynthia have friends that have moved to Panama, they visited during the dry season, moved there during the wet season and they didn’t know that God was capable of releasing...

Last week’s episode, we talk about our 2 co-hosts, why they moved abroad, and why they help others do the same. In today’s episode, we will talk about the things you need to know before moving abroad.

I had something similar when Les and I moved from San Diego, all the way to South Carolina, and I had a checklist that I’ve worked off of. Let me tell you, now that I’m here in South Carolina, there were some things I didn’t put on my checklist.

Learning the Language

Cynthia Staton said that the first thing that they need to think about is the language issue. If they are interested in learning anything from another language, then they need to look at places that a lot of English speakers. Being functional is great, and that doesn’t take a lot but signing up for classes not necessarily before you move along, but once you get there because it gives you the opportunity to make friends. Once you’ve settled, find a language class that’s conversational.

Your Financial Situation When Moving Abroad

Edd Staton said that if you’re still comfortable writing checks and deposits to banks, you need to get over that. One misconception is you’ll have trouble getting your Social Security if you live out of the country, that’s not the case. What you can do is maintain a US banking relationship and then just pull money out of the ATMs. They also have a local bank for easy payment of bills.

One of the reasons Edd and Cynthia Staton maintain a bank account in the States is because of the credit cards, especially for airline tickets. They used credit cards because it’s the smartest thing to book tickets.

Visa

Another misconception is that where you’re moving abroad, you have to give up your citizenship in the States. You can choose to, some people do, but that’s not necessary. You’re just a tourist to start with. You got to go to a formal process of applying for permanent residency. Each country has its own rules, once you decide your country then you start looking into what the requirements are for a residency to live there, not necessarily become a citizen.

Possibility of Moving Abroad

Moving abroad is not a do-it-yourself project. You need to spend a small amount of money to hire an immigration attorney in the country that you’re going to. The paperwork varies from place to place and person to person. Let someone who knows the ropes do this for you.

In Edd and Cynthia Staton’s first move, their tourist visa lasted for 90 days. That is why you need to show up with your paperwork pretty much in hand. It’s painful and expensive to deal with FedEx if you don’t have your paperwork correctly.

Healthcare

Medicare doesn’t travel beyond the US borders. That is why you got to think about that. Your choices are either you get a private policy, the national health program of that country once you are a permanent resident, or because it’s cheap, you can simply choose to pay out-of-pocket for care within the country.

When moving to a new country, you need to get familiar not just where you are but within where you are. Different neighborhoods have a different vibe and feel, you can’t know that over the internet. You need to just be there for a while.

About Our Co-Host

Edd and Cynthia Staton are creators of Retirement Reimagined!, a revolutionary Master Course for Baby Boomers facing an uncertain future. Recognized as experts on expat living, they have appeared on network television and written hundreds of articles for international magazines and ot...

Today we have 2 co-hosts in this first series of living overseas. If you've considered living overseas, or if you know someone who is considering it, this is the episode for you!. In today’s show, we talk about why you might want to live overseas. If you have lost money in the stock market, or the value of your home has declined, you may not feel like you can ever afford to retire. You might be worried about retiring because you haven’t saved enough money, or you just want a slower lifestyle. Perhaps you have a friend who is in a tight situation and you are looking to help them with suggestions on their retirement? Or maybe you are just curious as to what it is like to live abroad. If any of these situations are yours then stick around for all four episodes.

Create a Wishlist

Before living overseas, Edd and Cynthia Staton made a list of everything they wanted in their new home. They encourage everybody who has the same idea as theirs to do a self-assessment before living overseas.

The whole idea of creating a wishlist is because so many people probably have probably never asked themselves this question in their whole life. It isn't to instill some kind of race against time or create disinclination towards death. It's a reminder of all the things we want to achieve in our time here, instead of wasting our time in pointless activities, we are directing it fully toward what matters to us. There are some basic things that you need to keep in mind, for a lot of people the lower cost of living is going to be a drive, but there are some that want to do it just for the adventure.

Living Overseas Away From Your Family

When Edd and Cynthia made this decision to move to Ecuador, they didn’t have grandchildren yet, but they allotted budget for traveling so that they would be able to go back once the children were born.

