Roman Emperors: Totalus Rankium

The empire is looking much better, but do not be fooled! Land Pirates stalk the..er..land, U2 have taken over the fleet and usurpers are in every corner. The East is lost! The West is Lost! Will Probus get them back? Will he in fact get them back before even finishing the letter informing him of the loss? Will he figure out where all his cows keep going? Find out in this week's episode of Totalus Rankium!

Let's be honest, there is not much to say about Florianus. But this is the perfect opportunity to look back at the series so far with out half-season review!

Also: Half season quiz! who will come out on top?

Aurelian is dead! Who can fill his shoes? Who wants to fill his shoes? Anyone? Anyone at all? You! You there! With the frown, you can be emperor!

Tacitus doesn't want the job - he is old and wants to look after his glassware collection. But he has no choice, time to step up and led Rome out of the Crisis...  

One day, a simple farmer looked around at the devastation of his homeland. He turned to his son and talked wistfully about the Good Old Days. When finishing this heart wrenching tale, the old man died. The son's heart filled with rage - his father's life had been one of misery. Who to blame? Everyone! what to do? Become Emperor and take over the world!* Join us as we see how Aurelian's life faired after this. What was his pet snake called? Why should you never open the door during a coup? Did we remember all the Barbarians? Whose elephant is this? Find out answers to all of this and more!

*This story is in no way true. Probably. I mean, who knows? maybe it did happen. 

Sorry? Who?

Oh, look! Aurelian's coming! 

Claudius II: This time it's hyped up! Find out wht the Historia Augusta claims that this man was the best emperor in the history of Rome bar Constantine himself. Find out how he fought barbarians and... other stuff. That he must have done. I mean, he is obviously great, the Historia Augusta told us so... so he must be. Yep. 

His father is captured, his sons are in the care of men who would rather see him dead and the empire is close to being split in twane-plus-one (thrane?). What gallienus needs is a plan, a lot of courage, determination, an adjective to describe thirds and a 'Trusted General'. He has most of these, unfortuantly Roger the messenger keeps interupting all the bloody time!

So here we are, hitting rock bottom. Valerian seemed to not want to wield too much power, but now he does, he is not going to sit back and do nothing while the empire falls around him. He is going to teach that pesky Shapur a lesson! With his mighty (cough) army, (cough cough) he will go east (cough) and... why does everyone look so ill? Oh dear. 

Aemilanus staged a coup. It was to be the defining moment of his life, from then on, his entire life was about fighting for the empire. Day after day he would work at keeping the purple. He fully believed in his men and their ability to take on the Rhine legions under the command of Valerian. It's a shame no one else believed it...

What can we say about Gallus? Seriously. What can we say about Gallus. If you can let us know we would be grateful. "He wasn't an awful human being," is possibly the highest praise even his mother could have given him. No wonder the world is in crisis... at least he has his trustworthy friend Valarian to help him...