Romancing Nancy Drew

Nancy takes flying lessons while Bess decides to live out a western romance novel. George is the rodeo clown. Most of the mystery is based on the disappearance of a pilot (Robert Pattinson?) and a weird medallion and a horse theft and a bizarre cloud, and in the end, I blame L. Ron for everything.

Nancy, who should be wildly unqualified for it, is called to help decipher clues leading to a possible treasure related to a long-abandoned indigenous settlement near Las Vegas. Ned, her common law husband, has arranged it since they are super traumatized from his kidnapping in Glowing Eye and need to hang out, and/or chase down clues. The Scientologists living near her, as always, try to mess her up. Also there's gleeful desecration of indigenous human remains, which was NOT GREAT, BOB!

Ned is missing and Carson has a sidepiece. Nancy is DISTRAUGHT. This book also has the BEST post-kidnapping reunion scene. Hollywood, turn THIS into your next attempt at Nancy Drew media, you cowards.

A very special Nancy Drew Files/Archer crossover! The Drew residence is receiving creepy hangup calls and threats stemming from a man Carson defended 8 years earlier; he was acquitted but the man who was convicted for the crime has just been released--and is claiming innocence. Carson tells Nancy to ABSOLUTELY stay out of it, so she starts investigating immediately. On your Files Bingo card, this hits Domestic Violence, Oh No Corpse!, and Mustang Totaled. (Ned is offscreen but missed terribly!)

It's Nancy and Ned's anniversary!!!!! Also Nancy gets entangled in her 16-year-old neighbor Nikki's terrible decision to date an emotionally abusive jerk who winds up dead. This is also the "pilot" for the short-lived River Heights series, introducing a bunch of dramatic high schoolers who Nancy is basically exasperated by, so that tracks. This book is 1000% redeemed by the making out by my OTP, though.

The epic Nancy Drew/Phantom of the Opera crossover event! Nancy is helping Bess sneak into a huge space cowboy movie star’s dressing room during his movie premiere because she had a crush on him when they were in high school together (he’s 3 years older and a total himbo) but things go terribly wrong (not in a sexy way) and Nancy and George have to race to save Bess before the old theater is demolished. OSHA has questions.

Ned is back!!! Nancy’s just-for-this-book-bestie Laurie has fallen for a charismatic former dancer turned DJ who now runs a (booze free???) dance club in River Heights. However, someone is starting trouble at the club and threatening Laurie (Michael Myers????) so Nancy’s entourage shows up to investigate while she snoops and plays waitress (again, Ned is a costume enthusiast). My theory is a little spicier.

In which Nancy and her entourage head to Mile High (Murder) Club for hang-gliding and glamping. The daughter of one of Carson’s old college friends is running her dad’s Extreme Sports Camp and guests are receiving threats. It’s real bad, y’all. Also Ned is totally absent from the book, so that was the worst too. Plus there’s a Chekhov’s freezer.

Nancy is canonically a witch now. I don’t make the rules. In a weird turn of events, a company wants to build affordable housing (good) but they’re being jerks (bad). Nancy and her friends violate seat belt laws and contract the Bird Flu while saving a Tiger King-y casual apiary from Callous Developers. Also Nancy REALLY wants to help nurse Ned back to health. I really think she has that nurse outfit ready for just this occasion, y’all.

Aunt Eloise, who is somehow making bank, invites Nancy and her entourage to a cabin near Cooperstown to investigate a mysterious figure who has been spotted in the mist on the water. The figure leads them to a search for a child’s coach (like an 1800s Power Wheels) buried somewhere in the bay. Also, the Jolly Green Normal Sized Bro is haunting the local woods to keep randos away from some vague illicit activity, AND one of Nancy’s evil twins is out defrauding citizens. So a normal vacation for everyone. Also Ned is working on his 15th PhD, this one apparently in folklore studies! This club is a buffet of grief and also the thwarted promise of sailboat races!