There’s a misconception that living overseas is so far and expensive from the United States. They spoke with someone who said that a trip from Houston to New Jersey was more expensive from their trip from Ecuador to New Jersey. There’s just a mindset that living this lifestyle is so “out there”, when is the reality is, that it's not really unusual, weird, or isolating as people may think.

Healthcare

Healthcare is a huge concern for people no matter where they live as they get older. Here’s a shocker for everyone, healthcare outside the United States is super affordable. It’s comparable, if not in a number of cases, better than the US.

Many people that live in the US have misconceptions if they haven’t travel very much that the rest of the world with the exception of a few places, is considered third world countries. The reality is much of Ecuador is rural but Cuenca being the third-largest city, is a city like many other cities in the US. That was on Edd and Cynthia Staton’s wishlist to live in a place that has culture, access to excellent healthcare, all of those things you would expect in a larger city.

Learning the Language When Living Overseas

The idea was Edd and Cynthia were going to learn Spanish before living overseas. They arrived in Ecuador knowing little Spanish with the fear that they were going to perish but it turned out that Ecuadorians like playing charades and hangman. If you choose to become fluent in another language, that’s a choice, but being functional is more than enough. You just do your best with what you’ve got as Edd Staton would say.

When living overseas, it’s important that you find and recreate your sense of community. Whatever that means to you because you’re going to want to know and meet people. Whether they are native English speakers or bilingual locals, it does not really matter. You want to find that commonality.

My Life's Experience

Today's show is going to be a little different from normal so if you are new here, be aware of that.  I'm going to share with you a traumatic event that I experienced which made me think of how we can make our lives a little better. We've been on a hiatus for the last few months, with either replays of previous guests, or with me releasing shows where I was the guest.  I hope you've enjoyed them.

Also, I'm going to be a little graphic in this episode.  If you have little ones in the car with you, you should either have them put on headphones or else wait until they are gone.  I'm getting into some scary details so be sure you don't let the kids listen.  And if you have tender ears, you shouldn't listen either.

A Year Has Passed

It's been a year since we left our home in San Diego and moved across the country to South Carolina. We left San Diego for a couple of reasons, but the main was to be closer to family.  Les's family is all on the east coast and being all the way across the country meant that we rarely saw them.  In the ten years, we were married before the move, we saw his family three times.  Two weddings and a funeral.

We did a whole series on the search and the move, so if you'd like to learn more you can listen to the series of episodes called 55 Plus Community search.  There are four in the series, and they were released starting Feb 4th 2019 and ending on Feb 25th 2019.  The first one, released on February 4th, 2019, talked about What to Compare.  The second, released on February 11, 2019, talked about the Community Tour we took.  Then we released on February 18th, 2019 called We are Home, which discusses why we chose this community, and then on February 25th, 2019 we released the final episode called Mixed Feelings.  If you are considering making a move, I encourage you to listen to all four in the series.  Leave a comment on those shows if you have ideas about this topic.

Then the Traumatic Experience Happened

This was a really traumatic experience for me, and I'm having a hard time controlling my emotions during this episode. Les and I were at a red light and right in front of us we saw a man get killed. He was on a motorcycle going straight and a woman in a car turned in front of him. This is how a lot of motorcyclists get killed. I did something dumb.

I jumped out of the car, right out of my sandals, and ran across the street barefooted. This was really dumb because it was hot out, and there was glass everywhere.  But I wasn't thinking about my feet just then. I knew that we couldn't move him so I told the lady that we were not moving him, because he could drown in his own blood.  I know that's not the only reason not to move someone after an accident, but honestly, that's the only thing I could think of because of this traumatic experience.

This Traumatic Experience Had a Huge Impact on Me

This traumatic experience made a big impact on me, as you can imagine.  I had to record this episode several times before I could get through it in a format you could listen to.  It happened months ago and I still can't get through the story.

It made me realize that no one knows how much time they have left.  No one. Anyway, after we got home, I started thinking about my life.  If you're a regular listener of the show, you already know that I started this show to help ME retire someday.  I mean,

This episode takes you back on the 30th of January 2019, where I was a guest on Reverend Barbara Williams' BlogTalkRadio. In this episode, we talked about Life and Retirement and everything that would help bring positivity in your life. BlogTalkRadio is an audio web-based platform that allows anyone to create live and on-demand talk content on the web. If you’re a radio broadcaster at heart, BlogTalkRadio gives you the ability to go live with it’s web-based studio and host multi-participant broadcasts using just a computer and a phone.

