Roman Emperors: Totalus Rankium

This week...Hostilain! And that is about all you need to know about him because if we summarise anymore, we will end telling his whole, sorry, short story. Also this week: The Plague! Smallpox (possibly) is afoot! Ever wanted to know the history of this virus? Well you are in luck, for this week we look at the history of the Pox(small). 

Decius. He took the empire by force, but did he want to? Either way, he is in charge now and he needs to sort out all these problems. Rome is being ravaged by famine, plague, war and death (and the lesser known horseman - economic problems). But fear not! Decius has a plan that will turn everything around... maybe.  

Philip. Big Phil to his friends. We are getting knees-deep into the Crisis now and we are looking for a stong leader to pull us out of the quagmire. Will Philip be that man? Not only does he need to turn around huge political, social and economic forces, he also has a party to prepare: Rome is 1000 years old! Hoorah! Let's go and check the budget for the celebrations....  

Gordian III, The Return of the Gordians. Can this young boy of an emperor live up to the glories of Gordian I and II? It's a lot of resposibility: he would have to, for starters, last longer than three weeks; go onto not dying in his first battle or killing himself in his wardrobe. Also: Find out how a furious man named Tim saved the empire for the guitar wielding king of kings, Sharpur.

Pupienus. He has a silly name, a long beard and a plan to defeat the mighty Thrax. But will that he enough for the harsh eyes of history to rank him as one of the best? Find out in this episode of Totalus Rankium!

The Gordians are dead! Who will stand up to the might of the giant Thrax? Well, not Balbinus, but he'll look after Rome as others go off to stand up to Thrax. Find out how much the citizens of Rome loved his rule... well, those that really, really enjoy an outdoor BBQ anyway.

Gordian II. The Gordians Strike Back. And die. Horribly. Not much can be said about Gordian II apart from the fact that he is the shortest riegning emperor. He also liked to read, often to all those young ladies that were hanging around all the time... Find out how his ragtag band of merry men faired agaisnt the might of the Empire. 

Here we are at last! The Mighty Gordian I. The name that resonates around the world. He was the ruler of Rome for longer than you have been reading this synopsis and changed the course of, if not history, then at least his own life. Battles were fought, revolts led and blood shed (not that he was there). If you dont know about Gordian I, it's time you found out!

One day, a lonely boy was born with massive hands. And massive feet. And a massive head. And... well, you get the point. When the emperor passed through this boys village, little did he know that he was about to start the adventure of a lifetime! Rome's first peasent, giant emperor! His enemies would quake and his friends, well, they would quake too. It's time to show Johnny Allimanni a taste of Roman Steel! (as long as we can get through this damn swamp...)

What do you do when your pushy mother and 40,000 armed men say you should be emperor? Well, you do what Alexander did. he was only 13, and faced with an empire on the brink of disaster. Can he righten the sinking ship? Can he pull the Empire from the edge of a crisis?... no. But he can certainly die trying!