By Kajsa van Overbeek
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In this episode of Ruff Around the Edges, I explore the power of starting with a "no" to gain clarity on what we truly want. By identifying what we're not willing or able to do, we make it easier to figure out where we want to go — whether it’s choosing how to manage our dog’s behavior or making parenting decisions.
I also dive into the importance of listening to your body’s signals to understand when something is a genuine no, and when it’s simply fear trying to hold you back. I give some questions you can ask yourself to differentiate between discomfort that’s protective and discomfort that signals growth, so you can feel more confident you're doing the right thing.
If you often find yourself struggling with the fear of disappointing others or second-guessing your choices, this episode will help you shift your perspective. I propose practical ways to honor your own needs while still being mindful of the people (and dogs!) you care about.
Episode Website:
https://kajsavanoverbeek.com/mindset-episode-025-listening-to-your-no-to-find-your-yes-how-to-heed-your-gut-to-find-that-no/
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Claire describes such familiar themes. Like what it’s like to look back at how her childhood dogs were treated with the knowledge she has now. How she thought she knew quite a bit about dogs until Ozzy came along.
Ozzy was adopted from a charity, who had done a pretty great job preparing prospective adopters for what it’s like to bring a new dog into the home, and yet Claire, like many of us, still underestimated the reality, partly because she adopted Ozzy when he was still a puppy.
She talks about how it was particularly hard to be the one spending most of the time with the dog home alone and to feel like her partner was the one who just got to do the fun things with the dog, and how focusing on relaxation protocols was something that helped really well.
It had also helped to not walk Ozzy every day and we discuss what it takes to break through the socialization that exists around having to walk your dog every day to be considered a dog guardian.
We also talk about how Sarah Stremming and Hannah Brannigan inspired a “shut up and show up” mentality to bring about change in the dog world. About how the one tip Claire has for others is to put less pressure onthemselves: “Noone is going to die.”, and about what allowed her to change careers and move into dog training.
Links:
Claire's website: https://www.motherpuppersdogtraining.co.uk/
Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/motherpuppersdogtraining/
https://www.instagram.com/ozzyfromromania/
The dogwalking company Claire's partner Matt walks for: https://fetchcambridge.co.uk/
Dog trainer Sarah Stremming:
https://sarahstremming.com/, and
Hannah Brannigan:
https://hannahbrannigan.dog/
Episode Website:
https://kajsavanoverbeek.com/037-claire-martin-ozzy-of-motherpuppers-on-shutting-up-and-showing-up/
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Warning: this episode references euthanasia
What do you do when you have been dealt an emotional blow, and need time to process that, but time is the one thing you don't have?
Because you have to get back to work so you can make rent for example?
Or because you're parenting small children and you're happy to get 5 minutes of quiet time on the toilet?
This episode tries to give some practical tips as to what you can do in situations like that using the low-key of example of getting over a dog training set-back as well as the example of not having been able to rescue a dog from behavioral euthanasia as a dog professional.
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Leah Lykos, a dog behaviorist out of Chattanooga Tennessee and guardian to three dogs, Eva, Biggie, and Mia explains how her focus is on movement and somatic work. That makes sense given that she operates from the philosophy that for dogs even more so than for humans there is no separation of mind and body.
We discuss something new to me: resistance feeding.
The idea behind resistance feeding is to not control the dog's behavior but to provide an appropriate outlet for it.
Everything is always on a spectrum, so we discuss how to know if you're allowing stress to dissipate or adding to the dog's stress.
In that same sense of knowing if something is helpful or not, we touch on the concept of your dog as a mirror. When is hurting to see it that way and when is it helping?
Leah explains how she differentiates between people who are already so aware of their own stress and so focused on solving for that, that it inhibits them in working with their dog,
and people who are so detached from their body and their feelings. that they have no idea they may be projecting onto their dog.
From there we dig into the inner work we get to do thanks to our dogs.
When you have trouble connecting with your dog, what part of yourself do you have trouble connecting with or accepting?
How does understanding your dog help to understand yourself?
How do we regulate our own nervous system?
Leah explains that it is her daily work to figure out how she can stay passionate about what she's doing, without getting completely wrapped up in every single case.
Links:
Leah's website: https://www.caninemovementlab.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/caninemovementlab/
The YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSlbjJXVMBxSGBgkbNWXOZw
Episode website: https://kajsavanoverbeek.com/035-leah-lykos-of-canine-movement-lab-on-somatic-work-and-your-dog-as-your-mirror/
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[The audio of this episode is a bit wonky, but I hope you'll put up with it because the content is great]
Matilda is a canine coach who creates all the things she wishes she would have had available when working with her dog Nala for her clients.
We talk about how Rafiki, her second dog, helped her grow into the person she is now.
(and what on earth possessed her to get a second dog after having a first dog who was Ruff Around the Edges)
When you listen to the episode you'll be blown away by her transformation and her approach to life.
Imagine being startled by barking... and ending up working with dogs.
We talk about the constant state of dysregulation living in a home with inter-dog aggression brings.
About the toll living with an aggressive dog takes on a relationship.
About what it takes to set boundaries with your loved ones and strangers.
About learning to love life without regrets.
About how freeing it is to have like-minded people by your side.
And so much more.