Motivation for Writing My Journal

I was a retirement planner for a good 25 years, and I noticed that retirement and having a good life is not just about money. The people that I’ve worked with and all the financial advisors at that time all spoke only about money. So, I thought about what I could do. That is why I started the Rock Your Retirement Podcast back in 2016. After which, I started interviewing people and what I’ve found that there are actually 6 areas of life that make a good life and retirement.

These are:

* Spiritual

* Significant Other

* Friendship

* Purpose in Life

* Family

* Health

In the journal, people actually track these areas every day. You would give yourself a small goal each day. The first thing you would do is write down in the morning something that you’re grateful for. A visiting pastor from a congregation I kept on finding things you are grateful for said that, start the first day with something that starts with a letter A, and then on the next day finding something with a letter B. For example, let’s say on the first day, you’re grateful for Apples and on the second day, you’re grateful for the bench that you sit on in the park. And on the third, you’re grateful for cantaloupe. So, that’s kind of a good way to try to remember what you’re grateful for. This journal is not meant to spend hours on, it’s meant to be something quick in the morning and quick in the evening. Then you write a goal in either all six of the pillars.

How Can You Be Happy with Life and Retirement?

From the Rock Your Retirement Show, I’ve interviewed so many people.  Basically, what you have to do is you have to build that support system before you retire. But if you’ve already retired, and it’s too late to build that support, don’t worry, you could still build a support system but it really helps to start getting friends outside of work a year or two before you retire. One way that many of my guests have done this is through a website called Meetup.com. Sign up for a free account there and with that account, you can find meetups that are in person. Even though the program is online, you’re actually meeting persons. After that, you can search for something that you enjoy. Let’s say you like to hike, or bicycle, or garden, or like to read, these types of activities, there are other people in your city that like to do it to.

Social and Family Issues

We all have family issues. It’s hard because you don’t pick your family. God sorts of pick who your family is going to be and we all are there in the same house at one point but we all have our different perspectives.

I am not the expert at this, but that is why I try to make a little short goal every day of how I am going to be better.

Keeping Your Parents Safe at Homes

When I say keeping your parents safe at home, I’m talking about when they get too elderly, when things become dangerous for people to live by themselves. For example, in my generation, we have a lot of kids that are in college that we are still kind of supporting maybe not financially but emotionally and we have parents that ...

As we’re getting ready to make major life changes, we’re consulting with an expert on making the next phase of life the best it can be. Kathe Kline of RockYourRetirement.com and The Rock Your Retirement Podcast joins us to talk about more than finances moving into “after work years”. Kathe shares with us great tips about being prepared for retirement, planning together, not being tied to “stuff”, and Meetup.com.

Retirement

There are so many people that don’t want to retire. Take my husband, for example, Les is financially able to retire, he doesn’t work per se, for money, but he does a lot. He’s on the board of a couple of companies, he does a ton of work even though sometimes these companies make money than we’ll get something for it. He’s considered retired, but he’s not sitting around watching Westworld. You got two types of people. People that can financially retire and people that have done nothing. People who have done no thought at all are hurting.

Sacrificing in Retirement

In one of my episodes, Wendy Holt made a career change. She was living in Los Angeles and she was in a high-powered job then one day. She just said, “You know what? We’re moving.” So, she and her husband moved to Costa Rica together. Giving up their jobs in the States. The result was that she is loving the move, having a bed-and-breakfast. It’s kind of like she can work whenever she wants. But even though she’s having a great time abroad, she gave up a lot of stuff. In Costa Rica, they don’t have the Internet the way that we do and they just don’t have what we have here. There is something to be said to somebody who can do that, who can say goodbye to all their stuff.

Hank and Petra live differently than most people in their socio-economic place. Hank drives a 12-year-old pick-up truck named Elmer. Things like that, they can see what Wendy Holt is going through and they think they too could have retired early because they don’t live in extravagant lifestyles.

Getting Rid of Unwanted Stuff

On the Rock Your Retirement Show, I also talk about how to get rid of unwanted stuff because we are emotionally attached to our stuff and some of those have personal memories for us. The problem is how are we going to get rid of those stuffs, because at some point you’re either going to move into a smaller place or you’re going to die and then somebody else is going to be stuck going through your stuff.

