We welcome everyone to the annual shareholder’s meeting of How Bout That, Inc. We’re the world’s foremost manufacturer of coincidences, strokes of luck, both good and bad, and this past year the senior management team has implemented a strategic roadmap to grow our market share via mergers into precognitive dreams and hunches, as well as uniformed purveyors of divine intervention.

All reports delivered via the latest 78 RPM recording technology.

Wander in to the Demon Drink Tavern, where each barfly has a 78-RPM anecdote of alcohol. We follow the social ills of drink giving rise to the temperance movement, prohibition, and finally right back where we started after the repeal of prohibition.

Just when I think I have a minute to relax by myself, nephew Jimmy calls begging for help with his math homework: he must identify various topological homeomorphisms of a toroid (doughnut). Fortunately, our stack of 78 RPM recordings contains many instances that fit the bill.

We broadcast live from the Round the World Coffeehouse 2 AM Poetry Open Mic. Dig the wavelength of our little community of literary talent. The poets featured will be sharing their own work, or that of someone they admire.

The format tonight: after the poet has finished their recitation, any of our musicians here who feel inspired can step forward and play a little something in response. Just as the spirit moves them.

If you could have one wish, what would it be?

A few years ago we asked our listening audience to treat their radio like a magic bottle: polish it and see if a genie appears and then make a wish. And using the modern technology at our disposal, we broadcast all the genies on our staff into the privacy of their homes, granting each listener between 1 to 3 wishes depending on the seniority of the genie. We’ve decided to follow up by having people write in about the experience of having their wishes granted. And we’ve received some very interesting epistles which we will share with you this evening.

If you think this past year was tough, join us as we find out about food and gas rationing, blackouts, and long hours of labor in the munitions industry during WW II. We’re going to pick Grandma’s brain with the help of her 78 RPM collection.

We celebrate the world’s second-oldest profession: Baking. Yessir, we hitchhike to the big annual Holy Grail Bake-Off at their corporate headquarters. Let’s follow the excitement of the contestants with their unique pastriotic fabrications and fabulous prizes!

Roving reporter Cracklin Jane visits the campus of the University of the Working Animal. This prestigious institution, established in about 4000 BC, prepares students whose species are known for their physical strength, intelligence and endurance for professional careers as Draft Animals, pulling and carrying heavy loads. The University offers such classes as Taming the Wild Beast Within, Harness Mechanics, and Urban and Rural Lane Navigation.

The school has lately become the subject of controversy, since the use of draft animals has been largely replaced with mechanization.

Nevertheless, we’ll be auditing a few of the courses for your edification.

In which we attempt to replenish our wardrobe on a meager clothing budget of 20 dollars. When the big, fancy department store falls short, we head on down to the Second Hand Establishment located in an old fruit warehouse, and come away greatly enhanced and enriched.

Roving Reporter Cracklin Jane broadcasts from the International Parade of Rhythm. Specialists from every corner of creation are lined up ready to march past for your aural inspection. We even visit one of those factories in which gigantic parade balloons are manufactured.