Throw your clothes in a bag because Round the World with Cracklin’ Jane travels all over tarnation using as many modes of transportation as can fit in the show. We’ll be on trains, busses, taxis, roller skates, bicycles, elephants, burros, wagons, rockets, elevators and time machines. Then, Richard Diamond, Private Detective, solves the Elaine Tanner case!

Round the World with Cracklin’ Jane takes a trip to pre-Castro Cuba. We’ll be rolling around in historical 78 RPM recordings of early Cuban popular music going all the way back to 1915. Danzons, Afro-Cuban Rhumbas, Guarachas, and Cha-Cha-Chas. Plus a few American songs about Cuba. Then, Richard Diamond, Private Detective, solves the Thomas Jason case!

We are broadcasting today from the research department of the Oceanside Tattler, the easternmost tabloid in the US. In an effort to fulfill their mission statement of Promoting Social Bonds Through Gossip, they have created focus groups of some the town’s best-known tongue-waggers. Back in the laboratory, they attached electrodes to these subjects to monitor their brain activity while being exposed to juicy gossip tidbits. Let’s find out how the superior medial prefrontal cortex lights up in response to scandal, dirt, hearsay and whispers.

Inventor Cracklin Jane tries out her latest invention: the Alpha Wave Phototonic P-N Junction Accelerator. Now, just what can this baby do? Well, it picks up very sensitive energy waves and by the use of a special secret algorithm, it can be used to understand the non-verbal speech of animals and insects. So we headed right out that door to pound the pavements of a small fishing village in Maine and conducted some man-on-the street interviews with the wildlife that parties there. Listen and learn what the animals in our midst are saying and thinking about us.

We surreptitiously broadcast from the completely-sold-out Oceantown International Film Festival. Luckily, somebody left the loading dock door propped open, and we snuck in and stood in the back of some historical lectures and feature films from eight different countries. All in splendid 78-RPM fidelity.

We welcome everyone to the annual shareholder’s meeting of How Bout That, Inc. We’re the world’s foremost manufacturer of coincidences, strokes of luck, both good and bad, and this past year the senior management team has implemented a strategic roadmap to grow our market share via mergers into precognitive dreams and hunches, as well as uniformed purveyors of divine intervention.

All reports delivered via the latest 78 RPM recording technology.

Wander in to the Demon Drink Tavern, where each barfly has a 78-RPM anecdote of alcohol. We follow the social ills of drink giving rise to the temperance movement, prohibition, and finally right back where we started after the repeal of prohibition.

Just when I think I have a minute to relax by myself, nephew Jimmy calls begging for help with his math homework: he must identify various topological homeomorphisms of a toroid (doughnut). Fortunately, our stack of 78 RPM recordings contains many instances that fit the bill.

We broadcast live from the Round the World Coffeehouse 2 AM Poetry Open Mic. Dig the wavelength of our little community of literary talent. The poets featured will be sharing their own work, or that of someone they admire.

The format tonight: after the poet has finished their recitation, any of our musicians here who feel inspired can step forward and play a little something in response. Just as the spirit moves them.

If you could have one wish, what would it be?

A few years ago we asked our listening audience to treat their radio like a magic bottle: polish it and see if a genie appears and then make a wish. And using the modern technology at our disposal, we broadcast all the genies on our staff into the privacy of their homes, granting each listener between 1 to 3 wishes depending on the seniority of the genie. We’ve decided to follow up by having people write in about the experience of having their wishes granted. And we’ve received some very interesting epistles which we will share with you this evening.