I have so many friends that over the years; They got a new car every two to four years. And I’m like, do you realize what an impact that is putting in your life and not only that, you know how many marriages break up. A lot of that has to do with money stress. People are just stressed out. When you have the house, car, cable payment, the payment on your boat, your storage building, all these payments it adds a lot of weight on your shoulder.

When you are debt free, that removes the stress off your shoulders. Less stress on your relationship, less stress on yourself, you are probably not going to get sick. Just like cancer is caused by stress.

Meetup.com

There’s a site called Meetup.com, and I had 3 guests on my show talked about it. Basically, Meetup is a place online to meet in person. Let’s say you want to write a book, you can start a Meetup for aspiring authors and you can get together once a month or whenever you want. When my husband Les and I got married, we didn’t have a lot of couple friends. So, I started one which is for married couples or people who have been together for two years and we met a bunch of friends that way. You can do anything you want like going to free concerts or tennis. The person who starts the thread will be the one to pay for it and it's about $15 a month. If you want to find people that are in your same situation and want to do the same things,

This episode is from the vault and was first released November 12, 2018

How to Stay Youthful?

What's the secret of looking younger and feeling better? How to stay youthful? Our guest for today's podcast is Judy Gaman. She's a successful radio show host. The name of her show is “The Staying Young Radio Show“. She's also the author of “Age to Perfection“, “Stay Young“, and “Love, Life, and Lucille“.

Staying Young

Staying young is a great problem that we have in our society right now. A lot of our diet wreaks havoc in the bacterias living in our gut. Some examples are carbohydrates and artificial sweeteners. We need to balance our good and bad bacterias. Our gut microbiome is connected to other aspects of our body so we have to take care of it.

Taking Care of our Digestive System

You have to take Fiber-rich foods like apple, banana, orange, strawberry, raspberry, vegetables, etc. Fiber is a type of carbohydrate that the body can’t digest. Though most carbohydrates are broken down into sugar molecules, fiber cannot be broken down into sugar molecules, and instead, it passes through the body undigested. Fiber helps regulate the body’s use of sugars, helping to keep hunger and blood sugar in check.

Sauerkraut is a great probiotic. Probiotics are live bacteria and yeasts that are good for you, especially your digestive system. We usually think of these as germs that cause diseases. But your body is full of bacteria, both good and bad. Probiotics are often called “good” or “helpful” bacteria because they help keep your gut healthy. You can find probiotics in supplements and some foods, like yogurt. Doctors often suggest them to help with digestive problems.

How to Stay Youthful

Eating healthy is the key. Always remember that not all organic foods are pesticide-free. You can try setting up a small garden in your house so you can grow your pesticide-free foods!

Remove soda in your diet. Some people buy soda to clean their house. Imagine putting that in your body!

Judy gave us 4 choices and she said we only have to pick one and follow it. Here are the options she gave us:

* If you are into artificial sweeteners, you have to stop using it.

* Set your sleep schedule and you have to stick to it.

* Find a way to exercise.

* Eat 7 servings of fruits and vegetables every single day.

CONNECT WITH JUDY GAMAN:

* http://www.JudyGaman.com

* [email protected]

Source:

* Use of Fiber – https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/carbohydrates/fiber/ 

* Probiotic – https://www.webmd.com/digestive-disorders/what-are-probiotics#1

This post of Retirement and Retirement Lifestyle first appeared on http://RockYourRetirement.com

This episode is from the vault and was first released September 10, 2018

Randy Gardner's Retirement Experience

In today’s episode, we have Randy Gardner, who is going to tell us about his great retirement experience. Randy just recently retired. In fact, as of our recording, he had only been retired 1 week. Randy serves as an inspiration for the many listeners of my show who want to retire early or planning to retire but may have some reservations.

Incidentally, Randy is also a big fan of the Rock Your Retirement Show and started to follow it a few years back. He had to travel for three hours between cities and grew the habit of listening to podcasts. That’s exactly when he discovered my show and started listening to it!

Soon, he got the idea to retire himself but wasn’t sure of his financial situation. He also had his wife to convince who was an artist but also adept when it came to finances.

How a financial advisor can help you decide if you are ready for great retirement

Randy sat with his financial advisor and went through his financial position. He tried to evaluate how his retirement may turn out if he chose to quit his technical job. Interestingly, both of them realized that he would be doing quite well even if he chose to retire right now! They worked on the finances and his income, including Social Security, to get a detailed picture of his financial scenario into the great retirement years.

