Run Your Mouth

Corporations are using AI to jack your prices, so it's time for the left to weaponize cheapness. Also: Sydney Sweeney's conversion, the new airport line before the line, California's breakfast cancer sign, Trump and Xi, taxpayer-funded Trump ads, Ossoff and Hawley's lane for the next election, insurance companies delaying care, and a Flock horror story straight from the Senate hearing. Full show at RobBernsteinComedy.com.

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The White House boots the press and launches Trump TV, and Rob pitches himself as program director with a lineup including Pardon Me, Front Running the Market and Trump's Tanning Hour. Also: the press pool was always an exclusive club, Leavitt admits it's all a show, Iran at the UN, the Greenland "deal," a Naperville cop accused of stalking a man with Flock cameras, what else those cameras can search for, Gemini going rogue, the AI civil war that might save humanity, and Bernie's Department of AI. Plus a Hyrox athlete whose bravery deserves its own Depends ad.

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Big Tech says AI is too dangerous, so the government should step in and help them slow down. Rob argues it's really a play for an AI Federal Reserve: a protected cartel with a bailout waiting when the valuations fall apart. Also: James Comer auditions for Epstein cover-up guy, Trump blames the Biden FBI for Butler, and reality embarrasses him on Iran and Ukraine within days. Then the Lindsay Clancy holdout juror reveal breaks a news anchor's brain, and Oprah kicks off the victim-class Olympics.

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Trump says the Iran war is "small potatoes" and has downgraded it to "intermittent" — the thing you say about a marriage you're riding out until the kids are gone. The White House wants it quiet until the midterms. Plus the arcade games that would actually fit this administration, the case for the great influencer ban, why I want a wifebot, what Iran does with the gear we leave behind, and a fact-check on our own tariff math.Full episodes and the paywalled segments: RobBernsteinComedy.comMerch: RobBernsteinMerch.comPorch Tour Dates: porchtour.com

A jury can't decide what to do about a woman who killed her three kids, so the women of TikTok have solved it for them: it was the husband, because husbands don't go to CVS. And given the Pluto placement that day, no Leo would have done this. It defies the science of all astrology.

Also in this one: Trump renames Lake Ontario to Lake America and somebody's getting rich printing the new maps. The Venezuela oil deal broken down as what it really is — a headline with no article attached — including the $80/barrel break-even, the $100 billion buildout, and the five-to-seven years before any of it reaches the market, set against the $150 billion already spent on Iran. The Supreme Court greenlights the ballroom without ruling on whether it was legal, because the wrong person asked. Massie's second attempt at the Epstein files. A Fauci email that was supposed to be deleted twice. And a full Tales From The Flock: felony charges over a fake camera, drones over the Flock convention, Hawley's investigation, and the Officer of the Year whose award didn't survive his ex-girlfriend.

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The government's pitch for Flock cameras is stolen cars and missing kids. So I priced it out. The share of your insurance premium that exists because of car theft comes to about six dollars a year — that's the entire upside you're buying with a permanent record of where you drive. And Amber Alert recoveries have sat flat at roughly 45 a year since before Flock existed, because most missing-kid cases are runaways and family abductions, not a stranger pulling a kid into a car.

Also this week: Bessent insists there's nothing magical about $40 trillion and the administration has a plan too discreet to share. Trump lifts the ground beef tariffs and the trust-the-plan crowd has to explain why this is the exact Trump-approved price of a steak. Fauci gets a legal defense fund while the rest of us pay our own way. Jon Ossoff walks through the April 8th stock buys, the "great time to buy" post, and the tariff reversal three hours and forty-one minutes later. And the Supreme Court's mail-in voting ruling shows a system where whoever exceeds their authority first gets the win and eats no penalty for it.

Plus the debut of Tales From The Flock — a KCPD officer charged with running the Flock system 2,300 times to stalk his ex.

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Google spent $10 million buying all of Spirit Airlines' back-end data — every corporate email, every flight route, everything — and they're using it to train their AI models. Rob explains why this, and not the singularity, is how the human race ends up back in caves.

Also: Nancy Mace's arm tattoos and the case against going goth in your 50s. Why shaming a dude for having a dad bod is the most feminine thing on the internet. An Iran war update from a guy who has officially reached the "okay, whatever" stage of Donald Trump, plus who's actually winning the economic war over the Strait of Hormuz. Why Candace Owens earned every penny of that $300,000, and what happened when the Andrew Wilson debate transcript got run through AI — and then hit with two follow-up questions. Fauci ducking a second Senate panel, the David Morens emails, Newsom and Whitmer in the podcast suit, an ABC News reporter's lab leak story getting routed to Fauci for approval, and Jeffrey Tucker on what the lockdowns were actually buying time for.

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Audio only road episode.

Covering The country has given up, SPLC arrests, DT IRAN, Ice Electric Gloves, Cops dressing like bushes, Lesbian Outrage over Lioness, WNBA including men, Aoc isn't woke anymore, trump hiding in food carts and Binface.

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Nobody knows what's going on in the world, and this is the one show honest about the fact that we're making it up as we go.

Fifty thousand fighting-aged men invade a Spanish enclave, take a dump, and turn around and go home — and it remains genuinely unclear who got pranked. Rob offers some creative solutions for Iran, including outsourcing the whole invasion in exchange for half the oil. Trump calls off the biggest military action since World War II for roughly the eleventh time and says the Iranians are secretly begging, no matter what they say in public. The pool vandalism case gets closed for lack of evidence. Todd Blanche decides the weaponization of the Justice Department wasn't so bad once a promotion is on the table. Mamdani hands the podium to someone else rather than say the word "ID" out loud. Lindsey Graham gets filmed taking assignments from Netanyahu on the ICC prosecutor and immediately suggests Speaker Johnson put his name on it instead. Japan gets a bailout that we're not calling a bailout. A naked man survives a jump off the Brooklyn Bridge and gets arrested for it, which is no way to treat a hero. Democratic donors close the checkbook. Massie, MTG, Tucker, and Joe Kent take a photo together and Rob pitches the Turtle Party. And Deborah Birx goes on MSNBC to walk the fence on Fauci while the host begs her to say he's a saint.

Extended episode and travel gripes at RobBernsteinComedy.com.

Porch Tour dates at PorchTour.com.

www.porchtour.com for live dates. Episode starts with the latest from Iran and Trump grifting. Then we move onto the Fauci hearing and how the Dems want us to move forward, the republicans who got Fauci to repeatedly plead the fifth and how the Fauci Enablers in the media are spinning it.

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Longer episode with more content at RobBernsteinComedy.com for $5 to sub. If you want to check it out I accidentally did the first few minutes of paywalled episode publicly on my site which starts of with a conversation about being a hippy on your own time and Female Leg Spreaders.