Find Matilda here:
Her website: https://www.matildathecaninecoach.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/matildathecaninecoach/
Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@matildathecaninecoach
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/matildathecaninecoach
The episode website is here:
https://kajsavanoverbeek.com/035-matilda-kelsall-amp-nala-and-rafiki-on-dog-sparked-personal-growth-in-leaps-and-bounds/
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When you have to train something you don't know how to identify, where do you start?
Can you even start?
I share the experiences a friend of mine and myself have had doing physical therapy, the lessons I learned from it and how they apply to life with our dogs.
How do you find which dials to tweak?
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How does a UK national end up a dog (and other animals) trainer in Dubai? Just listening to Aimee's backstory will have you in awe of the way she has stayed true to herself making big life decisions.
We talk about how she tries to make clients feel like they can share everything with her as a trainer so that they don't have to hide their feelings and frustration.
We discuss how breed stereotypes and other assumptions may prevent us from recognizing our dogs are in pain. Are poodles simply fussy eaters or is there an underlying problem with their teeth causing them pain when they eat?
What about the disappointment we feel when our dog's behavior seems to relapse? What can we do? Should we try something new or go back to basics?
Links:
Aimee's business in Dubai:
https://pawfectgroup.com/
Aimee on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/pawfectbehaviourme/
Episode Website:
https://kajsavanoverbeek.com/034-aimee-of-pawfect-behaviour-on-everything-mindset-and-dogs-and-leaving-the-uk-to-be-a-dubai-dog-trainer/
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This episode is for you if you identify as a perfectionist. Simply talking with Aga, the short version for Agnieszka about the concept of errorless learning has given me another way to look at perfectionism and how it can (often but not always) be unhelpful.
Aga talks about training behaviors to fluency which is different from perfection, and about the benefits of playing by someone else's rules now and then, just to get you out of your comfort zone.
She will have you completely rethink the idea of "just one more repetition" and "ending on a win".
Not just that. What about extinction and frustration? Do we need frustration or can we skip it?
Aga also blew my mind by giving me a way of looking at resilience completely differently. What if resilience, the ability to bounce back, isn't an innate trait? What if it simply amounts to having a big enough skillset to be able to handle errors? And since skills can be taught, what if you could teach resilience? Errorlessly? With minimal frustration?
How does this apply to humans?
How does she apply it in her personal life and her business?
And of course, we chat about Agnieszka's new book, the Animal Trainer's Comprehensive Handbook.
Listen to this episode multiple times. It's packed with gems!
Links:
Tromplo on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tromplo/
Agnieszka's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/agnieszkajanarektrainer/
The Tromplo website: https://tromplo.com/
The link to the new book, the Animal Trainer's Comprehensive Handbook: https://tromplo.com/product/animal-trainers-comprehensive-handbook-by-agnieszka-janarek/
Also mentioned:
Dr. Susan Friedman: https://www.behaviorworks.org/
Ken Ramirez: https://www.kenramireztraining.com/
Kay Laurence: https://www.learningaboutdogs.com/
Episode website:
https://kajsavanoverbeek.com/033-agnieszka-janarek-of-tromplo-on-errorless-learning-lack-of-perfectionism-and-resilience-in-both-humans-and-dogs/
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Als Ninke Luka adopteert heeft hij al twee jaar lang in een Russisch asiel gezeten. Eenmaal thuis in Belgisch Limburg durft hij niet eens binnen te komen, zo ontzettend moet hij wennen aan zijn nieuwe leven.
Goedbedoelde adviezen als "da's een een scheper, die moet u wel bezig houden" blijken voor Luka helemaal niet te werken.
Ninke vertelt over de omzwervingen die haar uiteindelijk naar Daniëlla van Paws in Touch leiden en wat haar overtuigde om toch nog weer meer geld in training te steken.
Althans, het belangrijkste voor Luka blijkt om helemaal niet te "trainen", maar om juist in te zetten op rust.
Als later blijkt dat Luka weer achteruit gaat, vertrouwt Ninke het niet. Ze vermoedt dat er pijn in het spel kan zijn. Eerste röntgen foto's laten "slechts" een milde heupdysplasie aan één heup zien.
Gelukkig gaat Ninke af op haar eigen intuïtie en laat ze verder onderzoek doen. Luka blijkt gruwelijk pijn te hebben van een zware hernia.
Ondertussen is ook Ellie bij het gezin gekomen. Wat heeft Ninke anders gedaan bij Ellie? Heeft ze op andere dingen gelet? Wat maakte dat ze het aandurfde er nog een tweede hond bij te nemen?
En last but not least, wat zou ze andere hondenbaasjes als advies mee willen geven?
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A spontaneous unscripted ramble about my new Mind's Best Friend group coaching program.
If you like what you hear on the podcast and you have been wanting to dig deeper, now is your chance.
You can find more information here:
https://kajsavanoverbeek.com/november-2023-group-coaching/
Or send me an email, or contact me on social media. I'll be happy to answer any questions.
Do you want to start now and not wait for any New Year's resolutions to:
Then jump on this offer!
THE DEADLINE IS NOVEMBER 5TH
12 weeks of coaching goodness that will change your life, and I am NOT exaggerating here.
It's LITERALLY what my client said:
"My time with Kajsa was transformational, not just for my relationship with Rosie, but for my overall wellbeing.
Kajsa, your coaching was such a gift. Thank you for helping me and Rosie build resilience, clarity, confidence, and hope in the middle of a really low point. You have made a lasting impact on our lives."
The podcast currently has 63 episodes available.
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