Randy got his wife to sit down with his financial advisor, who made the picture clear to his wife and answered all her questions. Getting the confidence he needed, Randy decided to give up his job and spend a life of retirement.

Randy is a Rock your Retirement listener!

I know that many of you are worried about being bored in retirement. Randy was also plagued by the same thought. He wondered how he could fill up his week, which was earlier spent working for over 40 hours. Let's take a look at Randy's great retirement experience.

Randy had already started listening to my show and started taking cues and notes from the stories people had to contribute. He started to develop a list of things to do in his retirement life, which will keep him busy. To his surprise, both Randy and his wife had quite a few things which they had put off for various reasons.

Here are some things Randy wants to do to have a great retirement experience

For starters, Randy wants to play a lot of golf that he enjoys to the fullest! He is also thinking about continuing his interest in music and maybe start learning piano which he had given up at the age of 12. Both Randy and his wife also want to travel a lot! They would like to go on some train trips and cruises that they've always had their eyes on.

Randy even wants to learn a foreign language and makes notes of things he wants to do in his iPad or iPhone all the time. Another impetus to retire was to spend more time with their daughter and son-in-law. Being retired, they were now free to move to Austin, where their daughter lived. They also bought a house in the city that is located only a short distance away from their daughter’s home. Randy is also free to spend time with his mother, who is single and over 90 years old.

Retiring has also brought other pleasures that he could not enjoy during his working life. He can go to bed late and wake up late. Although by his standards 6 am is as late as it could be! Randy loves to watch the sunrise with a cup of coffee. He believes it is the best time to spend with family. He can begin the day with his daughter, son-in-law, and wife and talk about all the day has to offer.

Advice from Randy based on his great retirement experience:

Randy believes that we all should have a routine and purpose to get up the next day. It doesn’t have to be something extraordinary but simple things like going to the gym or taking a walk ...

This episode is from the vault and was first released August 13, 2018

Do You Struggle with Family Rejection?

Family rejection is a very common problem across the world. Many kids don’t talk to their parents and don’t even want to maintain any contact. Many of my listeners have the same problem and have estranged daughter or son living in other countries.

In this episode, our guest Tina Gilbertson provides helpful insights on how to deal with family rejection. She is a Colorado-based psychotherapist who helps repair estranged relationships between parents and their children. Gilbertson found the problem so common among her clients that she wrote three books and a ton of articles on the subject.

She will be giving out important tips on how to deal with family rejection and get talking with your estranged children.

Every relationship has a chance

Tina believes that every relationship has a potential to be repaired but for that, parents need to take both emotional and strategic steps.

The first thing to do is to understand that your children may not be hurting you or avoiding you intentionally – it is because they have been hurt by something and hurting you back in the process.

Develop compassion

You have to develop a sense of self-compassion along with compassion for your children. You have to accept your mistakes and understand the grievances of your kids.

Also, you may not always be at fault. Sometimes kids have a different experience because of their personality and perception without you having done anything wrong. Everybody has their temperament and you cannot do anything about it. Whatever be the case get over the parental shame and develop a mindset of compassion.

Only then you will be able to get to apologize to repair the relationship.

Give a good apology

An apology is a gift and best tool to mend broken relationships suggests Tina. She lists out several factors that make up a good apology and open the doors of communication.

To render a good and effective apology you must let all your guards down and become defenseless. Even if you are one percent defensive it will seep into your apology and make it ineffective.

Tina tells us three unique factors that make up a good apology

First, you need to be specific and say what you are sorry for; you should specifically speak out what you might have done wrong to hurt the person. If you are at fault, accept and clearly say you had done that.

The second factor is to understand and relay back why it was hurtful to the person. For example, you can say “I’m, sorry, you didn’t deserve that” or “I’m sorry that my tone was harsh,” instead of saying that you were just sorry!

The third factor is regret – you have to show that you are really sorry and regret the fact that your hurt them or did something wrong. You can add things like “if only I could take it back,” or “If I could change things..” to make your apology emotional and sincere.

A good apology will break the ice and can get your children talking to you.

Connect with Tina

Email: [email protected]

Website: tinagilbertson.com

Books

Reconnecting with Your Estranged Adult Child

Constructive Wallowing

The Good Breakup Guide

This post of Retirement and Retirement Lifestyle first appeared on http://RockYourRetirement.com