Round the World is excited to be broadcasting today from the Intergalactic All-Girl Jazz-Band Competition. Eight jazz and swing bands from the Earth’s 1920’s through 1940’s are girding for the Battle of the Bands. Let’s hitch a ride to the Planet Ishtar, where the preponderance of instrumental jazz musicians are of the female persuasion.

Well, that was quite a storm we had a few days ago. In surveying all the blown-off roof shingles around town, Round the World has decided to offer a special promotion: A free educational Mediterranean Cruise, which will ply the waters of the Atlantic, the Mediterranean, and the Black Sea, where we will study the musical traditions of Spain, Greece, The Holyland, Turkey and Bulgaria. And while our guests are enjoying fine dining and improving lectures onboard the luxury Cruise Liner Ambassador Host, their roofs back home will be repaired, reconstructed or replaced. And since this is over the radio, they can enjoy the food without gaining weight, and mingle with the other guests safely.

We’re broadcasting today from the Round the World Department of Research and Development, and our in-house scientists and engineers have been working on a device that will accelerate the passage of time. They are claiming that in the space of one hour, we will be able to experience at least 24 hours of music. So, we will be trying out this ground-breaking device, which is in a blue cast-iron explosion-proof housing, and kind of looks like a swollen foot, with a few holes for test cables.

The research laboratory here at Round the World has been working feverishly on a methodology to assist our listeners in boosting their immune systems in these uncertain times, and in the process we have developed a way to not only trim away all that Thanksgiving excess, while improving the IQ, curing depression, but also helping to prevent dementia, heart disease, and make you good-looking. What we have to offer today may even make your truck start and your runaway pets return home.

We’re talking about moderate daily exercise. And we know it might not be safe to go to a gym at the moment, so we bring you today a special Round the World workout routine that requires no special equipment and is completely free of charge.

We hope everyone is planning on a safe Thanksgiving this year. Let’s engage in some nostalgia for last year, when everyone could party together!

Loosen your belts because Round the World with Cracklin’ Jane is putting on a 5-course gourmet meal of food and hospitality. We’ll be serving up hors d’oeuvres, soup, fish, meat and potatoes with many delectable side dishes, and end with ice cream and hot coffee. Then, Jack Benny dreams he is a turkey.

We go back to the Bad Old Days of the preponderance of smoking in public places. It used to be impossible to go into a bar, restaurant, or even a bakery that was not enveloped in blue clouds of haze, as people sat around puffing on cigarettes, pipes, and cigars. We listen to 78 RPM recordings that put smoking in a romantic light, then hear music created by artists who were heavily dependent on nicotine, and even acted as spokesmen for various cigarette brands, and then went on to die from smoking-related illnesses, such as lung cancer, emphysema and heart disease.

Round the World with Cracklin’ Jane looks at Ghosts, Graveyards, and Skeletons. We’re going to scare the living daylights out of you – or die trying. You’ll be shaking so hard you won’t be able to turn the dial without knocking the radio over. You’ll sleep with the lights on for the next two weeks – if you can sleep at all. Then, we’ll listen to the scariest radio drama ever broadcast: Three Skeleton Key, starring Vincent Price, about three guys trapped in a lighthouse!

Welcome once again to everyone’s favorite radio quiz show guessing game,

It’s Just an Expression, You Know!

The figure of speech we’ll be celebrating today is the Simile, which involves the comparison of one thing with another thing of a different kind. Two members of the studio audience have been randomly selected to act as contestants, and they will be required to guess the missing word in a simile of our choice. Then, our 78 RPM musicians will give us their corresponding musical similes.

Round the World is here on the site of the demolition of the historic Amalgamated Consolidated Building, which is being torn down in the interest of so-called urban renewal. We have in our possession the time capsule which was ceremoniously planted in the cornerstone when this fine edifice was under construction. Within this time capsule is a set of predictions about what the future will be like in the coming centuries, and today we examine these predictions one by one to see how close they came to being fulfilled. Thus, we will be looking into the future - from the standpoint of the past.

Welcome to the Round the World Chess Tournament, sponsored by Donnie’s House of Chess.

Dozens of sweaty-palmed contestants have been paired up and are sitting outside in rows of 6-ft square chess boards. The chess clocks are timing each player’s moves, while our uniformed arbiters roam about with their clipboards. Let’s listen to some fine historical recordings inspired by Pawns, Knights, Castles, Kings and Queens: