WAIT! Before you press that PLAY button, you must decide! What kind of Ryan and Noosh fan do you want to be? A “filthy presser” or a “filthy non-presser”? Either way, we’ve got two stories to share – about a button that tore the Reddit community apart and a video game Easter egg hunt that spans continents and generations.

Ryan, Noosh, Courtney, Ken… and Knuckles? The gang’s all here for the first episode of season 3! This week’s topic: “Hype”

#OurDarkestSeasonYet

Love makes fools of us all, but some more than others. From a harem of lionesses obsessed with a geriatric to an otaku penguin who is only into 2D girls. From a loyal samurai and his socially embarrassed princess to a college girl who just needed a bed for three weeks. Romance in the 21st century didn't die, it just got weird.

Season 2, mother-f***ers! That's it! It's over! That's season 2. Roll credits. This week's topic: "Romance 2"

#ThreadsAndPromises

Well, good morning, podcast listeners. Gossip Guy here. This week we've got some juicy stories from history and even our own lives. A condor killing singer and a cocaine smuggling actor. The biggest dick in China and the gayest party in America. And, speaking of which, did you hear about how President J might have been secretly gay! All this and some scandalous high school tales.

All thanks to yours truly, the fly-on-the-wall. You know you love me. XOXO Gossip Guy. This week's topic: "Scandals"

What did baseball players do during off season in the 20s? How are the sports "Barking-off Squirrels", "Eel Pulling", and "Cock Shying" not euphemisms for masturbation? And finally an infamous existential question, "Who wants to sex the Mutombo?"

We finally learn the name of Noosh's high school band. This week's topic: "Sports"

#IAmMoreThanJustMyDick

Y-you know what, Ryan? Sometimes you – you gotta break a few eggs, Ryan. And sometimes those eggs might be nuclear bombs, or Japanese pop – urp – idols, or human testicles. And sometimes those eggs are just eggs, Ryan. Science c – can be literal like that. It’s not all fun and – urp – games, Ryan.

Sometimes science is more art than science. A lot of people don’t get that. This week’s topic: “Experiments”.

#NooshIsTheWorst

Groupies for children's entertainers, adult dodgeball, and the angst of being a Millenial. Things meant for children can sometimes be more fun the second time around. We may have lost Ryan and Courtney for this episode, but we'll never lose our childishness!

No time to dilly-dally, kids. Onward to the show! Follow the second star to the right, and straight on 'til morning. This week's topic: "Neverland"

#NoOneLivesLikeGaston

What would a person do if they were trapped in a German P.O.W. camp? Or a volcanic island? How far would they go to escape from a meat slaughter house? Or a nuclear wasteland? With Ryan missing, the real question is how far would Noosh go to get him back?

Get ready to shave your head and get tattoos of the prison blueprints. This week’s topic: “Escapes”

#WriteThatDownJohnson

The L'inconnue de la Seine, the most kissed face in the world. Nancy Wake, who the German Gestapo knew as the spy called "White Mouse". Henrietta Lacks, who will serve mankind for all of time. And Sadie the Goat, who had the simple dream of robbing everyone.

Some women save the world from behind enemy lines. Some women save the world from beyond the grave. This week's topic, "Women".

#AWomansPlaceIsInTheResistance

For every award there is a story. The buried history of how a dog actually won the first Academy Award. Oscar nominee Lana Turner and the murder of Johnny Stompanato. Philip Roth and the Nobel Committee who trolls him. And the worst sex scenes in all of fiction.

Guys, guys, we’re sorry. There’s a mistake. Ryan and Noosh, you guys won best bromance in audio. This is not a joke. This week’s topic: “Awards”

#NooshsTowelRoom

****, marry, or kill? Your choices are an anime character, a pineapple, or the Berlin Wall. Yeah, the dating scene isn’t getting any easier and people are turning to novel places to find love. Sometimes you’ve got to kiss a lot of frogs and give a lot of dolphins LSD before you can find Prince Charming.

The only thing stranger than a bizarre love triangle is one that is government funded. This week’s topic: “Romance”

#TryTheDolphin